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Dirty Barry
The first casualty of adultery… is the tooth!
Cullen is an off-beat loner with a highly individual sense of right and wrong.
Barry is an adulterous dentist who resorts to blackmail to keep his string of married women compliant.
But now Cullen has toothache… and a very different interpretation of the dental code of practice.
Cullen is an off-beat loner with a highly individual sense of right and wrong.
Barry is an adulterous dentist who resorts to blackmail to keep his string of married women compliant.
But now Cullen has toothache… and a very different interpretation of the dental code of practice.
- GenresHumor
106 pages, ebook
Published December 20, 2017
183 people are currently reading
147 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
November 23, 2018
Humor is such a difficult thing to rate, so there is no way to actually say how funny something is unless you compare it to somebody else. And when Carl Hiaasen is mentioned, I'm in!
I'm going to try to create a scale for this review - let's talk about your humor palate.
For example, let's compare a sophisticated sense of humor to a Gordon Ramsay Beef Wellington. If you're vegetarian, think about a Beet Wellington (Masterchef Australia, baby!).
And the lowest, dirtiest, least funny jokes you can think of a Raw Potato...(It's RAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! - Gordon Ramsay...just about every episode of Hell's Kitchen)
Okay, with that in mind (and perhaps to give you some measure of how my brain works), I will compare a Michelin star dish to the Terry Pratchett humor in the Discworld novels.
DIRTY BARRY will be more of a Lasagne...perhaps with a salad with one or two questionable olives in...
Fuck, that just makes no sense, does it?
Okay, this is a book about a dentist called Barry, who seduces anything he finds attractive, tapes it and blackmails them for more. In a nutshell, Barry is a DICK. And then you have a drifter called Cullen, who has his own warped sense of right and wrong, who needs to go to the dentist, and finds out afterward what Barry is doing, and decides to do something about it.
First off, the author was very clever in picking a dentist as the bad guy. Why? Do you have some time on your hands?
I am not ashamed to admit that I have a phobia when it comes to the dentist. Not a fear, a fucking phobia! I had a very bad experience when I was a child and it has never left me. So, yes, the very idea of having a dentist as the "hero" in a story seems utterly ridiculous. It's not a coincidence that DENTist and SADist is so close to each other. There must be something sadistic in the back of your mind to want to put sharp, pointy stuff into the sensitive parts of a fellow human being. I mean, come on, if your urologist came at you with a drill in his hand, you would GET THE FUCK OUT immediately, right? And then, as if those bastards don't have us at our most vulnerable in that chair, they stuff our mouths and then they start asking us questions - I swear it's only to see how stupid we look when we say "ghluhh gluhh hhuuhh"...
And all that is before the pain starts!
At the end of this review I will give you tips on how to survive the dentist.
I did see in some other reviews that people complained about the sex. Here's my opinion:
Yes, this is an adult story, with adult situations, but it's only fair when you consider that this story is about an adulterous sadist...dentist (sorry). The actual sex was not described in detail and at no time did it ever have that porno-ey vibe. So, if sex offends you, please stop reading adult books for the most part.
Yes, it was funny, not really up to Carl Hiaasen, but not really toward the slapstick side as some of Tim Dorsey (For the record, I'm a fan of the Serge Storms series as well!). In the end, it was decent and very enjoyable. Maybe you should give it a try if you want something lighter.
____________________________________
TIPS TO SURVIVE THE DENTIST!
1. Void your bladder before you go in. While it can be liberating to piss yourself in that chair, the person before you might have felt the same way. We need to work together on this!
2. Make sure your nails are as short as possible. You do not want to go all Wolverine on the armrests, because you will get those petty fuckers who will expect you to pay for the damage.
3. Brush your teeth. Yes, the damage is done, I know, but the last thing you want is a stubborn piece of food-debris to be mistaken for a cavity. It will only make things worse.
4. Be friendly with the dental assistant as well, you don't know how close the relationship between dentist and assistant is...
5. Threaten the dentist before you start - this is the legit one, the next one will only work once - by telling him/her that you are afraid of them, but you will come back if they treat you well. They will soon see how much work your mouth needs (because you've been avoiding the dentist for so long) and they must consider that you, by paying their bills, will put them that much closer to the yacht they want to buy...
6. This will only work once, with a male dentist...you grab him between the legs and you say: "Now, we're not going to hurt each other today, are we?"
7. When you open your mouth, close your eyes. Even though you know every single thing that he/she will put in your mouth - who can forget any instruments of torture? - you don't want to involuntarily clamp down on their fingers...once you've eaten human flesh, you're a cannibal, regardless of the circumstances.
8. Make sure nobody is near you with a camera. It's not the kind of YouTube fame you are looking for.
9. Prepare yourself for the pain. Just accept that it's coming and you can't do anything about it, you just have to push through it. Don't try to bullshit yourself with either how good the dentist is or how high your pain threshold is, just accept that it's going to hurt until it is over.
10. Try your best to get home before you start crying.
THE END
PS: If my current dentist is reading this, I've discovered that only some dentists are sadists, so you are excluded. You...you are great. Have I told you how great you look today? And...and...have you lost weight or something? Um...
I'm going to try to create a scale for this review - let's talk about your humor palate.
For example, let's compare a sophisticated sense of humor to a Gordon Ramsay Beef Wellington. If you're vegetarian, think about a Beet Wellington (Masterchef Australia, baby!).
And the lowest, dirtiest, least funny jokes you can think of a Raw Potato...(It's RAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! - Gordon Ramsay...just about every episode of Hell's Kitchen)
Okay, with that in mind (and perhaps to give you some measure of how my brain works), I will compare a Michelin star dish to the Terry Pratchett humor in the Discworld novels.
DIRTY BARRY will be more of a Lasagne...perhaps with a salad with one or two questionable olives in...
Fuck, that just makes no sense, does it?
Okay, this is a book about a dentist called Barry, who seduces anything he finds attractive, tapes it and blackmails them for more. In a nutshell, Barry is a DICK. And then you have a drifter called Cullen, who has his own warped sense of right and wrong, who needs to go to the dentist, and finds out afterward what Barry is doing, and decides to do something about it.
First off, the author was very clever in picking a dentist as the bad guy. Why? Do you have some time on your hands?
I am not ashamed to admit that I have a phobia when it comes to the dentist. Not a fear, a fucking phobia! I had a very bad experience when I was a child and it has never left me. So, yes, the very idea of having a dentist as the "hero" in a story seems utterly ridiculous. It's not a coincidence that DENTist and SADist is so close to each other. There must be something sadistic in the back of your mind to want to put sharp, pointy stuff into the sensitive parts of a fellow human being. I mean, come on, if your urologist came at you with a drill in his hand, you would GET THE FUCK OUT immediately, right? And then, as if those bastards don't have us at our most vulnerable in that chair, they stuff our mouths and then they start asking us questions - I swear it's only to see how stupid we look when we say "ghluhh gluhh hhuuhh"...
And all that is before the pain starts!
At the end of this review I will give you tips on how to survive the dentist.
I did see in some other reviews that people complained about the sex. Here's my opinion:
Yes, this is an adult story, with adult situations, but it's only fair when you consider that this story is about an adulterous sadist...dentist (sorry). The actual sex was not described in detail and at no time did it ever have that porno-ey vibe. So, if sex offends you, please stop reading adult books for the most part.
Yes, it was funny, not really up to Carl Hiaasen, but not really toward the slapstick side as some of Tim Dorsey (For the record, I'm a fan of the Serge Storms series as well!). In the end, it was decent and very enjoyable. Maybe you should give it a try if you want something lighter.
____________________________________
TIPS TO SURVIVE THE DENTIST!
1. Void your bladder before you go in. While it can be liberating to piss yourself in that chair, the person before you might have felt the same way. We need to work together on this!
2. Make sure your nails are as short as possible. You do not want to go all Wolverine on the armrests, because you will get those petty fuckers who will expect you to pay for the damage.
3. Brush your teeth. Yes, the damage is done, I know, but the last thing you want is a stubborn piece of food-debris to be mistaken for a cavity. It will only make things worse.
4. Be friendly with the dental assistant as well, you don't know how close the relationship between dentist and assistant is...
5. Threaten the dentist before you start - this is the legit one, the next one will only work once - by telling him/her that you are afraid of them, but you will come back if they treat you well. They will soon see how much work your mouth needs (because you've been avoiding the dentist for so long) and they must consider that you, by paying their bills, will put them that much closer to the yacht they want to buy...
6. This will only work once, with a male dentist...you grab him between the legs and you say: "Now, we're not going to hurt each other today, are we?"
7. When you open your mouth, close your eyes. Even though you know every single thing that he/she will put in your mouth - who can forget any instruments of torture? - you don't want to involuntarily clamp down on their fingers...once you've eaten human flesh, you're a cannibal, regardless of the circumstances.
8. Make sure nobody is near you with a camera. It's not the kind of YouTube fame you are looking for.
9. Prepare yourself for the pain. Just accept that it's coming and you can't do anything about it, you just have to push through it. Don't try to bullshit yourself with either how good the dentist is or how high your pain threshold is, just accept that it's going to hurt until it is over.
10. Try your best to get home before you start crying.
THE END
PS: If my current dentist is reading this, I've discovered that only some dentists are sadists, so you are excluded. You...you are great. Have I told you how great you look today? And...and...have you lost weight or something? Um...
May 14, 2020
3.5 stars
What goes around comes around.
What goes around comes around.
May 21, 2019
Review to follow - 3.5 stars
April 8, 2018
Bawdy and explicit in places but Very, Very Funny. Not for the prudish and maybe unfashionably non-PC, this book is rude and uses some naughty words (quite a lot of them actually!).
Putting that to one side, this is an excellent comic story about a cad of a dentist who gets his comeuppance, engineered by a white knight in shining (wet) waterproof and cowboy hat.
Made me laugh out loud on numerous occasions, to the annoyance of the people around me.
WARNING – do not read on a train, bus or other public place.
This is the third book by the author that I've read and it's by far the best in my opinion (and not just because its shorter). Well written, rude & irreverently funny like Tom Sharpe but also clever funny like Leslie Thomas, Terry Pratchett and Kingsley Amis.
Putting that to one side, this is an excellent comic story about a cad of a dentist who gets his comeuppance, engineered by a white knight in shining (wet) waterproof and cowboy hat.
Made me laugh out loud on numerous occasions, to the annoyance of the people around me.
WARNING – do not read on a train, bus or other public place.
This is the third book by the author that I've read and it's by far the best in my opinion (and not just because its shorter). Well written, rude & irreverently funny like Tom Sharpe but also clever funny like Leslie Thomas, Terry Pratchett and Kingsley Amis.
January 17, 2020
This book sounded like it should be humorous. I think it was written to be humorous. I am evidently one or more of the following: wrong nationality, wrong gender, wrong age-group. I only made it about 20% in before I admitted that I found nothing funny about the story. It was .... ugh. Mental note ....this author is NOT for me.
February 25, 2018
Just not my kind of book. Sleazy, adulterous, blackmailer with no redeeming characteristics. Definitely for adults, but not me.
June 19, 2019
A Booker nominee’s recent novel was recommended to me by an author that I have enjoyed reading for quite a few years and to my own wonderment, I discovered that I seem to be the only person on the planet that didn’t rave about its ‘mundane and mind-numbing’ storyline. Looking for something to birch myself with I found this very divertingly funny book - and indeed it was just what I needed to restore my faith in human nature! I’m not a great devotee of spoiling any story in expelling the details and boundlessly explaining the plot in a review (Why spoil it for others?) but chosen on the spur of the moment, if not purely as the title character has the same name as my neighbour (Forget the ‘Dirty’ bit), I found I could help reading it right through or for that matter, stop from beaming. Needlessly to say it’s a smile a minute farce of a read and really funny. Already having downloaded ‘The Seagull has Landed’ I fully intend to go through the entire repertoire within the near future. Do yourself a very big favour and read it.
June 22, 2020
The story follows, Barry - a dentist with a predilection for womanising. Having been something of a ladies’ man, when Barry’s life starts to lose its impetus, he finds himself disengaged from his overweight wife and increasingly drawn to the married female patients from his clinic in Peebles.
Enter Cullen, a drifter and fixer of problems. After a bit of a set-to, he finds himself in urgent need of dental treatment. When one of Barry’s conquests finds out just what he’s capable of, it seems only a chance encounter will save her from Barry’s treachery.
A cracker of a story, with powerfully believable characters - I found myself despising Barry as thoroughly as if I’d known him for years - and some very funny lines, I really enjoyed this story and will look forward to reading more from this author.
Recommended.
Enter Cullen, a drifter and fixer of problems. After a bit of a set-to, he finds himself in urgent need of dental treatment. When one of Barry’s conquests finds out just what he’s capable of, it seems only a chance encounter will save her from Barry’s treachery.
A cracker of a story, with powerfully believable characters - I found myself despising Barry as thoroughly as if I’d known him for years - and some very funny lines, I really enjoyed this story and will look forward to reading more from this author.
Recommended.
July 15, 2022
Epic fail for me
Play the words "for me" added with careful thought because we're all so different and I wouldn't presume to decide you won't luurve it.
So, bearing in mind the aforementioned "for me" ....
Trying to be amusing isn't funny, clumsy efforts to shock with really unsubtle sexual references are a turn-off (in literary terms as well as sex!). Wordy, wordy, wordy, why only use a couple when you have another dozen in mind? Pages and pages of character description are a page-turner, literally, although it mercifully made time fly until I'd had enough after a quarter of the book. Feed these details to us gradually and less obviously, authors, while you blooming well get a move on with the story. So, alas no belly laughs, giggles or even smiles, but defo a grimace or two for which I was forced to award a star. To sum up - disappointed but hopefully fair.
Play the words "for me" added with careful thought because we're all so different and I wouldn't presume to decide you won't luurve it.
So, bearing in mind the aforementioned "for me" ....
Trying to be amusing isn't funny, clumsy efforts to shock with really unsubtle sexual references are a turn-off (in literary terms as well as sex!). Wordy, wordy, wordy, why only use a couple when you have another dozen in mind? Pages and pages of character description are a page-turner, literally, although it mercifully made time fly until I'd had enough after a quarter of the book. Feed these details to us gradually and less obviously, authors, while you blooming well get a move on with the story. So, alas no belly laughs, giggles or even smiles, but defo a grimace or two for which I was forced to award a star. To sum up - disappointed but hopefully fair.
July 6, 2018
I have no idea why some of the reviewers have claimed this book is all about sex. It's about man (Barry) who recognises married woman who are in boring marriage, he seduces them, blackmails them to maintain the affair, and his comeuppence.
This is a novella - which I normally avoid like the plague - but this is a good one. It is a smooth, full flowing story. not rushed (like so many other novellas), includes a hard- nosed drifter with a soft-heart and has an ending not a cliffhanger. As well, there a black comedy element.
Fully recommend.
This is a novella - which I normally avoid like the plague - but this is a good one. It is a smooth, full flowing story. not rushed (like so many other novellas), includes a hard- nosed drifter with a soft-heart and has an ending not a cliffhanger. As well, there a black comedy element.
Fully recommend.
July 22, 2019
This novella is about a dentist called Barry (Beaver), who loves women….too much and is a pest to say the least…
It starts in a cheese store, he’s helping protect Archie from rivals, but ends up injured (this is just hilarious and full of cheese related puns)
“Archie let out a plaintive cry. “My Stinking Bishop!””
Cullen, needs a dentist and finds out the true nature of Barry……but Cullen has his own sense of justice and….goes a bit ‘Marathon Man’ on him….
I love the slapstick humour and it made me laugh out loud at times….the epilogue brings it all together too.
It starts in a cheese store, he’s helping protect Archie from rivals, but ends up injured (this is just hilarious and full of cheese related puns)
“Archie let out a plaintive cry. “My Stinking Bishop!””
Cullen, needs a dentist and finds out the true nature of Barry……but Cullen has his own sense of justice and….goes a bit ‘Marathon Man’ on him….
I love the slapstick humour and it made me laugh out loud at times….the epilogue brings it all together too.
September 29, 2021
That was fun, good adult (but not graphic) entertainment in the form of a cautionary tale.
The story is set in Scotland, and with me being set in Scotland too, it probably helped me picture the scenes.
I got this book on a free BookBub promotion, I'm off to buy another by Mr Farrer.
The author tells us he wrote the story for NaNoWriMo - the November novel writing month. I think it's a good example of what the non-professional writer can do to entertain us. Now, where's that story I started to write four years ago?
The story is set in Scotland, and with me being set in Scotland too, it probably helped me picture the scenes.
I got this book on a free BookBub promotion, I'm off to buy another by Mr Farrer.
The author tells us he wrote the story for NaNoWriMo - the November novel writing month. I think it's a good example of what the non-professional writer can do to entertain us. Now, where's that story I started to write four years ago?
January 8, 2022
This is a fun little story with a simple yet novel plotline but the writing is humorous - not the lol variety but the subtle, tongue in cheek, wise guy type. In my opinion, it is the author's writing prowess that makes this story very good.
Barry is indeed dirty & when he finally got his comeuppance, I found myself wishing that particular chapter was more descriptive 🤭. The epilogue is also nicely written which adds to the overall humor.
Definitely read this one !
Barry is indeed dirty & when he finally got his comeuppance, I found myself wishing that particular chapter was more descriptive 🤭. The epilogue is also nicely written which adds to the overall humor.
Definitely read this one !
February 5, 2018
Beware, this book has a lot of profanity and it makes it harder to read. The story was about a 'dirty/sleezy' dentist who blackmailed his patients into affairs. The book was well written and I'm sure a lot of people will enjoy it, it just wasn't my cup of tea. I read an advance copy and voluntarily chose to write a review
January 3, 2019
A quick and fun read.
Barry Sullivan is a dentist who preys on bored married women and has affairs with them and to keep them in line he blackmails them with video evidence of their infidelity.
Cullen is a mysterious loner with a real sense of right and wrong. Cullen decides to teach Barry a lesson.
Fun and at times quite bawdy, a decent short read.
Barry Sullivan is a dentist who preys on bored married women and has affairs with them and to keep them in line he blackmails them with video evidence of their infidelity.
Cullen is a mysterious loner with a real sense of right and wrong. Cullen decides to teach Barry a lesson.
Fun and at times quite bawdy, a decent short read.
May 9, 2020
Dirty Barry is an enjoyable prequel to Farrer's novel Where Seagulls Dare. This novella is an easy read that tells a humorous backstory about how his two central characters met in serendipitous circumstances. Farrer's prequel novella is a mix of characteristic humour, mystery and everyday emotion.
June 13, 2020
Fast read. I don't get the motivation behind one if the main characters. He reminds me of the Tim Dorsey character Serge Storms, but with less idea of why he is even doing what he us doing. It was ok.
April 20, 2018
A quick and dirty read...
A fast moving story where you never felt at all sorry for the bad guy. Read through it quickly but it was a good palate cleanser!
A fast moving story where you never felt at all sorry for the bad guy. Read through it quickly but it was a good palate cleanser!
April 24, 2018
Fun read
I enjoyed the characters very much. I only wish it been longer, please write more like this! I could easily become a Cullen fan if given the opportunity.
I enjoyed the characters very much. I only wish it been longer, please write more like this! I could easily become a Cullen fan if given the opportunity.
August 24, 2019
A surprisingly moral tale. Ok it's subject is sex and adultery but the sex is not vicarious or overstated.
So don't really expect to be shocked.
It's witty, uses some good analogies and metaphors. Great for a quick light amusing read.
So don't really expect to be shocked.
It's witty, uses some good analogies and metaphors. Great for a quick light amusing read.
May 19, 2020
All smiles
A wonderful tale, great story with fascinating characters. You won’t be able to look your dentist in the eye without wondering.
A wonderful tale, great story with fascinating characters. You won’t be able to look your dentist in the eye without wondering.
June 23, 2020
Well written and very funny.
July 3, 2020
Very funny and very entertaining.
July 24, 2020
A fun introduction to what looks to be an entertaining series.
February 25, 2021
A great wee read
A great short story- really recommend it for something fun, smart and interesting. I really, really enjoyed it. Hopefully you will too.
A great short story- really recommend it for something fun, smart and interesting. I really, really enjoyed it. Hopefully you will too.
March 28, 2022
Funny?
I don't think I would call it funny . More a look at how sad ? Some people's life are . Black comedy would be a better description .
I don't think I would call it funny . More a look at how sad ? Some people's life are . Black comedy would be a better description .
February 7, 2023
A fun romp through the dentists and what do you get? Depends on what time your appointment is.
June 29, 2022
Gently humorous
Nice sardonic humour, well structured and nearly written. Makes you want to read more and see how the characters develop.
Nice sardonic humour, well structured and nearly written. Makes you want to read more and see how the characters develop.
January 29, 2019
#1 in the Cullen & Big Paul series. This 2017 novella written by author Mark Farrer introduces the series and explains how Cullen and Big Paul met. There wasn't much to explain who Cullen was and what there was of Big Paul wasn't appealing. Though the novella was very funny in spots, I won't be back for the series.
An outrageous British comedy introducing Cullen, an offbeat loner with a highly individual sense of right and wrong. Barry Sullivan is a sordid dentist who resorts to blackmail to keep his string of married women compliant. But now Cullen has toothache - and a very different interpretation of the dental code of practice.
An outrageous British comedy introducing Cullen, an offbeat loner with a highly individual sense of right and wrong. Barry Sullivan is a sordid dentist who resorts to blackmail to keep his string of married women compliant. But now Cullen has toothache - and a very different interpretation of the dental code of practice.
May 30, 2021
Better than expected
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews