Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service

by David D. Hammons

Monsters, ghosts, dead, undead, and Frankensteins still unsure if they’re depressed because they’re abominations against existence or if it’s just been forever since they’ve been laid, all can find love with Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service!
Eli Kowalski has seen his share of freaks as a Certifier for Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service. It’s his job to weed out the real monsters from the weirdos with too much black lipstick. While on a routine certification, he comes across the Tablet of Nicaea. A powerful witch and self-proclaimed “Men’s Rights Activist” wants to steal the tablet and use it to kill all supernatural creatures so that “nice guys” like him can have a better chance with women. Eli must unite with the supernatural policing agency, the witch’s ex-girlfriend, and the constantly-naked Rasputin to save supernatural creatures in the name of love. He’ll probably excuse himself from Rasputin’s victory orgy, though.
Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service casts a humorous, silly light on romance in the paranormal community. Fans of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens and Christopher Moore’s A Dirty Job will find similarities in the book’s comedic treatment of the supernatural.

Genres: Humor

Paperback

First published January 10, 2017

Reviews

[Heidi Wiechert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Imagine for a moment that supernatural creatures are real. All of those bloodsucking vampires, toothy werewolves, wandering sasquatch, elves, ghosts, and witches from the stories, they actually exist. Why would all of these beings have notoriously difficult relationships with humans from hauntings to kidnappings to feasts made of human flesh? Rasputin has a theory. He thinks that they're looking for love in all the wrong places. And the answer to the world's problems lies through the doors of Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service.

Rasputin is THE Rasputin, a seemingly immortal mystic from tsarist Russia who has a way with the ladies, the supernatural, and, sometimes, the men too if he's in the right mood. This ancient horn dog steers the agency from the golden hot tub in his office and sends his agents throughout the country, certifying legitimate supernatural creatures for dating service access. Eli Kowalski, the narrator, is one of those agents. His troubles begin when a vampires gives him an ancient artifact of unimaginable power and a sinister supernatural creature begins hunting Eli in order to take this power for himself.

Is this story ridiculous? Yes, it is. Did I love it? Surprisingly, yes, I did. David Hammons reminds me of a young Christopher Moore, a silly storyteller with heart. If you can see the humor in an elderly mystic driving a phallic shaped hot rod while demanding that his dating service underlings call him "the Love Machine" then you may enjoy this story too.

Just to give you a taste, here is Eli reading the privacy policy of the Supernatural Dating Service: "Your information will not be shared with any non-Certified member, nor will your home address, dwelling, lair, ethereal plane, or other physical, metaphysical, neo-physical, and existential contact details be divulged to any group outside the RSDS and appropriate government agencies. ... Your privacy is important to us, as is your ability to make sweet love to whatever creature you desire." Lawyers required us to say most of that. Rasputin required us to say the last part." loc 106, ebook.

Recommended for readers who enjoyed Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal or almost anything by Tom Holt.

Thank you to NetGalley and Curiosity Quills Press for a free advance reader's copy of this book.

[Glen · Rating 2 out of 5]

A (very) mildly funny rom com about a guy who certifies monsters for a dating service headed by Rasputin.

There's a great deal of backstory, going back to the Civil War. There's a meet cute, and a spurned suitor, and it's all just too much. He lost me at the anime convention.

Nice try at an unusual premise.

[Carla D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Crítica completa em Português no blog Pepita Mágica: http://pepitamagica.blogspot.pt/2017/...

I received a digital arc from CQ in exchange for an honest review.

I must confess that it was the title of this book that caught my attention. Please, tell me if Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service is not appealing? The thing is I asked Curiosity Quills for this book without reading the synopsis, and I was really surprised by its plot, since I was expecting something different. What exactly, I don’t know.

Despite the surprise, this book turned out to be a really enjoyable reading. March was not a good month for me, but this book made it more interesting and fun. We have Eli Kowalski as main character of Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service. He’s a Samoan who works as certifier for Rasputin, an old Russian mystic whose main goal in life is to spread love to all magical creatures, monsters, undead, etc. What Eli does is certify these creatures, and keeps crazy humans at bay from the RSDS website, to avoid putting these supernatural creatures in danger. In one of these certifications, a vampire gives to Eli the Tablet of Nicaea. This tablet has the power to kill every supernatural creature on the planet. That’s when the plot thickens, and Eli meets Meri, a witch who helps him identify the Tablet.

This book is extremely funny, beginning with Rasputin himself, to whom life can be solved only with love and sex, which is the reason why he created this dating service. And then a frustrated male witch shows up and wants the Tablet to destroy all the supernatural creatures. He thinks this way girls/women will pay attention to guys like him, as in “the nice guys” who are left behind by the women who always go for the bad boy. Summing up, Maxwell is one of those frustrated men who believe that since they were nice to a woman, she must love him immediately; he doesn’t know how to take a no from a woman. Friendzone, this terrible thing that only bothers men – since I never heard of a woman complaining about being friendzoned –, is the worst thing that could ever happen to him. Meri and Maxwell were briefly a couple, but he can’t get over it, and thought it was the supernatural creature’s fault. The only way we could get a girlfriend (and pardon me for using this expression – get laid) was to kill all the supernatural beings.

The way the plot develops, and what Eli and Meri go through while chasing this crazy witch is what makes this book so funny. It’s not an extraordinary book with a super original plot, but it’s a fun read. Which is the main goal of this book, and its major positive aspect. Maxwell annoyed me since the first time he showed up, and I wanted to slap him in the face, but Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service was one of the funniest light book I’ve read recently.

[David Watson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Witches, vampires, ghosts, trolls, they all may be monsters but just like humans they need love. That's where Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service comes in. The famous mystic Rasputin didn't die in 1916 like everyone thought. He came to America and decided the best way to keep monsters from eating people was by getting them dates. He now goes by the name "Love Machine" and his biggest problem is weeding out the wannabe monsters that just want to date monsters from the real monsters looking for love.

So he had to hire a team of certifiers, one of them is Eli and he has a gift for figuring out who the real monsters are. While meeting with a client, Eli is given an ancient tablet that has the power to kill all supernatural creatures. Eli soon becomes the target of a powerful witch who wants the tablet to destroy all monsters. It's up to Eli, the witch's ex-girlfriend, Rasputin and a supernatural policing Agency to stop monsters from being exterminated and get back to finding them love.

Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service by David D. Hammons is a supernatural comedy that shows monsters in a way that you have never seen them before. From the opening scenes where a woman tries to pass herself off as a vampire and Eli knows she isn't because vampires are so polite, you know this isn't your average paranormal romance. We then get into how Eli became an employee of the dating service by not running in terror from screaming ghosts, blood running up a wall and convincing a lizard man he wouldn't taste good on a pizza. From the first couple of chapters you know this book is something special and it's filled with laugh out loud moments.

I loved the character of Rasputin, he's just a cool guy looking to make the world a better place by getting everyone laid. In Rasputin's first scene we see him having a hot tub party with a group of United Nations delegates. He then starts a game of kick ball where the winning team gets a seat on the security council. Anything goes here, from a mystic kept alive because love won't let him die to a troll in a Japanese girl school outfit to a group of orcs who go to a church run by a poisonous snake. The wide variety of monsters and the back story for how monsters exist in a world full of humans is what makes this book so good. I also liked the character of Eli who thinks of himself as nothing special but shows he has a talent for making others happy.

I really liked Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service and I hope the author decides to do a lot more in the universe he created. While I felt the story was a little weak, it didn't really matter. The characters were so good and the book was so funny that it didn't need a good story, in fact it would have been better without it. I would have liked to have heard more stories about dating monsters from Eli's point of view and gotten more into Eli's love life. If anything I felt the monster apocalypse story line took a little bit away from what is overall a good horror romantic comedy. I'm hoping David D. Hammons next book is just about the love lives of supernatural creatures, because that in itsself is a great story.

[M F · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review to follow. Sadly, I don't think this is quite funny enough to get away with being as weird as it is, though that might be personal taste, and I found some aspects of it a bit difficult to follow.

---

I read and reviewed Don't Eat The Glowing Bananas a little while ago, so when I was approached to do the same with this, I agreed. That said, I think it suffered from some of the same problems as the first book by Hammons that I read -- it needs to be funnier to get away with a lot of its weirdnesses, and unfortunately falls short.

In this case, though, that may well be a matter of personal taste. The 'dating service' aspect of the title contributes a fair amount to the plot (the protagonist really does work for a supernatural dating service run by Rasputin -- yes, that Rasputin, no, I don't get it either), and a lot of the humour revolves around innuendo and so on. While there's nothing too graphic or explicit, it stands to reason that as an asexual person who finds pretty much anything to do with sex either weird or boring, I didn't find a lot of that very funny, and that may well not be the case for other readers. Though I would imagine some would find it a little bit juvenile.

This book is EXTREMELY weird, though. I can't really overstate how weird it is, but I can tell you the fact that Rasputin runs a dating service and literally never wears trousers is about the most normal thing that happens in it -- oh, and he insists on being called Love Machine. There are a lot of supernatural creatures, a lot of weird governmental systems set up to look after them and/or add paperwork to their lives, and a lot of bizarre scenarios resolved by stuffed animals or stripping. Thankfully, those two aren't generally combined.

If I'd got on better with the humour, I could see myself enjoying this book a fair amount -- I like fantasy that doesn't take itself seriously, and this is definitely one of those books. Sadly, I don't think it made me laugh aloud even once, and that's a bit of a no-go for a book that's so obviously meant to be funny. My sense of humour leans more towards the sarcastic and cutting rather than the slapstick and innuendo, and this book was at that end of the scale. I also found aspects of it a bit confusing -- there were places where a lot of very weird stuff was happening at once, and I couldn't entirely follow all of it, which I generally solved by pushing on until things got onto more normal territory and then picking up the story from there. That might just be my Cambridge-melted brain, though.

One thing I noticed that I couldn't quite pin down for ages was that this book is extremely American. It's all federal this, federal that, here's an eagle and some guns and by the way America is the only place that recognises supernatural creatures as people (never mind that the US doesn't exactly have the greatest track record with accepting HUMANS who might not fit into certain social groups, let alone creatures who aren't actually human at all) because the US is the best didn't you know? I guess with everything that's going on in the news at the moment, I'm just feeling more than ever that America is severely overrated, and so quite a bit of the patriotism in this book got on my nerves. It's not something I remember noticing about Hammons' other book, either, so it was a little bit odd.

(For the record, it's not that I think Britain is any better. It's just that every Brit I know is severely self-deprecating and will readily admit when the country's going to pot, and insulting the Prime Minister is basically a national pastime. From what I can tell, America is literally the only country that believes itself to the best -- the rest of the world is a lot more ready to insult itself and admit to problems, and literally no one else says a pledge of allegiance every morning what the hell America that's SO FREAKING WEIRD)

(I'm sorry. The news at the moment is getting me down and I can't stop it from creeping into my book reviews. I'll stop dissing the US now and go back to the book.)

One thing I did like about this book was that the main antagonist was a neckbeard "nice guy" who felt rejected and was now destroying everything as a result, because hey, it's always fun to see that kind of person cast as a villain. That said, it was neither the most subtle nor the best portrayal of someone like that in a villain's role that I've come across, and I felt like parts of it bordered too much on the stereotypical to be convincing. I realise the exaggeration was a part of the humour, but I felt it took something away from the book in that respect. But still. Cast all neckbeards as villains 2k17, right?

On the whole, then, I felt this book needed to be funnier to get away with the level of weirdness it contained, and it didn't quite do it for me in that sense. There was a bit too much innuendo of the juvenile sort a 12-year-old might find funny, and not enough that was genuinely witty. That said, there were some good points, and some aspects of the book were entertaining, so it's getting 2.5*s. And I'll round that up to 3 instead of down to 2 because I'm nice and because I feel bad about dissing America as I feel like I'm going to get offended comments because of that. Whoops. I'm gonna just take my British self away now...

[Kay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for approving my request for a free digital copy in exchange for a review.

Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service (RSDS) is a cross between a comic book action movie and a rom-com. In fact, it feels like Scott Pilgrim meets True Blood. If either of these things appeal to you then you will definitely love this book. Just like the movies of Seth Rogan, this book is chock full of irreverent humour and may not be suitable for everyone. In fact, this is a book that I can see appealing to a very niche crowd.

RSDS was initially a cover request-beucase I mean, LOOK AT THAT COVER, and I found it a very quick and enjoyable read. It's the type of book that you would pick up at the airport on your way to your vacation destination and find yourself fully engrossed in the storyline before the flight is even over, depending on how fast you read you may even finish it before the end of the flight. There were definitely some cute scenes, mostly the Certification ones. In fact, I'd read a book that was actually a "Diary of Certifications." :)

The pacing is definitely the standout aspect here and I found myself drawn to the story and curious to see how it would unfold. However, I found that the narrative was a bit convent at parts which gave me that comic-book appeal, like "let's just pull out a siren out of my bag because I am required to always walk with one....." Everything was just magically there whenever it was needed. I know it's a sci-fi fantasy but gosh, let the characters MacGayver it occasionally.


Maxwell was the most annoying character I have ever come across, ever. He almost ruined the book for me. The character is possessive and immature. In fact, he is often referred to as a "man-child" and he most definitely is. *spoiler alert* The man is hell bent on destroying the world because I woman doesn't like him back. What a sense of entitlement. *barf* Outside of Maxwell, I actually found the other characters pretty dull and Meri as a love interest felt very one-dimensional. Her character is very Mary-Sue. Eli being bi-racial was very interesting, even if it wasn't the central part of the book. The microagressions regarding his race just felt like throwaways and it was hard for me to take it seriously.

I also believe the book is wrongly titled and potentially misleading. There is less to do about RSDS and more about Eli and Maxwell's quest to ruin the world. Rasputin seems like the character was purely there for comedy relief. The writer seemed unsure what he wanted to do with him, really. This is a shame as I felt that if this was a character that was fully committed to and accepted for the irreverent nature this would definitely be a hit within a certain niche market.

Overall, I enjoyed RSDS even if it felt like the book equivalent of a pop-corn movie: a lot of fluff and not much substance.

[Ziggy Nixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I help supernatural creatures have sex with each other.

How much did I love David D. Hammons' "Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service"? Well, let's just say I'd be the first one to volunteer to join the Victory Celebration in the hot-tub with Love Machine aka the FABULOUS Rasputin in a writhing free-for-all orgy of fandom and other worthy excuses. In other words: "Now is not the time for pants". I mean, come on, can you think of a better person to hang out with except what is no doubt the hairiest mystic of all time not to mention the inventor of National Oral Sex Day? Sure, he may have had some issues in the past but that's all behind us now that he's (a) a US citizen (even though that's a shaky thing these days) and (b) runs the very successful and very necessary RSDS which stands for just as it says in the title of the book (convenient that, eh?)! Hey, what better way to make sure the teeming population of creatures, cryptids, beasties and more stay nice and calm and law-abiding (+/-) than by insuring they're getting laid on a regular basis?

Making love to a Frankenstein is like loving ten women at once, only with less saliva.

And speaking of which - I'm talking about the monsters, not the rampant sexual innuendo-ey bits - man I love it when someone manages to sneak not one, not two, but just about every imaginable monster into a story and makes it work! I mean, I could list them all here but I'd already be at the end of the page by the time I reached Baba Yaga. And I'd never be able to forgive myself if I wound up having to leave out H.P.Lovecraft who winds up being one of the most powerful BIGS in existence, that is, "supernaturals too dangerous or too powerful to live in normal society." Or if you believe the acronym didn't come first, we're speaking of the Biologically Initial of the Grand Supernaturals. Yeah, I think that was pretty forced even though that is the way Lovecraft talks when he gets wound up…

After being poisoned, shot, beaten, drowned, and frozen, Rasputin got the impression that people in Russia didn’t like him.
(Additional: Rasputin lived so long… [because] the power of love would not let him die.)

But alas, our story starts off with a perfectly normal, half-Samoan, half-Polish human named Eli Kowalski who just sort of happened into the job as one of Rasputin's chief certifiers. This job naturally entails that any creature that wants to sign up for the dating service is first certified to be, well, an actual creature. You'd be surprised at all the "mere" humans that just have a weird tooth, hair, or tentacle fetish that has no place in proper supernatural society, especially in the boudoir. But he winds up being pretty good at his job - fulfilling after all Rasputin's one requirement that all employees be hot and sexy and Eli is "as gorgeous as a Christmas pig in a prom dress" - and manages to keep his sanity while interviewing wannabe vampires and what-not. But you know that can't last long and before you you can blink, he's in a situation that most "mere mortals" find themselves in during stories like this. That's right: he has to work together with a group of the weirdest folks you can imagine in order save all of supernatural-kind and probably the world, too, while he's at it.

If we had more time, I’d get the Marines, orcs, trolls, and as many Phillies fans as I could…

So yes, by the power of twists and turns in the plot - not to mention a surprisingly large number of overlaps with various agencies (including the UN, the EPA, etc.) willing and wanting to help the supernatural community - things get really crazy really quickly. And that's not even taking into account the steps the FCI, or Federal Creatures Incorporated, have to take to keep John Q. Public and the other Public family members from finding out all about this going on all around folks. I mean, when you find out what REALLY happened (and is still going on) at Three Mile Island, well, don't come trying to keep your brain in your head around me! And best if you not ask what is living beneath the streets in Louisville, Kentucky or the fact that JFK was a lizard man either. I mean, who has time for silly conspiracy theories when the truth is so, so much weirder?

Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, fairies, Mormons, if people knew these impossible creatures existed, they’d be hunted.

But don't worry because first of all they're well-funded (the FCI owns Delaware via an agreement with the government, which is nice since no one else was really putting it to good use) and extremely well-armed, including having absolutely oodles of "machine guns, shotguns, gas masks and canisters, enchanted staffs, summoning tokens, (and) tactical cupcakes" on hand. Oh and they run those little shops where you can build your own stuffed monster which naturally helps with all of our easily-fooled brains in terms of acceptance and denial whenever either is needed. Just remember: "Give your creature a good life." Which is only slightly different than the RSDS saying "You are now free to make supernatural love." A small but important differentiation to be sure but both approaches work out even if you can really only use the "Men in Black" comparison one time here… although I'm sure there are X-rated versions of that film, too, that would fit into Rasputin's daily calendar.

"I thought you couldn’t photograph a vampire."
"That’s a myth vampires created. Keeps people from asking them to do porn."

Anyway, everyone works together and "key personnel from OSHA, the ACLU, and BALLS participated in the office softball game/orgy every year." No, I don't know what BALLS is and I'm afraid to ask*… Still, throughout all this seemingly supernatural clusterfvck - a word I try to use in every review at least once - things really do get pretty tense as, you know, a lot of innocent beings could die in a flash or having a van thrown into your beauty salon. And when you find out the reason, well, let's just say you'll grab your M4-M “Troll-Slayer” modified automatic rifle and start shooting, too! I mean, the nerve of some nerds (did I get those in the right order?). So there's a whole lot of folks trying to save the day and at least make sure that there may still be a sunset to ride off into by the end, but I tell you, once we hit the New Jersey Turnpike during rush hour, well, it looked shaky. Like holy cow, can we just move the franchise to Arizona and be done with it shaky!

I see a path of non-Euclidean steps leading to a twisted vault of despair that severs the soul of any who dare gaze upon its horrid expanse. Oh, it’s New Jersey.

OK, I think I've managed to do a good job here of at very least making absolutely no sense whatsoever. Which, to be fair, is kind of how the book progresses. But if you are a fan (and you should be) of such masters like D.M.Guay, Rick Gualtieri, Chris Tullbane, Scott Burtness, and many many more that merge the mystical with the hilarious, then this is a fantastic read to pick up! Absolutely hilarious, magnificently executed, and exciting as any story you'll find out there that stars Rasputin today! Enjoy!
P.S.
*Holy crap, I found it! The Bureaucratic Alliance for Litigation and Legislation Stopgaps! And no I have no idea what that means, but they've got to be at least as important as the Stop Hitting Infants Trust as well as the Hug the Communism Away relief fund. Gosh.

[Lesia Joukova · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heartily recommend this book to all lovers of fun chaos, humor, magic and a certain amount of obscenities! This book promises and then it delivers exactly what was promised. If you need a pick me up or a funny read or just something silly to boost your spirits, look no further.
Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service is actually about the famous "Love Machine" Rasputin who decided to make it in America by providing America's supernatural with their ideal matches.
It's a hilarious idea and the execution is really wonderful. It's taking off with following Certifier Eli as he does his rounds, making sure that only the supernatural can make use of the service, weeding every non-magic folk with a piece of garlic and what not.
But very quickly the plot thickens presenting dangers and challenges and psychopathic evil characters whose problems stem from one thing and one thing only: they're just not getting laid!
If you're reading this and thinking: "Four stars for that? Lesia, are you for real?"
Hell yeah, I'm for real. This book is funny, it's uplifting, it sends a good message and it's not taking itself too seriously and that's something I think all of us need from time to time. Give this one a go. It's going to make you giggle.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Creatures of the night and other mystical beings might want to avoid the attention of ordinary folk, but the attention of other supernatural beings is still welcome--particularly in the love department. David D. Hammons' Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service depicts a reality where supernatural beings need a little help finding the right someone special.

To read this, and other book reviews, visit my website: http://makinggoodstories.wordpress.com/.

Eli Kowalski works for Rasputin, a.k.a. Love Machine, certifying and helping supernatural creatures connect and find love. Eli has become adept at spotting the real deal from ordinary people who claim to be a supernatural being, often using stereotypes of a witch or vampire. On his latest certification, Eli is given an artifact that turns out to be the Tablet of Nicaea, which is rumored to be able to destroy all supernatural creatures. As Eli learns more about the Tablet from another certification job, a witch named Meri, he becomes entangled and invested in the plot of a witch calling himself Darkstar, who is keen on stealing the Tablet to remove his romantic competition so "nice guys" can finally get the girl.

Having been intrigued by the presence of established supernatural characters, the premise of them needing a dating service, and the vibrant cover art, I was excited to read this. The story developed and moved quickly while incorporating the mythos of the various supernatural creatures present in the literary and filmic canon, with a few additional nuances to their characters that helps to set this version apart from the pack. I was really getting into the story and enjoying the amusing antics of Rasputin, but when the villain turns out to just be a fedora wearing, friend-zone lamenting man-child, I lost some of my interest pretty quickly (because it's just eugh), even though the synopsis did warn of the "Men's Rights Activist" character - which just proves that the writing up to that point was engrossing, as it blocked out the memory of this unfortunate facet to the narrative.

Overall, I'd give it a 3.5 out of 5 stars.

[Angel Hatfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rasputin is an immortal mystic from Russia who has a way with supernaturals. Rasputin runs his agency from the golden hot club in his office and sends his agents throughout the country certifying legitimate supernaturals creatures for dating service access Rasputin’s goal was to spread love to all the supernaturals.Rasputin believes everything in life can be solved by love and sex.He now uses the name of Love Machine. Rasputin came to America and decide that if the supernatural had dates they wouldn’t harm humans. Eli is one of those agents. He starts having trouble when a vampire gives Eli an ancient artifact called The Tablet Of of Nicea. Which had a vast power and an evil witch named Maxwell begins looking for Eli so he could take the tablet and power for herself. .The tablet could kill every supernatural on earth. The tablet could kill every supernatural in the world. Eli then meets Meri who is an ex girlfriend of Maxwell. Who had helped him identify the tablet. Maxwell was a frustrated male witch who wanted the tablet to destroy all supernatural creature . He thinks that way girls/women will pay attention to nice guys like him. Maxwell then gets the tablet. A supernatural FBI agent Meri and some supernaturals to try to take the tablet back from Maxwell.
I liked this book. It wasn’t a serious book but funny and made me laugh and that was great. I have never seen monsters.supernatural's portrayed like in this book. I loved how the monsters had back stories. I loved how Eli thought he was nothing special when he was very special. I would have liked to heard more about the monsters that were dating. This had a silly good plot and was good writing and was well paced. I really like the action and romance . I liked the characters and ins and outs of this story and I recommend.

[Janis Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would like to thank the author David Hammons for offering me a free electronic copy of this book as, quite simply, I love his work. Can one be in love with someone else’s imagination? Or is that just getting into the ultra-creepy cougar stalker zone?

Oh, and I also got offered a free electronic copy of the book, via Netgalley, by the publisher Curiosity Quills… so not totally stalker zone. ;-)

Can you tell I really liked this book and truly do love Mr Hammons’ imagination? Such a funny, sarcastic and whimsical view of urban fantasy… seriously going to have to get myself signed up as an over 40’s fan girl.

I have read other works by Mr Hammons, starting with ‘Alice takes back Wonderland’ and I thought it was… okay. But his ‘Don’t Eat the Glowing Bananas’! Oh my goodness! I have not loved such a skewed view of a dystopian world – ever! The humour and intelligence in that book was just so me!

And so, we come to ‘Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service’ from the blurb I did raise an eyebrow as I wondered if it would be at Alice level or Banana level… it was at Banana level. A brilliant, funny and whacky look into the world of urban fantasy. I simply loved it.

The only reason I’ve not given it the top score is there was just something lacking… maybe the slow start, I don’t know? But I just didn’t go bananas over it as much. Though by the end I was getting antsy and preying this was the first book in a series as my goodness! We have found Mr Pratchett’s replacement! The humour, sarcasm, irony and skewed outlook on life that so resonates with me - and will resonate with so many others – this is going to be a killer series. Hint hint there Mr Hammons!

Okay, enough gushing about the author – he’s probably getting a restraining order put together as you read this.

On to the book. ‘Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service’ did start a little slow for me and I did wonder if/ when it was going to get to the point. I mean, the plot was there and I got that… but our protagonist took a little too long to justify why he was the protagonist. Or maybe I was just too impatient? Who knows?

Loved the things to google mentioned throughout the book. I will not confirm or deny having used google to look up facts mentioned in the book… but, yeah, just adds that special level of humour within modern day reading. And what is it with Montana? Since I started reading this book I’ve heard a few similar comments on TV shows. Don’t tell me I may or may not have to google again!

The story was well worth it in the end as, when it got going, it really got going. The whole not exactly Men in Black, this is the reality of supernatural creatures in today’s society thing that ran throughout the book was fantastic. Made it a highly entertaining read. Just so glad the Winchester boys don’t know about RSDS!

Oh and Ivan… Just Yes. Is good for health. Yes.

Would I recommend this book to others?

Hell yes! Loved it, totally entertained by it and while you’re out buying it, go grab Mr Hammons other two books I’ve mentioned and thank me later. I like proper chocolate and free books. Just a hint. ;-)

And, as much as I feel my 12 year old would enjoy ‘Don’t Eat the Glowing Bananas’ (she keeps hearing me go on about it and so wants to read my copy) I don’t feel ‘Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service is as age appropriate. I suggest more your New Adults, rather than Young Adults as an audience. As well as we old cougars with a love of both the NA and YA genre! :-D

Would I buy this book for myself?

Uhhhh, let me think on that for a moment. Yes! Huge fan, not a stalker, just a fan. Would most definitely buy this book – and any more of the series to come. You should too. Thank me later. Remember proper chocolate.

In summary: for lovers of quirky, sarcastic, tongue in cheek urban fantasy that is still an adventure and has a HEA ending… this is the book for you. I highly recommend it!

[Kira · Rating 4 out of 5]

Free physical copy, the review is my own.

All those monsters you read about, they are real. And they are... looking for a date? That is where Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service comes in. There are a lot of weirdos though and people that think they would like to date an ogre or have a tryst with a Frankenstein and that is where Eli Kowalski comes in, he makes sure the real monsters are certified members of the site so the dragons can decide if they want a human faking to be a werewolf or the real Mr. Wolfman.

This book was entertaining for what it was. The story moves right along, even though towards the end I was ready for it to be over. There is only so much you want to know about Rasputin's sexual exploits. For a "dating" book, this did not have a lot of steamy bits. The sexual parts were overdone to fit the flair of Rasputin's character and the little bit of love story was SLOW burn and ended in a hyper-sexualized kissing match.

I loved the dry humor and how blase Eli was in the events that occurred around him. The small things made me laugh out loud and I would recommend it to those looking for a quirky quick read!

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

So this is the third book by David Hammons that I've read, and I am quickly becoming a fan! Although I wasn't too keen on Alice Takes Back Wonderland, I did adore Don't Eat the Glowing Bananas, and as this book seemed to also be going down the comedy route, I thought I would give it a go. The book follows Eli, a man who works for a dating website for supernatural creatures. I thought the idea of Raspuin still being alive and running a dating service hilarious. However, from the book title and the cover, I assumed that setting supernatural creatures up on dates with each other would be the main plot, so I was a little d isappointed that this ended up being more of a subplot, with the main focus being on trying to stop Meri's ex boyfriend from killing all Supernatural creatures.

I found the antagonist of this book hilarious. Maxwell is a rogue, fedora wearing witch, who believes that women never want to date “nice guys.” Maxwell plans to destroy all supernatural creatures so that guys like him have a better chance at dating women. Maxwell was practically the embodiment of a man child. Although Maxwell seemed to be a satire, the sad thing is that I have seen guys who act exactly like Maxwell!

Although I did find certain parts of this book funny, I didn't find it quite as funny as Don't Eat the Glowing Bananas. I did love some of the minor characters like H.P Lovecraft, Steve and the ghosts, but I didn't care too much about the three main characters. I felt as if Raputin had potential to be a really funny character, so I was disappointed that he wasn't in the book more. As I adored Lewis in Don't Eat the Glowing Bananas, I was hoping that there would be a character similar to him in Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service, but unfortunately I didn't find a character who I thought was as funny as Lewis.

The storyline itself was ridiculous, and although it wasn't what I was expecting, I still loved it. The humor is very immature, and I feel as if more serious, adulty adults might not find it funny. Although I didn't find it as funny as I thought I would, I adored Rasputin and Steve the troll, and felt as if they needed to be in the book more. I did however love the anime con scene, and especially loved Steve being an anime fan, and everyone hating bronies.

As most of the books that I read have serious topics, I felt as if this one was exactly what I needed to take a break. The moral of the story is to not be a fedora wearing douchebag who treats women like objects, which I think is beautiful. On a more serious note, I adored Eli's conversation with his dad, and although 90% of this book is silly, it did make a good point that yo u can't run away from your problems forever, and you'll have to face them eventually.

I overall enjoyed this silly and fun read, and although I do feel as if it could have been better, it was a nice change from the books I'm used to reading. It has definitely made me want to go outside my regular genres more often and read more comedy books!

[melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tapping out after a few chapters. Premise sounded fun, but the main character (Eli not Rasputin) is about as exciting as an accountant.

Digital review copy provided by NetGalley and the publisher.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fun read but a little too over the top for my taste. The characters were fun but didn't really have enough depth to really get invested in their story. The villain was a "meninist"and just as annoying in his fictional form as he would be in real life, which made his final take down very satisfying. Still, I think the story would have been greatly improved if the supporting characters weren't so one note.

[Sibil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley and Curioisty Quills Press. I received a copy of this book in exchange of an honest review.

This book was a lot of fun! Yes, it's absurd, yes, it's crazy, and yes, it's also weird. Maybe it's not for all, but it's fun, and it's hilarious and it's pure genius in some parts.
Eli, our main character, works for Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service as certifier. And yes, the RSDS is exactly how it sounds: it helps Supernatural people of all the flavour to found a date, and yes, Rasputin is the original one, the one and only russian mystic. He believes that the love (or rather, to make love) is the right answer for all the problems (and he thinks also that if the supernatural can get a date, and can get laid, they would spend less time to eat or scare normal people).

Rasputin is a piece of work. He's always horny(he is perpetually in rut) and he calls himself (and makes the other call him, too) "The Love Machine". He's also immortal and indestructible and he never put on his pants.
You know that you are in a really dire situation if he has to put his pants on!
Rasputin alone is a really good reason to read this book. But it's not the only one. There are a lot of funny scenes and I smiled a lot while reading. It's not the best book ever, that's true, but it's so much fun! The author is brilliant and some scenes are really little artwork, like the first scene in wich we first met Eli and his work. He's a certifier, so he has to certify that a person is really a supernatural being. If you are a real one you can access the RSDS and you can meet other supernatural beings, but if you are a human who want to pass for something else you cannot access to the real database for the dating service. So a Certifier is needed to certify your true nature.
And we met Eli with one of their costumers, a woman who wants to pass as a vampire. She's not the real thing and the certification is really something. I laughed out loud!

The book is weird (weird, weird, weird!) and if you are feeling prude, this one is certainly not the book for you. But if you are in for a fun and an original reading, that's the book to go!
I really loved this one and I would read something other of this author, because I fall in love!

[Les Chroniques Aléatoires · Rating 4 out of 5]

C’est mon second David D. Hammons, enfin mon premier demi, car l’autre n’est pas terminé.
Rasputin’s Supernatural Dating Service ou RSDS est un organisme à but lucratif, style agence matrimoniale. Ben ouais, il n’y a pas que nous, humain, à avoir une agence matrimoniale. Les créatures aussi on besoin d’amour. Et Rasputin, le vrai de vrai, celui qui a buté les Roumanoff (NOOOOOO ANASTACIAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!) a décidé de rendre tout ce petit monde avec le pouvoir de l’amour. Et attention, il ne faut pas l’appeler Raspustin, non non, monsieur veut qu’on l’appelle « LOVE MACHINE ». Comment dire…

En fait, je plains Eli (qui m’a fallu un peu de temps pour réaliser qu’il s’agit d’un mec). Il a du mal avec son boulot et ça empire avec son patron qui ne pense qu’au sexe. Non, non, pas le sexe mais on n’en est pas loin non plus. Alors Eli c’est celui qui subit à vrai dire. Il n’a rien demandé à personne et pourtant il se retrouve dans un beau merdier. Les personnages qui le secondent ne sont pas en reste : l’ex-petite amie du méchant, Meri, est une sorcière sympa MAIS avec un brin de folie qui est presque flippant. La fliquette Jackie est sympa, d’ailleurs c’est la seule qui a la tête sur les épaules. Après, tout ce beau petit monde rencontre pas mal de créatures comme le Frankenstein, une vampire, un maitre vaudou, une fée, un troll etc… Et tout ce petit monde est le résultat d’un merdier créer par un mec qui rage que sa copine, Meri la sorcière, l’ai plaqué.

Mon dieu… où va le monde ? Ben, droit vers le mur. Maxwell, qui est le méchant de l’histoire, enfin… méchant… c’est vite dit hein, est un incompris de la vie. Ce mec à beau parler mais personne ne prend en compte ses revendications. Normal qu’il passe pas la violence.
Et pour vous dire à quel point ce mec est ignoré et pas pris au sérieux : Eli lui a fait un strip-teaser sur un fond musical (et ce n’était pas pour le distraire) et Meri parle à une Jakie comme si de rien n’était alors qu’il menace tout un QG.

Bref, RSDS est sympa à lire, mais le soucis c’est qu’il y a pas mal de sigles… quoique non, les sigle sont là pour raccourcir les noms à rallonge. Dans son histoire, David a modifié le cours de l’histoire, ce que nous prenons comme acquis, ben ne l’est pas. Mais c’est marrant à suivre car ça résume parfaitement les théories farfelues qu’on entend parler.
En tout cas, j’ai passé un excellent moment avec ce roman. J’ai rit de la bêtise de chacun et j’ai vraiment apprécié chaque protagoniste.

[LibraryDanielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. Rasputin's Supernatural Dating Service was a super fun fantasy novel, and I hope that there are more that feature Rasputin (Love Machine, LOL) and his crew of certifiers.

Eli is a normal guy, with an abnormal job. He works for Rasputin. Yes, that Rasputin. Yeah, the one who "died" in 1916. Only he didn't die. They tried all right, but it just wouldn't stick. Now Rasputin, or Love Machine, as he goes by, runs a dating service for supernaturals. His goal? Bring 'love' to everyone. Also, it stops the monsters from eating people. But in order to make sure that his 'love' matches are the real deal he has certifiers check people out for him. Eli is a certifier. He goes around to supposed supernatural being's homes and determines if they are the real deal. If they are they get added to the dating pool. If not? Sorry, no love for you.

It's at a routine certification with a vampire that Eli receives a tablet that can apparently kill every single supernatural being out there. Of course, the tablet is stolen by a crazy emo-loser witch, named Maxwell, wants it to do just that. Weirdly, because he can't get laid. Eli teams up with Maxwell's ex-girlfriend, a Supernatural FBI agent and some awesome supernaturals to try and retrieve the tablet before whiny emo guy can kill everyone off.

This book is super bizarre and fun. Rasputin, excuse me, Love Machine, is way over the top stereotypical horn dog, to the point where you know he means business when he puts on pants, and totally ridiculous. I loved him. Eli is a great character- he totally downplays his abilities and thinks he's nothing special, but has the ability to pull everyone together and get shit done. There's enough action to keep you interested without a ton of weird side plots.

[Alysia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd like to give a big thanks to NetGalley for this ebook freebie, first of all. Second, of all, I'd like to give a big thanks to Mr. Hammons for writing this book! Every once in a while I like to read a book for fun. Not to broaden my mind or motivate me to change the world, but a book that lets me have a nice long chuckle in public so I get to look good and crazy.

My favorite part of this book was the strange, but hilarious world that was built around supernaturals to hide them from humans. It made a whole lot of sense, yet none at all at the same time. I enjoyed Eli's dry humor and the constant flow of small running jokes that drove the book forward. It was the kind of comedy that didn't need to hit you over the head, you just got it. Yay for good writing! All the players in the book were great to read about. When we get introduced to a new ghoul or whatzit, there were fun facts about how they lived, what the ate, and how they integrated themselves into human society. It felt like I was learning, but not really.

It was also a well-paced book. There were no parts where I was wishing it would speed up or slow down. It had enough romance, action, humor, and plot to make a great book. When I finished, I didn't feel like I had wasted my time, which is a spectacular feeling. Throughout my reading, it wasn't hard to imagine 20th Century Fox or Warner Brothers putting this up on the big screen and seeing a great success!

(Would they stay true to the obviously non-white main character? I would hope so!)

The only reason I gave this book 4/5 stars is that I wish that I learned a bit more about Eli. I connected with him just fine throughout the book but I wish I got to know him better. But all in all, this was a great book and I would recommend it to anyone who loves a nice comedy.

[Hope Burton]

DNF at about 50%.

I found it really boring and generally forced.
I thought it would be funny but it's really not.
It was the attempt at being funny and weird that made it unreadable to me.

[Andrea Dillon · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one is weird for me. I loved some parts but then others were just difficult to get through. I really didn't enjoy some of the characters...mainly Maxwell, however, I did love the certification moments and really wanted more of those. The things that I found funny were really funny but the stuff that wasn't was just okay.