Christmas Sucks: What to Do When Fruitcake, Family, and Finding the Perfect Gift Make You Miserable

by Joanne Kimes

These days, Christmas lights adorn front porches before the Thanksgiving turkey is even in the oven. Plane tickets to visit hardly-missed relatives cost more than the suitcase full of presents people have to lug across the country. And radios everywhere play songs about that fat guy in a red suit on an endless loop. Yes, it’s official: Christmas Sucks. This title is a humorous look at America’s commercialization of the Christmas holiday season and the terrible travel, inordinate amount of preparation, and family strife that accompanies it. You can commiserate with the fact that everyone drives themselves into debt buying gifts, no one enjoys seeing long-lost relatives, and everyone is creeped out by the department store Santa. With twelve days of Christmas, there’s plenty of reasons why this is far from the most wonderful time of the year.

Genres: Humor

160 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

I used to write for TV but when I became pregnant, I couldn't believe there wasn't a book out there that delved into the true perils of procreation. So I wrote "Pregnancy Sucks", sent it out to a handful of publishers and, at the lowest point in any woman's year, when trying on bathing suits at the mall, I got a call that it was going to be published! It became a best-seller and led to a dozen other books in the "Sucks" series, and an appearance on the Today show. I just released my first fiction book, "Finding Paris: A Novel" which is like going to the city of light from your coziest chair. I hope you enjoy it! Merci beaucoup.

Reviews

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Comparing Christmas to Tax Day is just the beginning of lashing out at Christmas.
From fruitcake, gifts, to in-laws and trees, nothing and no one is safe from Kimes' vicious tongue.
However, she does have a soft-spot for Christmas, but this serves as a reminder of the good, bad, and the ugly of Christmas. Economics, traffic, attitudes and paranoia underlie the reasons behind the dislike and how to cope with these in a humorous and honest fashion.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Synopsis: "These days, Christmas lights adorn front porches before the Thanksgiving turkey is even in the oven. Plane tickets to visit hardly-missed relatives cost more than the suitcase full of presents people have to lug across the country. And radios everywhere play songs about that fat guy in a red suit on an endless loop. Yes, it’s official: Christmas Sucks. This title is a humorous look at America’s commercialization of the Christmas holiday season and the terrible travel, inordinate amount of preparation, and family strife that accompanies it. You can commiserate with the fact that everyone drives themselves into debt buying gifts, no one enjoys seeing long-lost relatives, and everyone is creeped out by the department store Santa. With twelve days of Christmas, there’s plenty of reasons why this is far from the most wonderful time of the year."

My Review: This was a fun book that takes a comical look at the parts of the holiday season that do honestly suck, like holiday travel or not having a gift for someone when they give you a gift. It also gives some great ways to combat those parts of the holidays to make them a little less stressful. Now I have read a ton of books similar to this one to try to streamline my Christmas with the least amount of fuss and while some of the tips I have heard before, there were also some unusual ones that really make a lot of sense. So if your Christmases have sucked in the past, grab a glass of wine and kick back for some laughs but don't forget a notepad and pencil for all the great ideas!

[Eric · Rating 1 out of 5]

I liked the concept, and some of the lines are clever and humorous, but overall it's just not very funny. The advice sections are humdrum and pedestrian. It's a pity. I was looking forward to a full-throated and scathing critique of our modern Christmas. This book, despite its title, isn't it.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Grabbed as a goof for a roadtrip. It’s awful. And from 2008. It’s 4 pages of outdated, obvious tips and 110 pages of bad jokes and 10 year old pop culture references.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

I see I'm the first to review this on Goodreads -- lot of pressure. Oh well, I'm sorry to say that the title caught my eye at the library, but the actual book disappointed.

It's a hybrid of (a) snarky, attitude-laden riffs on various easy targets (fruitcake, people showing up at the door with a gift for you when you hadn't gotten them one), and (b) sincere, list-based advice re how to handle the holidays in a less stressful manner.

Unfortunately, the blend doesn't work too well. The practical stuff is all pretty obvious -- go to the mall at offbeat times to beat the traffic, if you regift make sure you don't give someone a gift they gave you last year, don't get too drunk at the office xmas party........ And the humor, while of course a matter of taste, just didn't grab me. I chuckled a few times in the course of the book, but not many. If you used to think the comic strip Cathy was hilarious, you'd probably enjoy the author's take on being addicted to chocolate, considering Matthew Broderick hot, and so on. If not, not.

[*Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Christmas Sucks by Joanne Kimes
"Sucks" series

Quick humorous read with tips and tricks for surviving the holiday season: shopping, choosing the perfect gift, meals, office parties, in-laws, houseguests, weight gain, etc. This is not an anti-Christmas book. Just the opposite. It is more like having a conversation with a friend about the frustrations of the season and how we've forgotten the true meaning behind it all.

A little snippet in regard to watching reruns of 'Little House on the Prairie' in December: Back in those hard days...gifts actually meant something. There were no reindeer Chia pets to buy for every Tom, Dick, or Jebediah that crossed your path. Instead, Half-Pint sold her hair to buy Ma some fabric. Pa tended a neighbor's fields to get Manly some tobacco. Sure, they had stupid names, but they had generous hearts, and that's what Christmas was really about.

[Tammy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hate to say that I hated this book, but I really did. I usually love anything christmas, but this book was simply a regurgitation of tips and a lame attempt at humor regarding surviving Christmas. I personally would recommend reading a couple of magazines before Christmas. The tips would be about the same, and I would venture to say a lot funnier.

[Faz · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a self help book. I ordered it under a comedy categorization, but that was not an accurate description. Sure, there are some funny parts, but each ends with a checklist of how to handle situations and for bettering yourself. Most of the points were rather obvious.

[Miles Quiroz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a 25 year old male that is stuck between being a child and an adult. I was such a Scrooge this past year and this book is such a great guide to get me ready for next year. I really recommend it to anyone who dreads the holidays.

[anglophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and helpful

Love the sarcasm and cynicism! Will definitely read again. Reminiscent of Erma Bombeck's humour; Will recommend to siblings as we approach next year's holiday season!

[Tera McElligott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as pregnancy sucks, but dead on even if a bit obnoxious.

[Gina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read this because I'm not a huge Christmas fan. This book was OK and reinforced how I already feel.