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Miss Behave
Upon encountering Historian, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich’s quote “Well behaved women seldom make history” – Malebo knew that she was tired of everyone else but herself having a say on who and what she should be. Appropriating this quote, Malebo boldly renounces societal expectations placed on her as a Black woman and shares her journey towards misbehaviour. According to Malebo, it is a norm for a Black woman to live through a society that will prescribe what it means to be a well behaved woman. Acting like this prescribed woman equals good behaviour. But what happens when a black woman decides to live her own life and becomes her own form of who she wants to be? She is often seen as misbehaving.
Miss Behave challenges society’s deep-seated beliefs about what it means to be a well behaved woman. In this book, Malebo tracks her journey on a path towards achieving total autonomy and self-determinism. Miss Behave will challenge, rattle and occasionally cause you to reflect on your own life – asking yourself the question – are you truly living life the way you want to?
Miss Behave challenges society’s deep-seated beliefs about what it means to be a well behaved woman. In this book, Malebo tracks her journey on a path towards achieving total autonomy and self-determinism. Miss Behave will challenge, rattle and occasionally cause you to reflect on your own life – asking yourself the question – are you truly living life the way you want to?
184 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2017
19 people are currently reading
354 people want to read
About the author
Malebo Sephodi
1 book68 followersaward winning author. recipient of the South African Literary Award for First Time Published Author.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
June 14, 2017
When I heard that Malebo was writing a book, I was so excited. I have come to love her and her fierceness through Facebook and when an opportunity presented itself to collaborate with her on a project, I jumped at it. She gave of her time and resources without an expectation of compensation and I was humbled.
There was no way I was going to miss a glimpse into her metarmophosis. The cover of this book was just what I had expected from her. It depicted a level of strength I knew she possessed. The converse takkies, plus the pose, were "Look at me, ye mighty and despair" so Ozymandias without the decaying ruins. It reminded me of Beyoncé's song "Ego" and this line came "He walks like this cause he can back it up".
"Miss Bahave" is not a story. It doesn't follow any conventional process. No setting, rising action, climax, plot nor falling action. This book is a series of essays on her transformation into the lioness she is growing into. Every chapter/essay demanded a pause, some self-reflection and a lot of internal conversations. For once, I felt like someone knows, understands and acknowledges my struggles, triumphs and challenges. Malebo laid it all out for the world to prod, dissect and pull apart. From body-image, sex and sexuality, to navigating the corporate world as a young black woman from the township. My first job I took home R1100.00 and I was elated. Firstly, it was more money I've ever had in my entire life. Secondly, I was happy to be working. Working for FNB in their big offices on Pritchard street downtown. Before Bankcity was established. In my second month, I started planning. I wanted a car and a house but then I started reflecting on my package. Questions which came to my mind were "Who decided that this amount of money was adequate for me to live on, dream and prosper?" I then realised that I was paid enough to eat and travel to work for a month, but not enough to become economically independent. Although I had a job, which was a semblance of independence on its own, it was not enough for me to build a prosperous future on. We are bombarded with "Women who are doing it on their own" which I applaud but their voices are not heard fighting for the emancipation of a woman stuck in the cycle of poverty and lack and want. Black Economic Empowerment and Affirmative Action improved black people's lives but it is not broad based. Yes, we have a rising black middle-class but we still have a huge percentage of black people living in poverty. I would never have had the courage to voice this had it not been for this book. Thank you for helping me find my voice. Conversely, BEE has allowed me access to opportunities which enabled me to create the life I've always dreamed of and this has made it possible to be better and do better with the networks created.
I came into myself at the dawn of the South African democracy and always advocated that a clear personal vision, plan and hard work will get me to my destination. I always approached obstacles and challenges as the things that I either had to navigate through or around. Malebo lays is down for me. It is the system. There's a system designed to make me fail. To make me feel inadequate. To make me doubt myself. Second-guess myself. This patriarchal system coupled with racism and white privilege is designed to denigrate me to a second class citizen. I guess I've been using this very system to make inroads however small. Malebo, in this book, as much as she is sharing her life's journey, she also demands that we look into our own journeys and celebrate the little victories.
Malebo echoed so many of my peers frustrations. I've been privy to too many discussions around the challenges we face as black young women in this beautiful South Africa of ours. How do we continue to break down barriers without losing ourselves? Malebo, your book raised more questions for me and it laid down the foundation of the work I still need to do.
Going through your renditions of your transformation into feminism made me admire your parents. As we grow into our own, our mothers become a catalyst to our transformation. My own mother was dealing with marital strife therefore my aim, as a teenager, was to grow into a self-sufficient independent young woman. Because of that, I never concerned myself with socioeconomic and sociopolitical issues in my area or the country as a whole. I thought that all we needed were university degrees whatever the cost.
This book gave me a modern-day role model. We are so quick to look into the past for women who've done great that we miss those in our present who are fighting, giving of their time selflessly.
This book is the reason I support and will continue to support locally penned stories. I found it to be of a very high standard in terms of the writing, the research that went into it and the flow of the essays. The chapters had an order to them. It felt like I was an invisible being walking with Malebo along her journey.
There were a few editorial mistakes. An extra article here and there but all great reads have one or two grammatical errors.
I gave it 5 stars not because it is a literary germ. I gave it 5 stars for its honesty and fearlessness. For opening up floodgates. For acknowledging that I too am flawed, insecure, heroic and can change the world. That my activism matters and it makes a difference.
Thabiso Mahlape of BlackBird Books,(the publisher), you have your finger on the pulse of the black South African reader. #BookWhisperer❤💪👂🙌
There was no way I was going to miss a glimpse into her metarmophosis. The cover of this book was just what I had expected from her. It depicted a level of strength I knew she possessed. The converse takkies, plus the pose, were "Look at me, ye mighty and despair" so Ozymandias without the decaying ruins. It reminded me of Beyoncé's song "Ego" and this line came "He walks like this cause he can back it up".
"Miss Bahave" is not a story. It doesn't follow any conventional process. No setting, rising action, climax, plot nor falling action. This book is a series of essays on her transformation into the lioness she is growing into. Every chapter/essay demanded a pause, some self-reflection and a lot of internal conversations. For once, I felt like someone knows, understands and acknowledges my struggles, triumphs and challenges. Malebo laid it all out for the world to prod, dissect and pull apart. From body-image, sex and sexuality, to navigating the corporate world as a young black woman from the township. My first job I took home R1100.00 and I was elated. Firstly, it was more money I've ever had in my entire life. Secondly, I was happy to be working. Working for FNB in their big offices on Pritchard street downtown. Before Bankcity was established. In my second month, I started planning. I wanted a car and a house but then I started reflecting on my package. Questions which came to my mind were "Who decided that this amount of money was adequate for me to live on, dream and prosper?" I then realised that I was paid enough to eat and travel to work for a month, but not enough to become economically independent. Although I had a job, which was a semblance of independence on its own, it was not enough for me to build a prosperous future on. We are bombarded with "Women who are doing it on their own" which I applaud but their voices are not heard fighting for the emancipation of a woman stuck in the cycle of poverty and lack and want. Black Economic Empowerment and Affirmative Action improved black people's lives but it is not broad based. Yes, we have a rising black middle-class but we still have a huge percentage of black people living in poverty. I would never have had the courage to voice this had it not been for this book. Thank you for helping me find my voice. Conversely, BEE has allowed me access to opportunities which enabled me to create the life I've always dreamed of and this has made it possible to be better and do better with the networks created.
I came into myself at the dawn of the South African democracy and always advocated that a clear personal vision, plan and hard work will get me to my destination. I always approached obstacles and challenges as the things that I either had to navigate through or around. Malebo lays is down for me. It is the system. There's a system designed to make me fail. To make me feel inadequate. To make me doubt myself. Second-guess myself. This patriarchal system coupled with racism and white privilege is designed to denigrate me to a second class citizen. I guess I've been using this very system to make inroads however small. Malebo, in this book, as much as she is sharing her life's journey, she also demands that we look into our own journeys and celebrate the little victories.
Malebo echoed so many of my peers frustrations. I've been privy to too many discussions around the challenges we face as black young women in this beautiful South Africa of ours. How do we continue to break down barriers without losing ourselves? Malebo, your book raised more questions for me and it laid down the foundation of the work I still need to do.
Going through your renditions of your transformation into feminism made me admire your parents. As we grow into our own, our mothers become a catalyst to our transformation. My own mother was dealing with marital strife therefore my aim, as a teenager, was to grow into a self-sufficient independent young woman. Because of that, I never concerned myself with socioeconomic and sociopolitical issues in my area or the country as a whole. I thought that all we needed were university degrees whatever the cost.
This book gave me a modern-day role model. We are so quick to look into the past for women who've done great that we miss those in our present who are fighting, giving of their time selflessly.
This book is the reason I support and will continue to support locally penned stories. I found it to be of a very high standard in terms of the writing, the research that went into it and the flow of the essays. The chapters had an order to them. It felt like I was an invisible being walking with Malebo along her journey.
There were a few editorial mistakes. An extra article here and there but all great reads have one or two grammatical errors.
I gave it 5 stars not because it is a literary germ. I gave it 5 stars for its honesty and fearlessness. For opening up floodgates. For acknowledging that I too am flawed, insecure, heroic and can change the world. That my activism matters and it makes a difference.
Thabiso Mahlape of BlackBird Books,(the publisher), you have your finger on the pulse of the black South African reader. #BookWhisperer❤💪👂🙌
September 30, 2020
“Well behaved women seldom make history”
Miss Behave encapsulates the idea of the personal being political. Malebo Sephodi gives us a personal and graphic account of her experience as a black feminist navigating life in conservative South Africa. She exposes us to her life as a black biker, a daughter, a church-goer. We see her attempts at entrepreneurship, and experiences surrounding corporate and community work and in doing so reclaims her voice and many others.
And while I found all of that interesting it isn’t what kept me invested. What kept me turning the pages was seeing Malebo’s ability to constantly unlearn and relearn, a reminder that not everyone is exposed to feminist political theory at the same time and it sometimes takes life lessons to push you into learning. The way she unpacks and reflects about feminist concepts is so understandable and accessible it’s genius.
Miss Behave encapsulates the idea of the personal being political. Malebo Sephodi gives us a personal and graphic account of her experience as a black feminist navigating life in conservative South Africa. She exposes us to her life as a black biker, a daughter, a church-goer. We see her attempts at entrepreneurship, and experiences surrounding corporate and community work and in doing so reclaims her voice and many others.
And while I found all of that interesting it isn’t what kept me invested. What kept me turning the pages was seeing Malebo’s ability to constantly unlearn and relearn, a reminder that not everyone is exposed to feminist political theory at the same time and it sometimes takes life lessons to push you into learning. The way she unpacks and reflects about feminist concepts is so understandable and accessible it’s genius.
July 10, 2017
A highly personal, honest and graphic account of Malebo's experiences as a Black female feminist navigating her life in Mzansi. She is unapologetic, straightforward, daring, radical and thought provoking . She is calm, gentle , confident and professional in her delivery; without being accusatory nor confrontational. She interrogates her journey in corporate SA, patriarchy, religion, tradition, self employment, sex and sexuality, marriage, beauty, image, eating disorders and many more.
Malebo reiterates that we are evolving beings, and it is healthy to question and challenge the status quo. We can not afford to be conformist. It is crucial that we unlearn that which does not make sense and does not work for us womxn. In this manner sexual, mental and racial liberation will be attained.
The message that resonated more with me was about the two monsters in every Black South African womxn's life, racial prejudice and misogyny. The narration is well researched and crystal clear. A book to be had in every household . A gem with plenty discussion points.
Malebo reiterates that we are evolving beings, and it is healthy to question and challenge the status quo. We can not afford to be conformist. It is crucial that we unlearn that which does not make sense and does not work for us womxn. In this manner sexual, mental and racial liberation will be attained.
The message that resonated more with me was about the two monsters in every Black South African womxn's life, racial prejudice and misogyny. The narration is well researched and crystal clear. A book to be had in every household . A gem with plenty discussion points.
June 11, 2017
This book has left me with a lot to think about. It is insightful and thought provoking reading about Malebo's life as a black woman in South Africa, the challenges and trials she's faced, the bravery she's shown in dealing with these issues and being a voice to other women in similar positions. I feel more aware, more compassionate and I know that I will think twice before unthinkingly behaving in ways that will propagate these issues as a white woman in South Africa.
April 14, 2021
This book was recommended to me by a South African friend who told me it describes her African feminism well. Feminism has a bad reputation in some quarters, perhaps especially in Africa where patriarchy is so strong. Sephodi insists she does not hate men or want women to rule the world—the caricature of feminism. She doesn’t even want women to be equal—just free to determine their own destinies. She has been a community activist since her teens, fighting for racial justice as well as gender justice. In the process, she has cried with many women who feel abused and controlled by the men in their lives and the expectations society imposes on them. She has seen women, including her mother and herself, burned out, trying to care for everyone exempt themselves because “that is a woman’s job.”
Sephodi defines feminism as caring about both men and women, wanting equality for both sexes, and being concerned about the way in which men oppress women. She defines patriarchy as a system in which men define how women should look and how they should behave. “It is so deeply entrenched in our minds that it can be difficult to identify as a system that undermines women. It’s sly, catching most of us off guard, and this is the reason it gets passed on generationally. It reproduces and evolves, co-opting women and making it seem like things have changed” (p.12). It is such a pervasive part of the way we have been brought up to think that challenging it requires uncomfortable questions. And uncomfortable questions are exactly what Malebo Sephodi poses.
The book is partly memoir, partly an exploration of the issues that face modern African women, who find themselves the bottom priority when racial injustice meets gender injustice. I’m sure I would reach different conclusions in some specifics, but I hear the pain, and that reality must be taken into account. I have lived fifteen years in Africa, six of them in South Africa. I have heard horror stories about little girls raped by older brothers, and women in their 20s with 10 or 12 kids because their husbands would never agree to birth control. Although laws can imprison rapists and domestic abusers who think because they are male they have rights over any woman, ultimately the social standing of women will only change when men—especially influencers like Christian pastors—confront their own sinful attitudes, change their behavior, and communicate to their brothers and sons that treating women as objects or servants is not acceptable to God or to them. That is my conclusion, not Sephodi’s. Although she was raised in the church, she was so badly burned by the ungodly patriarchy she heard preached there that she seems to have moved away from formal Christianity, but not necessarily personal spirituality.
I love the title for a book about breaking out of the norms of expected womanhood in South Africa. I use 5 stars to indicate that a book is worth rereading, and this is certainly that. I’m sure I missed a lot the first time around.
Sephodi defines feminism as caring about both men and women, wanting equality for both sexes, and being concerned about the way in which men oppress women. She defines patriarchy as a system in which men define how women should look and how they should behave. “It is so deeply entrenched in our minds that it can be difficult to identify as a system that undermines women. It’s sly, catching most of us off guard, and this is the reason it gets passed on generationally. It reproduces and evolves, co-opting women and making it seem like things have changed” (p.12). It is such a pervasive part of the way we have been brought up to think that challenging it requires uncomfortable questions. And uncomfortable questions are exactly what Malebo Sephodi poses.
The book is partly memoir, partly an exploration of the issues that face modern African women, who find themselves the bottom priority when racial injustice meets gender injustice. I’m sure I would reach different conclusions in some specifics, but I hear the pain, and that reality must be taken into account. I have lived fifteen years in Africa, six of them in South Africa. I have heard horror stories about little girls raped by older brothers, and women in their 20s with 10 or 12 kids because their husbands would never agree to birth control. Although laws can imprison rapists and domestic abusers who think because they are male they have rights over any woman, ultimately the social standing of women will only change when men—especially influencers like Christian pastors—confront their own sinful attitudes, change their behavior, and communicate to their brothers and sons that treating women as objects or servants is not acceptable to God or to them. That is my conclusion, not Sephodi’s. Although she was raised in the church, she was so badly burned by the ungodly patriarchy she heard preached there that she seems to have moved away from formal Christianity, but not necessarily personal spirituality.
I love the title for a book about breaking out of the norms of expected womanhood in South Africa. I use 5 stars to indicate that a book is worth rereading, and this is certainly that. I’m sure I missed a lot the first time around.
December 12, 2025
read for uni
November 1, 2019
Wasn't expecting much from this bookclub book. I was totally surprised and finished it in a few hours. An amazing book by a black South African woman depicting through her personal experiences, the everyday struggles black women face that range from patriarchy, corporate racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, gender stereotyping, rape to cultural dictates etc.
She uses her life story to bring to fore these issues. This read will definitely have an important impact on any black men who reads it and will make them question their role in aiding patriarchy either consciously or unconsciously.
She uses her life story to bring to fore these issues. This read will definitely have an important impact on any black men who reads it and will make them question their role in aiding patriarchy either consciously or unconsciously.
June 6, 2018
I am most definitely adding this book into the reread section of my bookshelf. So many relevant themes are dealt with in this book; from eating disorders, to issues of abuse and through to the black South African woman’s voice in the different pockets of society.
There are a number of quotes that captured me as I was reading this book. One that spoke directly to me was: “It is simply not possible to unlearn years of oppression in only a few awakening sessions.”
One of the few books I will update highly recommend!
There are a number of quotes that captured me as I was reading this book. One that spoke directly to me was: “It is simply not possible to unlearn years of oppression in only a few awakening sessions.”
One of the few books I will update highly recommend!
August 29, 2018
Brilliantly written book.
Read
October 5, 2017This is one of those books that is burdensome and one needs to read it when they are feeling light and open to taking on more burden. Unfortunately I picked it up at my most burdened period.
I struggled to identify & relate with the struggle against patriarchy but I could not deny that what she's bringing up is valid & need to be addressed. Towards the end, I got a sense that the struggle she's on about is "intersectional" a struggle of a black woman & not just a woman. Being poor, black, female & even from Africa in a context of globalization is debilitating & too much to take on in my state so I decided to disassociate for now. Will perhaps attempt at another juncture.
All in all, very well written. Thought provoking & intimate.
I struggled to identify & relate with the struggle against patriarchy but I could not deny that what she's bringing up is valid & need to be addressed. Towards the end, I got a sense that the struggle she's on about is "intersectional" a struggle of a black woman & not just a woman. Being poor, black, female & even from Africa in a context of globalization is debilitating & too much to take on in my state so I decided to disassociate for now. Will perhaps attempt at another juncture.
All in all, very well written. Thought provoking & intimate.
January 11, 2021
Although I could relate to many of the issues she had, as a white woman, I found the relationship to our political history and cultural issues really interesting. As she says, many of her issues as a black feminist differ from those of white feminists. Her courage to unlearn behaviours and to follow her heart is admirable – often a very lonely journey. I also found her style of writing easy to read. In my opinion, this book needs to be read widely. It is an eye-opener and most inspiring.
September 9, 2019
This was a book club pick and I have mixed feelings about it. I appreciate the author's need to write and tell her story, for me I personally felt like it was disjointed and hard to follow. There are some gems in what she writes, and points to think more about, but it's not so cohesive that I would recommend this book to someone.
December 3, 2022
Miss Behave delves into the intimate folds and curves of a Black South African woman who writes from a semi autobiographical lens.
Malebo Sephodi shares a profoundly vulnerable wisdom into the realities and daily life of black womanhood. In a number of frameworks: sexuality, race, health, beauty and culture amongst topics she reflects on the collective conditioning and an internalisation of those conditionings that have gone to define her sense of self as woman and how she is pushing back as an act of misbehaviour.
As a reader, Malebo’s style of writing is communal- womxn to womxn. She writes for “us” with deep sensitivity, and an awareness of herself in relation to the larger South African context (socio; religious, economic and political narratives). Through her world she asserts the idea of misbehaviour as a tool for transgressing the systems that define womanhood and feminism.
Malebo Sephodi shares a profoundly vulnerable wisdom into the realities and daily life of black womanhood. In a number of frameworks: sexuality, race, health, beauty and culture amongst topics she reflects on the collective conditioning and an internalisation of those conditionings that have gone to define her sense of self as woman and how she is pushing back as an act of misbehaviour.
As a reader, Malebo’s style of writing is communal- womxn to womxn. She writes for “us” with deep sensitivity, and an awareness of herself in relation to the larger South African context (socio; religious, economic and political narratives). Through her world she asserts the idea of misbehaviour as a tool for transgressing the systems that define womanhood and feminism.
August 8, 2017
Probably one of the best books I've read this year. Loved it!
March 8, 2019
This is an important feminist text.
September 25, 2019
relatable and definetly will be on my reread shelf.
June 2, 2020
Excellent book, thank you Malebo for voicing my thoughts and feelings!
June 21, 2023
Really good memoir - quite relatable.
October 19, 2017
Every single time that I have tried to review this book, I have failed - ridiculously so! I am not sure if it is because the book in itself was relatable, while at the same
August 9, 2021
This one is for all the women who have, despite the society trying to force them to conform to the "norm", have went out and got what they wanted, and those who are unapologetically themselves.
Its a must read for all women, especially black women and as much as she is so right about a lot of things that I am sure we can all attest to , there are some that one can without a doubt disagree with.
I loved how open she was about her opinions/thoughts and the struggles that we continue to find ourselves in, as women.
Its a must read for all women, especially black women and as much as she is so right about a lot of things that I am sure we can all attest to , there are some that one can without a doubt disagree with.
I loved how open she was about her opinions/thoughts and the struggles that we continue to find ourselves in, as women.
January 12, 2025
“Miss Behave “ by Malebo Sephodi is a cheeky, light-hearted book that still manages to address deep and important topics with wit and honesty.
Sephodi’s writing feels conversational, almost like chatting with a friend who isn’t afraid to challenge societal norms and speak uncomfortable truths. I loved how she balanced humor with insightful reflections on gender, identity, and the complexities of being a woman in today’s world.
The book made me laugh, nod in agreement, and think deeply, all at the same time. It’s an empowering and refreshing read that reminds us to embrace our imperfections and unapologetically own our stories.
Sephodi’s writing feels conversational, almost like chatting with a friend who isn’t afraid to challenge societal norms and speak uncomfortable truths. I loved how she balanced humor with insightful reflections on gender, identity, and the complexities of being a woman in today’s world.
The book made me laugh, nod in agreement, and think deeply, all at the same time. It’s an empowering and refreshing read that reminds us to embrace our imperfections and unapologetically own our stories.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews