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The Gender Agenda: A First-Hand Account of How Girls and Boys Are Treated Differently
From language and clothes, to toys and the media, society inflicts unwritten rules on each gender from birth. Aiming to make people aware of the way gender is constructed and constantly reinforced, this diary chronicles the differences two parents noticed while raising their son and daughter.
Adapted from tweets and blogs the couple kept throughout parenthood, this collection shows how culture, family and even the authors themselves are part of the 'gender police' that can influence a child's identity, and offers ideas for how we can work together to challenge the gender stereotypes that are ingrained in our society.
Adapted from tweets and blogs the couple kept throughout parenthood, this collection shows how culture, family and even the authors themselves are part of the 'gender police' that can influence a child's identity, and offers ideas for how we can work together to challenge the gender stereotypes that are ingrained in our society.
184 pages, Paperback
First published July 21, 2017
6 people are currently reading
285 people want to read
About the author
James Millar
1 bookJames Millar is a political journalist, pundit and broadcaster.
He is co-author of The Gender Agenda (2017) and a forthcoming book about fatherhood.
He is co-author of The Gender Agenda (2017) and a forthcoming book about fatherhood.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
April 7, 2017
When our children were born, people would say, ‘Oh you’ll see, your treat them just the same, but boys and girls act completely different, it’s in the genes.’ It isn’t.
Gender inequality is everywhere. We're taught from the very beginning of our lives that girls and boys aren’t ‘worthy’ of the same things. And even when we are aware of these inequalities, even when we are fighting them, it’s not that easy to erase YEARS of patriarchy and misogyny and gender inequality.
What we’re taught:
Girls aren’t good enough to become scientists, and boys have better things to do than be stay-at-home dads.
Pink should ALWAYS be a girl’s favourite colour, and a boy should never be seen wearing clothes with pink on it. Pink is for girls. Of course.
Girls should never cosplay as pirates, that’s too dangerous for them, and boys wearing a princess dress ? Never. It’s gonna make them gay.
Girls should play at being stay-at-home moms, because we all know that’s what's gonna happen to them, and boys should always be strong because they’re gonna have to support their entire family.
Is that enough for you ? Or do you want more ?
We teach our girls they’re not good enough, smart enough, strong enough …. they’re never enough.
We teach our boys to hide their feelings, to be ashamed of wearing ‘girls’ clothes, not to cry because men don’t cry ….
We teach our girls they don’t have to worry about anything because prince charming is going to rescue them.
We teach our boys not to respect girls because girls are just made to be pretty.
We teach our girls that boys are disgusting, not worthy of their time if they’re not ‘manly enough’.
We teach our boys that girls are just good at cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children.
Is that really the world you want to live in ? A world in which our own gender becomes the limitation of what we can achieve in life ?
RAISE GIRLS AND BOYS THE SAME WAY. Teach them to respect the other gender, teach them to socialize with both, teach them to question everything and make up their own mind, teach them to not conform to what society wants, teach them that it’s okay to love what you love and not be ashamed of it.
I liked the idea behind this book : tweeting about gender inequality every day, because that's just the way it is, you experience gender inequality nearly every day of your life.
Also I found 'The Dad Diaries' to be extremely interesting, as well as 'Appendix I: A Playful Day'.
3.75
Thank you Netgalley for providing me an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Gender inequality is everywhere. We're taught from the very beginning of our lives that girls and boys aren’t ‘worthy’ of the same things. And even when we are aware of these inequalities, even when we are fighting them, it’s not that easy to erase YEARS of patriarchy and misogyny and gender inequality.
What we’re taught:
Girls aren’t good enough to become scientists, and boys have better things to do than be stay-at-home dads.
Pink should ALWAYS be a girl’s favourite colour, and a boy should never be seen wearing clothes with pink on it. Pink is for girls. Of course.
Girls should never cosplay as pirates, that’s too dangerous for them, and boys wearing a princess dress ? Never. It’s gonna make them gay.
Girls should play at being stay-at-home moms, because we all know that’s what's gonna happen to them, and boys should always be strong because they’re gonna have to support their entire family.
Is that enough for you ? Or do you want more ?
We teach our girls they’re not good enough, smart enough, strong enough …. they’re never enough.
We teach our boys to hide their feelings, to be ashamed of wearing ‘girls’ clothes, not to cry because men don’t cry ….
We teach our girls they don’t have to worry about anything because prince charming is going to rescue them.
We teach our boys not to respect girls because girls are just made to be pretty.
We teach our girls that boys are disgusting, not worthy of their time if they’re not ‘manly enough’.
We teach our boys that girls are just good at cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the children.
Is that really the world you want to live in ? A world in which our own gender becomes the limitation of what we can achieve in life ?
RAISE GIRLS AND BOYS THE SAME WAY. Teach them to respect the other gender, teach them to socialize with both, teach them to question everything and make up their own mind, teach them to not conform to what society wants, teach them that it’s okay to love what you love and not be ashamed of it.
I liked the idea behind this book : tweeting about gender inequality every day, because that's just the way it is, you experience gender inequality nearly every day of your life.
Also I found 'The Dad Diaries' to be extremely interesting, as well as 'Appendix I: A Playful Day'.
3.75
Thank you Netgalley for providing me an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
November 25, 2019
A concept so simple that it could be encapsulated in tweets, turned into a project so thought-provoking it was collated into a book.
Parents Ros and James decided to tweet their observations of how friends, family and the world at large treated their daughter and son differently. There were so many instances and so many running themes that their @GenderDiary Twitter account became an outlet for their (and many other parents’) frustrations about the way in which children’s individuality is compromised by the messages society sends them on conforming to gender stereotypes.
The idea was based on Marianne Grabrucker’s book, There’s a Good Girl: Gender Stereotyping in the First Three Years – A Diary. Both show how noting down daily any instances of gender stereotyping demonstrates just how frequently kids are receiving subtle yet insistent comments on how they ‘should’ behave.
Ros and James note how, almost every single day, there’s an example of people gender stereotyping their children. ‘The diary has given us a new-found awareness that we want to share with other people. You have a document that brings it all together and shows you the weight of it in children’s lives.’
The snowball effect of these constant messages, the authors argue, corrals children into behaviours that placate society’s expectations of them. So, their daughter begins policing the toys that she and her brother can play with – ‘That’s for boys’ – and modifies her choices when other people are around (by insisting on a pink cup, which she wouldn’t have at home, for instance).
Interestingly their daughter is three when her brother is born and the diary starts – the age when many believe gender stereotyping takes root in children themselves as they take note of their sex and feel the urge to belong to this social grouping. There’s much humour to be found in the daughter’s insistence on sticking to girlie stereotyping despite the parents’ best efforts. The prevalence of pink is like a ‘creeping contagion’, they say, observing that it’s no longer just a colour but is loaded with meaning. It’s shorthand for ‘pretty’ and ‘girl’.
As the mother of girls myself, I recognised so much of this. There are never-ending, circular arguments about why pink is/isn’t for girls and cars are/aren’t for boys, and why she doesn’t like men (but what about Daddy?!).
The book is strong on how we must watch our own behaviour too – subconsciously we have absorbed many stereotyped expectations of girls and boys, and it can be hard to avoid repeating them. This is the book to point out how much you’re unconsciously doing so!
Another interesting observation Ros and James make is how frequently other people comment on behaviours which reinforce expectations of gender, but ignore anything which doesn’t fit in with their presumption. People self-reinforce as they like having their expectations ‘proven’.
But the diary’s primary purpose, which it undoubtedly achieves, is to show the pervasive and continual messages that children are given about gender. It’s a persuasive argument, and I’d recommend it to anyone unconvinced of the levels of gender stereotyping. Or anyone who sticks to the argument that different preferences amongst boys and girls are inborn. The authors claim, ‘There was no time for either of our children to show us their “innate” behaviour because they were already being treated differently. Cards, toys and clothes given to them were different, the language people used about them was different, and there’s the fact that we could expect adults to handle our children differently and direct them to different toys depending on their gender, although they are unaware they’re doing it.’
Sometimes it feels like a losing battle, and you’re left with the feeling that, even pushing equality to the max at home will still, at best, only partway counter everything your children are exposed to outside the house. But, as the numbers of people tweeting @GenderDiary showed, it’s good to know that there are other like-minded parents out there. #keepfightingagainststereotyping
Parents Ros and James decided to tweet their observations of how friends, family and the world at large treated their daughter and son differently. There were so many instances and so many running themes that their @GenderDiary Twitter account became an outlet for their (and many other parents’) frustrations about the way in which children’s individuality is compromised by the messages society sends them on conforming to gender stereotypes.
The idea was based on Marianne Grabrucker’s book, There’s a Good Girl: Gender Stereotyping in the First Three Years – A Diary. Both show how noting down daily any instances of gender stereotyping demonstrates just how frequently kids are receiving subtle yet insistent comments on how they ‘should’ behave.
Ros and James note how, almost every single day, there’s an example of people gender stereotyping their children. ‘The diary has given us a new-found awareness that we want to share with other people. You have a document that brings it all together and shows you the weight of it in children’s lives.’
The snowball effect of these constant messages, the authors argue, corrals children into behaviours that placate society’s expectations of them. So, their daughter begins policing the toys that she and her brother can play with – ‘That’s for boys’ – and modifies her choices when other people are around (by insisting on a pink cup, which she wouldn’t have at home, for instance).
Interestingly their daughter is three when her brother is born and the diary starts – the age when many believe gender stereotyping takes root in children themselves as they take note of their sex and feel the urge to belong to this social grouping. There’s much humour to be found in the daughter’s insistence on sticking to girlie stereotyping despite the parents’ best efforts. The prevalence of pink is like a ‘creeping contagion’, they say, observing that it’s no longer just a colour but is loaded with meaning. It’s shorthand for ‘pretty’ and ‘girl’.
As the mother of girls myself, I recognised so much of this. There are never-ending, circular arguments about why pink is/isn’t for girls and cars are/aren’t for boys, and why she doesn’t like men (but what about Daddy?!).
The book is strong on how we must watch our own behaviour too – subconsciously we have absorbed many stereotyped expectations of girls and boys, and it can be hard to avoid repeating them. This is the book to point out how much you’re unconsciously doing so!
Another interesting observation Ros and James make is how frequently other people comment on behaviours which reinforce expectations of gender, but ignore anything which doesn’t fit in with their presumption. People self-reinforce as they like having their expectations ‘proven’.
But the diary’s primary purpose, which it undoubtedly achieves, is to show the pervasive and continual messages that children are given about gender. It’s a persuasive argument, and I’d recommend it to anyone unconvinced of the levels of gender stereotyping. Or anyone who sticks to the argument that different preferences amongst boys and girls are inborn. The authors claim, ‘There was no time for either of our children to show us their “innate” behaviour because they were already being treated differently. Cards, toys and clothes given to them were different, the language people used about them was different, and there’s the fact that we could expect adults to handle our children differently and direct them to different toys depending on their gender, although they are unaware they’re doing it.’
Sometimes it feels like a losing battle, and you’re left with the feeling that, even pushing equality to the max at home will still, at best, only partway counter everything your children are exposed to outside the house. But, as the numbers of people tweeting @GenderDiary showed, it’s good to know that there are other like-minded parents out there. #keepfightingagainststereotyping
April 25, 2017
Release Date: 07.21.17
Gender — gender dysphoria, specifically — is something that has recently started fascinating me and I've adjusted my reading accordingly. Thanks to recent progress in gender studies, there seems to be more books published on this topic than ever before. It's one I find endlessly fascinating, so when I saw this book up for request on Netgalley, I jumped on it.
This is a nonfiction volume comprised of live tweets and blog posts created by two parents of two children — a son and daughter. Their children are young; the tweets and posts are about observations the kids (and parents) make about gender and how it enforces their worldview. Basically, this one is a series of snapshots of parents' journey to becoming more aware, progressive, feminist parents.
I liked this book. Despite my 3 star rating, I did like it. I just didn't love it, that's all. It made me reconsider my notions of gender, for sure; the parents make several great points here. As well, I liked that it's never clear at any one time whether the mom or dad is the one tweeting or blogging — that way there is no chance for gender bias, only total consideration for what ideas are being explored. Nice touch, I think.
However, the parents do tend to be a little overly snarky, a little condescending. At times their manner of speaking grated my nerves. Yes, I get frustrated by sexism and ignorance when it comes to gender dysphoria in today's culture — but at times the pettiness and whining was over the top. By the 80% mark I began to skim, which is never good.
Overall, this is an enjoyable and informative read, but I will never revisit it.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC, which was given in exchange for an honest review.
Gender — gender dysphoria, specifically — is something that has recently started fascinating me and I've adjusted my reading accordingly. Thanks to recent progress in gender studies, there seems to be more books published on this topic than ever before. It's one I find endlessly fascinating, so when I saw this book up for request on Netgalley, I jumped on it.
This is a nonfiction volume comprised of live tweets and blog posts created by two parents of two children — a son and daughter. Their children are young; the tweets and posts are about observations the kids (and parents) make about gender and how it enforces their worldview. Basically, this one is a series of snapshots of parents' journey to becoming more aware, progressive, feminist parents.
I liked this book. Despite my 3 star rating, I did like it. I just didn't love it, that's all. It made me reconsider my notions of gender, for sure; the parents make several great points here. As well, I liked that it's never clear at any one time whether the mom or dad is the one tweeting or blogging — that way there is no chance for gender bias, only total consideration for what ideas are being explored. Nice touch, I think.
However, the parents do tend to be a little overly snarky, a little condescending. At times their manner of speaking grated my nerves. Yes, I get frustrated by sexism and ignorance when it comes to gender dysphoria in today's culture — but at times the pettiness and whining was over the top. By the 80% mark I began to skim, which is never good.
Overall, this is an enjoyable and informative read, but I will never revisit it.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC, which was given in exchange for an honest review.
April 26, 2020
There's no doubt that as soon as the sex of a child is known, boys and girls are treated differently from one another. Parents Ros Ball and James Millar set out to record just how differently, when they formed the Twitter account @GenderDiary, to point out the contrasting ways people treated their daughter and son.
Their book is an easy read. It's full of ideas for raising children in a way that challenges the idea that some activities and behaviours are only suitable for boys, and others only for girls. It would make a great gift for parents or prospective parents of young children, whether or not they think they know, or care, about the issues around gender stereotyping.
As a campaigner with Let Toys Be Toys, it would be fair to assume that the authors were preaching to the converted with me, but even though I've long followed @GenderDiary on Twitter, I still found plenty of food for thought - as well as useful information in the appendices, which include crowd sourced lists of books and films that help to challenge gender stereotypes.
Anyone who wants the best for their children needs to think about the effects gender stereotyping has, on all children, whether it's through pink and blue marketing, implicit bias or gendered expectations. It's hard, even for the most well meaning parent, to break away from ingrained cultural norms that promote damaging ideals such as 'boys should be tough' and 'girls should be pretty'. The Gender Agenda gives us some ideas on where to start.
Their book is an easy read. It's full of ideas for raising children in a way that challenges the idea that some activities and behaviours are only suitable for boys, and others only for girls. It would make a great gift for parents or prospective parents of young children, whether or not they think they know, or care, about the issues around gender stereotyping.
As a campaigner with Let Toys Be Toys, it would be fair to assume that the authors were preaching to the converted with me, but even though I've long followed @GenderDiary on Twitter, I still found plenty of food for thought - as well as useful information in the appendices, which include crowd sourced lists of books and films that help to challenge gender stereotypes.
Anyone who wants the best for their children needs to think about the effects gender stereotyping has, on all children, whether it's through pink and blue marketing, implicit bias or gendered expectations. It's hard, even for the most well meaning parent, to break away from ingrained cultural norms that promote damaging ideals such as 'boys should be tough' and 'girls should be pretty'. The Gender Agenda gives us some ideas on where to start.
December 20, 2018
An interesting and thought-provoking look at how differently boys and girls are treated, right from babyhood, with some discussion of how to open horizons for your child and useful lists of books and films that might help. It was nice to see Zoe Marriott's books get a mention. Anne-Cath. Vestly's Aurora books (Hallo Aurora and Aurora and the Little Blue Car), about a family where Dad stays home to look after the children while Mum goes out to work, would be a useful addition to the list of books, though they may be out of print now. We found them very popular with our daughters when we were just such a family!
December 26, 2017
I like the premise of these two parents taking the time to blog daily about little defining episodes in their children's lives. Mundane things and situations that are otherwise (obviously) ignored and propagated (purposely or not), which is how we ended up in this mess in the first place. Once you see it, it can't be unseen and I plan to use the information that has been brought to my attention to try and break the cycle with my niece.
July 10, 2017
This compelling account of how one couple noticed their daughter and son were being treated differently is unique and brings to light many issues that I would not have thought about otherwise. I feel that I learned quite a bit from this book and was made aware of how simple things like language can signal all sorts of things to a child.
While this book was primarily the parent's Twitter diary and blog posts, it was still fascinating (though periodically repetitive). I appreciated that the parents noted quite a bit more than I think I would - people pushing the color pink on their daughter, people commenting on the son's perceived strength and the daughter's appearance, people trying to convince the daughter she'd rather be a princess than a pirate, people telling the children they'd have to wait for their dad to get home to do DIY or rough and tumble things with the children. It was interesting to see their record and to also think to when I've seen these attitude towards very young children. I think that, after reading this book, I'll be much more aware of this.
What I loved most about this book is that it offered tons of resources to parents who are concerned with pigeon-holing their child into gendered expectations - book and film lists that demonstrate strong females and sensitive men, clothing and toy stores that offer options besides frilly dresses for girls and t-shirts and cargo shorts for boys. They also offer books ideas for grown-ups who want to educate themselves more on this topic.
Recommended for individuals with young children and for individuals with an interest in gender studies. This would be an excellent (and easily read) book for a Gender Studies 101 course.
While this book was primarily the parent's Twitter diary and blog posts, it was still fascinating (though periodically repetitive). I appreciated that the parents noted quite a bit more than I think I would - people pushing the color pink on their daughter, people commenting on the son's perceived strength and the daughter's appearance, people trying to convince the daughter she'd rather be a princess than a pirate, people telling the children they'd have to wait for their dad to get home to do DIY or rough and tumble things with the children. It was interesting to see their record and to also think to when I've seen these attitude towards very young children. I think that, after reading this book, I'll be much more aware of this.
What I loved most about this book is that it offered tons of resources to parents who are concerned with pigeon-holing their child into gendered expectations - book and film lists that demonstrate strong females and sensitive men, clothing and toy stores that offer options besides frilly dresses for girls and t-shirts and cargo shorts for boys. They also offer books ideas for grown-ups who want to educate themselves more on this topic.
Recommended for individuals with young children and for individuals with an interest in gender studies. This would be an excellent (and easily read) book for a Gender Studies 101 course.
July 23, 2017
I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
The book was pretty eye-opening in some aspects even though I already knew quite a lot about the gendered socialization of children. I liked how the parents paid attention not only to the messages from the outside world that the received about the gender-normative behavior but also to how they themselves sometimes unwittingly subscribed to these messages. They show how extremely hard it is to introduce even a tiny bit of gender-neutrality into parenting. The book offers quite a bit of advice and resources for parents and educators.
The book was pretty eye-opening in some aspects even though I already knew quite a lot about the gendered socialization of children. I liked how the parents paid attention not only to the messages from the outside world that the received about the gender-normative behavior but also to how they themselves sometimes unwittingly subscribed to these messages. They show how extremely hard it is to introduce even a tiny bit of gender-neutrality into parenting. The book offers quite a bit of advice and resources for parents and educators.
August 28, 2024
A short and informative read. It was pretty cool
November 10, 2019
This book, derived from the Twitter posts and blog of the parents of two children, articulated to me more clearly the depth of a gender agenda we have in our society, of our need to define and separate by gender, including the behaviour in me, one which I am working hard to be aware of and eradicate more.
April 5, 2017
Over the last few years I have watched several close friends raise their children and I've always found gender and personality fascinating. The description of this book therefore was very appealing. It lived up to its promise; it raises many new - to me, at least! - points and the authors provide further reading lists for both children and adults. My only criticism would be the format. As a collection of tweets, it occasionally felt jerky and uncoordinated, partly due to the nature of Twitter posts. Other than that, however I enjoyed the 'The Gender Agenda': it made me think and reassess my behaviour and expectations of children.
December 22, 2020
Opens your mind up in a way that allows you to realise how Capitalism and the way society treats boys and girls growing up in how they can have their abilities, mindset and personal growth stunted. The authors also show great examples for both boys and girls of soloutions to this too though.
February 5, 2021
I’m not a fan of books that reproduce Tweets, but the sections on films and books in this book are excellent and are very useful to any family trying to protect their children from pernicious gender stereotypes.
August 28, 2025
It took me such a long time to read this one. Like all books about the sensitive topic of gender gaps it was hard to read due to the truth it shows. It was enraging to see how far we have failed to come.
May 1, 2019
I read this kind of as a research thing for my job, but I ended up actually really enjoying it as well. Whilst not directly relevant to my work supporting trans people, I’m always looking to expand my knowledge and understanding around the topic of gender altogether, and this was really helpful for that. I loved looking at gender roles and the way we view masculinity and femininity as a society, and I felt that familiar feminist fire rising in my belly as I was reading. The unconventional format of being a diary of tweets was brilliant as it meant that it was quite informal and I could easily dip in and out whenever I had a spare moment. The tone matched this for accessibility, and it didn’t feel like some stuffy, complex, academic text that I had to be super switched on to read, but rather it was something that everyone could understand and relate to, and even laugh along with, making it the perfect thing to complement my relaxed training style.
July 13, 2017
I received this book as an e-arc from NetGalley in exchange for feed back, but this has definitely not affected my opinion
I am not the target demographic of this book by any stretch of the imagination, but I really did enjoy reading this book. That said, I'd absolutely recommend this book more to parents or perspective parents than people like me who are still trying to get through college.
Recently I've been really interested in the idea of gender and how we read our kids, and reading this book was exactly the kind of thing I wanted. I particularly liked the sharing of the tweets, because the anecdotes revealed more than I think a lot of studies can.
I will said I read MOST of this book, and skimmed more than I read, but I did enjoy this book generally.
I am not the target demographic of this book by any stretch of the imagination, but I really did enjoy reading this book. That said, I'd absolutely recommend this book more to parents or perspective parents than people like me who are still trying to get through college.
Recently I've been really interested in the idea of gender and how we read our kids, and reading this book was exactly the kind of thing I wanted. I particularly liked the sharing of the tweets, because the anecdotes revealed more than I think a lot of studies can.
I will said I read MOST of this book, and skimmed more than I read, but I did enjoy this book generally.
January 1, 2026
The world has (thankfully) moved on a little bit from when this was published (2017) but still worth a read, especially if you were raising small children from around the same period. The authors address their own biases and offer positive action against the endless onslaught of gender stereotyping, rather than just moaning about other people.
I really love this quote (about coming across cooking books "for girls" and "for boys"):
"I just want a world that had 'stuff for people'. Am I wrong? I just want my kids to be able to *choose* if that f'ing cooking book with cupcakes is the one they want, not to be told their sex means it *is*. It's silly to be raging here about f'ing cupcakes when some live with gendercide, but the tiniest things are the building blocks of misogyny."
I really love this quote (about coming across cooking books "for girls" and "for boys"):
"I just want a world that had 'stuff for people'. Am I wrong? I just want my kids to be able to *choose* if that f'ing cooking book with cupcakes is the one they want, not to be told their sex means it *is*. It's silly to be raging here about f'ing cupcakes when some live with gendercide, but the tiniest things are the building blocks of misogyny."
July 27, 2017
"The Gender Agenda" gives some examples of how gender stereotypes are forced on children but it didn't really give any explanation or background to how this could be changed or even goes into any depth on the subject why it should be changed.
Overall, it's an interesting read but there are several books on the subject which are much more informative.
Overall, it's an interesting read but there are several books on the subject which are much more informative.
September 1, 2019
I found this book fascinating. In truth, I haven't finished reading it yet as it's one that needs time taken over it and the points that are raised in it need careful consideration. It is a topic that is certainly relevant to now and is very evident when I speak to parents about the issues that they are facing with their children.
July 24, 2017
Really interesting and eye opening into things I didn't realize I did myself
July 25, 2017
A collection of tweets, blogs and assorted lists. Preaching to the converted with me over the general point of the reinforcement of gender roles with children. Some funny stuff too.
August 3, 2018
A very interesting book on the difference shown by most people for boys and girls. A bit depressing sometimes, but very enlightening.
Read
November 27, 2020Lovely to read a book by someone you know!
Want to read
April 2, 2021Note: I accessed a digital review copy of this book through Edelweiss.
October 1, 2025
In promoting the ideas discussed, I should note that Goodreads has James' name first, rather than Ros, as it is on the book. Preference given to the male author over the female one?
May 7, 2018
Discusses gender stereotyping that are subconsciously conferred on children just as soon as they are born.
May 9, 2017
(I received a e-copy of this book on NetGalley from the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions/thoughts expressed are my own).
The Gender Agenda is a collection of personal anecdotes and stories from two parents (James Millar, Ros Ball) as they struggle to raise their children in a gender neutral manner. The got their start from a Twitter account that grew to blogs, interviews etc.
The book is broken into sections: the tweets are collected and displayed first, then the blogs, Dad Diaries entries and lastly, 3 appendix pieces that contain an interview then a reading & film list for kids 0-14 years old.
I personally found the tweets very difficult to read. While some of them make good points and observations, since they are only short excerpts, there is no chance for them to really elaborate on their points, thoughts, etc. This makes some of them come across and digging too hard to see a gender flaw in something mundane, when there may be nothing there (June 25th 2011, pg. 44 refers to when their daughter saw pink as pretty and for girls and they stated that "pink was no longer a color, it was loaded with meaning." Or it could just be a little girl choosing the color pink because she wanted to. That is what I found tough with them being so short, it was hard to explore anything.
Some of the examples are self-fulling which is the constant battle with wanting to be fair to all genders, as if you are looking for something wrong, you are likely to find it. I appreciate all the care and determination they put into trying to make their world and their children's lives better - as a fellow feminist, I have also been trapped by frustration. Getting a baby card for a little girl is nearly impossible!
I did find that the blogs and the Dad Diaries entries to be a little easier to follow, as they are well thought out, concise and do not come across quite as hostile.
It is an eye opening book about how gender effects everyone, and how down to the smallest thing can be construed as a gender issue, for good or bad.
The Gender Agenda is a collection of personal anecdotes and stories from two parents (James Millar, Ros Ball) as they struggle to raise their children in a gender neutral manner. The got their start from a Twitter account that grew to blogs, interviews etc.
The book is broken into sections: the tweets are collected and displayed first, then the blogs, Dad Diaries entries and lastly, 3 appendix pieces that contain an interview then a reading & film list for kids 0-14 years old.
I personally found the tweets very difficult to read. While some of them make good points and observations, since they are only short excerpts, there is no chance for them to really elaborate on their points, thoughts, etc. This makes some of them come across and digging too hard to see a gender flaw in something mundane, when there may be nothing there (June 25th 2011, pg. 44 refers to when their daughter saw pink as pretty and for girls and they stated that "pink was no longer a color, it was loaded with meaning." Or it could just be a little girl choosing the color pink because she wanted to. That is what I found tough with them being so short, it was hard to explore anything.
Some of the examples are self-fulling which is the constant battle with wanting to be fair to all genders, as if you are looking for something wrong, you are likely to find it. I appreciate all the care and determination they put into trying to make their world and their children's lives better - as a fellow feminist, I have also been trapped by frustration. Getting a baby card for a little girl is nearly impossible!
I did find that the blogs and the Dad Diaries entries to be a little easier to follow, as they are well thought out, concise and do not come across quite as hostile.
It is an eye opening book about how gender effects everyone, and how down to the smallest thing can be construed as a gender issue, for good or bad.
January 29, 2022
A really interesting account of one family's experiences of everyday sexism. I've followed the authors' Twitter account for tears so a lot of this wasn't new to me, and in parts it felt quite repetitive - although that's kind of the point, drawing attention to the slow drip of stereotypes into children's consciousness. The different sections also felt a little disjointed. But it's definitely a good read, especially for anyone skeptical about the influence of stereotypes on children.
Want to read
July 21, 2017I don’t do this often, but I’m going to write a review of this book before I’ve finished reading the book. Don’t worry, I’ll explain my reasons. It’s also not very often a book ends up in my DNF pile, and this one interests me enough to stay out of that pile…so far. But today is its publication day and with everything I have going on in my life right now I really don’t know how long it will take me to finish the book. I know it takes me longer to read a nonfiction book than my usual contemporary romance, but this one really is not moving quickly for me at all.
I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t want you to think this is a bad book. My problem with this book is partly my reading style and partly the writing style. The book is set up in three sections. I’m still in the first section (which is by far the longest section), which is called The Diary. This section is a diary of the pair’s Twitter account (@GenderDiary) they started shortly after their second child, a son, was born to document how he was treated in comparison to their older child, a daughter. While I find the snippets of their daily life and observations interesting, I feel it’s lacking in substance. I love Twitter, but tweets are not books. Sometimes I felt I was missing some background information. That perhaps a particular tweet was in reference to another tweet that wasn’t mentioned. I don’t know, it just didn’t feel fully fleshed out to me.
The second section is called The Blogs. While I haven’t gotten to this section yet, I jumped over to take a gander. The section starts with an explanation that in the summer of 2012 the authors were asked to contribute a series of blogs to an online magazine. So again, it’s a rehashing (from what I can tell, word for word) of previously published work they did…on a blog this time instead of Twitter.
The final section is titled Dad Diaries. From what I can tell, it’s another section of previously released work. This time from only James Millar as he becomes the primary childcare giver of the children and observes how he’s viewed by the outside world.
So as you can see, this book is a compilation of a Twitter account and two blogs that have all previously been out there for public consumption. That in itself is not really a problem if you go into it knowing this. The description of this book does say it’s adapted from tweets and blogs, so if you read the description you cannot be mad about that. It’s more that I don’t know how well these formats (tweets and blogs) translate to a whole book.
That all being said, I found the subject matter interesting. I found the authors very observant of the world around them as well as their own actions. I will be finishing this book (and will update my review if needed) and hope once I get out of the Twitter section I will find the reading a bit more smooth.
**I received an ARC of this book courtesy of Net Galley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review**
https://allingoodtimeblog.wordpress.c...
I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t want you to think this is a bad book. My problem with this book is partly my reading style and partly the writing style. The book is set up in three sections. I’m still in the first section (which is by far the longest section), which is called The Diary. This section is a diary of the pair’s Twitter account (@GenderDiary) they started shortly after their second child, a son, was born to document how he was treated in comparison to their older child, a daughter. While I find the snippets of their daily life and observations interesting, I feel it’s lacking in substance. I love Twitter, but tweets are not books. Sometimes I felt I was missing some background information. That perhaps a particular tweet was in reference to another tweet that wasn’t mentioned. I don’t know, it just didn’t feel fully fleshed out to me.
The second section is called The Blogs. While I haven’t gotten to this section yet, I jumped over to take a gander. The section starts with an explanation that in the summer of 2012 the authors were asked to contribute a series of blogs to an online magazine. So again, it’s a rehashing (from what I can tell, word for word) of previously published work they did…on a blog this time instead of Twitter.
The final section is titled Dad Diaries. From what I can tell, it’s another section of previously released work. This time from only James Millar as he becomes the primary childcare giver of the children and observes how he’s viewed by the outside world.
So as you can see, this book is a compilation of a Twitter account and two blogs that have all previously been out there for public consumption. That in itself is not really a problem if you go into it knowing this. The description of this book does say it’s adapted from tweets and blogs, so if you read the description you cannot be mad about that. It’s more that I don’t know how well these formats (tweets and blogs) translate to a whole book.
That all being said, I found the subject matter interesting. I found the authors very observant of the world around them as well as their own actions. I will be finishing this book (and will update my review if needed) and hope once I get out of the Twitter section I will find the reading a bit more smooth.
**I received an ARC of this book courtesy of Net Galley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review**
https://allingoodtimeblog.wordpress.c...
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