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Losing Isn't Everything: The Untold Stories and Hidden Lessons Behind the Toughest Losses in Sports History – A Compassionate Exploration of Athletes, Defeat, Resilience, and Acceptance
A refreshing and thought-provoking look at athletes whose legacies have been reduced to one defining moment of defeat—those on the flip side of an epic triumph—and what their experiences can teach us about competition, life, and the human spirit. Every sports fan recalls with amazing accuracy a pivotal winning moment involving a favorite team or player—Henry Aaron hitting his 715th home run to pass Babe Ruth; Christian Laettner’s famous buzzer beating shot in the NCAA tournament for Duke. Yet lost are the stories on the other side of these history-making moments, the athletes who experienced not transcendent glory but crushing the cornerback who missed the tackle on the big touchdown; the relief pitcher who lost the series; the world-record holding Olympian who fell on the ice. In Losing Isn’t Everything , famed sportscaster Curt Menefee, joined by bestselling writer Michael Arkush, examines a range of signature "disappointments" from the wide world of sports, interviewing the subject at the heart of each loss and uncovering what it means—months, years, or decades later—to be associated with failure. While history is written by the victorious, Menefee argues that these moments when an athlete has fallen short are equally valuable to sports history, offering deep insights into the individuals who suffered them and about humanity itself. Telling the losing stories behind such famous moments as the Patriots’ Rodney Harrison guarding the Giants' David Tyree during the "Helmet Catch" in Super Bowl XLII, Mary Decker’s fall in the 1984 Olympic 1500m, and Craig Ehlo who gave up "The Shot" to Michael Jordan in the 1989 NBA playoffs, Menefee examines the legacy of the hardest loses, revealing the unique path that athletes have to walk after they lose on their sport’s biggest stage. Shedding new light some of the most accepted scapegoat stories in the sports cannon, he also revisits both the Baltimore Colts' loss to the Jets in Super Bowl III, as well as the Red Sox loss in the 1986 World Series, showing why, despite years of humiliation, it might not be all Bill Buckner's fault. Illustrated with sixteen pages of color photos, this considered and compassionate study offers invaluable lessons about pain, resilience, disappointment, remorse, and acceptance that can help us look at our lives and ourselves in a profound new way.
- GenresSportsNonfiction
272 pages, Paperback
Published October 12, 2017
15 people are currently reading
315 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
April 27, 2018
This is an absolutely terrific book that will be misunderstood by most.
First, I'm a clinician in NYC who has worked with a number of elite individuals, including household named athletes, those whom our culture admires as being the best of the best. I've seen their highs (as likely you have) and I've worked with them through their lows. While each has their own story defining the reason(s) behind their drive to achieve, they are all alike in having an immense fear of mediocrity. As a result, they are people for whom unresolved public failure can have catastrophic consequence. To say "It's just a game" is to misunderstand everything that they are about.
The book is not perfect, but it is unique in attempting to better understand the guilt, grief and shame associated with a pubic failure.
Sports fandom is unique. Fans often believe (truly believe) that they are assisting "their team" or an individual athlete by wearing a team shirt, putting on a lucky hat, or just simply watching. Research has shown that when the athlete or team being rooted for loses, the fans also experience negative physical, hormonal and psychological changes. As a result, the spectator (as well as the athlete) experiences a unique response that is felt very personally and may contribute to perpetuating the athlete's trauma years, even decades, after the event - "Hey aren't you the guy who lost to Connors?", "Are't you the guy who dropped the ball?"
These are stories about those whom our culture views as "super-human", simply being human.
Bravo Mr. Menefee
First, I'm a clinician in NYC who has worked with a number of elite individuals, including household named athletes, those whom our culture admires as being the best of the best. I've seen their highs (as likely you have) and I've worked with them through their lows. While each has their own story defining the reason(s) behind their drive to achieve, they are all alike in having an immense fear of mediocrity. As a result, they are people for whom unresolved public failure can have catastrophic consequence. To say "It's just a game" is to misunderstand everything that they are about.
The book is not perfect, but it is unique in attempting to better understand the guilt, grief and shame associated with a pubic failure.
Sports fandom is unique. Fans often believe (truly believe) that they are assisting "their team" or an individual athlete by wearing a team shirt, putting on a lucky hat, or just simply watching. Research has shown that when the athlete or team being rooted for loses, the fans also experience negative physical, hormonal and psychological changes. As a result, the spectator (as well as the athlete) experiences a unique response that is felt very personally and may contribute to perpetuating the athlete's trauma years, even decades, after the event - "Hey aren't you the guy who lost to Connors?", "Are't you the guy who dropped the ball?"
These are stories about those whom our culture views as "super-human", simply being human.
Bravo Mr. Menefee
December 6, 2016
A series of looks at giant failure moments in sports, and how the athletes were faring in later life. Some of the failures are more famous than others, and in most cases the result was "things were super crappy" and "people continued to bring up the failure at later dates."
December 26, 2019
For every athlete who hits the winning home run or makes the winning basket there is another athlete who failed to prevent it from happening, thereby ruining a good part of his life, or all of it.
Donnie Moore’s obituary tells one of those stories:
“Donnie Moore had been around professional baseball for more than a decade. He struck out almost 400 major league hitters and saved 85 games. But his career, and perhaps his life, was reduced to one batter, one pitch that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Moore died Tuesday, after shooting his wife and then turning the gun on himself, according to police. He was 35.”
“Brian Downing, who has played with the Angels since 1978, in an emotional outburst Tuesday night after the Angels’ game against Toronto blamed the media and fans for placing the albatross around Moore’s neck."
“Everything revolved around one . . . pitch,” Downing said. “You destroyed a man’s life over one pitch. The guy was just not the same after that.”
This book aims to right a wrong by giving a positive voice to the ruined careers. Most of them have never had that chance. Witness the interview of Craig Ehlo, the player who gave up the winning basket to Michael Jordan. The sportscaster, on the 10th anniversary of the game, said to Ehlo, “I can’t believe I’m talking to you right now. I thought maybe you would have committed suicide.” The authors of the book make sure that Ehlo and all athletes in this book got excellent treatment -- long overdue -- from them.
Donnie Moore’s obituary tells one of those stories:
“Donnie Moore had been around professional baseball for more than a decade. He struck out almost 400 major league hitters and saved 85 games. But his career, and perhaps his life, was reduced to one batter, one pitch that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Moore died Tuesday, after shooting his wife and then turning the gun on himself, according to police. He was 35.”
“Brian Downing, who has played with the Angels since 1978, in an emotional outburst Tuesday night after the Angels’ game against Toronto blamed the media and fans for placing the albatross around Moore’s neck."
“Everything revolved around one . . . pitch,” Downing said. “You destroyed a man’s life over one pitch. The guy was just not the same after that.”
This book aims to right a wrong by giving a positive voice to the ruined careers. Most of them have never had that chance. Witness the interview of Craig Ehlo, the player who gave up the winning basket to Michael Jordan. The sportscaster, on the 10th anniversary of the game, said to Ehlo, “I can’t believe I’m talking to you right now. I thought maybe you would have committed suicide.” The authors of the book make sure that Ehlo and all athletes in this book got excellent treatment -- long overdue -- from them.
November 30, 2016
I love the message of this book. Athletes who lot on the biggest stage in their sports, and the aftermath. Ou society glorifies the winners, and treats those who lose as failures. But life isn't all about winning. We all have setbacks and face adversity. Life can't just be about winning, because life is about more than a game. It's a great lesson to learn. There were a lot of details given about specific games that I found a bit dry, and after a while, stories began to seem to sound the same. Again really enjoyed the idea and the heart behind sharing these athlete's stories.
February 28, 2018
If you're a die-hard consumer of all sports, this book is for you. However, if you're a casual sports fan, this book is a HUGE disappointment.
I'm a big fan of Curt Menefee, I've seen him on TV and listened to him on sports talk radio, and the premise of this book is irresistible. How do people who have been on the losing end of some of sports' biggest events recover? If you give up a big shot to Michael Jordan, in front of millions, and your plight is relived over and over again whenever there's a sports highlight, how do you handle that?
This book is filled with these stories, and I had to know more about how they did and didn't recover. I figure there could be some insight one could apply to every day life. And that's where the disappointment comes in.
The writing style is choppy. It starts with the event, then quickly spiderwebs. Some times you actually forget who the individual story is about, because right in the middle of a story, you get a huge biographical lesson on someone who's only a small part of the overall story. Another issue is that unless you're a sports nut, you quickly get lost in the jargon of each particular sport. You'll hear terms like "4th and goal", "bottom of the 9th", "30-love". Unless you live in those particular sports worlds, you have no idea how the story is unfolding.
The biggest disappointment is each story is too "cute". It's got way too much color commentary (see "Well, with all due respect, Rodney, that's not how Carroll rolls"). You expect to hear how people react to losing historical contests, yet the writer insists on taking you on tangents. For instance, when discussing how a player got drafted:"Lombardi was going to sleep. Safe to say that would never happen in today's NFL." My first thought was "what does that have to do with the story you're telling?!"
I would have figured each story would stand alone, yet the author constantly references characters from the other stories to narrate a new story. It doesn't allow you to take one story, glean some insightful life advice and move on. It's a mess.
This book had a lot of promise, and it is interesting to see how their lives turned out after their particular losses. But save yourself some time, and Google the stories, it'll likely be an easier read.
I'm a big fan of Curt Menefee, I've seen him on TV and listened to him on sports talk radio, and the premise of this book is irresistible. How do people who have been on the losing end of some of sports' biggest events recover? If you give up a big shot to Michael Jordan, in front of millions, and your plight is relived over and over again whenever there's a sports highlight, how do you handle that?
This book is filled with these stories, and I had to know more about how they did and didn't recover. I figure there could be some insight one could apply to every day life. And that's where the disappointment comes in.
The writing style is choppy. It starts with the event, then quickly spiderwebs. Some times you actually forget who the individual story is about, because right in the middle of a story, you get a huge biographical lesson on someone who's only a small part of the overall story. Another issue is that unless you're a sports nut, you quickly get lost in the jargon of each particular sport. You'll hear terms like "4th and goal", "bottom of the 9th", "30-love". Unless you live in those particular sports worlds, you have no idea how the story is unfolding.
The biggest disappointment is each story is too "cute". It's got way too much color commentary (see "Well, with all due respect, Rodney, that's not how Carroll rolls"). You expect to hear how people react to losing historical contests, yet the writer insists on taking you on tangents. For instance, when discussing how a player got drafted:"Lombardi was going to sleep. Safe to say that would never happen in today's NFL." My first thought was "what does that have to do with the story you're telling?!"
I would have figured each story would stand alone, yet the author constantly references characters from the other stories to narrate a new story. It doesn't allow you to take one story, glean some insightful life advice and move on. It's a mess.
This book had a lot of promise, and it is interesting to see how their lives turned out after their particular losses. But save yourself some time, and Google the stories, it'll likely be an easier read.
February 5, 2020
I thought this was a great idea for a book, and I enjoyed reading it, even if it didn't achieve its full potential. The book is definitely written primarily for sports fans; it has a loose casual tone and is often heavily peppered with statistics, slang, and athletic jargon. The chapters are mostly unrelated to one another, except as they prove the point of the book's overall theme (right there in the title): "losing isn't everything."
For all the legends in sport, there are often "goats," or unlucky athletes on the OTHER side of someone's triumphant moment. For every winner, there is (at least) one loser, and this book seeks to interview these "losers," and celebrate them for the lessons they learned from their failures. It can be (and often is) an uncomfortable subject for these interviewees; it's definitely a bummer when someone has worked their whole lives to succeed in their sport, only to be remembered for one moment of failure. However, throughout these stories (which also act as abbreviated biographies of each interview subject), Curt Menefee is showing the reader that these "losers" have grown beyond that failure, refused to let it define them, and gone on to succeed in their sport in different venues. Often, these athletes have become notable successes in completely different aspects of their lives as well.
The psychology of losing is a fascinating subject, particularly as it relates to the hyper-competitive world of college and pro sports. Through the many interviews in this book, Menefee does a decent job conveying the different psychological reactions individuals go through when faced with tough situations (losing, buckling under pressure, etc.). However, a lot of the "lessons learned" aspect of this book feels a bit shallow; Menefee uses the same platitudes to describe many of his subjects, and I feel that a more in-depth psychologist's perspective would have made this book even better and possibly more relatable to the average reader. That's not to say that what's written is BAD, but it feels like it could have been better. As it is, "Losing" is still a nice read...with its disconnected chapters, it's ideal for reading in short bursts. Reading it during Super Bowl week felt particularly apropos, since more than one of these sports stories mentions the "big game." Sports fans should check this one out!
For all the legends in sport, there are often "goats," or unlucky athletes on the OTHER side of someone's triumphant moment. For every winner, there is (at least) one loser, and this book seeks to interview these "losers," and celebrate them for the lessons they learned from their failures. It can be (and often is) an uncomfortable subject for these interviewees; it's definitely a bummer when someone has worked their whole lives to succeed in their sport, only to be remembered for one moment of failure. However, throughout these stories (which also act as abbreviated biographies of each interview subject), Curt Menefee is showing the reader that these "losers" have grown beyond that failure, refused to let it define them, and gone on to succeed in their sport in different venues. Often, these athletes have become notable successes in completely different aspects of their lives as well.
The psychology of losing is a fascinating subject, particularly as it relates to the hyper-competitive world of college and pro sports. Through the many interviews in this book, Menefee does a decent job conveying the different psychological reactions individuals go through when faced with tough situations (losing, buckling under pressure, etc.). However, a lot of the "lessons learned" aspect of this book feels a bit shallow; Menefee uses the same platitudes to describe many of his subjects, and I feel that a more in-depth psychologist's perspective would have made this book even better and possibly more relatable to the average reader. That's not to say that what's written is BAD, but it feels like it could have been better. As it is, "Losing" is still a nice read...with its disconnected chapters, it's ideal for reading in short bursts. Reading it during Super Bowl week felt particularly apropos, since more than one of these sports stories mentions the "big game." Sports fans should check this one out!
September 15, 2025
Whenever a memorable moment happens in sports in which there is a winner and a loser, the winner is usually remembered over the years. But not always - sometimes the losing team, player or in individual sports, a performance where the athlete failed to perform as expected, is remembered just as much. This book by Curt Menefee, who also narrates the audio book, tells their story.
Each one follows a pretty standard format - the setting is set, the athlete featured is highlighted. Then the moment happens and how he or she handled that ignominy is the bulk of the material. This would include not only in the immediate aftermath of the event, but how that person has carried on in the following months and years. Many of the stories also started to feel the same as most of them were able to do fine, but almost to a person, it did upset them at least a little that that particular play was all that was remembered.
The best example of that last statement would be Everton Walls, who was the safety pictured on the famous photo of “The Catch” by the San Francisco 49ers receiver Dwight Clark. The other extreme example of this - where the athlete is perfectly fine with what happened - is Jean van de Velde, whose infamous 72nd hole at the 1999 British Open cost him a major title. Van de Velde has always maintained that yes, he lost, but he lost by attempting the shots he wanted to do.
This book is interesting in not only the content of all of these stories, but for the wide variety of sports that is covered. Snowboarding (Lindsey Jacobellis, whose extra move cost her a gold medal in the 2006 Winter Olympics), speed skating (Dan Jansen, who fell at two Olympics before finally winning in 1994) and track (Mary Decker and her fall in the 1984 Summer Olympics) and covered as well as football, baseball and basketball.
From Craig Ehlo to the 1992 Kentucky "Unforgettables" and from Rodney Harrison to Calvin Schiraldi, many memorable moments are covered and this book covers the other part of them.
https://sportsbookguy.blogspot.com/20...
Each one follows a pretty standard format - the setting is set, the athlete featured is highlighted. Then the moment happens and how he or she handled that ignominy is the bulk of the material. This would include not only in the immediate aftermath of the event, but how that person has carried on in the following months and years. Many of the stories also started to feel the same as most of them were able to do fine, but almost to a person, it did upset them at least a little that that particular play was all that was remembered.
The best example of that last statement would be Everton Walls, who was the safety pictured on the famous photo of “The Catch” by the San Francisco 49ers receiver Dwight Clark. The other extreme example of this - where the athlete is perfectly fine with what happened - is Jean van de Velde, whose infamous 72nd hole at the 1999 British Open cost him a major title. Van de Velde has always maintained that yes, he lost, but he lost by attempting the shots he wanted to do.
This book is interesting in not only the content of all of these stories, but for the wide variety of sports that is covered. Snowboarding (Lindsey Jacobellis, whose extra move cost her a gold medal in the 2006 Winter Olympics), speed skating (Dan Jansen, who fell at two Olympics before finally winning in 1994) and track (Mary Decker and her fall in the 1984 Summer Olympics) and covered as well as football, baseball and basketball.
From Craig Ehlo to the 1992 Kentucky "Unforgettables" and from Rodney Harrison to Calvin Schiraldi, many memorable moments are covered and this book covers the other part of them.
https://sportsbookguy.blogspot.com/20...
May 24, 2017
Losing Isn't Everything by Curt Menefee is about a bunch of athletes that are super good and then they fail at something big. And then they can't recover from the fail that they had. I liked this book because it was really meaningful to me. I realized that if I lose something big then I can move on I can't sit on my butt and wait for life to pass by. I also realized that one thing in life that happedned doesn't matter if you just keep pushing on then you can become something amazing. I have a connection to this book about pushing through it. This year people have been spreading rumors about me and it hurts. But I don't let it bother me and I just love life. I think the theme of this book is get over it. The reason why I say that is that if you get over it then you can become something amazing and it will help you grow too.
January 17, 2019
It was ok best describes this book. This book is geared toward younger readers. The stories ,while interesting, did not really go into detail about how the athletes were treated after their tough loses. It just went over a couple of times they were approached by fans and how they felt they let their team down. Its is hard to explain but the I really did not like how in each chapter, the athletes in the previous chapters kept coming up as if the author needed to continuously lump them all together to let you know that the same situation was being felt by others. That was actually annoying.
April 5, 2022
The main point of the book is that although losing is a big deal it isn’t everything. Losing can have greater rewards than winning in many ways because it can help make one more empathic towards others that experience losses and it can help put in perspective what is really important in life. Sometimes it’s the journey getting to a championship that means more than the championship game/match itself.
January 24, 2019
Excellent book, detailing how some of the toughest losses in sports history happened, what led up to them, how the "losers" reacted; both immediately and in the long term, and why the loss isn't always as bad as it's made out to be. Were it not for some coarse language (which most of it came from direct quotations from the athletes), this would be a 5-Star.
June 28, 2017
I would call this book, "Profiles in Courage - Sports". The lives of many of the most heartbreaking failures in modern sports history are explored by Curt Menefee (host of Fox NFL Sunday). The thesis is to examine the lessons that can be learned from these failures. I highly recommend this book!
May 25, 2019
This book is great! Some will not "get it, get it;" however, for most this book is just a great read. Curt let's the series of story "be" the story. Good book even for those who are not big time sports fans. I loved it.
October 31, 2019
I’ve always been curious about how the losers felt years after their big disappointments. This book answers it to an extent. But you can tell that Curt isn’t a writer, as he wrote in predictable and trite phrases and maxims.
May 7, 2020
Book with a promising premise that misses the mark. Often the athletes are still haunted or bothered by the major failures - even if their life still goes on.
I would recommend reading the book Mindset by Carol Dweck to learn more about how to better frame failures.
I would recommend reading the book Mindset by Carol Dweck to learn more about how to better frame failures.
May 16, 2017
This is a brief history of a bunch of professional athletes and how they cope with loss. Being in the spotlight must be hard.
July 27, 2017
I appreciated the idea of this book and have enjoyed sharing some of the stories, especially the Red Sox.
April 14, 2018
Eh, no.
April 16, 2021
It’s really something to think about isn’t it?
January 24, 2024
3.5 stars
June 8, 2018
I actually won this book in a giveaway and never received it . --- so I can write a review on something I never received from the publisher. are one of our Giveaways lucky winners! You will soon receive a free copy of Losing Isn't Everything: The Untold Stories and Hidden Lessons Behind the Toughest Losses in Sports History in the mail. Please allow a few weeks for shipping.
Don’t forget to add the book to your Goodreads currently-reading shelf, and we encourage you to also add it to a “giveaways” shelf when you are done reading. Posting a review is optional, but please keep in mind that reviewing the book is in the spirit of Giveaways. Publishers provide free copies to Goodreads in hopes of getting early feedback about the book.
If you have further questions, please contact Dey Street Books, I contacted Dey Street Books and DID NOT get a reply.
Don’t forget to add the book to your Goodreads currently-reading shelf, and we encourage you to also add it to a “giveaways” shelf when you are done reading. Posting a review is optional, but please keep in mind that reviewing the book is in the spirit of Giveaways. Publishers provide free copies to Goodreads in hopes of getting early feedback about the book.
If you have further questions, please contact Dey Street Books, I contacted Dey Street Books and DID NOT get a reply.
July 14, 2017
I probably had the wrong expectations heading into reading this, nonetheless the level of writing in this was awful. Everything was expressed in a superficial, dumb downed, oversimplified style. Authors made generalizations and asserted them as fact. One or two of the chapters were done well and interesting but for the most part i could predict what was about to be said, it was so cookie cutter. Additionally the book was more about the sporting events themselves then the lessons learned. The authors should have chosen less stories to represent and flesh them out more if they insisted on replaying the event. Again I went into this with the wrong expectations but stay away from it, nothing to be gained.
December 8, 2016
Losing Isn't Everything--The UNTOLD STORIES and HIDDEN LESSONS--Behind the TOUGHEST LOSSES in SPORTS HISTORY by Curt Meneffe with Michael Arkush is a winner! This book tells the story of people who were on a big sports stage and came out on the losing side. I found it interesting to see what they were thinking during the games and how they dealt with defeat. If you are a sports fan, then this book is for you! You know how the winners felt because they are on TV and social media, but this book shows how the losing side feels. (Gerard's review)
June 29, 2024
Read for the PopSugar Reading Challenge prompt “about or involving a sport”.
Definitely male-centric. There were only two female athlete stories in the entire book and one of them (the snowboarder) was very short. It was also a little too detailed for me when it came to some of the game play stuff. I wanted less of the game and more of human interest story.
Definitely male-centric. There were only two female athlete stories in the entire book and one of them (the snowboarder) was very short. It was also a little too detailed for me when it came to some of the game play stuff. I wanted less of the game and more of human interest story.
November 19, 2016
Admittedly, I skimmed a lot of this book, read the vignettes of the athletes in the sports I was interested in.
Read this during my commute, it was ok, pretty superficial.
Read this during my commute, it was ok, pretty superficial.
January 9, 2018
I really liked it. Check out the Craig Ehlo, Dan Jensen, Mary Decker, and Ron Washington stories.
The 3.23 stars from everyone is unfair, especially from those who didn’t even finish the book.
The 3.23 stars from everyone is unfair, especially from those who didn’t even finish the book.
April 5, 2017
Really enjoyed Losing Isn't Everything. Being a sports fan, I appreciated the author's perspective and credibility. Menefee has been around all types of college and professional sports as a broadcaster all his life. I felt like I could truly grasp what these athletes experienced on a very public stage and how they dealt with the aftermath. Not sure why this book only gets an average of 3 stars because I not only very much enjoyed it, but would recommend it to sports fans of all types looking to get insite into the mindset of some landmark failures on the big stage and how they recovered from it.
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March 7, 2018It's sad what we allow society to do to our expectations, but cool to see the real people behind the headlines.
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November 2, 2018It is all about the biggest losses and mistakes in sports
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews