Not sure what has the author writing in the manner that’s written but it’s off-putting. The premise of the story is good, the execution needs a lot of work.
Gabrian does not know her heritage, there’s no information to indicate a belief in the supernatural, yet she starts seeing auras and barely has any disbelief reaction, she just defines what she’s seeing and keeps it pushing. It was not realistic at all. She oftentimes was also not very likeable. Her arrogance and sarcastic thoughts after she nearly killed three people, then irrationally attacked people in her home who were just talking to her, trying to explain to her hat happened and who she is and they are, and this is the attitude? She is not justified in hr indignation that is too many times present. She needed a serious come to Jesus meeting. Why was Gabrian always lying and keeping things that occurred to herself? She’s supposed to be learning, getting training that she’s extremely behind on. She’s mad about having to meet with someone weekly for six months to monitor her progress and grasp of new powers she just got access to and attend a school designated to those of the Realm It was ridiculous. I’m seriously doubting her being a psychologist who has been practicing for several years, yet she keeps an”secret friend” like she’s a young child? Blindly follows him? Author chose the wrong profession for Gabrian in writing the character as was done.
Also Gabrian suddenly knows how to block her mind, shield it from others of the Realm, despite NEVER having such knowledge or experience of such? It doesn’t make sense.
Much of the story is being narrated, instead of having the reader in the story. Things were told instead of the character learning of it and how we readers know it. Example in chapter 8 where Gabrian is affecting those around her and the author narrates - “…, but unbeknownst to Gabrian, she is also causing the humans around her to become disoriented. The more light she draws in from them, the more drainage is putting on the life force that they survive on.” It continues to narrate from there instead of the reader experiencing things through the character, who does not know this is going on and the reader should also not know those details. This is something that should have been discussed by another character with Gabrian. At this point I’m seriously considering dropping this book, but wanting to give it more of a chance. Another later example - “ Orroryn and Ethan glance at each other briefly with a grin drawn on their faces at her wide-eyed childlike fascination. They explain to her that the wall was manifested as a gift …” Narrative instead of one of them talking to Gabrian.
And for the love of all that’s right in the world, STOP with the cliche writing of female waitstaff flirting with a man who’s seated with a woman, openly being disrespectful!! Tips are a large portion of waitstaff’s earnings, WHY would they guarantee little to no tip from a table? It’s ridiculous. Sick of reading that foolishness.
Were told what’s going on or happened rather than Gabriel and Shane interacting. There’s zero connection with that.
And why are two grown women referring to men as boys? Rachael says to Gabrian about giving Shane a call that there’s no reason for her to be afraid of anything, let alone talking to some human boy? Boy? Really? Guy or man is appropriate, boy is not. They are too old for that. Gabrian is mid to upper 20s, Rachael older than that.
And why was someone who is supposed to be a Shadow Walker Guardian be trained for it when they have ill-will bigotry towards an entire group because of a couple individuals that killed his parents. I didn’t make sense for that person to be bestowed a supposed great honor of guarding someone they detest based on bigotry.
Shane’s supposed to be a highly trained warrior, yet he’s going to “wing it” in saving Gabrian? He contacts no one, takes Rachael with him as “backup” because, yeah, that makes sense instead of contacting other shadow warriors. Thankfully, Rachael has some sense.
We had the cliché villain who talks too much, and a cliché suppose hero who engages in conversation with cliche villain instead of taking appropriate action. Those that do show up have no ability to do anything, and they’re supposed to be the highest being they’re on the council? And one that is purported to be most powerful isn’t even among them?! The one in the beginning of the book who is said is able to knock out every council other member?
All that goes on in the end, and they never confront Gabrian on her actions? Never have a discussion about all that went on and how she played a part, and once again harming others? There’s just a brief mention about Ethan, talking to her about things that went on.
Both Ethan and Rachael were supports for Gabrian yet she thinks the vampire was the “only one who took her side when she needed it most” What? And they refer to the villain only as a vampire, rather than telling her what his name is? And what reason did he have to be bothering her when she was a little girl that was never made clear and how could it be made clear, it wouldn’t make sense since she was magically protected and thought she was human.
There is a lack of consistency, syntax for how the characters speak is off, there is not a good flow to things happening, things that should follow there’s just an absence.