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Longing
A young homosexual moves to San Francisco in the early 1980s in search of a meaningful relationship
- GenresLGBTFictionGay Fiction
175 pages, Hardcover
First published October 1, 1988
About the author
Paul Reed
57 books2 followersHe was born Paul Hustoft to Sigurd William and Melva Hustoft in San Diego, California on May 28, 1956. Reed, whose biological father died when he was five months old, also had a sister, Karen Hustoft, and a stepfather, who was a Baptist preacher. Reed legally changed his last name in 1969.
As a child and adolescent, Reed studied the organ and harpsichord, and as an adult, he obtained a B. A. in Sociology from California State University, Chico in 1978 and an M. A. in Social Anthropology from the University of California at Davis in 1981.
Reed attended his first gay pride parade in San Francisco in 1980, and moved to the city in July 1981. He remained in the Bay area for the remainder of his life.
Reed's move to San Francisco occurred one month after the Centers for Disease Control published "Pneumocystis Pneumonia: Los Angeles" in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, the report that introduced the medical world to what would become known as AIDS.
Reed entered the Castro gay urban subculture as post-Stonewall gay liberation zeal gave way to the sobering realities of the AIDS epidemic. The sense of this change is reflected in his somewhat autobiographical novel Longing (1988), which narrates its protagonist's similar move to San Francisco. The specter of the epidemic looms within the novel and, indeed, permeates all of Reed's writing. This consciousness is a direct result of Reed's life experiences, for in addition to writing during the emergence of the HIV virus, Reed also survived the transformation of AIDS from an acute to a chronic condition.
Reed claims in The Redwood Diary: A Journal (1995) to have known he had AIDS at least as early as 1981. Reed's understanding may well be retrospective, however, since AIDS was not named until midyear 1982; nonetheless, Reed HIV-seroconverted during the early years of the epidemic.
Surviving until 2002, Reed lived to witness and benefit from progressive advances in antiretroviral therapies. More specifically, when Reed's T-cell count dropped to 120 in late 1987, he benefited from the Federal Drug Administration's approval of AZT, the reverse transcriptase inhibitor he credited for his recovery. Similarly, when Reed's viral load (the amount of HIV in the bloodstream) rose to an incredible 1.1 million in early 1996, his health was restored through the use of Saquinavir, the first protease inhibitor to receive FDA approval in 1995.
In addition to being a person living with AIDS, Reed participated in experimental HIV treatments, such as the Compound Q trials, which he recorded in his diary The Q Journal (1991).
Reed also experienced the waves of AIDS bereavement common to the early years of the pandemic, having lost his lover Tom in 1990 and several acquaintances, peers, and friends--notably his intimate long-term friend Cap in 1996. This personal history and epidemiological context informs all of Reed's writings, as they document the changes and challenges facing a writer living with AIDS.
Reed himself succumbed to complications of AIDS on January 28, 2002.
As a child and adolescent, Reed studied the organ and harpsichord, and as an adult, he obtained a B. A. in Sociology from California State University, Chico in 1978 and an M. A. in Social Anthropology from the University of California at Davis in 1981.
Reed attended his first gay pride parade in San Francisco in 1980, and moved to the city in July 1981. He remained in the Bay area for the remainder of his life.
Reed's move to San Francisco occurred one month after the Centers for Disease Control published "Pneumocystis Pneumonia: Los Angeles" in Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, the report that introduced the medical world to what would become known as AIDS.
Reed entered the Castro gay urban subculture as post-Stonewall gay liberation zeal gave way to the sobering realities of the AIDS epidemic. The sense of this change is reflected in his somewhat autobiographical novel Longing (1988), which narrates its protagonist's similar move to San Francisco. The specter of the epidemic looms within the novel and, indeed, permeates all of Reed's writing. This consciousness is a direct result of Reed's life experiences, for in addition to writing during the emergence of the HIV virus, Reed also survived the transformation of AIDS from an acute to a chronic condition.
Reed claims in The Redwood Diary: A Journal (1995) to have known he had AIDS at least as early as 1981. Reed's understanding may well be retrospective, however, since AIDS was not named until midyear 1982; nonetheless, Reed HIV-seroconverted during the early years of the epidemic.
Surviving until 2002, Reed lived to witness and benefit from progressive advances in antiretroviral therapies. More specifically, when Reed's T-cell count dropped to 120 in late 1987, he benefited from the Federal Drug Administration's approval of AZT, the reverse transcriptase inhibitor he credited for his recovery. Similarly, when Reed's viral load (the amount of HIV in the bloodstream) rose to an incredible 1.1 million in early 1996, his health was restored through the use of Saquinavir, the first protease inhibitor to receive FDA approval in 1995.
In addition to being a person living with AIDS, Reed participated in experimental HIV treatments, such as the Compound Q trials, which he recorded in his diary The Q Journal (1991).
Reed also experienced the waves of AIDS bereavement common to the early years of the pandemic, having lost his lover Tom in 1990 and several acquaintances, peers, and friends--notably his intimate long-term friend Cap in 1996. This personal history and epidemiological context informs all of Reed's writings, as they document the changes and challenges facing a writer living with AIDS.
Reed himself succumbed to complications of AIDS on January 28, 2002.
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
April 6, 2025
“WHAT WERE THESE PEOPLE DOING?”
Longing by Paul Reed is a beautifully written account of a young gay man’s life in San Francisco in the early 1980s. Reed’s luscious, engaging prose sweeps you along through the novel’s fast-moving pages.
The first chapter of Longing by Paul Reed is six pages of breathtaking writing. The narrator, who remains unnamed, immediately pulls the reader into his story of moving to San Francisco just at the time AIDS was beginning to rear its ugly head: “On Sunday evenings in San Francisco, one realizes that opportunities have come and gone. I sit at the window, just as I have always done, and when my arm against the sill goes numb, I know the weekend is truly over. It is a time when I wonder: Have I chosen the best path? Will I live long?”
The narrator frequently sits at the window of his apartment and observes the outside world. While at the window, he also does a lot of thinking. The narrator’s sessions at the window are times for him to reset, to reflect on what is happening in his life at that particular moment.
The narrator’s frequent descriptions of the weather in San Francisco reflect his interior states. The weather seems to mirror the turbulence or tranquility that is going on in his life. If you were to read Longing primarily for Paul Reed’s descriptions of San Francisco and its weather, you would be richly rewarded.
The narrator and all his friends are active participants in the gym culture. He says, “The philosophy was simple: Upon achievement of physical beauty, one became entitled to receive love.” The various scenes in the gym are masterpieces of nuance. So much is always going on, spoken and unspoken, between the narrator and his workout buddies. In an unforgettable scene in the gym, the narrator observes everyone looking at each other in the mirrors: “Nothing was said, but eyes froze in mirrors—Cap’s on The Witch, The Witch’s on Laine, and Laine’s on me . . . I could see myself in the mirrors, my face an open question. What were these people doing?”
Longing provides a meticulous and insightful documentation of gay life in San Francisco during the early 1980s. This novel should be much more widely known. It should be brought back into print.
Longing by Paul Reed is a beautifully written account of a young gay man’s life in San Francisco in the early 1980s. Reed’s luscious, engaging prose sweeps you along through the novel’s fast-moving pages.
The first chapter of Longing by Paul Reed is six pages of breathtaking writing. The narrator, who remains unnamed, immediately pulls the reader into his story of moving to San Francisco just at the time AIDS was beginning to rear its ugly head: “On Sunday evenings in San Francisco, one realizes that opportunities have come and gone. I sit at the window, just as I have always done, and when my arm against the sill goes numb, I know the weekend is truly over. It is a time when I wonder: Have I chosen the best path? Will I live long?”
The narrator frequently sits at the window of his apartment and observes the outside world. While at the window, he also does a lot of thinking. The narrator’s sessions at the window are times for him to reset, to reflect on what is happening in his life at that particular moment.
The narrator’s frequent descriptions of the weather in San Francisco reflect his interior states. The weather seems to mirror the turbulence or tranquility that is going on in his life. If you were to read Longing primarily for Paul Reed’s descriptions of San Francisco and its weather, you would be richly rewarded.
The narrator and all his friends are active participants in the gym culture. He says, “The philosophy was simple: Upon achievement of physical beauty, one became entitled to receive love.” The various scenes in the gym are masterpieces of nuance. So much is always going on, spoken and unspoken, between the narrator and his workout buddies. In an unforgettable scene in the gym, the narrator observes everyone looking at each other in the mirrors: “Nothing was said, but eyes froze in mirrors—Cap’s on The Witch, The Witch’s on Laine, and Laine’s on me . . . I could see myself in the mirrors, my face an open question. What were these people doing?”
Longing provides a meticulous and insightful documentation of gay life in San Francisco during the early 1980s. This novel should be much more widely known. It should be brought back into print.
Displaying 1 of 1 review