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Aro Eros Arrows
"Love is not my motivation; it is my state of being. You cannot tempt me with the promise of your scraps when I feed myself."
If aromantic people primarily desire friendship or nonromantic partnerships over romance, then how can they practice any recognized form of non-monogamy? And polyamory — the practice of having multiple intimate, loving relationships — is just for romantic people, right?
The truth is, being aromantic or asexual usually means there's an emphasis on friendship, which is inherently non-monogamous. Being aromantic means loving a bit differently, but in ways that matter just as much.
Knowledge about these experiences and identities can help with clarifying relationship needs, bringing up new possibilities and better choices for relationship format ion, and for turning friendship into something more than a simple throwaway stand in for some potential romantic partner. Communities built on friendship rather than competition (and let’s face it, competitiveness is usually encouraged when it comes to romance) would be more cohesive, less prone to the power dynamics that lead to systemic abuse, and can actually cultivate true agency.
There are plenty of books out there already for straight, white, romantic folks. This is the book Black queer aros never got.
If aromantic people primarily desire friendship or nonromantic partnerships over romance, then how can they practice any recognized form of non-monogamy? And polyamory — the practice of having multiple intimate, loving relationships — is just for romantic people, right?
The truth is, being aromantic or asexual usually means there's an emphasis on friendship, which is inherently non-monogamous. Being aromantic means loving a bit differently, but in ways that matter just as much.
Knowledge about these experiences and identities can help with clarifying relationship needs, bringing up new possibilities and better choices for relationship format ion, and for turning friendship into something more than a simple throwaway stand in for some potential romantic partner. Communities built on friendship rather than competition (and let’s face it, competitiveness is usually encouraged when it comes to romance) would be more cohesive, less prone to the power dynamics that lead to systemic abuse, and can actually cultivate true agency.
There are plenty of books out there already for straight, white, romantic folks. This is the book Black queer aros never got.
ebook
Published February 14, 2018
7 people are currently reading
121 people want to read
About the author
Michón Neal
27 books28 followersI’m Black (with Irish and Cherokee sprinkled in to fuck things up further), autistic, aromantic, noetisexual, asexual (though not a celibate one, so that tends to confuse asexuals who are), organic multilinker, Radically (radical non-monogamy coined by Milton Goosby) Integrated Non-Monogamist, autodidact, relationship fluid (term created by Louisa Leontiades), disabled, single parent, in poverty, kinky switch/Dom/me, assigned female at birth, multisynesthetic (most notably visual/touch), intersex, Othergender, Army brat, survivor of several forms of abuse, left-handed, singleish, and panerotic. If anything, I’m a metanoiac alethiologist.
What Have I Experienced?
My disabilities and health conditions consist of but aren't limited to: endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, costocondritis, cPTSD, dysautonomia, fibromyalgia, EDS, plantar fasciitis, eczema, secondary anxiety and depression. I’ve lived in severe poverty for my entire life, including a recent bout of extended homelessness. I’ve had several major surgeries, survived more rapes than I can count, and narrowly escaped stalkers, domestic violence, and murderers. I’ve been writing cuil fiction, my invented intersectional queer and polya genre, for nearly two decades. I've raised my children on and off with my sister. I’m also a not-quite widow; within months of one another I lost both a former cis afab partner and a then-current cis amab partner, both disabled BlaQueer people.
What Do I Know?
I attended many schools, majoring in areas as diverse as: Drama, Instrumental Music, Choir, Dance, Aviation Maintenance, Teaching and Technology, Brain and Mind Studies (which includes an in-depth integrated approach to the different disciplines dealing with, well, the brain and the mind), Women Gender and Sexuality Studies, and even Objectivism.
Of course, that’s only my education on paper, the only kind wacademia accepts; since the age of 12 or so I’ve also been a voracious self-taught student of history, sexuality, religions, cosmology, philosophy, math, technology - anything that caught my fancy.
I spend the majority of my time presently engaging in fleshing out the many corners of the cuilverse (the fictional and explicitly intersectional world of my BlaQueer, polya, speary characters); updating my writing on Medium or otherwise educating folks online; serving as a guide for transformative courses such as Integrated Non-Monogamy (another creation of mine) and a few others of intersectional focus.
I was also a contributor to the Postmodern Woman magazine (as well as the sole editor after Louisa turned it over to me), Crossing Genres, and Polyamory on Purpose. I did time as a transcriptionist and social media associate for Everyday Feminism. Additionally, it was my honor to serve as the Digital Content Outreach Coordinator for The Body is Not an Apology and as a board member of Hypatia Software.
Currently, I am a well-rounded Public Speaker at the revamped Metanoiac Space - offering a number of courses of varying topics with which I have personal and educational experience. I am also a Community Health Champion for Harbor Health. In my nonexistent spare time, I am the Sensitivity Editor and Founder for Cuil Press.
What you'll get from supporting me
I create integrated and intersectional content. I have unique expertise in a wide array of seemingly disparate areas, yet I manage to integrate it in some pretty fascinating ways.
I'm one hell of a bird, silly as anything, and love to synchronize all the facets of life.
What Have I Experienced?
My disabilities and health conditions consist of but aren't limited to: endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, costocondritis, cPTSD, dysautonomia, fibromyalgia, EDS, plantar fasciitis, eczema, secondary anxiety and depression. I’ve lived in severe poverty for my entire life, including a recent bout of extended homelessness. I’ve had several major surgeries, survived more rapes than I can count, and narrowly escaped stalkers, domestic violence, and murderers. I’ve been writing cuil fiction, my invented intersectional queer and polya genre, for nearly two decades. I've raised my children on and off with my sister. I’m also a not-quite widow; within months of one another I lost both a former cis afab partner and a then-current cis amab partner, both disabled BlaQueer people.
What Do I Know?
I attended many schools, majoring in areas as diverse as: Drama, Instrumental Music, Choir, Dance, Aviation Maintenance, Teaching and Technology, Brain and Mind Studies (which includes an in-depth integrated approach to the different disciplines dealing with, well, the brain and the mind), Women Gender and Sexuality Studies, and even Objectivism.
Of course, that’s only my education on paper, the only kind wacademia accepts; since the age of 12 or so I’ve also been a voracious self-taught student of history, sexuality, religions, cosmology, philosophy, math, technology - anything that caught my fancy.
I spend the majority of my time presently engaging in fleshing out the many corners of the cuilverse (the fictional and explicitly intersectional world of my BlaQueer, polya, speary characters); updating my writing on Medium or otherwise educating folks online; serving as a guide for transformative courses such as Integrated Non-Monogamy (another creation of mine) and a few others of intersectional focus.
I was also a contributor to the Postmodern Woman magazine (as well as the sole editor after Louisa turned it over to me), Crossing Genres, and Polyamory on Purpose. I did time as a transcriptionist and social media associate for Everyday Feminism. Additionally, it was my honor to serve as the Digital Content Outreach Coordinator for The Body is Not an Apology and as a board member of Hypatia Software.
Currently, I am a well-rounded Public Speaker at the revamped Metanoiac Space - offering a number of courses of varying topics with which I have personal and educational experience. I am also a Community Health Champion for Harbor Health. In my nonexistent spare time, I am the Sensitivity Editor and Founder for Cuil Press.
What you'll get from supporting me
I create integrated and intersectional content. I have unique expertise in a wide array of seemingly disparate areas, yet I manage to integrate it in some pretty fascinating ways.
I'm one hell of a bird, silly as anything, and love to synchronize all the facets of life.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
October 1, 2018
This book is an amazing and important piece of representation for aro spectrum people, and and an extremely essential piece of important education for the friends, lovers, and family of aro spectrum people.
If you think you might be or are aromantic, or have a loved one who is, read this book. period. *heart*
If you think you might be or are aromantic, or have a loved one who is, read this book. period. *heart*
October 1, 2018
This book is an amazing and important piece of representation for aro spectrum people, and and an extremely essential piece of important education for the friends, lovers, and family of aro spectrum people.
If you think you might be or are aromantic, or have a loved one who is, read this book. period. *heart*
If you think you might be or are aromantic, or have a loved one who is, read this book. period. *heart*
October 1, 2018
This book is an amazing and important piece of representation for aro spectrum people, and and an extremely essential piece of important education for the friends, lovers, and family of aro spectrum people.
If you think you might be or are aromantic, or have a loved one who is, read this book. period. *heart*
If you think you might be or are aromantic, or have a loved one who is, read this book. period. *heart*
December 6, 2021
Wow, this book has stretched my mind in ways I didn't think it could go. This has definitely changed my thoughts on relationships (sexual, romantic, platonic, and every other kind) and how to practice polyamory in a less harmful way. I underlined something to come back to on almost every page, will def be re-reading.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews