Fashionably Late: Gay, Bi, and Trans Men Who Came Out Later in Life

by Vinnie Kinsella (Editor), Anil Kamal (Contributor)

It's never too late to join the party!

What happens when adult men come out? What triumphs and struggles do they experience? The stories in this collection explore the impact of exposing long-held secrets. Filled with tales about divorce, conversion therapy, misadventures in dating, overcoming bigotry, and gender exploration, Fashionably Late paints a vivid picture of gay, bisexual, and transgender men experiencing their second coming of age.

Genres: LGBT, Nonfiction

234 pages, Paperback

Published October 11, 2016

About the author

Vinnie Kinsella’s love of book publishing began in the second grade, when he worked with his fellow students to write and illustrate a story about the adventures of an ice-cream-loving giraffe. Since then he has worked as a writer, editor, book designer, publisher, workshop presenter, and college instructor. He currently uses his broad knowledge of the publishing industry to assist and educate self-published authors. Vinnie lives in Portland, Oregon, where he can often be found sitting in a coffee shop with a book in one hand and a cappuccino in the other.

Reviews

[Sam Fuller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this book at the end of September; it's taken a while to get through just because of where I've been at this point in my life, but I am glad I stuck with it. After seeing it recommended a few times on Reddit I decided to check it out. Starting out, I never even thought about the potentiality of writing a review for Fashionably Late, but happily, I find myself actually relishing the opportunity.

I figured I'd just read the stories I thought would be relevant to me in particular, but I ended up reading the entire book because it was so compelling. I've always identified with guys older than me, so the idea of reading a book about coming out later in life was something I thought would help me through a tough time. It did, in its way.

There are heartbreaking stories in this book that I had to take long breaks from reading in order to get through, but in the end, there was always an intrinsically predicated optimism. Specifically, the stories about personal acceptance and faith; the latter of which can often be a cast-aside element in mainstream LGBTQ media (be it books, movies, etc) I found very satisfying reads. Each is well written, and their scope is vast and differentiated. I enjoyed this book quite a bit and really appreciated the different perspectives it offered about coming out later in life. Whether it's to your family and friends, or just to yourself.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book through the Goodreads Giveaway Program.

Most of my reading regarding LGBT issues have been in newsmagazines, newspapers, online and LGBT fiction. This was so well written it could have appeared in any of those forums...I loved how the individual authors were so open about their struggles and successes. The format allowed the reader to go back, reread, and savor each essay.

This book would be a wonderful addition to any public library...whether it were in a town, city, school or university.

I highly recommend it!

[Gabriel Vidrine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before I get too far into the review, just wanted to say that my husband is one of the contributors, and that I was taught by Dr. Delery, another contributor (though I didn't know about that until just before I started reading!)

I think this is a very important book. I have been out as a bisexual since I was 16, but only recently came out as trans masculine at 35. It was fascinating and healing to read the words of others who have shared the inner turmoil of being bi, gay, or trans, especially those who have struggled with it over a good chunk of life.

A lot of focus is on gay and trans youth, which is wonderful and life saving. But the stories of those who have struggled a lifetime with their identity are just as valuable and just as life saving. How many are out there, fearing that it's too late, that they've wasted their lives in the closet? This book is for them, for us, for me. It shows how important it is to come out of the closet, no matter how late it may seem (hint: it's never too late), shows how the lives of those within the pages changed for the better after being true to themselves and others.

There are some hard stories in here, but also a lot of humor, heartbreak, and love. There are glimpses of what life was like as a closeted gay man in the 60s and 70s (and 80s), of the damage of conversion therapy, and the joys of acceptance.

I hope that the stories from my husband and all the other contributors reach those who need it. This book is excellent and I devoured it (any chance for a volume 2? I'd love to be in it).

[Jean-Pierre Vidrine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obviously my assessment of this book is biased because I happen to be in it. I'm entirely sure, however, that were I not one of the contributors I'd still appreciate these stories. Coming out of the closet isn't easy, and sharing one's coming out story is arguably even less so.
The stories here each represent a man baring a part of himself. I can only speak for myself, but the experience was painful and liberating all at once. So was reading the stories of the other men.
The stories I found the most intriguing, and the most important, were those most unlike my own. Though a number of the stories have common factors, each is unique, and some men here relate experiences that I can't relate to at all. I think it's through paying attention to such stories that we have not experienced that we have a greater understanding of each other and become true allies.
This book provokes a lot of emotions. There is anger, sadness, and exasperation. Above all of those, though, there is joy. It is the kind of joy one knows from living one's truth and seeing others do likewise.

[Ben · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a book that may resonate with some, but did not hit with me. I appreciated the candidness of the contributors, but the book felt over representative of people who avoided "coming out" for religious reasons, many from very conservative religious backgrounds, and also of transgender men (whose stories are important, but are overrepresented in this slim work, and whose stories have more to do with gender than sexual identity). Aside from that, I was shocked to reach the end of the book and read the contributor bios only to discover that most are professional writers. The quality of the writing did not suggest that to me. I would give this work one star, but it does require a degree of honesty and vulnerability that is admirable. I had higher hopes and expectations, and found little to relate to, but imagine that there are still plenty of men who will be able to connect with these stories.

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a Giveaway prize, and one that I looked forward to reading. I was quite impressed with the number of trans dudes that shared their story, though I would have expected rather more bi voices. A good read for the younger generations, to remind them on whose shoulders they are standing when they come out of the closet in a world where gay folks can get married, service in the military, and adopt children.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is no definitive right time for such milestones as getting married, becoming a parent or losing your virginity, and the same holds true for coming out.

Editor Vinnie Kinsella's essay anthology, "Fashionably Late," features seventeen personal accounts of gay, bisexual or transgender men who came out later in life. While the term later is relative, it shouldn't be confused with late, because each of these profound stories reminds us that it's never too late to experience a second coming-of-age.

The authors share personal details of their journeys of self-discovery, including failed marriages, religious obstacles, gender exploration and family dynamics. These stories are unsettling, inspiring, uplifting, amusing and above all, courageous. The editor acknowledges that men who have had similar experiences will especially appreciate this compilation, while their families and friends will also recognize the significance of this comprehensive collection.

Family, in particular, is a common theme among several of these stories. David Meischen's intense "Crossing the Nueces" examines his relationship with his father, who never fully accepts the fact that David is gay and just barely acknowledges his partner, Scott. In "Caged," Anil Kamal admirably worries how his Indian parents will react to his coming out, only to learn his fear was all for naught.

David R. Gillespie still wonders what his late father was thinking when he caught a young David naked in a tent with his best friend in his haunting "Casualties." When Clayton Delery-Edwards breaks the news to his parents--almost a decade after coming out to his friends--in the lighthearted "A Phone Call from a Closet," they wonder what took him so long. David B. Livingstone realizes he cannot be the best father to his daughter without being true to himself in his inspiring "Lying through Living."

Marriage is an equally resounding theme, and Wayne Gregory's account of his relationship with his wife turned best friend in "Pillow Talk" makes for the most entertaining, enjoyable entry in the lot.

Robert L. Ramsay's compelling "Coming Out Again...and Again...and Again" reminds us that coming out is not a one-time event as he shares anecdotes in reverse chronological order where he has to repeatedly identify himself as gay.

Joseph Shapiro colorfully retells a night out at a show tunes bar in New York where he takes notice of a man who reminds him of his younger self in "Cellophane."

"Dissonance," written by the editor, is by far the most sincere, illuminating and unforgettable essay included in this collection. Kinsella speaks combatively to his own reflection in the mirror, pointing out flaws and voicing dissatisfaction, until he learns to make peace with the person staring back at him.

Like each individual story it represents, "Fashionably Late" is an illustrious, inclusive and unique assortment of thoughts, feelings and ideas, for anyone who appreciates honesty and bravery.

[J. Joe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very much lacking the bisexual perspective - only one example unfortunately. Still, I would recommend this to any man coming out late in life.

[Stef Garvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

While each of the stories in this anthology are different than my own fashionably late coming out, each story helped me feel more seen. Being queer can be a wonderful experience.

[Lesley Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full disclosure: my very good friend, Anil, is a contributing author to this anthology.

This group of stories is full of heartbreaking realism when it comes to these gentlemen's emotional journeys into their "real" selves. As a Cishet woman, there is no way for me to completely understand just the kind fear and subsequent bravery that puts a man into, and then ultimately takes them out, from the proverbial closet, but I am always here to listen and empathize.

As with any anthology, there are stronger storytellers than others, and I have a personal favourite type of story tone, which I'm sure is the same with most other readers. Kinsella, Kamal and Meischen really stand out for me as narrators in their own tales. I really felt myself being carried through their tales as a guided friend.

Religion is a strong theme throughout and it's relationship with the gay community seems to be complicated, at best. It brought back memories of going out to a club with a dear friend many years ago in our small northern Ontario town and even though it seemed to me we were in the midst of a great night, high on Smirnoff Ice and techno music, he was in a constant battle with his identity as an openly gay man and a still-practicing Catholic. In the middle of the raging dance classic Sandstorm in the centre of a busy, overly-crowded dancefloor, he looked at me and broke down. What he said to me 15 years ago has never left my mind: "I'm a good person and I'm going to hell." So finite. So sure.

I really do recommend this as an introduction to LGBTQ-written works. My goal this year is to diversify my reading materials, so I absolutely welcome others to join me in opening up our spectrum of the written word. We will all be better for it.

[willowdog · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this well-written and edited review of coming out stories late in life. I thought that this would be all fire and brimstone church stories. Many of them were, however the stories were told so well that they fascinated me.

[Jeff Stookey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised that so many of these personal stories involve a struggle with religion—undoubtedly because religion was not a part of my coming out experience. Each story led me to compare and measure my coming out with that of each story teller. Some I could identify with fully and others were a revelation about how varied the experience is for everyone. There are profound discoveries here, heart breaking catastrophes, and extraordinary redemptions. Above all what comes across is the great courage these people show in living their lives and in writing and sharing their stories.
Vinnie Kinsella deserves praise for his support for Late Bloomers and for bringing these revealing stories to publication.

[Kenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving, entertaining, provocative and important book. I related to some of the stories more than others, but together, they form a valuable addition to LGBTQ studies and literature.

[Brittney Carmichael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book

[Eric Peterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very sweet, lovely stories, told with varying degrees of skill. (My brother is one of the authors.)