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Being Dad: Father as a Picture of God’s Grace
This book deals with the way fathers, and the subject of fatherhood, are treated in modern culture. Dr. Keith brings his experience with family, students, great mentors, and friends to bear on a subject that is crying out for attention. Equally, he brings his Christian faith, a scholarly eye for detail, and an ear for story along on the journey and works with the reader to navigate a path to a better country where the Father blesses His children and is honored.
170 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 15, 2017
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September 29, 2017
Before sharing my own take, I must admit something: I am female. I may not be the best judge of a book about fatherhood and masculinity. However, I’ve watched good models in action--I’ve been blessed with an excellent father and husband of my own--so, for what it is worth, here is my response to Dr. Keith’s vision of what dads are supposed to be and do.
Keith argues that men are created differently from women and that dads have been given a unique vocation distinct from the role of moms. He also points out that our culture, full of children sired by absent or passive men, has a “fatherhood problem.” Thus far, I am with him 100%.
The author says, ““I believe that the Law is natural to us and we need very few tips regarding its implementation in the home.” He wishes to write a book for Christians who live a life of pure Gospel. This desire to view fatherhood from a strictly-Gospel perspective shapes the author’s vision. In the first half of the volume, he focuses heavily on the Parable of the Prodigal Son as a model for masculinity and fatherhood. In the second half, he structures his writing around the idea that because a father provides an apologetic model to children of who God is, a father must be a picture of God’s incredible grace and mercy. Here is where I--while agreeing with the principles at stake--began to question some of the author’s views on how this applies to family life.
Dr. Keith recognizes that the home needs some kind of order and discipline. However, he does not think this should come primarily through dad (he may be influenced by having been raised by women after the early death of his own father). He says that because the father is the head of the family, fathers should model themselves upon the Head of the Church by being, like Christ, primarily about forgiveness. Thus, in the home, mom is the Law and dad is the Gospel. Mom keeps order, and and dad forgives.
He does say that dads should support “the mother’s authority over the child’s inner world” by affirming mother’s instructions, but says that a dad who becomes a rule enforcer is taking on the feminine role. Furthermore, a desire to achieve compliance from children is simply the fruit of the Old Adam. He says, “Compliance and obedience are of the Law. The Law always condemns. Therefore, compliance equals condemnation.” Fathers aren’t supposed to seek compliance. They are supposed to forgive.
This, the author says, will sometimes cause conflict between a man and his wife, but “the key is to remember that it is not you against her but rather that a mother has a calling in the family and the father has a calling in the family, and they are not the same.” He even tells anecdotes of times when a frustrated mom turned a misbehaving youth over to a father who, like the dad in the story of the Prodigal Son, chose not to even mention the misdeed but instead suggested a ballgame or new car as proof of forgiveness.
OK, I admit that it might be my femininity speaking, but Pastor Keith’s vision of being a mom sounds awfully . . . lonely. To run around trying to enforce behavior while dad gives gracious hugs at his own discretion, apart from a unified vision for parenting, sounds rough. There is no Biblical explanation offered for the role of moms. I can’t help wondering if the author’s vision of family is simply a lopsided accident: the logical, but perhaps unsound, result of trying to build a theology of fatherhood without Law while also acknowledging the reality that someone has to insist people don’t leave the house naked.
I also can’t help wondering if perhaps the author is missing something in his approach to Law and Gospel. No, we sinful humans cannot keep the Law; and Christ has freed us from the Law’s clutches. Yet ought we to reject the idea that Christians can and should learn from the Law even as we rejoice in our salvation by grace alone? If the content of the Law is “natural,” why did God feel the need to write so much of it down in His Word?
Admittedly, I’ve seen Christians who view the instant obedience of their children as the be-all-end-all of Christian parenting, and the key marker of whether or not they are parenting “right.” Dr. Keith is right to reject this overemphasis.
However, I’m not sure I share his confidence that fathers will naturally know how to be authorities in the home and that all they need is teaching on how to shower their children with grace. When I look at the families around me, I see plenty of loving parents (including plenty of dads) who have no idea how to teach their children to behave--no idea how to model forgiveness instead of just permissiveness. It’s not that what these fathers need is “Law,” per se, but that they lack practical examples of how Christian leaders can serve others by functioning as the lawful authority. After all, there are definite two-kingdom elements at work in the family as well as theological ones.
One aspect of the book I found thought-provoking and helpful was the idea that fatherhood is also about providing children with “magic.” The author says, “The magic that a good father brings into the lives of his children is not the same as what God has shown us in Christ; but it is a significantly powerful analogy to it.” He argues that when dads give children special, magical moments--when they give their time to their kids and make delightful things happen--they are teaching their kids to recognize that God is good and loving. I love the reminder that having fun with kids isn’t just meaningless laughs and giggles, but is actually an important vocational work.
Ultimately, I appreciate Dr. Keith’s intentions and many of his comments about fatherhood. However, I struggle with his understanding of how fathers are to teach their children Gospel. I understand the theological presuppositions upon which it is based, but I feel it nevertheless comes across as slightly off-target.
Keith argues that men are created differently from women and that dads have been given a unique vocation distinct from the role of moms. He also points out that our culture, full of children sired by absent or passive men, has a “fatherhood problem.” Thus far, I am with him 100%.
The author says, ““I believe that the Law is natural to us and we need very few tips regarding its implementation in the home.” He wishes to write a book for Christians who live a life of pure Gospel. This desire to view fatherhood from a strictly-Gospel perspective shapes the author’s vision. In the first half of the volume, he focuses heavily on the Parable of the Prodigal Son as a model for masculinity and fatherhood. In the second half, he structures his writing around the idea that because a father provides an apologetic model to children of who God is, a father must be a picture of God’s incredible grace and mercy. Here is where I--while agreeing with the principles at stake--began to question some of the author’s views on how this applies to family life.
Dr. Keith recognizes that the home needs some kind of order and discipline. However, he does not think this should come primarily through dad (he may be influenced by having been raised by women after the early death of his own father). He says that because the father is the head of the family, fathers should model themselves upon the Head of the Church by being, like Christ, primarily about forgiveness. Thus, in the home, mom is the Law and dad is the Gospel. Mom keeps order, and and dad forgives.
He does say that dads should support “the mother’s authority over the child’s inner world” by affirming mother’s instructions, but says that a dad who becomes a rule enforcer is taking on the feminine role. Furthermore, a desire to achieve compliance from children is simply the fruit of the Old Adam. He says, “Compliance and obedience are of the Law. The Law always condemns. Therefore, compliance equals condemnation.” Fathers aren’t supposed to seek compliance. They are supposed to forgive.
This, the author says, will sometimes cause conflict between a man and his wife, but “the key is to remember that it is not you against her but rather that a mother has a calling in the family and the father has a calling in the family, and they are not the same.” He even tells anecdotes of times when a frustrated mom turned a misbehaving youth over to a father who, like the dad in the story of the Prodigal Son, chose not to even mention the misdeed but instead suggested a ballgame or new car as proof of forgiveness.
OK, I admit that it might be my femininity speaking, but Pastor Keith’s vision of being a mom sounds awfully . . . lonely. To run around trying to enforce behavior while dad gives gracious hugs at his own discretion, apart from a unified vision for parenting, sounds rough. There is no Biblical explanation offered for the role of moms. I can’t help wondering if the author’s vision of family is simply a lopsided accident: the logical, but perhaps unsound, result of trying to build a theology of fatherhood without Law while also acknowledging the reality that someone has to insist people don’t leave the house naked.
I also can’t help wondering if perhaps the author is missing something in his approach to Law and Gospel. No, we sinful humans cannot keep the Law; and Christ has freed us from the Law’s clutches. Yet ought we to reject the idea that Christians can and should learn from the Law even as we rejoice in our salvation by grace alone? If the content of the Law is “natural,” why did God feel the need to write so much of it down in His Word?
Admittedly, I’ve seen Christians who view the instant obedience of their children as the be-all-end-all of Christian parenting, and the key marker of whether or not they are parenting “right.” Dr. Keith is right to reject this overemphasis.
However, I’m not sure I share his confidence that fathers will naturally know how to be authorities in the home and that all they need is teaching on how to shower their children with grace. When I look at the families around me, I see plenty of loving parents (including plenty of dads) who have no idea how to teach their children to behave--no idea how to model forgiveness instead of just permissiveness. It’s not that what these fathers need is “Law,” per se, but that they lack practical examples of how Christian leaders can serve others by functioning as the lawful authority. After all, there are definite two-kingdom elements at work in the family as well as theological ones.
One aspect of the book I found thought-provoking and helpful was the idea that fatherhood is also about providing children with “magic.” The author says, “The magic that a good father brings into the lives of his children is not the same as what God has shown us in Christ; but it is a significantly powerful analogy to it.” He argues that when dads give children special, magical moments--when they give their time to their kids and make delightful things happen--they are teaching their kids to recognize that God is good and loving. I love the reminder that having fun with kids isn’t just meaningless laughs and giggles, but is actually an important vocational work.
Ultimately, I appreciate Dr. Keith’s intentions and many of his comments about fatherhood. However, I struggle with his understanding of how fathers are to teach their children Gospel. I understand the theological presuppositions upon which it is based, but I feel it nevertheless comes across as slightly off-target.
October 21, 2021
Fairly good, though I’ll admit I’d hoped for more. He takes the stance of fatherhood from the perspective of the Prodigal Son parable, heavily noting the aspects of grace and freedom (to not follow the worldly way, which is certainly understated in our society today) that a father is to bestow. He writes from a Lutheran standpoint so it’s in the same line of faith as my own (PCA).
If there’s something I’d like to have seen more of it’s his take on how to discipline. His stance seems to take away that aspect of parenting, and unless I’m way off, places that on the mother, which from there it’s up to the father to provide grace.
I appreciated his argument about modern culture demeaning the essential need of children to have a present father in the home, if not at least in their lives. In the struggle to raise Godly children against the worlds temptations this text seems to make it manageable providing you’re able to home school and have a profoundly strong knowledge of Biblical doctrine; all laudable desires, but not always practical or feasible.
Still it holds up to doctrine, and if we are going to really split hairs on the text we are all hopeless sinners outside of the gift of grace through Christ, and with the knowledge that we are to be a foggy reflection of God, we can really only hope to emulate the examples he sets down in these pages.
If there’s something I’d like to have seen more of it’s his take on how to discipline. His stance seems to take away that aspect of parenting, and unless I’m way off, places that on the mother, which from there it’s up to the father to provide grace.
I appreciated his argument about modern culture demeaning the essential need of children to have a present father in the home, if not at least in their lives. In the struggle to raise Godly children against the worlds temptations this text seems to make it manageable providing you’re able to home school and have a profoundly strong knowledge of Biblical doctrine; all laudable desires, but not always practical or feasible.
Still it holds up to doctrine, and if we are going to really split hairs on the text we are all hopeless sinners outside of the gift of grace through Christ, and with the knowledge that we are to be a foggy reflection of God, we can really only hope to emulate the examples he sets down in these pages.
December 19, 2022
Normally I do not write reviews but this book is especially poor. The biggest problem is the authors view that fathers represent grace and the gospel and mothers represent the law. This is offensive and represents the role of motherhood in a terrible light. It is great to think of fathers giving grace and loving the gospel for their families, but why is motherhood cast into a dark role? Really sad teaching by the author, I hope no one reads this book.
February 14, 2017
Keith writes about "a theology of fatherhood, and an apologetic from fatherhood." As a soon to be father, this book provided me a lot to chew on about modeling the heavenly Father to our families in his forgiveness and generosity. And the chapter on masculinity was gold.
December 17, 2022
The good:
This book encourages fathers to fully live out their vocation as image bearers of God the Father to their children. Fathers are particularly encouraged to be models of grace to their children. "Fathers provide the opportunity for children to point at their dads and say, 'God's love is like that. Like him over there. Like my dad.' And the Christian home is where a dad does His work."
Much of the book can be summarized in this advice to fathers: "You are forgiven in Christ. He has called you to Himself to be a dad. Be confident in God's purpose for you as a father. As a father, you are in a position to be an analogy of being to a good God. God has called you to this and you are merely walking in the steps that He has laid out for you. Live freely as the dad God has called you to be."
The bad:
This book has a number of somewhat questionable statements and claims.
In summarizing part of the parable of the gracious father / prodigal son: "It's as if he says to his [older] son, 'So do yourself and everybody else a favor: drop dead. Shut up, forget about your stupid life, go inside, and pour yourself a drink.' "
"Where is Christ in this story? Christ is in the party and in the death of the fatted calf. The calf killed for the celebration is actually the Christ figure in the parable." Killing a fatted calf seems to me much different than a willing sacrifice for sin and atonement, born of out of love to truly rescue people.
Masculinity is defined as "a male's quiet confidence and strength of character that finds expression in graciousness." While I certainly find no fault in a man having these qualities, there's no justification given for WHY this makes someone "masculine," and whether a women with these same qualities would be considered masculine.
"I think that falling in love is kind of like that - something you don't control and something that is unexpected." Do we really believe that loving someone is something out of your hands that you don't control?
"If a dad is the model of grace in the home, he, like the father in this story, will need forgiveness from those around him as he forgives." I disagree wholeheartedly. I do not believe the father in the parable needs forgiveness from his older son for having extended forgiveness to the younger son (which was the context of this quote).
There are a number of passages that seem to put women in a bad light, despite other passages claiming to elevate and value women. Fathers are called into a holy vocation, whereas mothers are generally viewed as demanding, codependent, and there is an undercurrent of law vs grace that seems to be played out as mom vs dad.
"When the father steps in and frees the children from the tyranny of their day-to-day with Mom, he is also freeing Mom."
"A good father provides this rescue. He is a eucatastrophe to his children when he breaks in and relieves the mother from a day spent at war in an attempt to keep the children from killing one another and destroying the home. Children relate to this because they need rescuing from the monotony of everyday life as much as the princess in Sleeping Beauty needed rescuing in the castle. The children are delivered, and so is the mom. The rescue that dad provides gives mom a well-deserved break. Such things are magic. In the eucatastrophe of a good father's even occasional deliverances, we see a brief vision that the answer to our real problem may be greater - it may be a far-off gleam or echo of evangelium (the Word) in the real world."
Last time, I checked, the "everyday life" that he speaks of (school work, chores, etc.) is all work, and work was a part of Adam's role in the garden even before the fall, so I'm not sure that stepping in and letting the kids get out of their normal work and responsibilities is in any way akin to the deliverance that God provides through Christ.
"But for children who day in and day out sit at home with Dad as taskmaster or Mom as schoolmarm... their call for deliverance was my voice at 7:00 am saying, 'Get your crap in a pile. We're going [skiing].' "
Speaking of a "masculine" man involves putting women into the roll of pharisees, apparently, and unable to adequately teach the gospel of grace: "[He] was the type of man who would volunteer to teach a Sunday school class because he believed that children needed more than moralizing Bible stories told by well-meaning church ladies. He knew that if men like him didn't step up, the Church would be left with scarcely more than rooms full of little well-behaved Pharisees."
In a retelling of how the parable would've gone if there had been a mother: "More likely the mother wouldn't have allowed her younger son to go at all. Instead, she would beg him, bribe him, entreat him, and plead with him to stay home so that she could continue to keep him in her care. Moms care for, protect, look out for, coddle, and remove obstacles from the path of their children. This is their calling and task.... They are the queens of their castle, and no one, not even the children themselves, will take their 'babies' from them. Moms do all this, but they, for the most part, are not called to be the purveyors of freedom. There are always exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, a father is needed for this." I'm not sure the role of mom could sound more codependent here... "There is no mother in the parable of the prodigal son possibly because she would not allow the risk of her son's love being lost. For that, a father is needed."
A highlighted story from a mom: "I love children. To a mother, this is the best feeling on earth; need. They need something from us, and as moms, we are happy to give it... I needed to give them freedom for my own health and my relationship with them. But that isn't what we moms do. Rather, we worry... We just want to make it all better. We moms don't want freedom; we want need." Ok, maybe this DOES sound even more codependent than what I quoted in the paragraph above...
"A good dad does not operate under the assumptions of the Law. The Law abhors freedom because freedom may lead to sin, harm, abandonment, and condemnation. This is, I think, what moms fear the most. Moms typically want it done right. They want to protect from the harm that freedom brings. Moms, on the whole, operate under the assumptions of the Law because they have to. This is not a glorious calling, but it is a brave and necessary one."
"The task of husband is not to alienate his wife by means of his gracious world but rather to wrap her into it like a warm blanket. Moms have a very difficult job. They are called on to meet the everyday physical needs of their children." And fathers aren't called on to meet the physical needs of the children? "When a mother properly carries out her vocation of caring for and nurturing her children's daily needs, this frees up the father to properly be the gracious and loving father, protecting leading, and guiding his family."
"Ideally, for the daily needs and physical care of her beloved children, God calls mothers to administer the home. For the spiritual nurturing of the family and the home, God has called fathers to be ministers and priests to their own little chapel. And while this reality does not always work itself out in our modern society, it is the way that God intended."
"A man will encourage you to be adventurous while mom is telling you to be careful."
Several stores are lauded for dad being adventurous and breaking rules, like one that involved a son wanting to do an activity that had clearly posted safety restrictions based on both age and height, but dad "made it happen" by arguing with the attendant for 15 minutes until they finally gave in (and what would've happened to this attendant if there had actually been a safety issue and it came to light that it was a result of letting in someone who was both too small and too young?) This is praised for dad making a little bit of "magic" for his kids. Another situation is where a dad is called to a meeting with school leadership to discuss his son being irresponsible, and the dad "turned the tables on the school and said to the principal that evidently the school provided next to nothing worth his son 'responding to'! Paul rescued his son that day. This is what dads do." No, this was not rescuing; this was enabling and dishonoring of established authority.
The book claims that women should be allowed their choice of vocation, to go to school and get a job or to stay home with children. But then it has very leading statements, like the "better yet" last sentence in this quote: "[My daughter] is now fifteen, and when people ask her what she wants to major in while she is in college, she will sometimes say literature, but other times she'll say that she is not sure she wants to attend college. Better yet, she expresses that she wants to be a mom." And then this: "For the women who believe that they are able to choose both [higher education and a career as well as a husband, children and home], I would encourage them to wrestle with what Chesterton posed at the initiation of this section. Is family life what is called a 'whole time job' or a 'half time job'?"
"Once women are free to choose wife and mother again, men will be free to choose to be good husbands and fathers, as well as heads of their home." Are men not free to choose to be good husbands and fathers, regardless of what their wives are doing?
"Once a man's freedom and authority in his own home is taken away, his desire to serve that home in love departs at the same time. It is the freedom provided in the home that allows men to serve lovingly as provider, protector, sustainer, lover, friend, and forgiver. Once his 'headship' is removed, by either usurpation or dispersal, his lack of freedom will inevitably lead to a lack of desire." This sounds very much like blaming someone else for a man's shortcomings.
"Will fathers be involved in some discipline stuff? Yes, of course. But again, Paul would say that we fathers are not really 'wired' for that. We do it - particularly when the situation is in some way 'dire' -- but we do not umpire each and every little thing the way a mom often has to do all day, every day. Mom recognizes that she is better equipped for adjudicating family righteousness and sometimes will actually say that it is her vocatio in a way that it isn't the same as for the kids' dad. It is rare, but it is like a gift from heaven itself if she 'gets' that and will say it!" I will refrain from further comment here, and just let the quote itself do the talking.
Arguments against women in leadership rest on men's character flaws, rather than biblical basis: "He did not believe that men should give up their 'men-only' perspective roles as pastors and elders in the church. When I asked why, his answer cut me to the quick. He said bluntly, 'Men are inspired by freedom yet are lazy at heart. If you tell a man he is free to stop being a pastor or elder, he will stop and happily let the women take over. Yet if you tell him he alone is free to serve in these capacities, he will do it with all his heart.' I believe the same is true in the home."
On the whole, I felt that this book had a some good nuggets and encouragement mixed in with a whole lot of garbage.
This book encourages fathers to fully live out their vocation as image bearers of God the Father to their children. Fathers are particularly encouraged to be models of grace to their children. "Fathers provide the opportunity for children to point at their dads and say, 'God's love is like that. Like him over there. Like my dad.' And the Christian home is where a dad does His work."
Much of the book can be summarized in this advice to fathers: "You are forgiven in Christ. He has called you to Himself to be a dad. Be confident in God's purpose for you as a father. As a father, you are in a position to be an analogy of being to a good God. God has called you to this and you are merely walking in the steps that He has laid out for you. Live freely as the dad God has called you to be."
The bad:
This book has a number of somewhat questionable statements and claims.
In summarizing part of the parable of the gracious father / prodigal son: "It's as if he says to his [older] son, 'So do yourself and everybody else a favor: drop dead. Shut up, forget about your stupid life, go inside, and pour yourself a drink.' "
"Where is Christ in this story? Christ is in the party and in the death of the fatted calf. The calf killed for the celebration is actually the Christ figure in the parable." Killing a fatted calf seems to me much different than a willing sacrifice for sin and atonement, born of out of love to truly rescue people.
Masculinity is defined as "a male's quiet confidence and strength of character that finds expression in graciousness." While I certainly find no fault in a man having these qualities, there's no justification given for WHY this makes someone "masculine," and whether a women with these same qualities would be considered masculine.
"I think that falling in love is kind of like that - something you don't control and something that is unexpected." Do we really believe that loving someone is something out of your hands that you don't control?
"If a dad is the model of grace in the home, he, like the father in this story, will need forgiveness from those around him as he forgives." I disagree wholeheartedly. I do not believe the father in the parable needs forgiveness from his older son for having extended forgiveness to the younger son (which was the context of this quote).
There are a number of passages that seem to put women in a bad light, despite other passages claiming to elevate and value women. Fathers are called into a holy vocation, whereas mothers are generally viewed as demanding, codependent, and there is an undercurrent of law vs grace that seems to be played out as mom vs dad.
"When the father steps in and frees the children from the tyranny of their day-to-day with Mom, he is also freeing Mom."
"A good father provides this rescue. He is a eucatastrophe to his children when he breaks in and relieves the mother from a day spent at war in an attempt to keep the children from killing one another and destroying the home. Children relate to this because they need rescuing from the monotony of everyday life as much as the princess in Sleeping Beauty needed rescuing in the castle. The children are delivered, and so is the mom. The rescue that dad provides gives mom a well-deserved break. Such things are magic. In the eucatastrophe of a good father's even occasional deliverances, we see a brief vision that the answer to our real problem may be greater - it may be a far-off gleam or echo of evangelium (the Word) in the real world."
Last time, I checked, the "everyday life" that he speaks of (school work, chores, etc.) is all work, and work was a part of Adam's role in the garden even before the fall, so I'm not sure that stepping in and letting the kids get out of their normal work and responsibilities is in any way akin to the deliverance that God provides through Christ.
"But for children who day in and day out sit at home with Dad as taskmaster or Mom as schoolmarm... their call for deliverance was my voice at 7:00 am saying, 'Get your crap in a pile. We're going [skiing].' "
Speaking of a "masculine" man involves putting women into the roll of pharisees, apparently, and unable to adequately teach the gospel of grace: "[He] was the type of man who would volunteer to teach a Sunday school class because he believed that children needed more than moralizing Bible stories told by well-meaning church ladies. He knew that if men like him didn't step up, the Church would be left with scarcely more than rooms full of little well-behaved Pharisees."
In a retelling of how the parable would've gone if there had been a mother: "More likely the mother wouldn't have allowed her younger son to go at all. Instead, she would beg him, bribe him, entreat him, and plead with him to stay home so that she could continue to keep him in her care. Moms care for, protect, look out for, coddle, and remove obstacles from the path of their children. This is their calling and task.... They are the queens of their castle, and no one, not even the children themselves, will take their 'babies' from them. Moms do all this, but they, for the most part, are not called to be the purveyors of freedom. There are always exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, a father is needed for this." I'm not sure the role of mom could sound more codependent here... "There is no mother in the parable of the prodigal son possibly because she would not allow the risk of her son's love being lost. For that, a father is needed."
A highlighted story from a mom: "I love children. To a mother, this is the best feeling on earth; need. They need something from us, and as moms, we are happy to give it... I needed to give them freedom for my own health and my relationship with them. But that isn't what we moms do. Rather, we worry... We just want to make it all better. We moms don't want freedom; we want need." Ok, maybe this DOES sound even more codependent than what I quoted in the paragraph above...
"A good dad does not operate under the assumptions of the Law. The Law abhors freedom because freedom may lead to sin, harm, abandonment, and condemnation. This is, I think, what moms fear the most. Moms typically want it done right. They want to protect from the harm that freedom brings. Moms, on the whole, operate under the assumptions of the Law because they have to. This is not a glorious calling, but it is a brave and necessary one."
"The task of husband is not to alienate his wife by means of his gracious world but rather to wrap her into it like a warm blanket. Moms have a very difficult job. They are called on to meet the everyday physical needs of their children." And fathers aren't called on to meet the physical needs of the children? "When a mother properly carries out her vocation of caring for and nurturing her children's daily needs, this frees up the father to properly be the gracious and loving father, protecting leading, and guiding his family."
"Ideally, for the daily needs and physical care of her beloved children, God calls mothers to administer the home. For the spiritual nurturing of the family and the home, God has called fathers to be ministers and priests to their own little chapel. And while this reality does not always work itself out in our modern society, it is the way that God intended."
"A man will encourage you to be adventurous while mom is telling you to be careful."
Several stores are lauded for dad being adventurous and breaking rules, like one that involved a son wanting to do an activity that had clearly posted safety restrictions based on both age and height, but dad "made it happen" by arguing with the attendant for 15 minutes until they finally gave in (and what would've happened to this attendant if there had actually been a safety issue and it came to light that it was a result of letting in someone who was both too small and too young?) This is praised for dad making a little bit of "magic" for his kids. Another situation is where a dad is called to a meeting with school leadership to discuss his son being irresponsible, and the dad "turned the tables on the school and said to the principal that evidently the school provided next to nothing worth his son 'responding to'! Paul rescued his son that day. This is what dads do." No, this was not rescuing; this was enabling and dishonoring of established authority.
The book claims that women should be allowed their choice of vocation, to go to school and get a job or to stay home with children. But then it has very leading statements, like the "better yet" last sentence in this quote: "[My daughter] is now fifteen, and when people ask her what she wants to major in while she is in college, she will sometimes say literature, but other times she'll say that she is not sure she wants to attend college. Better yet, she expresses that she wants to be a mom." And then this: "For the women who believe that they are able to choose both [higher education and a career as well as a husband, children and home], I would encourage them to wrestle with what Chesterton posed at the initiation of this section. Is family life what is called a 'whole time job' or a 'half time job'?"
"Once women are free to choose wife and mother again, men will be free to choose to be good husbands and fathers, as well as heads of their home." Are men not free to choose to be good husbands and fathers, regardless of what their wives are doing?
"Once a man's freedom and authority in his own home is taken away, his desire to serve that home in love departs at the same time. It is the freedom provided in the home that allows men to serve lovingly as provider, protector, sustainer, lover, friend, and forgiver. Once his 'headship' is removed, by either usurpation or dispersal, his lack of freedom will inevitably lead to a lack of desire." This sounds very much like blaming someone else for a man's shortcomings.
"Will fathers be involved in some discipline stuff? Yes, of course. But again, Paul would say that we fathers are not really 'wired' for that. We do it - particularly when the situation is in some way 'dire' -- but we do not umpire each and every little thing the way a mom often has to do all day, every day. Mom recognizes that she is better equipped for adjudicating family righteousness and sometimes will actually say that it is her vocatio in a way that it isn't the same as for the kids' dad. It is rare, but it is like a gift from heaven itself if she 'gets' that and will say it!" I will refrain from further comment here, and just let the quote itself do the talking.
Arguments against women in leadership rest on men's character flaws, rather than biblical basis: "He did not believe that men should give up their 'men-only' perspective roles as pastors and elders in the church. When I asked why, his answer cut me to the quick. He said bluntly, 'Men are inspired by freedom yet are lazy at heart. If you tell a man he is free to stop being a pastor or elder, he will stop and happily let the women take over. Yet if you tell him he alone is free to serve in these capacities, he will do it with all his heart.' I believe the same is true in the home."
On the whole, I felt that this book had a some good nuggets and encouragement mixed in with a whole lot of garbage.
December 13, 2017
It's important to say right off that this is not a how-to book. What it is though is a very thoughtful and inspiring reflection on what it means to be a dad. Very good.
November 17, 2016
Scott Keith's premise of being a dad is refreshing. Instead of weighing down on what dads are not doing right, he focuses on strengths of dads. His thesis is that dads by their very nature are a picture of grace. It exhibits itself through big picture and laid back tendencies of men in general. Alone, this tendency may lead to a cheap grace approach to Christianity, but balanced with a strong woman, marriage itself becomes a strong balance between grace and law.
Keith helped me better understand myself, my quirks, and how that can amplify what God can do through my life.
Keith helped me better understand myself, my quirks, and how that can amplify what God can do through my life.
June 9, 2019
Thoroughly enjoyed this soundly Scriptural take on the God-given vocation of father.
February 12, 2020
I loved this book! The book is exactly what the author claims it will be, a book that is not a how to guide on how to be a father but rather inspiration on Christian fatherhood.
Scott Keith is an associate Dean of Theology at Concordia College in California. He is a Lutheran theology and pulls much from Luther's writing especially his work on the doctrine of vocation. He is also a father. While he did not grow up with a father (due to death), he grew up wanting to be a dad. He did all the things he could to have that role in children's life like become a summer counselor, etc. He eventually got married and fulfilled his dream of being a father when he was young. While the Keith mentions having had father figures in his life, one stood out to him and is a large inspiration for the book, "Dad Rod". Dad Rod, or Dr. Rod Rosenbladt was Keith's grad school professor. It seems that Dad Rod taught by example and not in didactics what it meant to be a father. The author distills the primary role of a father is to be a "little christs" and to be a mouthpiece of grace. Culling from the parable of the prodigal's son, the author notes that while law abounds when children grow up (don't eat this, don't eat that), a truly otherworldly characteristic that can we really only find perfectly in Jesus is grace after wronging. The author notes that fathers should emulate this characteristic. The author does clarify that this does not mean that fathers should not train their children and support rules, but it does mean that being a picture of God's Grace is a unique way that fathers can be "little Christs" to their children.
This book was a great book for me as someone who is trying to learn more about the spiritual formation of children and the role of a husband/father in the home. In the beginning of the book, the author mentions a study that was done in Switzerland that found that children who grew up with a father who followed faith diligently were more likely to diligently carry out the faith. I could see that and in general as a woman I totally admire how men are different and how they offer a unique perspective of the faith to children. I like that the author stays true to his claim of not making this a how to book. At one point, it does seem as if the author believes women are a picture of the law in how children are raised because in caring for children mothers set boundaries for children and that fathers are a picture of grace. I didn't know how I felt entirely about that. But to summarize he mentions,
"[The mother] is the heart of forgiveness in the home while {the father] is it's mouthpiece."
Not quite sure how that would look in day to day life but then again maybe I need to be redirected in heart to the general principles. As a complementation, I am okay with differences in roles based on gender but I felt that his treatment may have been a bit of a reach but I get the general idea.
I also just love this quote.
"The conversation in the home is the place (locus) of family fellowship, and the father is the caretake of the conversation."
This book definitely gives me a lot of things to pray about for myself and for others.
Scott Keith is an associate Dean of Theology at Concordia College in California. He is a Lutheran theology and pulls much from Luther's writing especially his work on the doctrine of vocation. He is also a father. While he did not grow up with a father (due to death), he grew up wanting to be a dad. He did all the things he could to have that role in children's life like become a summer counselor, etc. He eventually got married and fulfilled his dream of being a father when he was young. While the Keith mentions having had father figures in his life, one stood out to him and is a large inspiration for the book, "Dad Rod". Dad Rod, or Dr. Rod Rosenbladt was Keith's grad school professor. It seems that Dad Rod taught by example and not in didactics what it meant to be a father. The author distills the primary role of a father is to be a "little christs" and to be a mouthpiece of grace. Culling from the parable of the prodigal's son, the author notes that while law abounds when children grow up (don't eat this, don't eat that), a truly otherworldly characteristic that can we really only find perfectly in Jesus is grace after wronging. The author notes that fathers should emulate this characteristic. The author does clarify that this does not mean that fathers should not train their children and support rules, but it does mean that being a picture of God's Grace is a unique way that fathers can be "little Christs" to their children.
This book was a great book for me as someone who is trying to learn more about the spiritual formation of children and the role of a husband/father in the home. In the beginning of the book, the author mentions a study that was done in Switzerland that found that children who grew up with a father who followed faith diligently were more likely to diligently carry out the faith. I could see that and in general as a woman I totally admire how men are different and how they offer a unique perspective of the faith to children. I like that the author stays true to his claim of not making this a how to book. At one point, it does seem as if the author believes women are a picture of the law in how children are raised because in caring for children mothers set boundaries for children and that fathers are a picture of grace. I didn't know how I felt entirely about that. But to summarize he mentions,
"[The mother] is the heart of forgiveness in the home while {the father] is it's mouthpiece."
Not quite sure how that would look in day to day life but then again maybe I need to be redirected in heart to the general principles. As a complementation, I am okay with differences in roles based on gender but I felt that his treatment may have been a bit of a reach but I get the general idea.
I also just love this quote.
"The conversation in the home is the place (locus) of family fellowship, and the father is the caretake of the conversation."
This book definitely gives me a lot of things to pray about for myself and for others.
February 25, 2023
This book is not great, just okay. I struggled with a writing style that I found lacking and some concepts that I really disagreed with. Even one case in which I felt scripture was simply being misused. Christ is not the end of the law. He came not to abolish it, but fulfill it. He is the end of the law for righteousness. He is the end of condemnation under the law. This error rears its ugly head occasionally throughout.
The best concept the book has to offer is looking at fatherhood through the lens of Christ’s parable of the prodigal son and the earthly father as a shadow of the Heavenly Father. There is some good stuff on this, but the analogy is taken so far as to celebrate and encourage the prodigal nature of the son, rather than his return. Strange.
The author’s view on mother and her role is lame. The author’s concept of father’s providing magic is basically conventional rule-breaking and going to the movies. There is a lukewarm chapter on masculinity that weakly upholds biblical gender roles. The approach to masculinity seemed very feminine.
Listing it all out like that makes the book sound a bit worse than it was. I think it got better as it went, though the guest author content was very mixed in quality. Overall, I’d say there are better books on masculinity and fatherhood out there that are more worth the reader’s time.
The best concept the book has to offer is looking at fatherhood through the lens of Christ’s parable of the prodigal son and the earthly father as a shadow of the Heavenly Father. There is some good stuff on this, but the analogy is taken so far as to celebrate and encourage the prodigal nature of the son, rather than his return. Strange.
The author’s view on mother and her role is lame. The author’s concept of father’s providing magic is basically conventional rule-breaking and going to the movies. There is a lukewarm chapter on masculinity that weakly upholds biblical gender roles. The approach to masculinity seemed very feminine.
Listing it all out like that makes the book sound a bit worse than it was. I think it got better as it went, though the guest author content was very mixed in quality. Overall, I’d say there are better books on masculinity and fatherhood out there that are more worth the reader’s time.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 27, 2025
Just finished reading Being Dad, and wow… I wasn’t ready for how much it would hit home.
One part that really stuck with me was the section on fatherhood stats. Even though the data is a bit older, the message is still loud and clear—a dad’s presence and faith matter more than we realize.
One study showed that if only the mother goes to church, only 2% of kids grow up to do the same. But if only the father goes, 44% of kids stick with it. That’s wild. And heartbreaking stats on fatherless homes only drove the point deeper.
As a dad, this convicted me. It reminded me that our kids are always watching—not just what we say, but how we live. And the way we follow Jesus leaves a mark.
I don’t want to just tell my kids about faith—I want to show them what it looks like to walk with Christ daily. Imperfectly, but faithfully.
One part that really stuck with me was the section on fatherhood stats. Even though the data is a bit older, the message is still loud and clear—a dad’s presence and faith matter more than we realize.
One study showed that if only the mother goes to church, only 2% of kids grow up to do the same. But if only the father goes, 44% of kids stick with it. That’s wild. And heartbreaking stats on fatherless homes only drove the point deeper.
As a dad, this convicted me. It reminded me that our kids are always watching—not just what we say, but how we live. And the way we follow Jesus leaves a mark.
I don’t want to just tell my kids about faith—I want to show them what it looks like to walk with Christ daily. Imperfectly, but faithfully.
August 9, 2017
As I was preparing to become a new father I knew that I needed to understand the connection between three things. The Gospel, being a father, and grace. This book ties those things together showing how a father should be to their children. I love his heart and passion in this book and recommend it to anyone.
July 7, 2021
Being Dad is supportive and at times thought provoking on the topic of fatherhood, especially as relates to being a model of grace and forgiveness, as Christ was to us. However, the contrasting roles of mothers and fathers expressed in the book are not well supported and are arguably belittling of mothers (in the most well intentioned way). I cannot recommend.
January 23, 2023
Really good message. There are kind of two elements at play: 1. an analysis of the parable of the prodigal son and 2. personal stories, both from the author and his friends/family. The author's writing felt stilted during the first element imo. Enjoyed the second. My two takeaways are to be gracious with and create magic for your children.
September 10, 2017
Man, I needed to hear this. A wonderful book on being a dad who is like the gracious father in the story of the prodigal son. In other words, it's a book encouraging and calling dads to be like the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
November 19, 2018
Listen, dads. Drop whatever how-to, law giving, condemning parenting book you're reading right now and pick this up!
June 5, 2019
Being Dad by Scott Keith
Such a great book. As a dad to a newly adopted teen boy, I learned so much. Grace filled. Gospel driven. Every man needs to read this book.
Such a great book. As a dad to a newly adopted teen boy, I learned so much. Grace filled. Gospel driven. Every man needs to read this book.
June 20, 2020
Great book! Graceful look at dads. Being Dad is not another how to be a good Father book but expresses the goodness of our heavenly father reflected in and through earthly fathers.
March 8, 2022
This was fantastic! A great look at the attributes of fatherhood, through the lens of God's grace and forgiveness as our heavenly Father. Excellent read.
January 27, 2024
The world is full of law so error on the side of grace when interacting with my kids because God shows me abundant grace as my Heavenly Father.
March 17, 2024
A fantastic, humbling, and gracious approach for any father seeking a refreshing perspective of “Being Dad”. The Gospel is lived out in our vocations, and Being Dad is no different.
January 14, 2026
This book is encouraging to any father, and provides solid doctrinal backing for this encouragement. Any Christian father would benefit greatly from reading this.
July 15, 2024
Although I really appreciated this author's view of parenting from grace, his assumptions about women and mothers (children need to be rescued from their law and order by their grace-full fathers) and several contradictory statements didn't make sense at all.
August 24, 2019
The perfect Father’s Day gift. Not a how-to book, but reflections on God’s mercy, forgiveness and grace through the vocation of being a dad.
February 9, 2018
Can't recommend this book highly enough. So many parenting books are "how-to" books, focusing on steps you need to take to be a better parent. This one focuses on God's grace to dads. Knowing and living that relationship of grace becomes our model for parenting our own children. We simply want to reflect God's relationship with us, share this same grace with the most important people in our lives.
December 15, 2018
Really great and inspiring. I loved the use of the father in the Prodigal Son story as an example of a perfect, loving father as well as the different stories of real fathers doing similar sort of things.
March 3, 2016
This book looks at the role of a father in the Christian home. The views it puts forth are important and is certainly worth the read.
April 22, 2016
Enjoyed this challenging book mostly because it isn't a typical formulaic parenting book.
November 1, 2016
Great insights in this book, though it is a bit uneven. Big takeaway. The Father in the Parable of the Two Sons, forgives his son before the Prodigal even gets his apology out of his mouth.
December 28, 2022
Despite personal misgivings with some of Keith's theology at the margins, I remember this being a sturdy portrait of godly masculinity.
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