September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years

by Maggie Scarf

An unexpected—and surprisingly positive— exploration of the benefits awaiting married baby boomers in their “bonus” years from the New York Times–bestselling author of Intimate Partners.

In September Songs, journalist and author Maggie Scarf finds that marriage has undergone some fascinating changes since she wrote her bestselling Intimate Partners. Over the course of the twentieth century, thirty years of life have been added to normal human life expectancy—what the author calls “the bonus years.” This means that couples will often live together for years after their children have left home, and perhaps well past retirement. This extra time is bringing change to our long-term relationships, especially marriage.

In a series of intimate interviews, Scarf delves into the lives of couples married for more than two decades and discerns encouraging new insights about marriage. Seen through the eyes of these baby boomers as they move into this new phase of life, we hear—in the couples’ own words—how they survived the bumps together and learned to balance their needs with those of their partners. Scarf reveals that, in many ways, men and women in long-term marriages are far happier and more fulfilled in their relationships today than when they were younger.

A compelling and human portrait of the long-term emotional, psychological, and physical benefits of a lasting commitment to another, September Songs uncovers the challenges and new opportunities couples find to love, cherish, and live alongside each other in the extra years they have together.

Genres: Nonfiction

256 pages, Hardcover

First published August 29, 2008

About the author

Maggie Scarf is a former visiting fellow at the Whitney Humanities Center, Yale University, and a current fellow of Jonathan Edwards College, Yale University. She was for many years a Contributing Editor to The New Republic and a member of the advisory board of the American Psychiatric Press.

Maggie Scarf is the author of six books for adults, including the acclaimed New York Times bestsellers Unfinished Business: Pressure Points in the Lives of Women and Intimate Partners: Patterns in Love and Marriage. Her other books include: Body, Mind, Behavior (a collection of essays, most of them first published in The New York Times Magazine); Intimate Worlds: How Families Thrive and Why They Fail; Secrets, Lies, Betrayal: How the Body Holds the Secrets of a Life, and How to Unlock Them; and, most recently, September Songs: The Bonus Years of Marriage. She is also the author of two books for children. Her works have been published in British, Canadian, German, Hebrew, Dutch, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, French and Swedish editions.

Ms. Scarf is the recipient of numerous awards and fellowships, including a Ford Foundation Fellowship and a Nieman Fellowship in Journalism at Harvard. She has received several National Media Awards from the American Psychological Foundation, including the first prize. During the recent past, Ms. Scarf has served on the National Commission on Women and Depression, has been the recipient of a Certificate of Appreciation from the Connecticut Psychological Association, and also received The Connecticut United Nations Award, which cited her as an Outstanding Connecticut Woman. In 1997, she was awarded a Special Certificate of Commendation from the American Psychiatric Association for an article on patient confidentiality (“Keeping Secrets”), which was published in The New York Times Magazine.

She has appeared on many television programs, including Oprah, Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS News, and CNN, and has been interviewed extensively on radio and for magazines and newspapers across the nation. She currently blogs for Psychology Today.

Maggie Scarf lives in Connecticut with her husband Herb, the Sterling Professor of Economics at Yale, and is the mother of three adult daughters.

Reviews

[Kyla · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you are interested in the musings of strictly white, upper-middle class intellectuals and marriage and sex in the later years, have I got the book for you....
(PS - spoiler alert! travelling and the second homes have really enriched their Golden Years)

[Janice · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a follow-up to Maggie Scarf's book of 20 or 30 years ago, "Intimate Partners", as she returns to some of the couples she interviewed at that time. Her goal this time is to look at marriages that have endured over time, and to see if people who have remained married for the long haul are generally happy with these relationships. There were some surprises in this book, to me, as the author recites research documenting that even those people who left unhappy marriages were no happier, or even less so, after leaving those relationships. For the most part, she found that those who stay in relationships generally are happier, and find the relationships increasingly fulfilling. Good news for many of us!!!

[Doneen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The subtitle of this book is "The Good News about Marriage in the Later Years," so obviously I'm very interested in the subject matter. I enjoyed reading the author's interviews with the couples who had long-term marriages, but the rest of the book wasn't very well written--lots of repetition and awkwardly phrased thoughts by the author. The general opinion, stated by the author and backed up by scientific research, is that life is good as a married person of many years. Good news!

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, the book was different than I thought it was about. I thought it was for people getting married in their 50's, not people who are married and approaching their 50's. A little depressing in the fact that it made me feel that my life is more than half over, but marriages, and relationships tend to iron out in their 50's which was the good news. The bad news is that I am still single and being single lowers my life expectancy by 7 years :(

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such good insight into growing older and the progression of the marital relationship. Really shines a positive light on the new middle-age.
Would recommend it for anyone who is 40+, or is married to someone over 40, in a marriage.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started strong, really holding my attention. I couldn't put it down for the first third. After that, I found the interviews to be plodding and predictable. Way too much was included about the author's approach. It became boring and disappointing.

[Mandy McBride · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting statistics and studies mentioned in the first few chapters, but over all I didn't think her interviews were really all that insightful. But I did read it fast...

[Alena · Rating 3 out of 5]

The research presented in this book was very positive and encouraging concerning marriage in the older years.

[Sharen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maggie Scarf gets to the heart of the matter. Well done.

[John Montgomery · Rating 4 out of 5]

More clinical than I expected; inspiring none the less.

[Cws]

LP (306.81) Sca