A Gentleman's Guide to Graceful Living

by Michael Dahlie

In this darkly hilarious and moving novel, a bumbling Manhattan blueblood must rebuild his life after his marriage and business fail. Arthur Camden's greatest talents are for packing and unpacking suitcases, making coleslaw, and second-guessing every decision in his life. When his business fails and his wife leaves him-to pursue more aggressive men-Arthur finds that he has none of the talents and finesse that everyone else seems to possess for navigating New York society. Arthur tries to reinvigorate his life with comic and tragic results: He dates women with no interest in him, burns down his Catskills fly-fishing club, runs afoul of the law in France, and disgraces himself before family members. Just when Arthur hits the depths of despair, an eccentric suitor (a woman who happens to resemble the model on Arthur's vitamin bottles) helps him take a leap into a wonderful unknown. Michael Dahlie's novel digs into the consciousness of a self-doubting everyman-a man who, with a little inspiration, just might become something of a brilliant success.

Genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Novels

288 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Aharon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like being stuck in a small room with a poor conversationalist.

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super fast read about a guy so pathetic it's a tribute to the literary powers of Michael Dahlie that he's able to sustain interest in a guy who's run his family's import-export business into the ground and is left by his wife of 32 years and is ridiculed by all for his ineptitude. Despite his angst and failures, Arthur lives a cushy life on Manhattan's privileged upper east side; he considers the other 10 gentlemen in his private fly fishing club to be his best friends, but then he accidentally burns down their clubhouse. What at first is a Schadenfreude-ian laugh at some miserable rich guy's expense turns into a more joyful root for a ridiculously hilarious underdog. The beauty in this story is seeing Arthur finally acquire some much needed self-awareness.

[PJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I tried, I really tried.

[Michael Baranowski · Rating 1 out of 5]

Good writing only goes so far with me, especially when the protagonist is an entitled nonentity for whom I felt nothing but a vague pity.

[Laura Hayat · Rating 2 out of 5]

If it weren’t for the fourth part of this book, I would have rated "A Gentleman’s Guide to Graceful Living" 1 star. Although I enjoyed the way this novel was written and found the narrator to perfectly depict the protagonist – I though this book would drive me crazy. Arthur Camden, the protagonist, has spent his entire life not making decisions, he allows others to bully him and choose things for him. He seems terrified with the possibility of any sort of confrontation. By the time the book starts, Arthur is in his fifties. His company (which he inherited from his father and grandfather) has recently gone bankrupt and his wife (who has been openly cheating on him for many years) has requested a divorce. The novel is about Arthur dealing with the result of his non-choices. Even “non-choices” are decisions. By not choosing anything, you are actually deciding something: to do nothing.

I took this book as a warning. I can sometimes be an indecisive person. This is one of my traits that I really dislike. Sometimes, no matter my intensions, I find myself crippled in a state of panic when it’s time to make a decision. Perhaps this may be one of the reasons why Arthur Camden made me so angry. I am well aware how frustrating indecisive people can be and Arthur Camden took it to a whole other level. Even though I was incredibly annoyed with "A Gentleman’s Guide to Graceful Living," I’m glad I read it. By the end of the novel, Arthur has come to terms with his past and begins to accept who he is. He never ends up putting any of his past bullies in their place (big shocker), but he does decide that fitting in with such malicious people is no longer important to him.

As a side note – I also really disliked the paper quality my book had (which makes me sound ridiculous, I know). However, I found that the book’s cover art interpreted the feel of the story perfectly. I also realize that rating a well-written book 2 stars simply because I couldn’t stand the protagonist isn’t “fair.” I usually try to rate my books on the merit of the entire work. I’m not the kind of reader who has to “like” the protagonist in order to enjoy a book. In fact, some of my favorite books feature “unlikable” characters ("Vanity Fair" comes to mind). However in the case of Arthur Camden, I really really couldn’t help it. A couple of times I found myself yelling at the book in exasperation.

Check out my blog for other book reviews: https://laurahayat.wordpress.com

[Jamie Barnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Auchincloss, John O'Hara and F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about rich northeastern WASPs living in Boston and New York. Their protagonists are most often powerful people with Harvard and Yale degrees who are used to getting their way but run into marital and professional difficulties they must either solve or come to terms with. Michael Dahlie writes about this same microcosm but his protagonist in A Gentleman's Guide to Graceful Living is a failure. He runs his business into bankruptcy and his wife divorces him. He fails in both love and business because he is too nice. He is a modern-day Candide always seeking to get along and always losing because this characteristic leaves him too vulnerable. It occurred to me pages into this book that the main character was a loser and 50 pages later I was still reading, not because the author is a genius at description but because somehow you want the protagonist to succeed even though he continues to pile failure on top of failure. For all of you WASPs out there, you'll recognize of lot of yourself in this man. He avoids drama, avoids hurting others with awkward remarks, is parsimonious with affection and criticism and all the while the world runs roughshod over him. By the end of the book, life has gotten better for him although he has not changed or learned anything during the adventure. Such a summation suggests a skilled novelist and I do believe you will find that Michael Dahlie is all of that. I recommend this book because I started reading it by accident and ended up sticking with it. It makes you feel good. You'll like most of the people populating the story and you'll dislike the villains, who at the end get their comeuppance. In short, you'll have had a literary meal that is not fancy but serves as comfort food, leaving you full and happy at its conclusion.

[Larry H]

Arthur Camden is a well-to-do, middle-aged New Yorker in a bit of a bind. His wife left him (after having affairs through most of their marriage) because he wasn't aggressive enough, he's run his family business into the ground and he doesn't quite know what the next step in his life should be. And bursting into tears in front of other members of the exclusive Hanover Street Fly Casters is probably not the best way to put on a brave face.



Michael Dahlie's book tells the story of a man whose life is collapsing around him and how he finds the strength to carry on. And it's far from an easy path—from getting back into the dating scene, trying to save face with relatives angry with him for botching the family business and wanting to reconcile with his ex-wife despite the fact that she's about to remarry.



A Gentleman's Guide to Graceful Living is an enjoyable social comedy. Arthur's misadventures and how he copes with them are alternately funny and heartbreaking, and Dahlie's characterizations of Arthur's peers are spot-on. If I had any issue with the book it's that, like Arthur's ex-wife, I wished he was a bit more aggressive as everything was falling down around him and people were ripping him to shreds. But that might not have made his character as memorable.

[Diane D · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Gentleman's Guide To Graceful Living, by Michael Dahlie, was a really fun read, and an impressive debut novel.

The reader is introduced to Arthur Camden, fifty-something, who lives on the upper East side of Manhattan. Arthur is a devoted husband and father who loves fly fishing and belongs to an elite club for fly-fisherman. Suddenly, Arthur's life is full of bad breaks: his wife leaves him for another man, his business fails due to his own incompetence, he has trouble making a good impression on dates, and he even burns down the beloved fly-fishing lodge in the Catskills.

Despite all of Arthur's short comings he is very introspective; he just has trouble getting out of his own way. I found myself rooting for Arthur all the way. If you need a book that will make you chuckle, try this one. 4.5/5 stars

[Shane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was highly regadred in the NY Times book review and given its linking with fly fishing I could not pass it up!

If you ever have the feeling that things in your life are off track, this book will quickly show you that it can always be worse. Though the main character has his share of bad luck the book is light, humorus (sometimes laugh out loud funny), and is in no way a dark or depressing read.

[Em · Rating 2 out of 5]

chick lit for dudes. 65 year old dudes.

[Pgricchi · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you like a book that has a hero you want to throttle...this is for you.

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

dont judge a book by its cover

[Marcella · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not find the protagonist, Arthur Camden, particularly endearing. He created lots of problems for himself, has no guiding principles, and deals with stress by avoiding and pretending it will all be fine. He and everyone in his social group are millionaires. He slowly alienates everyone who has ever had a sympathetic indication toward him, until he finally meets a woman who tells him he is pathetic but likes him anyway. Then his life mostly turns around and he develops a miraculous ability to stand up for himself sometimes, out at least to maybe believe himself when he tells other people that all the disappointing things that happen to him are not really such a bother.

It was well written though.

[Thing Two · Rating 4 out of 5]

Truly delightful book. I enjoyed the escapism, reading about a man whose troubles had nothing to do with money, but everything to do with finding out what was important to his own happiness.

Poor, poor Arthur. His wife has left him. The business he’s inherited has failed due, according to some family members, to Arthur’s ineptitude. His fly-fishing buddies set him up on blind dates, but then, laugh at poor Arthur behind his back. At every turn, it seems, he finds himself in the most unenviable positions due to absolutely no fault of his own, mostly.

I didn’t expect much from this, but found myself caught up with Arthur in all of his miserable, but hilarious life.

👍👍

[Jeanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a fun book, filled with subtle humor. How refreshing to read about a man who actually cries, is ever so vulnerable, gentle and kind. I found myself rooting for Arthur to stand up for himself and not let others take advantage of his niceness. As the transformation slowly occurs, I trust that he was wearing his Kolodzei Signal watch as he walks off into his new life. Arthur, I'd love to share a glass of pine-needle liqueur with you. Have I aroused your curiosity? You'll just have to read the book to find out more:)

[Megan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Made it more than halfway through because Dahlie sure can turn a phrase, but the main character, who started out seeming relatably hapless, has long since been revealed as morally hollow, to the point of what feels, to me, like caricature.

If nothing else, this book does an excellent job of illuminating a particular sad, understated kind of toxic masculinity-- the kind that desperately needs some therapy and will almost certainly never seek it out.

[RoadKing50 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reminds me of John Cheever's short stories (e.g. The Swimmer), without the compression. Not an especially uplifting read.

[Lynne Crossette · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed Arthur as frustrating as he was.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

So quaintly amusing. If you liked the Topper books by Thorne Smith you would probably like this book .

[Jennifer Delgadillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tender and very funny. I loved Arthur Camden through all his adventures.

[Asuka Nguyen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Arthur's personality type (the negative side of its to be more specific) somehow reminds me of myself.

I'll give odds that in this crazy world, politeness and self-effacement will almost always be considered as weakness. And you, most of the time, are dubbed 'a weakling'.

If you are like Arthur, a gentleman with a total lack of aggression, you find yourself being stepped on by cruel and mean people most of the time.
You keep telling yourself that letting some obnoxious people get away with mistreating you inordinate amount is a sign of living a larger life, meaning that you are not allowing them to provoke you to the point that you would want to retaliate, auto-suggesting you don't need to stoop low to match the level of their wickedness, etc. But in some moments of introspection, you would realize you just gave those bastards chance after chance to undermine you.
Arthur takes loss and pain to determine that when confronting an aggressive blowhard, whether it is out of an indictment of his character or just his pure pleasure of picking on people, he needs to be assertive instead of appearing flustered. Trying to be too nice to ruthless people would make him suffer in the end. And he fights back, in the most gentle way as any aristocrats would do.

Reading about what has happened in Arthur's life really shed some lights to me, and this is the lesson I have learnt: Nobody has the right to judge you over your minor faux pas, if someone ever acts like a narcissist, give him a piece of mind, reprimand him for disrespect and self-conceited manner with a really pointed and staccato intonation.
Having a flashback, if the self-absorbed bald guy with evil eagle eyes told me once again to stay away from group work because he couldn't stand my perfume, instead of running back to my room and crying to my sis, I would say: "Oh, you don't like my perfume? I'll make sure I'll wear it double next time we have a group discussion"!

Anyway, no matter how bad people are trying to circulate stories through the community, just be assertive and hold your head high because there are still a lot of people like Patrick (a highly empathetic person with a successful life) and Ken (greatly generous a man) standing right by Arthur's side.

And these two new interesting vocabularies stick in my mind at the moment after closing the book: ichthyologist & paleontologist :)

[Meave · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book only because it won the 2009 PEN/Hemingway award, for which the worst book I've read in 2009 (thus far) was also a finalist. I thought, is this contest's standards so low, or did that other, terrible novel get in by mistake/because of politics/favoritism/for some other non-merit-based reason?

Having read this book, I'm going to go with: this contest has very low standards. It's a fine little book, I guess, A Gentleman's Guide, but it's not especially interesting. The plot doesn't really go anywhere, and the actions that happen to/around the protagonist "relate" to the overall narrative, the don't contribute any value.

The language and tone are very light, so much so that you might mistake it for an English novel, or terribly arch. That, plus Our Hero being a late-middle-aged (60s? really unclear, or I was too bored to remember) super-privileged upper-class white man, made emotional investment nearly impossible. It was like the reader was supposed to be kept at arm's length instead of sympathizing with Our poor pathetic schmuck of a WASP. If I hadn't been in a terribly emotional state while reading it, I don't know if I could've connected to the few scenes that were affecting.

It is miles better than its competitor, that wretched, awful waste of paper--everything within the novel's universe does make sense (stupid, obvious, banal sense), and the sentences are not at all clunky, and the author does not overuse vulgarity or slag off women. Those compliments are relative, though, as compared with other "old rich white man reminiscing" narratives I've read, this is rubbish.

Two stars because I didn't ever want to throw it across the room, Our Hero's reflections on his relationship with his ex-wife were nicely done, and by the end I did want Our Hero to succeed in his stupid wonderful life of comfort and privilege and wealth, no matter how little I wanted to.

[Jon Box · Rating 2 out of 5]

A "nice" book I found in a used books store; I got what I paid for ... The main character gets walked over by most everyone and continues to return for more. He's an emotional wreck and his responses are not really for the betterment of those he comes in contact with. He lacks "a little bit of stick" in almost all situations. I'm not sure I should pat myself on the back for finishing it ... the writing was okay and there was some insight gained. Oh well ...

[Melinda · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is the epitome of "nice". You know how you know, when someone says about someone else that they are nice, that they may well be "nice", but if that's the best someone can say, they are probably also a bit boring and not someone who will really add much to your life? That is this book to a "t". Arthur, the protagonist is very "nice" and is constantly being insulted, rejected, made fun of, taken advantage of by his "friends", relations, ex-wife, contemporaries and even people he barely knows. He appears to have two true friends which it takes him a year of the book to figure out and only barely stands up for himself at the very end, not by telling some of these others what assholes they are, but by avoiding the situation and being polite to the end. Excuse me, but there are times to lose your temper and stand up for yourself and this may well explain why I am single. I would fall asleep over dinner with this man, no matter how nice he may be. Final judgment: the word "boring" springs to mind.

[Brian · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm really disappointed... I really thought this would be a book that I could somewhat relate to when I picked it off the shelves. Not only was it not anything I could relate to it was not anything I could enjoy. I struggled to the last page to find any character interesting or likable. For a book about struggle and self discovery I found it insurmountably hard to feel sorry for the main character or even empathy has he struggles with his life of living in 5th avenue apartments, charity, events, exclusive clubs, early retirement, sharing his multi-million dollar son passions, and jet setting to New England or the Caribbean. I found the character to want to be in the situation he was in. Don't waste your time folks, unless you're an upper east side blue blood... then you might find it interesting.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book represents, for me, something that I would never pick up while browsing through a new release section of borders. However I picked it up after it was recommended by Julia Glass at a book reading she did in Boston. I guess it wouldnt occur to me to read something like this, because its typically male. Arthur Camden is a 60 something retired head of a failed import/exporting business. His wife just left him, and he is left a sorry sap of a charcter by page 2. But you cheer for Arthur, following him along as he falls, but picks himself up again. A tragic hero, but one that you significantly like by the end of the novel. This is Dahlie's first book--which just won the Pen Hemingway Award for this year, an award only given to first books. I can't wait to see what else he will churn out in the years to come.

[Marian · Rating 1 out of 5]

Arthur Camden's life is a disaster. He is both a shmiel and a schamozzel. (the shmiel is the waiter who spills the soup on the schamozzel) For 270 pages of the 281 page book, you read about all the disasters in his life: his divorce; his bankruptcy of the family business, his burning down of his beloved fly-fishing lodge, his run in with the French police, his bad dates, etc. Only in about ten of the last pages does he meet a woman who gives him hope and the book ends on a positive note. I don't enjoy reading about miserable people......

[Sonia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Arthur is not doing so well. His wife left him and his business went under. Despite his troubles, he manages to spend lots of time in Colorado with his son and his family, he travels to France and enjoys the countryside, he dates ... a lot. Little by little, Arthur figures out what it is that he wants instead of the role chosen for him. After a while, I was tired of reading how people walked all over him while he did nothing about it ... it was a relief when Arthur starting back, just a little bit and in a very gentlemanly way.

[Mike Steinharter · Rating 3 out of 5]

depressing, hiliarious, ridiculous and hopeful all at the same time. Arthur is an incredibly pathetic character of course, but obviously we are all meant to see some of ourselves in him. "stand up!" I wanted to shout, like his son finally does. Any ending other than the one provided would have been disappointing. It was fun read; frustrating at times, and after you get into the rhythm, very funny. thanks, Mark, for the recommendation.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a quick, fun read - about a reserved man who can't seem to get anything right, especially when he thinks he's getting it right. Parts of it can be annoying and even depressing as the main character screws up and fails to act or make decisions, but the ending warrants all the frustration you go through reading it.