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Made for Friendship: The Relationship That Halves Our Sorrows and Doubles Our Joys
While most people have companions, acquaintances, or spouses, do they know what it means to have real friends? With studies showing increasing rates of loneliness and isolation in our society, it is clear there is a need for many to rediscover the true meaning and value of friendship. Filled with biblical insights and drawing on resources from church history, with practical wisdom and reflection questions in each chapter, this book explores the universal need for friendship, what true friendship really looks like, and how to cultivate relationships that go deeper than enjoying similar tastes or shared interests. As readers discover the biblical vision of true friendship, they will be encouraged to pursue it with enthusiasm and joy.
184 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2018
202 people are currently reading
2315 people want to read
About the author
Drew Hunter
17 books5 followersDrew Hunter (MA, Wheaton College) is a teaching pastor at Zionsville Fellowship in Zionsville, Indiana. Previously he served as a minister for young adults at Grace Church of DuPage and taught religious studies at College of DuPage. Hunter is the author of Isaiah: A 12 Week Study and Matthew: A 12 Week Study. He and his wife, Christina, have three young boys.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 225 reviews
March 25, 2024
This book has encouraged my heart and convicted me in the ways I approach friendship. True friendship is a gift from the Lord not to be taken for granted and not to be handled lightly. Hunter uses practical application, vivid stories, and Gospel truth to convince the reader that it is worth your time and sacrifice to invest in your friends for eternity to come. Please read this book!
June 7, 2025
I began reading this book as part of a small group meeting at my church. I rarely pick up these books that emphasize the more practical elements of the Christian faith likely due to a lack of interest (hopefully not pride). I have always found myself drawn to more technical and theological works, or to the classics that many have talked about. Nonetheless, I've enjoyed this particular book. As the title illumines, it covers the topic of true, Christian friendship. The author defines friendship as our culture knows it and contrasts that transactional, selfish idea with the biblical concept of friendship which regards commitment and enjoyment.
The author defines biblical friendship in a number of ways over the course of the book. He tackles the subject of friendship as something that is a necessity, not merely an option. He argues that friendship is necessary because Christ thought it necessary and that the existence of the church points to friendship as necessary. He argues that a fundamental issue in the problem of sin, the problem of the sinner's status as an enemy of God, is in the destruction of what should have been the Edenic friendship. He spends the next few chapters outlining ways to become better (and biblical friends). He lays out the practical steps one should take and the answer for why it is essential to the Christian walk. He concludes by pointing back to the scriptures, laying out a biblical theology of friendship which paints the friendship relationship (not marriage nor servanthood) as the Bible's primary image of relationship with God (in doing so, he doesn't demean the importance of those other images). He concludes on the encouraging note that Christ is the Great Friend who will never leave our side, loves us perfectly, enjoys us as friends, and speaks to us as friends. This understanding of friendship, therefore, should affect both our horizontal relationships (man to man) and our vertical relationship (man to God). It should draw us away from sin and give us confidence that God is faithful to carry out His promises of salvation. It should draw us to emulative friendship of Christ towards others, and it should give us a commitment to maintaining friendships here on earth.
In most, I agree with the author. Even being single (the marriage relationship thus is not my primary relationship), I was skeptical of the idea that friendship might be a primary descriptor for our relationship with God. He jumped straight into the application of that assumption before making the argument from the scriptures for why friendship should be a primary framework for how we view the God/man relationship in Christ. It led to some skepticism in regards to some of his conclusions. Nonetheless, many of the points he made stuck and made an impact on my own view of biblical friendship. It was beneficial and brought clarity to this subject, although I wouldn't say the topic is entirely groundbreaking. Community has always been an essential part of the church, and I don't think anybody is arguing otherwise. The author merely emphasizes the importance of and the lasting commitment to our friendships that we should have. In this way, it was highly effective. It is a brisk read and easily digestible, and thus hits above its weight class in the value it brings, so I give it a 5/5.
The author defines biblical friendship in a number of ways over the course of the book. He tackles the subject of friendship as something that is a necessity, not merely an option. He argues that friendship is necessary because Christ thought it necessary and that the existence of the church points to friendship as necessary. He argues that a fundamental issue in the problem of sin, the problem of the sinner's status as an enemy of God, is in the destruction of what should have been the Edenic friendship. He spends the next few chapters outlining ways to become better (and biblical friends). He lays out the practical steps one should take and the answer for why it is essential to the Christian walk. He concludes by pointing back to the scriptures, laying out a biblical theology of friendship which paints the friendship relationship (not marriage nor servanthood) as the Bible's primary image of relationship with God (in doing so, he doesn't demean the importance of those other images). He concludes on the encouraging note that Christ is the Great Friend who will never leave our side, loves us perfectly, enjoys us as friends, and speaks to us as friends. This understanding of friendship, therefore, should affect both our horizontal relationships (man to man) and our vertical relationship (man to God). It should draw us away from sin and give us confidence that God is faithful to carry out His promises of salvation. It should draw us to emulative friendship of Christ towards others, and it should give us a commitment to maintaining friendships here on earth.
In most, I agree with the author. Even being single (the marriage relationship thus is not my primary relationship), I was skeptical of the idea that friendship might be a primary descriptor for our relationship with God. He jumped straight into the application of that assumption before making the argument from the scriptures for why friendship should be a primary framework for how we view the God/man relationship in Christ. It led to some skepticism in regards to some of his conclusions. Nonetheless, many of the points he made stuck and made an impact on my own view of biblical friendship. It was beneficial and brought clarity to this subject, although I wouldn't say the topic is entirely groundbreaking. Community has always been an essential part of the church, and I don't think anybody is arguing otherwise. The author merely emphasizes the importance of and the lasting commitment to our friendships that we should have. In this way, it was highly effective. It is a brisk read and easily digestible, and thus hits above its weight class in the value it brings, so I give it a 5/5.
December 4, 2019
Understanding friendship is crucial to understanding the universe. We were designed for relationship by a communal God...and there are profound implications stemming from that reality.
Yet I don't think I've ever spent much (if any) time studying the topic. Hunter writes a short and compelling book that leaves me wanting to experience the pleasure of friendship in greater ways (with God and humans).
Yet I don't think I've ever spent much (if any) time studying the topic. Hunter writes a short and compelling book that leaves me wanting to experience the pleasure of friendship in greater ways (with God and humans).
June 13, 2021
Read with Keshav.
Wonderful reflection on friendship through the lens of Scripture and the gospel. Discovered a lot of insights into God’s design for friendship. Left me thankful for Christ, the great Friend of sinners, and convicted to be a better friend to others.
Wonderful reflection on friendship through the lens of Scripture and the gospel. Discovered a lot of insights into God’s design for friendship. Left me thankful for Christ, the great Friend of sinners, and convicted to be a better friend to others.
April 3, 2025
Loved reading about, thinking on, and being spurred on in the sweetness of friendship that we learn from the greatest and best friend Jesus. Halves the sorrows and doubles the joy!
April 3, 2019
From the get-go I was absolutely all about this book.
Friendship being a topic close to my heart, especially since we seem to live in a society that places more significance on many other aspects of life, when truly good and deep friendships are vital.
I love how it had such a heavenly perspective and pointed to Jesus - definitely a book I will be recommending from now on.
Friendship being a topic close to my heart, especially since we seem to live in a society that places more significance on many other aspects of life, when truly good and deep friendships are vital.
I love how it had such a heavenly perspective and pointed to Jesus - definitely a book I will be recommending from now on.
May 15, 2025
Fittingly, this book was recommended by a friend. It is now my go-to recommendation for a book on friendship.
This book has an expert balance of conviction and encouragement as it diagnoses our poverty in friendship and points us to its cure in Christ.
- Somehow, friend has become a cheap word. The status of ‘friend’ has been so devalued that we’re quick to substitute ’brother’ when esteeming those close to us. Otherwise we risk making it sound like they’re just another connection on a social network.
- We feel uncomfortable with saying “Jesus is my friend.” It sounds like we’re getting a little too chummy with the God of the universe.
- We think true friendship is unobtainable: something it would sure be nice to have, but so would a billion dollars. So let’s not waste time trying to get there.
Hunter quickly dispels a lot of these cheap modern views of friendship coming from both inside and outside the church and then gets to work framing the Biblical concept of what friendship really is. It’s a very well-rounded book, covering both the theology of friendship and how we practically go about strengthening our friendship muscles.
Just a structural preference, but I would have pulled ch 6&7 sooner, covering a Biblical theology of friendship and Jesus as our greatest example of friendship before hitting the practicalities of friendship cultivation.
This book made me truly thankful for those God has placed in my life that have doubled my joys & halved my sorrows. It has motivated me towards cultivating current friendships with deeper intentionality and continually seeking out new friendships.
This book has an expert balance of conviction and encouragement as it diagnoses our poverty in friendship and points us to its cure in Christ.
- Somehow, friend has become a cheap word. The status of ‘friend’ has been so devalued that we’re quick to substitute ’brother’ when esteeming those close to us. Otherwise we risk making it sound like they’re just another connection on a social network.
- We feel uncomfortable with saying “Jesus is my friend.” It sounds like we’re getting a little too chummy with the God of the universe.
- We think true friendship is unobtainable: something it would sure be nice to have, but so would a billion dollars. So let’s not waste time trying to get there.
Hunter quickly dispels a lot of these cheap modern views of friendship coming from both inside and outside the church and then gets to work framing the Biblical concept of what friendship really is. It’s a very well-rounded book, covering both the theology of friendship and how we practically go about strengthening our friendship muscles.
Just a structural preference, but I would have pulled ch 6&7 sooner, covering a Biblical theology of friendship and Jesus as our greatest example of friendship before hitting the practicalities of friendship cultivation.
This book made me truly thankful for those God has placed in my life that have doubled my joys & halved my sorrows. It has motivated me towards cultivating current friendships with deeper intentionality and continually seeking out new friendships.
August 9, 2024
At first, I wasn't entirely sure if I was on board with the author's claims. He essentially argues that friendship is one of the greatest wordly joys (I feel like some might read that and be like why don't you agree with that. . . but the way he words it in the book is a bit more extreme). I'd have to go back and re-read each claim to see if I've "converted," but this book has shifted the way I view friends. What he says he hopes the book will do for people did happen.
Things that stood out:
1. Sin isolates us
2. Married people should make time for their friendships
3. Having friends helps us be less weird (LOL)
4. Jesus delights in us
I feel encouraged to be more intentional with my friendships, and I think I was convicted to think about the ways I am lacking as a friend. Most importantly, I was left feeling grateful for the fact that Jesus loves me (us) deeply. Not in this abstract way, but really, truly loves me (us). That's insane.
Things that stood out:
1. Sin isolates us
2. Married people should make time for their friendships
3. Having friends helps us be less weird (LOL)
4. Jesus delights in us
I feel encouraged to be more intentional with my friendships, and I think I was convicted to think about the ways I am lacking as a friend. Most importantly, I was left feeling grateful for the fact that Jesus loves me (us) deeply. Not in this abstract way, but really, truly loves me (us). That's insane.
February 19, 2025
Two things I most enjoyed about this book: 1) the many very practical pieces of advice and ideas for how to cultivate deeper friendships, and 2) the chapter where it dives deep into how Jesus calls us a friend and what that means. After reading this book I was left with a deeper and sweeter view of Jesus as a cherished friend, good conviction about how I can be a better friend to others, and lots of inspiration for how to add intentionality in my lifestyle to serve and grow my friendships. Definitely an helpful book for our increasingly individualistic and relationally disconnected society.
January 31, 2022
4.5 Stars
Drew Hunter's "Made for Friendship" is an encouraging book on Biblical friendship. Drew Hunter's book is divided into three parts, the necessity of friendship, the gift of friendship, and the redemption of friendship. In the necessity of friendship Hunter skillfully lays out the foundation for the rest of the book, showing that our culture today is in dire need of true solid friendship. As well he shows that part of being human means having friends that you can depend on. In the gift friendship, Hunter works through what it means to be a good friend and how to be a good friend. Last, in the redemption of friendship, Hunter shows that Jesus is the model of true friendship and the only one who will always stick by us as a true friend. When we meditate on that and remember that it enables us to be a true friend to others.
This is a great book, Hunter structures his arguments well and makes a compelling case for friendship. The best part is that Hunter ends on the mediation of Jesus' friendship with us. My heart was stirred to love Jesus and others more and Hunter reminded me of Jesus' genuine love and friendship for his disciples, and ultimately of me. Even though I might struggle to make friends, Jesus is the perfect friend who loves me and always stays by my side.
I would highly recommend this book and think it's a good foundational discipleship resource for Christians today. The church needs better discipleship but is in desperate need of better friends. In our anxious and lonely age, the friendship that occurs in the church should be a light to the world of the power and truth of the gospel.
Drew Hunter's "Made for Friendship" is an encouraging book on Biblical friendship. Drew Hunter's book is divided into three parts, the necessity of friendship, the gift of friendship, and the redemption of friendship. In the necessity of friendship Hunter skillfully lays out the foundation for the rest of the book, showing that our culture today is in dire need of true solid friendship. As well he shows that part of being human means having friends that you can depend on. In the gift friendship, Hunter works through what it means to be a good friend and how to be a good friend. Last, in the redemption of friendship, Hunter shows that Jesus is the model of true friendship and the only one who will always stick by us as a true friend. When we meditate on that and remember that it enables us to be a true friend to others.
This is a great book, Hunter structures his arguments well and makes a compelling case for friendship. The best part is that Hunter ends on the mediation of Jesus' friendship with us. My heart was stirred to love Jesus and others more and Hunter reminded me of Jesus' genuine love and friendship for his disciples, and ultimately of me. Even though I might struggle to make friends, Jesus is the perfect friend who loves me and always stays by my side.
I would highly recommend this book and think it's a good foundational discipleship resource for Christians today. The church needs better discipleship but is in desperate need of better friends. In our anxious and lonely age, the friendship that occurs in the church should be a light to the world of the power and truth of the gospel.
October 3, 2018
“Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life.” -C.S. Lewis
I loved this book so much more than I expected. I was skeptical because I didn’t know the author and wasn't sure how gospel-centered it would be, but I am so encouraged. I assumed this book would be mostly horizontal, but my eyes were thrust heavenward and this book caused me to rejoice deeply in the gospel of Jesus Christ, MY FRIEND.
Going into this book: I confess I chose this option because I felt I had an issue with idolizing friendship. Why? I am obsessed with my friends. I’m extremely affected by the ups and downs of friendship. I can’t think long about the intimate friendships I had with everyone I called a close friend in the past, from elementary through college, without getting a lump in my throat because I still desperately miss them. I anticipated being corrected in some thoughts and behaviors in friendship and even given practical advice on how to be a better friend. I wasn’t sure how much of the gospel I would encounter.
On the other side of this book, I now see that my view of friendship is not nearly high enough and not gospel centered (and I certainly have more erroneous views and unfair expectations than I thought).
Hunter spends the first three quarters of the book looking more at friendship with people and gets really practical, all through the lens of the Gospel and Scripture. In the last two chapters, he turns a beautiful corner and zooms way out to give “A Biblical Theology of Friendship” and to look at “The Great Friend” and those two chapters will make your heart sing and worship.
I have never thought much of Jesus calling me friend, but oh, how that has changed. What a glorious thought, that Jesus came to befriend us. On the eve of His death, He told the disciples, “No longer do I call you servants…I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)
“It is a mark of wonderful condescension n His part that He should call us His friends and it confers upon us the highest conceivable honor that such a Lord as He is, so infinitely superior to us, should condescend to enter into terms of friendship with us…That I should be Your friend — nothing but Your loving, condescending tenderness could ever have conceived of this!” - Spurgeon
As far as the “how-to be a better friend” aspect of this book, it’s there. However, Hunter hits the mark of a truly Christian, gospel-centered book by making sure to communicate that we as sinners CANNOT make ourselves better friends but the Great Friend can, does, and will do that for us. Our hope lies within being befriended by Him.
I received a free copy of this book from Crossway in exchange for an honest review.
I loved this book so much more than I expected. I was skeptical because I didn’t know the author and wasn't sure how gospel-centered it would be, but I am so encouraged. I assumed this book would be mostly horizontal, but my eyes were thrust heavenward and this book caused me to rejoice deeply in the gospel of Jesus Christ, MY FRIEND.
Going into this book: I confess I chose this option because I felt I had an issue with idolizing friendship. Why? I am obsessed with my friends. I’m extremely affected by the ups and downs of friendship. I can’t think long about the intimate friendships I had with everyone I called a close friend in the past, from elementary through college, without getting a lump in my throat because I still desperately miss them. I anticipated being corrected in some thoughts and behaviors in friendship and even given practical advice on how to be a better friend. I wasn’t sure how much of the gospel I would encounter.
On the other side of this book, I now see that my view of friendship is not nearly high enough and not gospel centered (and I certainly have more erroneous views and unfair expectations than I thought).
Hunter spends the first three quarters of the book looking more at friendship with people and gets really practical, all through the lens of the Gospel and Scripture. In the last two chapters, he turns a beautiful corner and zooms way out to give “A Biblical Theology of Friendship” and to look at “The Great Friend” and those two chapters will make your heart sing and worship.
I have never thought much of Jesus calling me friend, but oh, how that has changed. What a glorious thought, that Jesus came to befriend us. On the eve of His death, He told the disciples, “No longer do I call you servants…I have called you friends.” (John 15:15)
“It is a mark of wonderful condescension n His part that He should call us His friends and it confers upon us the highest conceivable honor that such a Lord as He is, so infinitely superior to us, should condescend to enter into terms of friendship with us…That I should be Your friend — nothing but Your loving, condescending tenderness could ever have conceived of this!” - Spurgeon
As far as the “how-to be a better friend” aspect of this book, it’s there. However, Hunter hits the mark of a truly Christian, gospel-centered book by making sure to communicate that we as sinners CANNOT make ourselves better friends but the Great Friend can, does, and will do that for us. Our hope lies within being befriended by Him.
I received a free copy of this book from Crossway in exchange for an honest review.
November 29, 2021
Did not love this book. Wouldn’t have finished it if it wasn’t for an assignment. Hunter works so hard to make friendship the ultimate goal and purpose of our very existence on earth — I don’t see this supported by Scripture. This claim feels unnecessarily overblown — why can’t it just be important? Why does it have to be the ultimate goal and focus?
Because I disagreed with the main premise, I found several other claims and presuppositions to be faulty. This book felt unnecessarily black and white — I wrote my thoughts on each page, so if you want to borrow my copy you can see exactly what I had problems with.
Don’t want to drag on this book to be rude, but I do think it is unhelpful, and if this shapes your worldview significantly — it can be flat out dangerous and deceiving.
Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover, Friend-ish by Kelly Needham, and even Life Together by Bonhoeffer are better examples of wise handling of this topic.
And if all else fails, my pastor did a great sermon on Proverbs 27 and 3 characteristics of biblical friendship. Text me if you want a copy of that.
Because I disagreed with the main premise, I found several other claims and presuppositions to be faulty. This book felt unnecessarily black and white — I wrote my thoughts on each page, so if you want to borrow my copy you can see exactly what I had problems with.
Don’t want to drag on this book to be rude, but I do think it is unhelpful, and if this shapes your worldview significantly — it can be flat out dangerous and deceiving.
Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover, Friend-ish by Kelly Needham, and even Life Together by Bonhoeffer are better examples of wise handling of this topic.
And if all else fails, my pastor did a great sermon on Proverbs 27 and 3 characteristics of biblical friendship. Text me if you want a copy of that.
November 15, 2024
Fall 2024: Read again with our women’s min fall book club, enjoyed the conversations and friendships spurred on by this book during this season.
2024: 5 stars because it’s hard to imagine a book that better sums up the perspective on friendship that God has formed in me over the last twenty years. After reading this, I’m encouraged to seek the Lord all the more so I can be a blessing to my friends. Also, I loved the connection between the mediators of the OT covenants and friendship— so cool!
2024: 5 stars because it’s hard to imagine a book that better sums up the perspective on friendship that God has formed in me over the last twenty years. After reading this, I’m encouraged to seek the Lord all the more so I can be a blessing to my friends. Also, I loved the connection between the mediators of the OT covenants and friendship— so cool!
January 22, 2021
This is the best book on friendship that I have ever read. It’s theologically rich, tracing the theme of friendship throughout the Bible, encouraging friendship with others and exhorting us to understand our friendship with God. In a society and culture where friendship is often misunderstood, this book is an anchor for the soul.
April 19, 2022
Best one-stop intro to theology of friendship. Did a fuller review here.
***EDIT - I now recommend Victor Lee Austin’s book on Friendship as the best I’ve read. It makes some significant gains on this one.***
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/th...
***EDIT - I now recommend Victor Lee Austin’s book on Friendship as the best I’ve read. It makes some significant gains on this one.***
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/th...
January 1, 2020
Beautifully written. I’m not sure I’m 100% comfortable with the author’s primary contention that, “friendship (‘with one another and with God’) is the ultimate end of our existence and our highest source of happiness,” but there is treasure to be found on every page.
December 8, 2025
What a delightful, practical, well-written little book on friendship! While it wasn’t earth-shattering in its actual content, the way that he articulated things I already knew to be true was fresh and compelling and has given me a lot to think about. A few takeaways that continue to swirl around in my brain for deeper reflection:
—The first “not good” thing in creation was not a result of sin/the Fall, but it was that man alone is incomplete—he was made for friendship.
—Yes, friendship with God is “enough”, but the reason he created two people in the Garden and us for community with other people besides just Him is because we enjoy God’s gifts FOR humans AS humans… so we experience the gift of community not just spiritually with God but also physically with other people
—Busyness and the perception of busyness inhibits relationships. Every time I tell someone (even offhand in casual conversation) how busy I am, I communicate to them “I don’t have time for you” (yeah this one hurt 😬)
—One vital yet oft-overlooked aspect of the Lord’s Supper is the way it displays friendship. What do you do with not merely a servant, but a friend? You share a meal together. Because Jesus is a friend to sinners, and through his reconciliation we are friends with God, and together as a gathered Body we are friends with one another—we break bread together in Communion and express that truth tangibly.
—And finally, a precious JC Ryle quote that was repeated often throughout the book “Godly friends halve our sorrows and double our joys.” What a gift!
Certainly a great book for discussion among those who are good friends and want to BE good friends (as Christians, that should describe all of us!)
—The first “not good” thing in creation was not a result of sin/the Fall, but it was that man alone is incomplete—he was made for friendship.
—Yes, friendship with God is “enough”, but the reason he created two people in the Garden and us for community with other people besides just Him is because we enjoy God’s gifts FOR humans AS humans… so we experience the gift of community not just spiritually with God but also physically with other people
—Busyness and the perception of busyness inhibits relationships. Every time I tell someone (even offhand in casual conversation) how busy I am, I communicate to them “I don’t have time for you” (yeah this one hurt 😬)
—One vital yet oft-overlooked aspect of the Lord’s Supper is the way it displays friendship. What do you do with not merely a servant, but a friend? You share a meal together. Because Jesus is a friend to sinners, and through his reconciliation we are friends with God, and together as a gathered Body we are friends with one another—we break bread together in Communion and express that truth tangibly.
—And finally, a precious JC Ryle quote that was repeated often throughout the book “Godly friends halve our sorrows and double our joys.” What a gift!
Certainly a great book for discussion among those who are good friends and want to BE good friends (as Christians, that should describe all of us!)
August 10, 2024
3.5
I remember thinking pretty recently that the CityAlight song, “He Calls Me Friend,” was such a random attribute to sing about. Savior, Father, King, Creator, the Holy One, Lamb of God, etc… and you chose FRIEND??? But I guess I get it now. Interestingly, I never had a problem with “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”.
The author is well organized, but seems to be trying a little too hard to make friendship work as The Most Important Thing™.
I remember thinking pretty recently that the CityAlight song, “He Calls Me Friend,” was such a random attribute to sing about. Savior, Father, King, Creator, the Holy One, Lamb of God, etc… and you chose FRIEND??? But I guess I get it now. Interestingly, I never had a problem with “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”.
The author is well organized, but seems to be trying a little too hard to make friendship work as The Most Important Thing™.
March 18, 2025
Audiobook. Great and practical read with some theology thrown in as well. I read along with a group of like-minded friends who live in several different countries, isolated from our home cultures. It was so much richer to walk through this with others— and easy too, as there are questions for reflection and discussion at the end of each chapter. Excited to capstone it with a video chat this week.
January 14, 2024
What an exceptional book! From the relational to the theological, Hunter traces the line of scripture through how we should view friendship with one another and with our holy Savior. Such an encouraging read that leaves one with much to ponder about how to be a better friend both horizontally with others and vertically with our loving God.
September 25, 2025
“That Jesus is our Friend means that he doesn’t just love us but that he’s glad to love us… One of the most pressing questions of our lives, often buried deep in the subconscious, is this: What does God think of me?
In all my failings, in all my weakness—how does he feel about me? If you trust Christ, you can answer that question: He loves you as his dear friend.”
In all my failings, in all my weakness—how does he feel about me? If you trust Christ, you can answer that question: He loves you as his dear friend.”
Read
January 22, 2025Challenging, inspiring, and beautiful.
June 14, 2025
Simple but profound. Short and deep. Fantastic and compellingly convicting. Something I wish I had read as a young person to know and become a person who enacts what friendship truly means in the best sense.
May 20, 2025
SO good!! this book teaches how the Bible views friendship, how we can be better friends that can point people to Christ, and how to glorify God with the friendships we are in and with the friendships we will make in the future. It shows how true friendships are needed in life, that we should prioritize friends, that we should be meaningful and thoughtful with our friendships and how we chose them, and that God is our greatest and most best friend. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn how to grow in your friendships and how God calls us to friendships and community.
May 7, 2025
“What if you could have a friend who knew you better than anyone—better than you even know yourself?” Ray Ortlund opens with this line in one of the best forewords I’ve read. “And what if, knowing everything, he still loved you… and even liked you?”
Drew Hunter packs this short book with gospel truth and deeply human reminders about the value, importance and necessity of friendship. In our American culture, many people lack even a single close friend—and don’t see that as a crisis. But it is. As Hunter notes, “Friendship is one of the most familiar, yet forgotten, relationships in our day.” The question becomes: How do we make it less forgotten and more remembered? May the Lord help us in that.
Hunter grounds his book in a lovely quote from J.C. Ryle: “Friendship halves our troubles and doubles our joys.” I’d only add that it’s true friendship that does this—not the shallow kind (if that even counts). Christ-centered friendship is one of the greatest joys we can taste this side of eternity. God made us in His image. God made us for friendship.
In fact, friendship is at the very heart of the cross. Jesus says in John 15, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” That kind of befriending love is the sweet, eternal aftertaste of the best news in the universe. God saved us, in part, to befriend us—and calls us to love one another with the same kind of love.
Hunter reflects early in the book, “If you ask me what’s best in life, I’m going to give you names.” That sentiment sits at the heart of Ryle’s doubled joy. If I’m being honest, the best parts of my life have names too. And I could tell you each one.
Since Hunter loves a six-point structure, I’ll do the same here.
1. A timely quote:
Friendship can’t mean everything—or it’ll end up meaning nothing. May we learn to rightly esteem friendship again and enjoy friendship with God.
2. Friendship is a necessity. God made us for it.
Adam needed community, and God gave him Eve—not just a spouse, but a friend. You might ask, “Isn’t God enough?” And from one perspective, yes. But God also made us to enjoy Him as he created us—which includes enjoying His gifts (Hunter). One of those gifts is friendship.
Scripture gives us beautiful pictures of covenantal friendship—David and Jonathan, Paul and Timothy, and many others. When we long for true friendship, we’re longing for something good and God-designed.
3. Friendships don’t just happen. We must cultivate them.
Friendships need substantial effort and sacrifice. Like a garden, they need maintaining and cannot be neglected. How do we do this? We first must promote our friends and invest in them. Hunter calls forward a quote from Lewis that says: “Sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.”
4. True friendship is bound with a sacred knot.
Hunter writes, “A friend must be treated as a friend deserves.” Think of your closest friend. If your friendship is bound by something sacred, how should you treat them? Lord, help us take this seriously.
5. Don’t find a better friend. Become one.
We often center ourselves in relationships—counting only how we’ve been failed. But if Christ is our perfect friend, we can become people who show grace, not just demand it. We will all fail each other sooner or later. As Hunter says, “If we need our friends to be perfect friends, we will be terrible friends.” Don’t find a better friend. Be one.
6. Friendship lasts forever.
“Apart from Christ, every relationship will end. But in Christ, every friendship only gets better and continues forever.” What good news. And what a friend we have in Jesus.
Our friendship and union with Christ is a privilege—one that leads to obedience, joy, and an unshakable relationship with God Himself. As Ryle puts it, “No one need ever say, ‘I have no one to turn to,’ so long as Christ is in Heaven.”
Let’s make friends for God.
And since there is a bonus chapter, here’s a bonus quote from Francis Schaeffer (and commentary from Hunter):
While some of the statements in this book did give me momentary pause, I respect Hunter's viewpoint and see the value in his perspective. Thank you, Drew, for your words.
Lord, help us to receive this privilege of friendship. And help us become the kind of friend you are to us.
I recommend this book to anyone with friends, striving to be a better friend.
"And now may the triune God of communal love
lead us to walk in covenantal friendship with him,
that we might befriend others as he has befriended us.” — Drew Hunter
Drew Hunter packs this short book with gospel truth and deeply human reminders about the value, importance and necessity of friendship. In our American culture, many people lack even a single close friend—and don’t see that as a crisis. But it is. As Hunter notes, “Friendship is one of the most familiar, yet forgotten, relationships in our day.” The question becomes: How do we make it less forgotten and more remembered? May the Lord help us in that.
Hunter grounds his book in a lovely quote from J.C. Ryle: “Friendship halves our troubles and doubles our joys.” I’d only add that it’s true friendship that does this—not the shallow kind (if that even counts). Christ-centered friendship is one of the greatest joys we can taste this side of eternity. God made us in His image. God made us for friendship.
In fact, friendship is at the very heart of the cross. Jesus says in John 15, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” That kind of befriending love is the sweet, eternal aftertaste of the best news in the universe. God saved us, in part, to befriend us—and calls us to love one another with the same kind of love.
Hunter reflects early in the book, “If you ask me what’s best in life, I’m going to give you names.” That sentiment sits at the heart of Ryle’s doubled joy. If I’m being honest, the best parts of my life have names too. And I could tell you each one.
Since Hunter loves a six-point structure, I’ll do the same here.
1. A timely quote:
“The thought of friendship with God seems hollow today because we’ve already hollowed out the idea of friendship in general. How highly or lowly we esteem friendship with God will correlate with how highly or lowly we esteem friendship in general. And that is currently at a low point.
We’ve also stretched out the word friend—making it a broad, but shallow term. Like a rubber band stretched too far, too long, 'friend' is never strong enough to hold our closest companions.
Friendship should be more like a submarine—holding few and going deep. But we’ve made it more like a cruise ship—filled with lots of nice people who we don’t know well at all.”
Friendship can’t mean everything—or it’ll end up meaning nothing. May we learn to rightly esteem friendship again and enjoy friendship with God.
2. Friendship is a necessity. God made us for it.
Adam needed community, and God gave him Eve—not just a spouse, but a friend. You might ask, “Isn’t God enough?” And from one perspective, yes. But God also made us to enjoy Him as he created us—which includes enjoying His gifts (Hunter). One of those gifts is friendship.
Scripture gives us beautiful pictures of covenantal friendship—David and Jonathan, Paul and Timothy, and many others. When we long for true friendship, we’re longing for something good and God-designed.
3. Friendships don’t just happen. We must cultivate them.
Friendships need substantial effort and sacrifice. Like a garden, they need maintaining and cannot be neglected. How do we do this? We first must promote our friends and invest in them. Hunter calls forward a quote from Lewis that says: “Sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.”
4. True friendship is bound with a sacred knot.
Hunter writes, “A friend must be treated as a friend deserves.” Think of your closest friend. If your friendship is bound by something sacred, how should you treat them? Lord, help us take this seriously.
5. Don’t find a better friend. Become one.
We often center ourselves in relationships—counting only how we’ve been failed. But if Christ is our perfect friend, we can become people who show grace, not just demand it. We will all fail each other sooner or later. As Hunter says, “If we need our friends to be perfect friends, we will be terrible friends.” Don’t find a better friend. Be one.
6. Friendship lasts forever.
“Apart from Christ, every relationship will end. But in Christ, every friendship only gets better and continues forever.” What good news. And what a friend we have in Jesus.
Our friendship and union with Christ is a privilege—one that leads to obedience, joy, and an unshakable relationship with God Himself. As Ryle puts it, “No one need ever say, ‘I have no one to turn to,’ so long as Christ is in Heaven.”
Let’s make friends for God.
And since there is a bonus chapter, here’s a bonus quote from Francis Schaeffer (and commentary from Hunter):
“If someone tries to find everything he needs in a friend, he destroys the very thing he wants and destroys the one he loves. He sucks them dry. He eats them up. And they, as well as the relationship, are destroyed.'
But Christ will never run dry. He is a Niagara of love and grace. Rather than expecting others to fill our cup, we let Christ fill it until it overflows, and then we have something to give everyone else."
While some of the statements in this book did give me momentary pause, I respect Hunter's viewpoint and see the value in his perspective. Thank you, Drew, for your words.
Lord, help us to receive this privilege of friendship. And help us become the kind of friend you are to us.
I recommend this book to anyone with friends, striving to be a better friend.
"And now may the triune God of communal love
lead us to walk in covenantal friendship with him,
that we might befriend others as he has befriended us.” — Drew Hunter
August 3, 2018
I thoroughly enjoyed this book for a number of reasons. Hunter uses great illustrations and his writing is easy to read. But the main reason I enjoyed this book is because of the topic. I’ve been chewing on the notion of friendship for a while now because of my work in ministry and the epidemic of loneliness I see on college campuses. And I think Hunter correctly diagnosed why we are lonely and how friendship plays a part in bringing about intimacy. I’d highly recommend this book, and I’d encourage you to read it with friends.
May 19, 2019
Solid 3.5 stars. No dramatically new thoughts, but good nudge to continue to be a better friend in light of gospel truths. Affirms what I’ve experienced in friendships, both positive and negative. Motivates me to continue to cultivate my friendships in intentional, time-sacrificing, convenience-sacrificing ways.
February 12, 2025
Friendship is something so important to a fulfilling life, but yet I’ve treated it more as a bonus in life than an essential. Reading Made For Friendship has elevated the need for cultivating truly deep friendships to a new level for me. Drew Hunter began by making a case for how few of us really have deep relationships with friends. This line rang true for me: “Even among those we consider close friends, it’s often surprising to consider just how little time we actually spend with them. We sense that our relationships are strong, but we base that sense on time logged in the distant past. …Sadly, many of our friends can be consider ‘longtime friends’ because its been quite a long time since we’ve experienced true friendship together.”
He outlined reasons we become distant – busyness, technology, increased mobility, but maintained that friendship is a necessity of life. Here are some key points from the book that I want to remember.
Six unique joys of real friendship:
1. Doubling our joys. Without friendship, our happiest moments hit a ceiling. Happiness grows when it is shared.
2. Halving our sorrows. Friends encourage us with their presence and their words.
3. Counsel from the heart. Friends know us and love us better than anyone else.
4. Changing the world through friendship. Friends spur us on and strengthen our good resolves.
5. We make friends and then our friends make us. Friends shape our character and influence the moral direction of our lives.
6. Friends make friends less weird. Like stones in a river, the waters of friendship smooth us out over time.
Six marks of true friendship (that must be reciprocated):
1. Affection – enjoyment of each other
2. Constancy - loyalty
3. Transparency - Walking in the light isn’t about being perfect; it’s about admitting we’re not.
4. Candor – “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6) A good friend loves enough to give these faithful wounds and also loves enough to do it kindly.
5. Empathy – the capacity to enter his mind to peer out at the world through his eyes
6. Trust – keep confidences.
One of the central reasons God made us was to befriend us. Communal love marks God’s very nature. If we had been created by Allah, we could be solitary beings, but because our God is triune, we are wired for relationships. Amazingly, Enoch, Noah, Abraham and Moses are all described as friends of God and we can be as well. Jesus said “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” and that is what He did. The cross is a heroic act of friendship because it is the greatest act of sacrifice.
He ends the book showing how Jesus has shown us the six marks of true friendship and how we can enjoy communion with God so that we will never be truly alone and will make us better friends to others.
After reading this book I am encouraged to make my friendships a higher priority. The book had great discussion questions at the end of each chapter and we used some of them for our bookclub. It was a wonderful conversation.
He outlined reasons we become distant – busyness, technology, increased mobility, but maintained that friendship is a necessity of life. Here are some key points from the book that I want to remember.
Six unique joys of real friendship:
1. Doubling our joys. Without friendship, our happiest moments hit a ceiling. Happiness grows when it is shared.
2. Halving our sorrows. Friends encourage us with their presence and their words.
3. Counsel from the heart. Friends know us and love us better than anyone else.
4. Changing the world through friendship. Friends spur us on and strengthen our good resolves.
5. We make friends and then our friends make us. Friends shape our character and influence the moral direction of our lives.
6. Friends make friends less weird. Like stones in a river, the waters of friendship smooth us out over time.
Six marks of true friendship (that must be reciprocated):
1. Affection – enjoyment of each other
2. Constancy - loyalty
3. Transparency - Walking in the light isn’t about being perfect; it’s about admitting we’re not.
4. Candor – “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6) A good friend loves enough to give these faithful wounds and also loves enough to do it kindly.
5. Empathy – the capacity to enter his mind to peer out at the world through his eyes
6. Trust – keep confidences.
One of the central reasons God made us was to befriend us. Communal love marks God’s very nature. If we had been created by Allah, we could be solitary beings, but because our God is triune, we are wired for relationships. Amazingly, Enoch, Noah, Abraham and Moses are all described as friends of God and we can be as well. Jesus said “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” and that is what He did. The cross is a heroic act of friendship because it is the greatest act of sacrifice.
He ends the book showing how Jesus has shown us the six marks of true friendship and how we can enjoy communion with God so that we will never be truly alone and will make us better friends to others.
After reading this book I am encouraged to make my friendships a higher priority. The book had great discussion questions at the end of each chapter and we used some of them for our bookclub. It was a wonderful conversation.
December 10, 2023
Can see where The Common Rule draws from this book, particularly in its discussion on how to cultivate friendship through rhythms and other practical means. This book (and The Common Rule) also refers to The Four Loves (C.S. Lewis), which is next in the queue :)
I also learned something new in that the sharpening in "iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" verse from Proverbs 27:17 is actually not a good thing, because it is a representation of strife and conflict, and not developing character.
Otherwise though, a relatively short and pleasant read! Discussion questions after each chapter too that could be discussed further in groups.
I also learned something new in that the sharpening in "iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" verse from Proverbs 27:17 is actually not a good thing, because it is a representation of strife and conflict, and not developing character.
Otherwise though, a relatively short and pleasant read! Discussion questions after each chapter too that could be discussed further in groups.
September 1, 2025
I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated this fairly comprehensive while also helpfully practical book on friendship. I appreciated the balance the author struck in highlighting and addressing both the vertical (with God) and horizontal (with others) planes of friendship that believers experience. This book elevated the richness and very real need for friendship in our lives, while also drawing the lines carefully to avoid idolizing or displacing the roles of friendship that can occur at times. It was an encouraging, edifying and practically convicting book. I believe this is one that I will reference going forward.
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