The bestselling author of Don’t Make Me Count to Three! lays out a simple, Bible-based plan that shows parents how to help their kids tame their tongues and walk in the transforming power of Christ.
Are you ever embarrassed or shocked by what comes out of your child’s mouth? Do you raise your voice, threaten, and coerce, but find yourself frustrated because nothing seems to work?
In I Can’t Believe You Just Said That!, Ginger Hubbard provides a practical, three-step plan to reach beyond the behaviors of tongue-related struggles—such as lying, tattling, and whining—to address your child’s heart. After all, as Matthew 12:34 tells us, “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
By moving past the idea that parenting is about rigid rule-setting or behavior management, we can set aside ineffective practices such as scolding, ignoring the offense, or merely administering punishment. Instead, we start to see that our children’s outbursts are prime opportunities for the ultimate goal of all to guide them to the redemptive work of Jesus and his transformational power.
Ginger Hubbard is a sought-after speaker, author, and an award-winning writer. She has spoken at hundreds of parenting conferences, mom’s events, and homeschool conventions across the country. She is a veteran homeschooling mother of two adult children and stepmom to two much-adored stepsons. She and her husband reside in Opelika, Alabama. To connect with Ginger, visit her website at www.GingerHubbard.com
This book is a must-read for every Christian mother. Its short, easily digestible chapters make it perfect for those with busy schedules. Covering 15 different behaviors and how to address them, the book offers practical steps to help parents connect with their children. It emphasizes the importance of reaching their hearts through reproof and training. Additionally, including key Bible verses provides a meaningful approach to nurturing a child's heart.
4.5🌟 I want to get a hard copy of this book, so good, practical and biblically based. Each chapter had to do with normal childhood behaviors;tattling, lying, whining, etc, and how to correct and instruct in a Bible based way.
There are 15 behavior chapters: whining, lying, tattling, defying, manipulation, interrupting, complaining, blame-shifting, teasing, aggravating, bragging, arguing, yelling, gossiping, and bickering. In each chapter she gives an every-day scenario that anyone can relate to. There were several scenarios I could have easily inserted my own kid's names... Ginger is so honest in her own failing, it was refreshing to know I am not the only one that struggles.
She then gives you some steps to connect with your child: get to the heart, reproof and training. She gives several key Bible verses to help reach a child's heart.
Every mom should read this book. The chapters are short, making it easy to get a chapter read with a busy schedule.
*This is a review copy from the publisher. No review, positive or otherwise, was required—all opinions are my own.*
The book specifically looks at 15 problem behaviors (teasing, interrupting, gossiping, etc.) and has an easy-to-follow (though perhaps not easy to implement), three-step approach to handling each one. The method is to ask a heart-probing question (get the root of the heart issue), reprove the child while citing much biblical scripture as the standard for how to behave, and finally she gives examples of how to train them to handle the situation the correct way in the future.
Mrs. Hubbard has clearly done her homework on the scriptural references (there are many, many of them) and shares plenty of her own experiences of her child-rearing successes and failure. She writes with humor and humility and just seems like the kind of gal I would love to hang with. But most importantly, her faith and love of Jesus Christ is obviously front and center. She makes it clear that this book cannot stand apart from a genuine love and dependence on Jesus first. Otherwise, it's just a ton of pleasant suggestions. As she says, "Jesus is the power, the source, the good."
One final note: Besides the fact that this book is aimed at folks raising children, I learned a lot about my OWN bad behaviors and saw where I could/should improve (interrupting and complaining, for sure). This information is invaluable and while the book is convicting, 'tis very encouraging. I highly recommend to anyone who is looking for a faith-based approach to addressing your kid's behavior.
I received an Advance Reader Copy from Harper Collins Christian Publishers.
This book holds SO much goodness and truth, perhaps because so much of it is taken directly from biblical principles. Every single concept of parenting she presents is scripturally based and so I was able to really respect what was taught. The weight and importance of parenting our kids’ hearts (not just their behavior) is communicated, along with the joy of showing Christ to our kids and how His ways are good and desirable. It’s full of practical implications presented in short, digestible chapters. While offering a strong theology of discipline and parenting it clearly lays out how the Bible applies to parenting. I especially appreciated how she emphasized depending on the Jesus’ strength and the power of the gospel for your kid’s salvation, and not anything we ourselves as a parent can do.
If you choose to do the audiobook, the narrator goes a superb job!
Some of the best quotes, but there were MANY more: “Self-reliance is a slippery slope that leads to failure followed by guilt; while complete dependency on Jesus for all things leads to grace and freedom, even when we mess up.”
“Through the power and strength of her Lord, Mom will uproot the weeds of foolishness, plant seeds of righteousness and show her child how desperately dependent on God he needs to be.”
I really enjoyed this book. It was practical and helpful and left a lot of room for the parent to apply things in a way that fit their convictions and family. A lot of what she had to say prompted evaluation of my own heart and behavior as I seek to represent Christ well to my children and others. Recommend!
(She can be a bit much at times, but not in a way that I felt detracted from the book as a whole.)
As with ANY book written by a human author, I caution you to read with discernment. I did learn a lot from this very practical book but I also found a bit that I disagreed with. Some of it was biblical in nature, some of my disagreement was also from the fact that some of her ideas and tips do not work with more than 2 children (I have 4!). Many times as a mom, I am dealing with two or three children at the same time having crises or meltdowns. There is not the ability or bandwidth to expound on each topic they are struggling with as the author suggests. The book however did teach me to look for the underlying cause of the sin or disobedience in my child. Yes, they are not sharing but WHY? Oh, it’s because they are a sinner who is prideful. So deal with the heart of the issue. Overall, great book!
If you listen to her podcast much, this book probably won't have a lot of added value. It's like a collection of all her episodes on issues of speech, but minus the ads and the cohost. But I still give it 5 stars because the content is good - each chapter is on a different type of sinful speech habit (arguing, lying, interrupting, whining, gossiping...). She begins each chapter with a hypothetical scenario, moves into what the heart issue is and what Scripture has to say on that heart issue, then gives encouragement for how to correct and train your kid on that issue. I always appreciate how she brings any sin back to our need for grace in Jesus, vs just fixing the outward behavior.
This book is a love. Love, love, love. Ginger offers so many practical and real life examples of how to Biblically train and discipline your children. How to apply Scripture lovingly and truthfully for many different kinds of behaviors. My personal trouble as a mother is knowing “generally” what the Bible says about certain things, without having the actual Scriptures memorized to impart on my kids. This book is an amazing resource for that - as Ginger says, she’s “done the homework” and sharing with us! It has truly changed the way I parent. I’m so thankful for this resource. I will reread it many times!
A wonderful addition to my arsenal of parenting books. Love her approach, guidance and reminders of how to get to the heart of your child. My book is full of underlines and I’ll definitely be referencing this often!
3.5 stars. On one hand I appreciate all the examples of different situations/moments played out, but as a read it did come to feel just a little repetitive to me.
Excellent book! I listened to it on hoopla - plan is to buy a hard copy to refer back to. So very helpful. Ginger offers so many examples of how to respond to your children graciously.
As a conservative evangelical, I feel I have the right to ask, what is it with our Christian parenting books that are so quick to label every misbehavior as sin rather than take into account the common grace of research into early childhood development?
If I implemented her method, I'm certain it would leave my children resentful of God and His Word after every lengthy lecture. Hubbard's method seems to only utilize scripture to discipline rather than to edify or encourage. I even felt myself drawing back as she outlined pop scripture for each specific behavioral issue. The result would be very obedient, legalistic, exasperated children.
When we reduce every misbehavior as sin, it not only utilizes God’s Word as ammunition only, but reduces creativity on our part in equipping our kids with the tools to cope with tough emotions. Moralizing every imperfection doesnt take into account where kids are developmentally. While it's good to get to the heart of behavioral issues, little kids especially need tangible tools to deal with intangible emotions. Are we expecting a lengthy lecture and a couple Bible verses alone to do the trick? I also take issue with Hubbard's definition of obedience: obey all the way, right away and with a happy heart. While we can more readily address the promptness and quality of a child's obedience, the heart issue is a different manner. Do it without grumbling or complaint? Sure. But this is all easier said than done, and if cornered, kids can very easily mask a grumbling spirit. It takes more time to convince them of the why behind a command. That requires trust in us as parents rather than flippantly telling them to have a"happy heart."
There were certain chapters than implemented actual tools, like giving a 5-minute warning so your defiant child can wrap up an activity. Or having an interrupting child place their hand on yours when they have something to say. More of these with about half the lecture that goes along with it, please. As other reviews have mentioned, this book could have benefited from having two separate sections for each chapter: brief responses for little kids and more lengthy teaching moments for older kids.
Can we also get over the fear that acknowledging hard, "sinful" feelings that lead to complaining, whining, etc. is giving permission for those feelings? Don't we need to identify the fear, anger, grief behind these responses in order to embrace the fruits of the spirit instead? Hubbard seems to skip the former and aims for a shallow heart change just because the Bible says so. For example, Hubbard tells of a time when her daughter didn't get the part she wanted in the school play. Hubbard's "encouraging" reply was, "Honey, it's not the end of the world. There will be other plays," then later throws in a couple of verses about being faithful with little. Could she not have ackowledged how disappointing it was for her daughter?? Her daughter's sin of complaining probably could've been minimized had she actually felt cared for by her mom from the start. Are we really that scared of "bad" emotions? Maybe it's easier to teach against them than hold a moment of sympathy.
We're in the season of terrible three's over here. We've come to the time when Sarabeth has her own opinions. She can parrot back to us anything we say, and unfortunately has figured out how to turn our answers back on us. Her newest phrases is, "I don't like that option." I often hear myself telling her, "I can't believe you just said that!"
It's hard being a parent. Discipline isn't easy and I'm learning must be tailored to the child. And I'm figuring out that having a solid answer for the reason for the boundary goes a long way towards stopping an argument. When Sarabeth was first born, I got a chance to read Don't Make Me Count to Three! by Ginger Hubbard. This book shaped the way that I have approached discipline in our home and has broken me of the habit of counting to three for obedience. But it's gotten harder to discipline as we're seeing those negative behaviors that stem from heart behaviors rather than just acting out.
Thankfully, Hubbard has written another book - I Can't Believe You Just Said That!
This book could not have been more timely. Outbursts that defy self-control and manipulation had quickly taken over discipline moments in our house. And the anger that exudes itself from my three-year-olds little body is astonishing. So, I devoured these pages. Each chapter addresses a different tongue-related struggle you may have with your child.
Hubbard reminds us that parenting is more than just addressing behaviors, ignoring undesired actions or scolding our children. Parenting is about getting to the heart of the child. It's about sinking the truth of the Bible deep into our child's heart so that they can learn to respond in a godly manner.
Each chapter focuses on a three-step method get to get the heart of things. I Can't Believe You Just Said That! includes realistic conversations between parent and child that help show you how to navigate each step, which is steeped in scripture.
I Can't Believe You Just Said That! was an absolutely encouraging read for me. I was challenged to learn more scripture so that I can better address heart issues, not only for my child but for myself too. And to think twice before issuing discipline. When we enter discipline by focusing on God and bringing our actions back into alignment with God, we bring Him glory and bring about true transformation.
One thing I didn't agree with in this book is Hubbard's suggestion to do away with timeouts. As I stated earlier, each child is unique and discipline needs to look different for each child. We have learned that Sarabeth does not respond or change behaviors when issued a spanking. And despite my understanding that it is scriptural, I also know that my child welcomes the spanking and then continues with the offending behavior. But, when we give her a timeout, and she is given time, she can actually calm herself and come to a conversation about the incident that has occurred. I'm beginning to see that all parenting is learning your child and the things that work for your child. I do not think it is fair to completely write off a discipline method.
I received a copy of this book from the publisher. This review is my own, honest opinion.
Sorry I can’t even rate this or know how to. If you are into the standard books on “Christian” parenting, you will probably like this too. So this book was exactly what I expected it to be, to its credit! But I can’t recommend it.
My main issues are with the general thesis of the book (that a biblical counseling model of probing sin is the most effective tool in parenting), the goal of discipline, the understanding of the sufficiency of scripture and the author’s constant proof texting of scripture. I think my goals for parenting and the author’s goals are similar- we all want our kids to love and know Jesus. We all want our kids to be competent and emotionally healthy adults. This is not a grace based approach however.
It is interesting to note that she never once uses the word “spanking.” I think this was an editorial choice to sell to a broader audience but it’s pretty clear the author’s method relies heavily on the use of this consequence.
I will say there were moments that were really good. She talks about respecting and understanding (not necessarily validating) your child’s emotions and desires. She talks about self regulation (again not using that word specifically) and tools to help a child calm down and regroup. She even talks about how to instill empathy in children as a tool to resolve conflict (without using the word empathy).
The chapters aimed at resolving conflicts among older children were the best. Some of the stuff for young kids was honestly baffling. Because the authors rejects any kind of “secular” child development or psychology, she expects a lot from toddlers and projects adult level desires and motivations onto kids. Expecting children to be able to follow the steps an adult may undergoing biblical counseling to root out their sin seems to be an unwise expectation.
This is more than "taming the tongue." This book will help you reach your child's heart. This is not mere behavior modification (outward appearance of obedience ~ temporary), but heart training (long lasting results.) We know that we learn more in our failures. I love Ginger's approach to looking at our children's misbehavior not as a chore or something to ignore, but as a positive opportunity to train our children's hearts. We can give them training to self-evaluate and then provide them with practice to do the right thing. Pair this biblical based and practical (what to ACTUALLY do with real life examples) in "I Can't Believe You Just Said That!" with Ginger's "Wise Words for Mom" quick reference guide and PRAYER and you will be a force to be reckoned with (good force, of course). Then you will be on your way to fulfilling Deuteronomy 6: 7 and honoring God providing instruction with kindness Proverbs 31:26. I just found my gift set for new parents. :)
I did received an Advance Reader Copy from Harper Collins Christian Publishers. I am thankful for the opportunity, but it did not influence my review in any way!
I appreciated the in-depth look at “Getting to the Heart of the Behavior” that focuses on the issues of the heart such as pride that are the root cause of some of the inappropriate things our children say. (Spoiler alert: It applies to adults too.) Now when I hear my little one saying things that show she is thinking only of herself and what she wants - I think of how to help her see what she is doing is prideful rather than just correcting the outward behavior.
I also loved what was said about our reaction as parents when disciplining our children - our demeanor, our intentions, our emotional state - that are sprinkled throughout the book. The scriptures the authors share that apply to each situation were also incredibly helpful to me as a parent, and I loved the idea of incorporating these into our conversations with our little ones. However, throughout the book there were ideas presented that I disagreed with & some of the suggested conversations seemed overwhelming especially to very young children - hence the rating of three stars.
This book is an in depth look into the chart the author created called Wise words for Moms. She takes certain sin/behaviors like whining, tattling, sibling conflict, lying, etc. and talks about getting to the heart of the matter by asking heart probing questions. It’s very practical and helpful in seeing what could be causing certain behaviors in our kids. However, the way she suggests wording questions to our kids doesn’t sound natural to me so it seemed a bit much. If I parented like this 100% of the time ALL I would be doing is addressing every wrong action/word my kids commit and that is overwhelming and disheartening. But overall this book was helpful and had good reminders to get to the heart of what’s going on with my kids.
This book was so encouraging and informative. I love how G.H shared Bible verses that correspond with heart issues. “Obey right away, all the way, and with a happy heart” has already been surfacing itself in our home and my kids have been repeating it. I loved all of the practical wisdom/applications given.
This books brings practical steps in how to train a child in the Truth of God and how to get to the heart of our children's sinful actions. She highlights common sinful verbal reactions (teasing, lying, bragging, yelling, gossiping, etc) of our children and reminds us as we remind our children that their words are the outpouring of their sinful hearts. This book pairs well with Shepharding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and Entrusted With a Child's Heart by Betsy Corning!
I found this book to be AMAZING!!! I feel like it was soooo extremely practical and included a ton of Biblical wisdom to be able to pass on to your kids. It had a ton of examples and everything was so applicable. I truly believe this is the book of our generation that EVERY parent attempting to teach their kids to live Godly lives should read!!
This book is a great sequel to Ginger's first book, "Don't Make Me Count to Three" as it builds on the foundation of biblical discipline set there. It has great, in-depth, biblical conversations to have with your kids as they get older. I read a digital version and can't wait to read the hardcopy so that I can highlight away!
I also found the book convicting, addressing many sins that I too struggle with and seeing how that affects my kids as well. I will definitely be recommending this book to all my mommy friends!
This book is great! It has practical, biblically based methods to help understand and help train children. Understanding the hearts of children is key in understanding their behavior. Ginger does a great job in helping parents to understand how to get to the heart of children through scripture.
This is a reread, and just as good the second time.
Every mom should read this book. The chapters are short, making it easy to get a chapter read with a busy schedule. Having this book-in-hand would be a great reference book.
Excellent, practical advice for dealing with parenting a child and their tongue. Areas such as complaining, arguing, blame shifting, defiance etc are covered (more than that too). I love how there's lots of Scripture and examples of how to reason with kids and go to the heart of the issue.
So much good stuff inside. This is a good book if you’re looking to guide your kids to the redemptive work of Jesus and his transformational power. We are naturally selfish humans and Ginger does a good job on helping us see their hearts in the matters like bickering, lying, whining, etc. I also appreciated this, “May we teach our children not to focus on the negative, which leads to complaining, but to take captive every thought, making it obedient to Christ and expressing an attitude of gratitude through praising God in all situations”