How Do We Tell the Children?: A Step-By-Step Guide for Helping Children Two to Teen Cope When Someone Dies

by Dan; Lyons Christine Schaefer, Christine Lyons

This compassionate, step-by-step guide to talking about death with children is updated with new material on AIDS, the loss of a companion animal, and talking about the mentally handicapped.

Genres: Grief, Death, Psychology

192 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 1986

Reviews

[Marge · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good general review of introducing a loved one’s death to children and how to help them cope with grief. Not excellent. I found it to be written insensitively and painted with a very broad brush. But as an introduction to the topic I think it was decent. I read it hoping to get help explaining my full-term stillbirth to my children, which it barely scratched the surface on. But it helped me see a child’s perspective of death in general and how they might grieve differently.

[Sarah Buchmann]

Suggesting practical ways to talk with kids and teenagers about death is a very commendable work. The different approaches for different ages are very helpful. I appreciate that the author doesn't write about specific religious beliefs but about real death; when a body stops working for good. It's the little things that can make a big difference, indeed. This is why I disagree, though, when one potential question a child might ask is "why a body needs to be preserved". First, the question is suggestive, and second, gets answered with "... needs to be embalmed so that it can be viewed by visitors ..." Embalming is not required. I oppose the approach, pseudopsychology, and expensive waste of resources. Don't get me wrong, do read the book, there's lots to learn from it. Then, read on... about the natural/green burial movement and home funerals. They stand for less messing around with the body and literally coming to grips with death, at fewer costs; financially as well as emotionally.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every parent should read this book. Sooner or later, like it or not, you will have to talk to your children about death. This book discusses how children think about death at various developmental stages and gives parents tools for talking to kids at each of these stages.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good reference book that is sectioned by age group. It provides parents with a clear and concise message to help children deal with a death of a friend or family member. If you know someone in hospice, I would highly recommend this book.