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Boys don’t cry: Identität, Gefühl und Männlichkeit
Männer weinen nicht. Sollten sie aber, denn sie haben allen Grund dazu: Starre Männlichkeitsbilder beherrschen noch immer die Identifikationsangebote – sei es in Erziehung, Beruf, Werbung oder Mainstream-Medien. Stark, unbesiegbar, wild und immer auf der Gewinnerspur sollen Männer sein, ob sie wollen oder nicht.
Jack Urwin hat genug davon. Es reicht ihm nicht, dass der starke Mann heute auch mal weinen oder Elternzeit nehmen darf, sondern er fragt, warum Männer überhaupt stark sein müssen. Warum messen wir Menschen noch immer an Stereotypen, wo es uns ohne doch viel besser ginge? Dieses Buch ist der Beginn einer längst überfälligen Debatte darüber, wie eine positive, moderne Männlichkeit aussehen kann und wie wir dahin gelangen können, sie zu leben.
Unter anderem ausgelöst vom frühen Tod seines Vaters hat Jack Urwin 2014 den weltweit viel beachteten Essay »A Stiff Upper Lip Is Killing British Men« im VICE Magazine veröffentlicht, dessen Themen er hier fortführt. Von der Mob-Mentalität, wie sie bei Fußballspielen und in Fight Club zur Schau gestellt wird, bis zu unseren Großvätern, die aus dem Zweiten Weltkrieg zurückkehrten, ohne je gelernt zu haben, über ihre Gefühle zu sprechen, untersucht Urwin, wie der Mythos der Maskulinität entstanden ist und warum er toxisch, ja tödlich ist. Warum tun wir uns trotzdem so schwer damit, diese fragwürdigen Ideale hinter uns zu lassen?
Teils Essay, teils persönliches Manifest, ist »Boys don’t cry« eine witzige und scharfe Auseinandersetzung mit toxischer Maskulinität und ihren Folgen – und ein Plädoyer für einen anderen Umgang miteinander.
Jack Urwin hat genug davon. Es reicht ihm nicht, dass der starke Mann heute auch mal weinen oder Elternzeit nehmen darf, sondern er fragt, warum Männer überhaupt stark sein müssen. Warum messen wir Menschen noch immer an Stereotypen, wo es uns ohne doch viel besser ginge? Dieses Buch ist der Beginn einer längst überfälligen Debatte darüber, wie eine positive, moderne Männlichkeit aussehen kann und wie wir dahin gelangen können, sie zu leben.
Unter anderem ausgelöst vom frühen Tod seines Vaters hat Jack Urwin 2014 den weltweit viel beachteten Essay »A Stiff Upper Lip Is Killing British Men« im VICE Magazine veröffentlicht, dessen Themen er hier fortführt. Von der Mob-Mentalität, wie sie bei Fußballspielen und in Fight Club zur Schau gestellt wird, bis zu unseren Großvätern, die aus dem Zweiten Weltkrieg zurückkehrten, ohne je gelernt zu haben, über ihre Gefühle zu sprechen, untersucht Urwin, wie der Mythos der Maskulinität entstanden ist und warum er toxisch, ja tödlich ist. Warum tun wir uns trotzdem so schwer damit, diese fragwürdigen Ideale hinter uns zu lassen?
Teils Essay, teils persönliches Manifest, ist »Boys don’t cry« eine witzige und scharfe Auseinandersetzung mit toxischer Maskulinität und ihren Folgen – und ein Plädoyer für einen anderen Umgang miteinander.
232 pages, Paperback
First published June 2, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 84 reviews
May 19, 2017
I wouldn't say this is a review, mostly it is just a bunch of shit about how this book made me feel and how I feel about the topics in it. Fuck me right... I ain't making you read it, so don't complain.
This one is a hard one, Jack Urwin makes some good points, but mostly he is a condescending cunt (putting it nicely).
He neglects to properly understand how deeply psychological some aspects of masculinity are, you can understand issues of masculinity that need to be changed, you can see them in yourself, and yet somehow you are unable to change them on a deep level. The only change we can make is to teach our sons to be better than us, to be more open and accepting, but even then you see a kid cry and you think "why is it doing that, stop" you know intellectually this is not how you should think, but it is nature to you to think it, how we can be better is by not articulating this thought to the child, to nurture it instead, to help change masculinity you must take an educated approach in raising your child.
The other issue here is calling it "toxic masculinity" does not help the issue, it will in fact take people like the "lads", lash out based on the pure condescension in it, because that is how anyone reacts to being called toxic (I mean, fuck even I react badly to that term, in my head I go "here we go again, another beta shit telling me I'm evil and fucked up because I am "too masculine" and yes I know on an educated level that thought is silly, but it holds truth none the less.).
As an example, use the term toxic feminism and people lose their fucking minds... yet you use the term toxic masculinity and you are praised to the heavens for it, that seems wrong to me, that seems un-egalitarian, it is exceptionalism, it does not help anyone. It does not help deal with the issues of masculinity that are bad. It does not help a feminist cause. It helps no one at all. Negative wording never helps.
The other problem is that the book brings up a lot of points without proper reference, and in a very antagonistic way. Without showing any real evidence to back a lot of what is said up (this aspect being my biggest grievance) your argument to me seems weaker, less thought out that I would have liked it to be.
This is a book that needs to be written by a psychologist who has studied these issues properly, someone who is going to take a bipartisan, respectful and studious approach. My reasoning for saying it needs a proper psychologist to study it is simply that I think it goes a lot deeper than Jack Urwin lets on and a psychologist would be better able to see exactly how deep it goes.
I think somewhere deep in there, some of these aspects of "toxic masculinity" are nature (for instance when he talks about the things he did as a kid, drinking Tabasco sauce, flicking coins at each others knuckles, fighting etc), acts of bravado and shows of masculinity are the cave man in us, the monkey in us, it is there to weed out the weak, to decide who is alpha and who is beta. It is animal in the same way war is animal.
On an educated level you know it is stupid and pointless and yet every young man has done it, every young man will do it, even if you are like my mother and teach your son to be open about emotions, sensitive, caring, it still gets weeded in when you put men in groups together.
Men won't change, aspects of masculinity certainly will, and for the better I might add, I know a damn lot of men who should treat women a hell of a lot better than they do and I hope to fuck that shit changes, but on a lot of other aspects men won't change, we will still enjoy fighting, acts of bravado, wars and weapons, because we are animals and some of these things are instinct.
Then again, I am a cynic, maybe its all easily changed over night... but then again if it was that easy the male suicide rate wouldn't be so high. Because that's what it comes down to, its easier to kill yourself than to express yourself.
This one is a hard one, Jack Urwin makes some good points, but mostly he is a condescending cunt (putting it nicely).
He neglects to properly understand how deeply psychological some aspects of masculinity are, you can understand issues of masculinity that need to be changed, you can see them in yourself, and yet somehow you are unable to change them on a deep level. The only change we can make is to teach our sons to be better than us, to be more open and accepting, but even then you see a kid cry and you think "why is it doing that, stop" you know intellectually this is not how you should think, but it is nature to you to think it, how we can be better is by not articulating this thought to the child, to nurture it instead, to help change masculinity you must take an educated approach in raising your child.
The other issue here is calling it "toxic masculinity" does not help the issue, it will in fact take people like the "lads", lash out based on the pure condescension in it, because that is how anyone reacts to being called toxic (I mean, fuck even I react badly to that term, in my head I go "here we go again, another beta shit telling me I'm evil and fucked up because I am "too masculine" and yes I know on an educated level that thought is silly, but it holds truth none the less.).
As an example, use the term toxic feminism and people lose their fucking minds... yet you use the term toxic masculinity and you are praised to the heavens for it, that seems wrong to me, that seems un-egalitarian, it is exceptionalism, it does not help anyone. It does not help deal with the issues of masculinity that are bad. It does not help a feminist cause. It helps no one at all. Negative wording never helps.
The other problem is that the book brings up a lot of points without proper reference, and in a very antagonistic way. Without showing any real evidence to back a lot of what is said up (this aspect being my biggest grievance) your argument to me seems weaker, less thought out that I would have liked it to be.
This is a book that needs to be written by a psychologist who has studied these issues properly, someone who is going to take a bipartisan, respectful and studious approach. My reasoning for saying it needs a proper psychologist to study it is simply that I think it goes a lot deeper than Jack Urwin lets on and a psychologist would be better able to see exactly how deep it goes.
I think somewhere deep in there, some of these aspects of "toxic masculinity" are nature (for instance when he talks about the things he did as a kid, drinking Tabasco sauce, flicking coins at each others knuckles, fighting etc), acts of bravado and shows of masculinity are the cave man in us, the monkey in us, it is there to weed out the weak, to decide who is alpha and who is beta. It is animal in the same way war is animal.
On an educated level you know it is stupid and pointless and yet every young man has done it, every young man will do it, even if you are like my mother and teach your son to be open about emotions, sensitive, caring, it still gets weeded in when you put men in groups together.
Men won't change, aspects of masculinity certainly will, and for the better I might add, I know a damn lot of men who should treat women a hell of a lot better than they do and I hope to fuck that shit changes, but on a lot of other aspects men won't change, we will still enjoy fighting, acts of bravado, wars and weapons, because we are animals and some of these things are instinct.
Then again, I am a cynic, maybe its all easily changed over night... but then again if it was that easy the male suicide rate wouldn't be so high. Because that's what it comes down to, its easier to kill yourself than to express yourself.
January 1, 2026
I mean, it was pretty much preaching to the choir because I already subscribe to what he's saying in this book, nevertheless, I still enjoyed reading it.
November 19, 2016
It was really good, I only gave it 3 stars because I was already familiar with all the topics it brought up (because of women's studies). It's not referenced at all, only statistics and facts have been referenced and even when it is it's online articles. The entire book only has 43 references. I didn't mind the referencing though because for one, I knew everything in there was correct and also because the book presents an opinion that I agree with. So I enjoyed it, but if someone did not agree with the opinions brought up in the book the lack of references (and credible references) would get annoying:) In the last chapter he said that he hasn't referenced the book or made it too academic because he wants it to be accessible to every single person in the general public and I think this should've been said at the beginning rather than the end perhaps?
Anyways, it was really good I liked it.
Anyways, it was really good I liked it.
August 8, 2021
Jack Urwin hat mit einem VICE Artikel zur toxischen Männlichkeit den Nerv der Zeit getroffen.
Denn starre Männerbilder, die Definition von muskelbepackten Männlichkeit, der immerstarke - nicht weinende Mann, der sagt wo es langgeht, in den Medien überpräsent ist. Es ist gerade so alarmierend, dass diese Art von Männlichkeit seinen festen Stand in der Gesellschaft hat weil Selbstmord unter Männern hoch ist.
Warum sind in Fußballstadien die Gewalttätigkeit so verdammt hoch? Warum fühlen sich CIS Männer von der LGBTQ Community bedroht?
Wo sind die Ursprünge? In diesem Buch geht Jack Urwin autobiografisch in diese Thematik ein und erklärt was sich gesellschaftlich verändern muss. Was würde eine neue Identität und das auflockern des Begriffs der Männlichkeit für die Gesellschaft und das Zusammenleben bedeuten.
Das einzige was mir an dem Buch nicht so gefallen hat, ist die Sprache. Sie ist sehr simplifiziert, ausfallend und ständig erwähnt er, wie doch alle von seinem Buch gelangweilt werden würden usw. Das war ein bisschen störend weil es immer wieder von der eigentlich wichtigen Thematik abgelenkt hat und seine Worte abgewertet hat. Gerade bei so einem ernsten Thema, muss man sich nicht kleiner reden.
Denn starre Männerbilder, die Definition von muskelbepackten Männlichkeit, der immerstarke - nicht weinende Mann, der sagt wo es langgeht, in den Medien überpräsent ist. Es ist gerade so alarmierend, dass diese Art von Männlichkeit seinen festen Stand in der Gesellschaft hat weil Selbstmord unter Männern hoch ist.
Warum sind in Fußballstadien die Gewalttätigkeit so verdammt hoch? Warum fühlen sich CIS Männer von der LGBTQ Community bedroht?
Wo sind die Ursprünge? In diesem Buch geht Jack Urwin autobiografisch in diese Thematik ein und erklärt was sich gesellschaftlich verändern muss. Was würde eine neue Identität und das auflockern des Begriffs der Männlichkeit für die Gesellschaft und das Zusammenleben bedeuten.
Das einzige was mir an dem Buch nicht so gefallen hat, ist die Sprache. Sie ist sehr simplifiziert, ausfallend und ständig erwähnt er, wie doch alle von seinem Buch gelangweilt werden würden usw. Das war ein bisschen störend weil es immer wieder von der eigentlich wichtigen Thematik abgelenkt hat und seine Worte abgewertet hat. Gerade bei so einem ernsten Thema, muss man sich nicht kleiner reden.
November 30, 2016
A great overview of an important topic. Although I was already familiar with many of the ideas expressed (as the author admits himself, he is probably - unfortunately -preaching to the choir), one thought that surprised me is that there is no male equivalent of a "tomboy" (as in, there's not positive/endearing word for which to describe a boy who has interests more common to girls, yet we fondly call girls who are more into 'boy' stuff like sports and Lego "tomboys"). The writing style was great - humorous and informal - but I was disappointed with how self conscious the writing was at times, and that the author frequently referenced dubious sources such as the Daily Mail. However, overall the book and its intentions were fantastic and I would recommend it to EVERYONE
April 16, 2021
Bei Sachbüchern, deren Inhalt sehr wichtig ist, mir die Form aber gar nicht zusagt, hadere ich immer mit einer Wertung. Jack Urwin hat mit seinem verlängerten Essay "Boys Don't Cry" - oder "Man Up" im Original - eine Schrift verfasst, die alle Menschen auf einfache und verständliche Weise an die herrschende, toxische Männlichkei in unserer Gesellschaft heranführt. Ein Buch, das für mehr Offenheit, Gefühle und Selbstreflektion wirbt, alte Muster aufbrechen und zur Emanziaption beitragen will.
Nur leider liest sich alles sehr plump, viele Sätze sind unnötige Witzchen, die Absätze salopp aufbrechen und zeigen, wie nahbar Urwin ist - nur hemmt das den Lesefluss und liess bei mir das Gefühl wachsen, es hätten noch viel mehr Überlegungen und Informationen Platz gehabt. Zusätzlich werden viele Aussagen wiederholt, damit es wirklich alle begreifen. Ein Buch zum Einstieg, für eine wirkliche Vertiefung reicht es nicht aus.
Nur leider liest sich alles sehr plump, viele Sätze sind unnötige Witzchen, die Absätze salopp aufbrechen und zeigen, wie nahbar Urwin ist - nur hemmt das den Lesefluss und liess bei mir das Gefühl wachsen, es hätten noch viel mehr Überlegungen und Informationen Platz gehabt. Zusätzlich werden viele Aussagen wiederholt, damit es wirklich alle begreifen. Ein Buch zum Einstieg, für eine wirkliche Vertiefung reicht es nicht aus.
December 2, 2025
Ich denke für Menschen, die sich noch gar nicht mit der Thematik auseinandergesetzt haben, ist dieses Buch ein angenehmer Einstieg. Die Intention des Autors war, das Thema irgendwie einfach und "Kumpelhaft" zu vermitteln und das ist ihm auch gelungen. Inhaltlich bleibt es trotzdem sehr an der Oberfläche. Es gibt einige wenige Stellen, an dem Misogynie als Ursache für die Angst vor "Entmannung" genannt wird und damit die Argumentation zuende gebracht wird. Es hätte dem Buch trotzdem gut getan, etwas wissenschaftlicher zu sein und diesem Kernargument mehr Raum zu geben.
February 7, 2017
Man Up might have worked better as a more clearly instructive guide to modern manhood (as Laura Bates's excellent Girl Up is to womanhood for teenage girls.) Instead it takes the form of a pop-sociological study of the sorry state of modern men (read: white British middle-class men, the differing experiences of black or "brown" men are only talked about from the outside, in passing) with intermittent entreaties that its male audience change their archaic masculine attitudes. Any man likely to be interested in this book will most probably already sympathise with the causes Urwin touches on (gender equality, LGBTQ rights, etc.) but his intentions are good and if it reaches people then more power to him.
For me however, such an enquiry needs greater depth. Man Up is mostly made up of Urwin's opinions about how men should act, with a striking dearth of research to back up his reasoning as to why they should make his suggested changes. It can often feel like you're reading a first year gender studies essay written on a coffee-fuelled all-nighter. For instance, when Urwin draws a link between gendered parenting and emotional repression in later life, he frustratingly uses no developmental psychology to back up his points. It's a wasted opportunity, I'm not just going to take your word for it!
Whilst I broadly agree with Man Up's sentiments, its facile generalisations and unverified (sometimes unverifiable) claims (eg. "violence is inherently male") prove problematic distractions and ultimately undermine the important issues the book broaches.
For me however, such an enquiry needs greater depth. Man Up is mostly made up of Urwin's opinions about how men should act, with a striking dearth of research to back up his reasoning as to why they should make his suggested changes. It can often feel like you're reading a first year gender studies essay written on a coffee-fuelled all-nighter. For instance, when Urwin draws a link between gendered parenting and emotional repression in later life, he frustratingly uses no developmental psychology to back up his points. It's a wasted opportunity, I'm not just going to take your word for it!
Whilst I broadly agree with Man Up's sentiments, its facile generalisations and unverified (sometimes unverifiable) claims (eg. "violence is inherently male") prove problematic distractions and ultimately undermine the important issues the book broaches.
December 1, 2016
It was good and I enjoyed it, except the author was very repetitive and I (bciknoweverythingobviously) already knew a lot of what he was saying because of Womens Studies at school. Apart from that he brought up good ideas and he seem like good man.
January 12, 2021
Aufgrund der hitzigen Debatte um die Entlassung eines Lehrers an der Privatschule Eton nach der Veröffentlichung eines Videos, in dem er das Patriarchat zu rechtfertigen versucht, lese ich mich jetzt etwas in die Gender-Thematik ein.
Urwins Buch war ein guter Start, da er Aspekte aus unterschiedlichen Gebieten (v.a. Psychologie und Geschichte) auf eingängige Art beleuchtet. Seine Argumente sind jeweils durch gutgewählte und teilweise persönliche Fallbeispiele anschaulich illustriert.
An diversen Stellen hätte ich mir etwas mehr Belege für Behauptungen gewünscht oder wenigstens ein solides Literaturverzeichnis am Ende.
Sehr gestört hat mich die nonchalante Schreibweise (z.B. die Leser*innen als "kleine Scheisser" zu bezeichnen). Die ständigen Nebenbemerkungen sind weder geistreich noch komisch. Burschikose Formulierungen wie bei The Simple Club machen Lernen nicht "cool", sondern eher peinlich und lenken vom Inhalt ab. Alles in allem bin ich aber froh, dass ich über den Schreibstil hinwegblicken konnten.
Urwins Buch war ein guter Start, da er Aspekte aus unterschiedlichen Gebieten (v.a. Psychologie und Geschichte) auf eingängige Art beleuchtet. Seine Argumente sind jeweils durch gutgewählte und teilweise persönliche Fallbeispiele anschaulich illustriert.
An diversen Stellen hätte ich mir etwas mehr Belege für Behauptungen gewünscht oder wenigstens ein solides Literaturverzeichnis am Ende.
Sehr gestört hat mich die nonchalante Schreibweise (z.B. die Leser*innen als "kleine Scheisser" zu bezeichnen). Die ständigen Nebenbemerkungen sind weder geistreich noch komisch. Burschikose Formulierungen wie bei The Simple Club machen Lernen nicht "cool", sondern eher peinlich und lenken vom Inhalt ab. Alles in allem bin ich aber froh, dass ich über den Schreibstil hinwegblicken konnten.
September 3, 2021
Good info and thoughts, even 5 years later. There were some references to British culture, politics, events that lost me. However, still a good read and relevant.
February 28, 2018
A heart-felt plea for dealing with one of the most damaging aspect of masculinity: its influence on the many men that commit suicide. Jack Urwin argues that only by seeing masculinity as something broader can we improve the lives of men - by opening up, having emotionally honest conversations, and admitting to needing help.
This book is very much influenced by modern feminist thought, and it was refreshing to read about masculinity in a way that is compatible with female equality. Some sections especially reminded me of a few of my male friends, which underpins the book's social relevance to me. I think Urwin has chosen to cover important topics (including consent, abuse, and aggression) in an accessible manner.
I don't agree with everything he writes - his emphasis on the need for a father figure for boys comes a bit too closely to biological determinism. Why do boys necessarily need a (strong?) male figure to 'inspire' them? Do boys without a clear father figure grow up 'lacking'? Can a a woman not play this role?
Additionally, I feel this book could occasionally benefit from professional psychological insight, as it deals with mental health, and I feel these sections could be more in-depth. Yet I think Urwin's argument is formulated clearly enough to be incredibly useful to many people, and I hope it highlights the problematic nature of masculinity to people who might not come into contact with this kind of material in other ways.
This book is very much influenced by modern feminist thought, and it was refreshing to read about masculinity in a way that is compatible with female equality. Some sections especially reminded me of a few of my male friends, which underpins the book's social relevance to me. I think Urwin has chosen to cover important topics (including consent, abuse, and aggression) in an accessible manner.
I don't agree with everything he writes - his emphasis on the need for a father figure for boys comes a bit too closely to biological determinism. Why do boys necessarily need a (strong?) male figure to 'inspire' them? Do boys without a clear father figure grow up 'lacking'? Can a a woman not play this role?
Additionally, I feel this book could occasionally benefit from professional psychological insight, as it deals with mental health, and I feel these sections could be more in-depth. Yet I think Urwin's argument is formulated clearly enough to be incredibly useful to many people, and I hope it highlights the problematic nature of masculinity to people who might not come into contact with this kind of material in other ways.
March 15, 2017
Es steckt ganz viel Tolles hinter diesem Buch. Dass ein "ganz normaler" (cis, hetero und nicht Gender Studies studierender) Mann sich der Problematiken zum Thema Männlichkeit annimmt, ist schon mal ein guter Start. Und das in einem Format und einer Sprache, die sich ebenso an Leute richtet, die nicht schon zig Fachbücher zum Thema verschlungen haben (und das auch nicht vor haben). Konzepte, die Leser*innen nicht geläufig sein könnten, umreißt er kurz. Zur Illustration hat Urwin passende Materialien gesammelt (Geschichten verschiedener Interviewpartner*innen, Snippets aus Diskussionen im Netz, eigene Anekdoten), die einen Bezug aufbauen.
Nur hat er das ganze so... awkward zusammengebaut. Der Faden, den das Inhaltsverzeichnis verspricht, verliert sich ständig. Urwin springt zwischen anektodischem Erzählen und Erklären von Theorien und in welchem Kapitel waren wir jetzt noch mal? Hat er davon nicht vor 50 Seiten schon mal gesprochen, und ging es nicht gerade um... was eigentlich?
Natürlich hängen alle Themen, die er behandelt, zusammen, und eine Illustration kann mehrfach hervorgeholt werden, von verschiedenen Seiten beleuchtet werden, diese Verbindungen deutlich machen. Ich hatte den Eindruck, das wollte Urwin durch sein Springen und Querverweisen deutlich machen. Nur hatte ich am Ende das Gefühl, in einem Raum voller aufgerissener Boxen zu stehen, deren Inhalt kreuz und quer verstreut... schade.
Nur hat er das ganze so... awkward zusammengebaut. Der Faden, den das Inhaltsverzeichnis verspricht, verliert sich ständig. Urwin springt zwischen anektodischem Erzählen und Erklären von Theorien und in welchem Kapitel waren wir jetzt noch mal? Hat er davon nicht vor 50 Seiten schon mal gesprochen, und ging es nicht gerade um... was eigentlich?
Natürlich hängen alle Themen, die er behandelt, zusammen, und eine Illustration kann mehrfach hervorgeholt werden, von verschiedenen Seiten beleuchtet werden, diese Verbindungen deutlich machen. Ich hatte den Eindruck, das wollte Urwin durch sein Springen und Querverweisen deutlich machen. Nur hatte ich am Ende das Gefühl, in einem Raum voller aufgerissener Boxen zu stehen, deren Inhalt kreuz und quer verstreut... schade.
March 24, 2016
If you know me well, you'd understand that I could have "not interested in your masculine crisis" tattooed on my forehead. But even I think this book is a must read. Jack Urwin writes intelligently and sensitively, with humour and emotion; his arguments are well-constructed, well argued and well thought-out, covering topics from male grooming to the military. Most of all, he does this without dismissing feminism - in fact, he celebrates it. Essential reading.
July 22, 2017
It seems to me that it is an important, and helpful book for those who struggle with notions of masculinity, and especially so for those who don't know they do.
Therefore it is not written for me, even though I'm effected a great deal by these notions. I agree with a lot he says about the topic, but it doesn't seem to go far enough. For example: One reason is, I think, that he doesn't leave the heterosexual matrix, it is quite clearly written from a heterosexual perspective which carries a lot of strange assumptions. For example: men lack the ability to produce milk (p. 18), so women have the ability. No, they don't. Mothers of babies do, but women are not potential mothers. Then the topic of porn: I'm not generally opposed to porn in itself, but he doesn't mention the very stereotypical sex that is shown in internet porn, or maybe I haven't been to the right pages. I don't think that is is very educational, it seems to set the wrong ideas about heterosexual sex (dick sucking, fucking, done).
I also have a lot of trouble with the ideas of femininity. It is meant well, but I don't agree that women are much more emotionally developed. Those who are, probably put some work in it, there is nothing natural about it. I have no proof, but if heterosexual men think that women are more emotional, or that it comes easier to them it seems to be an easy out for those men who are unwilling or unable to deal with their emotional stuff. It can put their female partners or friends in the position of a social worker, because it is so easy.
Well, it is an awfully complicated topic, and I definitely applaud the intention.
Why can we all just try to grow up and be in touch with ourselves and emotions and not being strangled by any, even well meant, ideas of femininity or masculinity - let it go already.
Therefore it is not written for me, even though I'm effected a great deal by these notions. I agree with a lot he says about the topic, but it doesn't seem to go far enough. For example: One reason is, I think, that he doesn't leave the heterosexual matrix, it is quite clearly written from a heterosexual perspective which carries a lot of strange assumptions. For example: men lack the ability to produce milk (p. 18), so women have the ability. No, they don't. Mothers of babies do, but women are not potential mothers. Then the topic of porn: I'm not generally opposed to porn in itself, but he doesn't mention the very stereotypical sex that is shown in internet porn, or maybe I haven't been to the right pages. I don't think that is is very educational, it seems to set the wrong ideas about heterosexual sex (dick sucking, fucking, done).
I also have a lot of trouble with the ideas of femininity. It is meant well, but I don't agree that women are much more emotionally developed. Those who are, probably put some work in it, there is nothing natural about it. I have no proof, but if heterosexual men think that women are more emotional, or that it comes easier to them it seems to be an easy out for those men who are unwilling or unable to deal with their emotional stuff. It can put their female partners or friends in the position of a social worker, because it is so easy.
Well, it is an awfully complicated topic, and I definitely applaud the intention.
Why can we all just try to grow up and be in touch with ourselves and emotions and not being strangled by any, even well meant, ideas of femininity or masculinity - let it go already.
May 10, 2023
3.5 ⭐
Wie der Autor selbst schreibt, ist das kein wissenschaftliches Werk, welches tief ins Detail geht, sondern ein Überblick über Themenbereiche, die in Verbindung mit Männlichkeit problematisch sind. Für Menschen, die sich zum ersten Mal mit der Thematik befassen, ist das auf jeden Fall ein gutes Einstiegswerk, für mich persönlich war es fast ein bisschen zu oberflächlich (und teilweise ein bisschen zu UK-fokussiert, siehe die "Lad-Kultur"). Nichtsdestotrotz ist beim Lesen immer wieder ein kleines "Aha, ja stimmt" aufgeploppt, und ich kann einige Ideen und Anregungen mitnehmen.
Zum Schluss muss ich sagen, dass es ein echt wichtiges Buch ist, und Jack Urwin hat absolut recht in seiner Aussage, dass toxische Männlichkeit allen schadet, und dass sich jeder damit befassen sollte, vor allem die, die glauben, es würde sie nicht betreffen!
Wie der Autor selbst schreibt, ist das kein wissenschaftliches Werk, welches tief ins Detail geht, sondern ein Überblick über Themenbereiche, die in Verbindung mit Männlichkeit problematisch sind. Für Menschen, die sich zum ersten Mal mit der Thematik befassen, ist das auf jeden Fall ein gutes Einstiegswerk, für mich persönlich war es fast ein bisschen zu oberflächlich (und teilweise ein bisschen zu UK-fokussiert, siehe die "Lad-Kultur"). Nichtsdestotrotz ist beim Lesen immer wieder ein kleines "Aha, ja stimmt" aufgeploppt, und ich kann einige Ideen und Anregungen mitnehmen.
Zum Schluss muss ich sagen, dass es ein echt wichtiges Buch ist, und Jack Urwin hat absolut recht in seiner Aussage, dass toxische Männlichkeit allen schadet, und dass sich jeder damit befassen sollte, vor allem die, die glauben, es würde sie nicht betreffen!
September 23, 2023
The author curses a lot, uses crude language in places, and wouldn’t hold my personal values at times but an excellent book nonetheless. It looks at the damage done and still being done by society’s view of masculinity.
May 24, 2018
Very accessible therefore repetitive at times but still excellently written! Important stuff, you know?
November 14, 2022
A brilliant read for all men! As someone who’s already familiar with most of the concepts and context, it didn’t provide much new information for me personally, but a great conversation starter for those who still have to get to grips with the topic.
March 2, 2017
interessting, primarily a Book for man, about man, and I Wish for a hell of a lot of readers (m)!
November 27, 2016
Wow. Just an astonishing feat that this young journalist has tackled! He broached the subject of lads lads or stereotypical overly masculine behavior with snark and wit that added a new layer of enjoyment to the subject. While the writing was fun and light at times, Jack has covered how modern ideals of masculinity are dangerous and toxic to all. Urwin poses a way we can fix such issues aswell. A truly important and fun read!
I read this after a break up with my girlfriend, it has shown me that there are avenues and ways to cope with such hard hitting issues that don't include bottling it up. I know that this book's progressive and often times forward approach to the dangers of masculinity will not appeal to all, I urge you to please pick this up! There will be suctions that are very difficult to read and comprehend, however the thoughts that are provoked will be worth it in the long run! Please, not just for me, but for the rest of society give this book a read.
It is a very important topic right now as a lot of what Jack has spoken about as being toxic I have seen in my countries presidential elect, Donald Trump. This worries me greatly and I do not want the res of the country to follow suit in his misogynistic and hateful ways. Though this book I have learned so much both about myself and about how society interacts with the gender roles we have conformed to for generations.
This is by far my favorite non-fiction I have ever read. And while I don't read many non-fiction books now, when I was young that was the only genre I would be seen reading.
Jack Urwin, you my good man are brilliant and I commend you for writing such a thought provoking book!
There will be a review on my blog soon, check: http://mybookishempire.blogspot.com/
I read this after a break up with my girlfriend, it has shown me that there are avenues and ways to cope with such hard hitting issues that don't include bottling it up. I know that this book's progressive and often times forward approach to the dangers of masculinity will not appeal to all, I urge you to please pick this up! There will be suctions that are very difficult to read and comprehend, however the thoughts that are provoked will be worth it in the long run! Please, not just for me, but for the rest of society give this book a read.
It is a very important topic right now as a lot of what Jack has spoken about as being toxic I have seen in my countries presidential elect, Donald Trump. This worries me greatly and I do not want the res of the country to follow suit in his misogynistic and hateful ways. Though this book I have learned so much both about myself and about how society interacts with the gender roles we have conformed to for generations.
This is by far my favorite non-fiction I have ever read. And while I don't read many non-fiction books now, when I was young that was the only genre I would be seen reading.
Jack Urwin, you my good man are brilliant and I commend you for writing such a thought provoking book!
There will be a review on my blog soon, check: http://mybookishempire.blogspot.com/
August 1, 2021
Puh, schwer etwas zu diesem Buch zu sagen.
Es geht um #toxische #Männlichkeit und den überwiegenden Punkten, die #Urwin im Sinne von Identität/Geschlecht kann ich folgen. Auch wenn ich das ein oder andere Mal über seine Herleitungen gestolpert bin.
Die ganze Aufarbeitung negativer Folgen toxische Männlichkeit sowohl für den Mann (und er spricht von Mann und meint aber regelmäßig AMAB) als auch dessen Umwelt sind klar nachvollziehbar und in einer Sprache formuliert, die gut verständlich ist.
Allerdings leitet er, aus meiner Sicht, den überwiegenden Teil der toxischen Attribute aus den Folgen der beiden Weltkriege her. Und vergibt sich damit die Chance, eine umfassendere historische Klammer zu setzen. Der Widerspruch zu wesentlich älteren feministischen Bestrebungen wird hier deutlich.
Ansonsten ist mir im Schreibstil negativ aufgefallen, dass er die toxische Männlichkeit selbst nicht ablegen konnte. Im Bestreben, Männer für das Buche zu begeistern, wählt er hier teilweise rüde Zwischeneinschübe und beleidigt die Leserschaft. Das war mir unangenehm, da dies einen "männlichen" Habitus reproduziert.
Insgesamt ein gutes #Buch mit einem breiten Überblick zur Thematik mit Schnittstellen zu Queer-Feminismus.
#buchempfehlung #lesenmachtglücklich #freizeit #dienstag #feminismus #boysdontcry
Es geht um #toxische #Männlichkeit und den überwiegenden Punkten, die #Urwin im Sinne von Identität/Geschlecht kann ich folgen. Auch wenn ich das ein oder andere Mal über seine Herleitungen gestolpert bin.
Die ganze Aufarbeitung negativer Folgen toxische Männlichkeit sowohl für den Mann (und er spricht von Mann und meint aber regelmäßig AMAB) als auch dessen Umwelt sind klar nachvollziehbar und in einer Sprache formuliert, die gut verständlich ist.
Allerdings leitet er, aus meiner Sicht, den überwiegenden Teil der toxischen Attribute aus den Folgen der beiden Weltkriege her. Und vergibt sich damit die Chance, eine umfassendere historische Klammer zu setzen. Der Widerspruch zu wesentlich älteren feministischen Bestrebungen wird hier deutlich.
Ansonsten ist mir im Schreibstil negativ aufgefallen, dass er die toxische Männlichkeit selbst nicht ablegen konnte. Im Bestreben, Männer für das Buche zu begeistern, wählt er hier teilweise rüde Zwischeneinschübe und beleidigt die Leserschaft. Das war mir unangenehm, da dies einen "männlichen" Habitus reproduziert.
Insgesamt ein gutes #Buch mit einem breiten Überblick zur Thematik mit Schnittstellen zu Queer-Feminismus.
#buchempfehlung #lesenmachtglücklich #freizeit #dienstag #feminismus #boysdontcry
October 18, 2022
In one sentence: I wish everyone would read this book.
It is written in a very accessible way for anyone who wants to get a good overview and understanding of the connections between (toxic) masculinity and all types of problems we (and men in particular) face today: from strained romantic relationships over body image and peer pressure to suicide. The writing is mostly "light-hearted" and funny but despite this, the author manages very well to get the important points across in a comprehensible way. It does not feel like someone is preaching their morals to you but rather like someone finally puts a finger on so many things that are never addressed but always linger underneath so many issues.
100% recommend this book!
It is written in a very accessible way for anyone who wants to get a good overview and understanding of the connections between (toxic) masculinity and all types of problems we (and men in particular) face today: from strained romantic relationships over body image and peer pressure to suicide. The writing is mostly "light-hearted" and funny but despite this, the author manages very well to get the important points across in a comprehensible way. It does not feel like someone is preaching their morals to you but rather like someone finally puts a finger on so many things that are never addressed but always linger underneath so many issues.
100% recommend this book!
February 9, 2017
This was good, but not as insightful as I'd hoped. It struck me that Urwin is good at asking important questions, but not so great at offering answers - when he does offer them, they often seem naive and poorly thought out. (Pornography can improve gender equality by teaching us about diversity? Hmmmm, not sure about that...) Still, good to see these topics being discussed, and this is a very readable book for those who might not be inclined to delve much deeper.
September 26, 2017
This was an interesting exploration into the role of 'modern' masculinity, which was accessible without being patronising, but had its flaws.
The topic of masculinity, as Urwin himself admits, is in vogue at the moment, with Grayson Perry writing his own (poor) book and Robert Webb having his own effort promoted relentlessly around the London Underground. It seems to be the PC version of immigration, something 'we can't talk about' despite being discussed in the media at length. The particular effort was inspired by the loss of Urwin's father, which led him to question emotional repression by men.
The premise is familiar; masculinity is bad. Urwin does explain why, and suggests the masculine attributes of strength and courage are not uniformly good while positing that men would have better mental health, better relationships and have more emotional fatherhoods if masculinity was no longer the ideal. He also argues gender is a construct that has previously been beneficial in human history, but is now outdated in an age where both genders work in non-manual settings. This is not new to anyone who has come across feminism, but I feel he muddles his history: he treats the issue broadly across the Western World, but draws too much from the UK (World Wars and lad culture) and US military history in particular. Would the same issues be seen in more progressive Nordic countries, for example?
His more accessible approach is both a blessing and a curse; on the one hand, he is free of some of the inherent biases of an entrenched viewpoint, but on others he appears to have 'read up on it' a bit. He uses an instance of "Working Class" Clapton Ultras (who, objectively, are a middle class tribute to true ultras) to prove a point about football violence, and quotes the Ultras themselves to defend violence by women against a prominent but controversial RMT chief accused of sexual assault (not found guilty), which is a far more nuanced incident than reported in here. However, he does stand up against feminists who attack abusers by calling them virgins or saying they have small penises, or indeed criticizing their physical appearance at all. He argues this is counterproductive, and only serves to entrench ideas of masculinity, the important factor for MRA's. However, he doesn't apply the same logic to objectification. Either you can judge people's appearance without it being a judgement of the entire person, or you can't, whereas he argues men can't but it's acceptable and ultimately harmless if women do it to men.
Some of his thoughts are (as he admits) conjecture and the ones I more firmly disagree with. He argues violence is a masculine trait because of the emphasis we put on strength for male worth, whereas I would suggest men are more violent because they are stronger than women on average; however stupid, most people avoid fights they know they can't win. I would argue violence is a symptom of strength and toughness, which is part of masculinity, and is why males spend more time caring over their appearance in a world where people can't show their strength through their work. He explores male body image a lot, and does feel it's underrepresented in the media. He is also very Right On in saying all bodies are beautiful by referencing the different categories of porn. He neglects the fact that these are niches, and that actually, ideas about attractiveness are actually shared by the majority - if women like all body types and some are wrongly castigated as 'chubby chasers' as he says, surely they are delighted by the rich pickings on offer when the 'normal' girls go for the hunks?
This is one of the issues where I find myself disagreeing with the more feminist-inclined: if masculine and feminine ideals are a societal construct that we don't really admire, why do these ideal men and women end up with the most attractive partners? If women weren't impressed by masculine behaviour, why aren't the more emotionally open men first in the queue? Urwin makes the same mistake when talking about viriginity, even as he acknowledges it. It is not the act itself that is important, it is that attractiveness is so highly linked to social status that being able to attract (and then, more attractive) girls is highly prized, and why men laugh at fat girls, even if they would treat them differently when away from their friends. And dating back to tribal societies, those who didn't fight ended up virgins, so this violence-as-attractive idea is not a uniquely modern phenomenon.
This review probably appears overly critical compared to the star review, but that is because on the whole, it is articulate, funny in places, and strikes the right balance between personal and factual. But there are many aspects that I find myself disagreeing with, and those generate the most interest of mine, and if you publish an opinion in a book, you open yourself up to fair criticism.
The topic of masculinity, as Urwin himself admits, is in vogue at the moment, with Grayson Perry writing his own (poor) book and Robert Webb having his own effort promoted relentlessly around the London Underground. It seems to be the PC version of immigration, something 'we can't talk about' despite being discussed in the media at length. The particular effort was inspired by the loss of Urwin's father, which led him to question emotional repression by men.
The premise is familiar; masculinity is bad. Urwin does explain why, and suggests the masculine attributes of strength and courage are not uniformly good while positing that men would have better mental health, better relationships and have more emotional fatherhoods if masculinity was no longer the ideal. He also argues gender is a construct that has previously been beneficial in human history, but is now outdated in an age where both genders work in non-manual settings. This is not new to anyone who has come across feminism, but I feel he muddles his history: he treats the issue broadly across the Western World, but draws too much from the UK (World Wars and lad culture) and US military history in particular. Would the same issues be seen in more progressive Nordic countries, for example?
His more accessible approach is both a blessing and a curse; on the one hand, he is free of some of the inherent biases of an entrenched viewpoint, but on others he appears to have 'read up on it' a bit. He uses an instance of "Working Class" Clapton Ultras (who, objectively, are a middle class tribute to true ultras) to prove a point about football violence, and quotes the Ultras themselves to defend violence by women against a prominent but controversial RMT chief accused of sexual assault (not found guilty), which is a far more nuanced incident than reported in here. However, he does stand up against feminists who attack abusers by calling them virgins or saying they have small penises, or indeed criticizing their physical appearance at all. He argues this is counterproductive, and only serves to entrench ideas of masculinity, the important factor for MRA's. However, he doesn't apply the same logic to objectification. Either you can judge people's appearance without it being a judgement of the entire person, or you can't, whereas he argues men can't but it's acceptable and ultimately harmless if women do it to men.
Some of his thoughts are (as he admits) conjecture and the ones I more firmly disagree with. He argues violence is a masculine trait because of the emphasis we put on strength for male worth, whereas I would suggest men are more violent because they are stronger than women on average; however stupid, most people avoid fights they know they can't win. I would argue violence is a symptom of strength and toughness, which is part of masculinity, and is why males spend more time caring over their appearance in a world where people can't show their strength through their work. He explores male body image a lot, and does feel it's underrepresented in the media. He is also very Right On in saying all bodies are beautiful by referencing the different categories of porn. He neglects the fact that these are niches, and that actually, ideas about attractiveness are actually shared by the majority - if women like all body types and some are wrongly castigated as 'chubby chasers' as he says, surely they are delighted by the rich pickings on offer when the 'normal' girls go for the hunks?
This is one of the issues where I find myself disagreeing with the more feminist-inclined: if masculine and feminine ideals are a societal construct that we don't really admire, why do these ideal men and women end up with the most attractive partners? If women weren't impressed by masculine behaviour, why aren't the more emotionally open men first in the queue? Urwin makes the same mistake when talking about viriginity, even as he acknowledges it. It is not the act itself that is important, it is that attractiveness is so highly linked to social status that being able to attract (and then, more attractive) girls is highly prized, and why men laugh at fat girls, even if they would treat them differently when away from their friends. And dating back to tribal societies, those who didn't fight ended up virgins, so this violence-as-attractive idea is not a uniquely modern phenomenon.
This review probably appears overly critical compared to the star review, but that is because on the whole, it is articulate, funny in places, and strikes the right balance between personal and factual. But there are many aspects that I find myself disagreeing with, and those generate the most interest of mine, and if you publish an opinion in a book, you open yourself up to fair criticism.
July 14, 2021
‘…long before I’d put any words on the page I had a handful of ideas about what I wanted it to be. It was never going to be a dry, academic text and work its way into medical reference libraries because I'm not, by my nature, and academic (‘No shit’, I hear you say). More importantly, academic books are rarely read by anyone other than academics, and I wanted something ordinary people would be tempted to pick up.’
Well, there, right there, is exactly the problem about this book! The problem indeed when you set on a path to write about a whole topic without bothering to study the academic literature about it in the first place is that, ultimately, you end up sprouting clichés and prejudice. This is, mostly, nothing but clichés and prejudice; while, as the saying goes, ‘you’re entitled to an educated opinion, not ignorance’.
It’s not that Jack Urwin has nothing compelling to say. There is indeed something toxic with traditional view of masculinity, which has been feeding, consciously or not, from misogyny to homophobia and a blunting of emotion which has never ceased to backfire against men themselves. ‘The Patriarchy hurt men too’ indeed.
The problem is that, because he clearly didn’t do his homework (sorry, but reading academics is kind of compulsory before embarking on writing essays…) he falls prey to all the toxic prejudices being themselves part of the problem -preventing genders to all come together to solve issues affecting us all. The gender pay gap, for example, has nothing to do with sexism, but with women not allowed to work as much as men for a multitude of reasons, starting by the motherhood penalty. Had he done his research, he would know that the problem is the bigger difference in wages between women who are mothers and women who are not than between men and women. If one wants to address such issue, then, one must empower men into their household by campaigning for shared parenting and father’s rights so as to tackle the motherhood penalty. This goes completely way beyond his head, since he reduces the Men’s Right Movement to caricatural women haters! Also, he fully buys into the false view that domestic violence is gender based, according to which men are the majority of perpetrators and women the majority of victims. Here again, he is being the useful idiot of a radical trend of feminism, purposefully disempowering women so as to serve their own agenda. As a British man, maybe he ought to read the work and familiarise himself with the biography of Erin Pizzey (the woman who opened the first shelter ever for battered women yet is now hated by the ideologues running them) besides actually read the feminist literature (whereas such views are being challenged and debunked, not least because they don’t serve women at all). But, here again, it flies above his head since he perceives feminism as a unified block all for equality in rights, whereas it’s in fact a multitude of factions including some engaging in misandry and victimhood, with catastrophic consequences upon women themselves!
There are a few other issues, although minor. For example, I expected a focus on Britain -after all, here’s a book born out of an 2014 article he originally wrote for VICE (‘A Stiff Upper Lip is Killing British Men’). Yet, for whatever reason, he digresses towards the USA and the violence plaguing such country (guns, school shootings, glorification of the military…) which are useful reflections when tackling toxic masculinity in general, but how relevant are they to the UK specifically?
All in all, then, there’s, no doubt, a few good points in ‘Man Up’. Sadly, they are lost within a piling up of preconceived ideas, prejudices, and stereotypes. I am sure it will please the radical feminist still believing in an oppressive patriarchy and blaming men for all society’s problems, but to the rest of us (men and women not buying into gender divide) this will be nothing but a retelling of harmful views. If you want to make a point, READ ACADEMIC WORKS!
Well, there, right there, is exactly the problem about this book! The problem indeed when you set on a path to write about a whole topic without bothering to study the academic literature about it in the first place is that, ultimately, you end up sprouting clichés and prejudice. This is, mostly, nothing but clichés and prejudice; while, as the saying goes, ‘you’re entitled to an educated opinion, not ignorance’.
It’s not that Jack Urwin has nothing compelling to say. There is indeed something toxic with traditional view of masculinity, which has been feeding, consciously or not, from misogyny to homophobia and a blunting of emotion which has never ceased to backfire against men themselves. ‘The Patriarchy hurt men too’ indeed.
The problem is that, because he clearly didn’t do his homework (sorry, but reading academics is kind of compulsory before embarking on writing essays…) he falls prey to all the toxic prejudices being themselves part of the problem -preventing genders to all come together to solve issues affecting us all. The gender pay gap, for example, has nothing to do with sexism, but with women not allowed to work as much as men for a multitude of reasons, starting by the motherhood penalty. Had he done his research, he would know that the problem is the bigger difference in wages between women who are mothers and women who are not than between men and women. If one wants to address such issue, then, one must empower men into their household by campaigning for shared parenting and father’s rights so as to tackle the motherhood penalty. This goes completely way beyond his head, since he reduces the Men’s Right Movement to caricatural women haters! Also, he fully buys into the false view that domestic violence is gender based, according to which men are the majority of perpetrators and women the majority of victims. Here again, he is being the useful idiot of a radical trend of feminism, purposefully disempowering women so as to serve their own agenda. As a British man, maybe he ought to read the work and familiarise himself with the biography of Erin Pizzey (the woman who opened the first shelter ever for battered women yet is now hated by the ideologues running them) besides actually read the feminist literature (whereas such views are being challenged and debunked, not least because they don’t serve women at all). But, here again, it flies above his head since he perceives feminism as a unified block all for equality in rights, whereas it’s in fact a multitude of factions including some engaging in misandry and victimhood, with catastrophic consequences upon women themselves!
There are a few other issues, although minor. For example, I expected a focus on Britain -after all, here’s a book born out of an 2014 article he originally wrote for VICE (‘A Stiff Upper Lip is Killing British Men’). Yet, for whatever reason, he digresses towards the USA and the violence plaguing such country (guns, school shootings, glorification of the military…) which are useful reflections when tackling toxic masculinity in general, but how relevant are they to the UK specifically?
All in all, then, there’s, no doubt, a few good points in ‘Man Up’. Sadly, they are lost within a piling up of preconceived ideas, prejudices, and stereotypes. I am sure it will please the radical feminist still believing in an oppressive patriarchy and blaming men for all society’s problems, but to the rest of us (men and women not buying into gender divide) this will be nothing but a retelling of harmful views. If you want to make a point, READ ACADEMIC WORKS!
November 8, 2021
Although it was somewhat of a mixed bag, Jack Urwin's 'Man Up: Surviving Modern Masculinity' is, for the most part, the discussion of the male gender needed for this generation. After the success of an online article, Urwin has written this book to discuss further the issues facing modern masculinity. I have not read his previous article, but I found the author's writing in this book humorous and engaging. 'Man Up: Surviving Modern Masculinity' was a refreshing take from a young voice surrounded by authors like Jordan Peterson and Grayson Perry. Even though their work is interesting, Urwin fully understands what it means to be a man in the twenty-first century, and he writes in a way that is approachable to every reader. His statistical analysis was good, as were the topics he discussed. In particular, the chapters on masculine body image and pressure on male virginity are topics I rarely see discussed elsewhere. Urwin perfectly captures my thoughts on these subjects, and I will refer people to this book when they arise in the future.
All that being said, the informal tone does not always work entirely in Urwin's favour. There are times when he sounds more like a drunk Uni friend than an intelligent author. Although it was all grammatically correct, Urwin's arguments could be more focused. This non-academic tone also manifests in biases. Urwin is very heavily left-leaning, which is fine. It does manifest in his discussion of politics, however, and the inclusion of misleading feminist rhetoric like the 'wage-gap.' I am not going to discuss this here thoroughly. 'Earnings-gap' is a more accurate word for the identified difference. Like many uncritical journalists, though, Urwin interprets the 'wage-gap' as women being paid less than men for the same job, which has been illegal in mine and Urwin's country for decades. There is certainly a discussion to be had surrounding the disparity in the money men and women earn on average as a whole. Presenting misleading facts, however, does more harm than good.
No review of 'Man Up: Surviving Modern Masculinity' is complete without also mentioning Urwin's favourite phrase: 'I will return to this point later.' The author has many ways of saying these few words, which make the book feel disjointed. I cannot be too critical of Urwin since it is a mistake many new authors make in their work. Nor am I saying that authors should never use this phrase (or others like it). There is undoubtedly a place for it at the start of the book to placemark important later discussions. When I was still reading the exact phrases in the second to last chapter, however, I wished Urwin would just get on with it. The author does not need to signpost every later discussion. The later discussion will speak for itself.
Despite all this, I did enjoy reading Urwin's book. Ultimately, it presents a hopeful message and steps needed for simple changes that all genders can incorporate into their daily lives to make the world a little bit more tolerable. I would recommend 'Man Up: Surviving Modern Masculinity' to anyone interested in the gender topic at any level. I also sincerely hope that this is not the last book Urwin will write. It has been five years now, and there is definitely room for growth here. I would love to read anything the author writes in the future.
All that being said, the informal tone does not always work entirely in Urwin's favour. There are times when he sounds more like a drunk Uni friend than an intelligent author. Although it was all grammatically correct, Urwin's arguments could be more focused. This non-academic tone also manifests in biases. Urwin is very heavily left-leaning, which is fine. It does manifest in his discussion of politics, however, and the inclusion of misleading feminist rhetoric like the 'wage-gap.' I am not going to discuss this here thoroughly. 'Earnings-gap' is a more accurate word for the identified difference. Like many uncritical journalists, though, Urwin interprets the 'wage-gap' as women being paid less than men for the same job, which has been illegal in mine and Urwin's country for decades. There is certainly a discussion to be had surrounding the disparity in the money men and women earn on average as a whole. Presenting misleading facts, however, does more harm than good.
No review of 'Man Up: Surviving Modern Masculinity' is complete without also mentioning Urwin's favourite phrase: 'I will return to this point later.' The author has many ways of saying these few words, which make the book feel disjointed. I cannot be too critical of Urwin since it is a mistake many new authors make in their work. Nor am I saying that authors should never use this phrase (or others like it). There is undoubtedly a place for it at the start of the book to placemark important later discussions. When I was still reading the exact phrases in the second to last chapter, however, I wished Urwin would just get on with it. The author does not need to signpost every later discussion. The later discussion will speak for itself.
Despite all this, I did enjoy reading Urwin's book. Ultimately, it presents a hopeful message and steps needed for simple changes that all genders can incorporate into their daily lives to make the world a little bit more tolerable. I would recommend 'Man Up: Surviving Modern Masculinity' to anyone interested in the gender topic at any level. I also sincerely hope that this is not the last book Urwin will write. It has been five years now, and there is definitely room for growth here. I would love to read anything the author writes in the future.
February 24, 2020
Covering more breadth than depth, Urwin's aim here is to convert skeptics by writing a book that is, in his own words, accessible instead of academic, in hopes it'll better break through to men who may feel like the fact they're even reading this book means they're a huge pussy. The result is this book having a huge amount of "youth pastor turning the chair around to sit backwards on it" energy, peppered with some real groaner jokes and a lot of self-deprecation. In the last chapter, Urwin acknowledges that his book probably isn't for the "liberal-lefty, London media clique, social media bubble" guys who probably don't need convincing that feminism isn't cancer, and may want to read something a little meatier. And he's totally right I did.
Urwin does do a good job delineating symptoms from the causes, and accurately identifies the flaws in some of our current short-term solutions to the masculine crisis. The effective Samaritan campaign to get men to go to therapy, for example, just expands the definition of the Ideal Man to include talking about your feelings, rather than dismantling the concept of the Ideal Man as a whole. That 'successful but ultimately flawed short-term solution' vs. 'ideal but ultimately more complex long-term solution' is a through-line in the book, and I found myself disagreeing with Urwin on a case-by-case basis.
When he raises the debate on Taylor Swift's particular brand of feminism for example, ("it's whitewashed, corporatized, and toothless" vs. "yes it's flawed, but it's still important girls are hearing from their role models that feminism isn't a dirty word"), he sides with the latter rather than the former.
At one point the book also non-ironically says "Well, sometimes society is just too damn strong." I'll note here that Urwin was 24 years old when he wrote this, and if you asked me to write a book on masculinity and gender when I was 24 years old you would've gotten something much, much worse, so who i am to judge really
May 12, 2022
I guess this book was something different than I expected, but in a good way. It brings to light the serious issues of toxic masculinity in today’s culture and describes the many ways in which the whole concept of traditional masculinity that a lot of men strive for today is pretty messed up. Urwin defines toxic masculinity well – when a man exerts or exaggerates his masculinity to overpower others in reaction to his own insecurities. He argues well and says some really important and revealing things about why feminism is so important, and why it’s important to fight for gender equality.
Published in 2016, he writes from a progressive and shrewd perspective with a great blend between humour and seriousness. I feel his writing tends to waffle on a lot, and this book probably could have been 50 pages shorter if he got straight to the point on some things. Also, I don’t know what qualifications he has to write on the issue (or if he needs them?), but sometimes his opinions were questionable on certain topics such as pornography, which is an epidemic that I would argue is hugely perpetuating toxic masculinity, [TRIGGER WARNING] rape culture, the continued degradation of women, and is ruining the relationships of many people today.
Nevertheless, Urwin’s book helped me better understand the roots and issues surrounding toxic masculinity. He listed all the things wrong, but it would have been good if he included more practical examples of how we can change the culture together, rather than just a short chapter at the end. I would be interested to see if he would have said things differently today, and also if he will write more books/articles on the topic in future.
Published in 2016, he writes from a progressive and shrewd perspective with a great blend between humour and seriousness. I feel his writing tends to waffle on a lot, and this book probably could have been 50 pages shorter if he got straight to the point on some things. Also, I don’t know what qualifications he has to write on the issue (or if he needs them?), but sometimes his opinions were questionable on certain topics such as pornography, which is an epidemic that I would argue is hugely perpetuating toxic masculinity, [TRIGGER WARNING] rape culture, the continued degradation of women, and is ruining the relationships of many people today.
Nevertheless, Urwin’s book helped me better understand the roots and issues surrounding toxic masculinity. He listed all the things wrong, but it would have been good if he included more practical examples of how we can change the culture together, rather than just a short chapter at the end. I would be interested to see if he would have said things differently today, and also if he will write more books/articles on the topic in future.
December 22, 2017
Although this book makes some good, interesting and valid points it was quite repetitive and not as factual as I would have liked. Urwin tends to use his previous not very much fundationed arguments to back up his next claim, which I found a bit bothering at times. All in all, some interesting aspects are made and its a valid effort, but to me it felt like it was lacking a bit of debth regarding some of the arguments and like it was going around in circles because he only had a handfull of arguments he kept rephrasing again and again. I really liked the fact that it included LGBTQA+ issues, albeit only a tiny portion. All in all I would hav wished for a bit more meat rather than a chatty narrative. To me, some of the portrayals were quite stereotypical, which is weird considering one of his goals was to proof how dangerous and problematic stereotyping genderroles can be... If you haven´t had much previous contact with hte topic, this might be a great starting point, but if you have been reading and thinking about issues surrouding feminism, masculinity, sex and gender for a while, this won´t be too exciting.
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