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Should We Stay Together?: A Scientifically Proven Method for Evaluating Your Relationship and Improving its Chances for Long-Term Success
The fact is, some couples need more time to mature, some need to work through specific issues, and some should never be together. But how do you know? What factors add up to success-or failure-in a relationship? Author Jeffry Larson knows; in fact, he knows a lot about what predicts a happy marriage. Based on Larson's twenty-plus years of research and experience in marriage and family therapy, Should We Stay Together?debunks many time-honored myths as it provides couples with the tools they need to make better decisions and thoroughly explore every aspect of their relationship. From individual characteristics, idiosyncratic family histories, unresolved conflicts and needs, and combined strengths and weaknesses, this step-by-step scientific method for relationship evaluation-based on the highly accurate RELATE premarital assessment questionnaire-will help couples understand the specific traits that predict a satisfying-or disastrous-relationship.
- GenresRelationshipsSelf Help
208 pages, Paperback
First published April 25, 2000
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
November 25, 2016
It takes a lot for me to do two things: not finish a book, and give a one star review. Unfortunately, I feel that I have to do both for this book.
If you have read my other reviews, you know that relationship books are a guilty pleasure of mine. I've read my fair share of them. Some are outstanding and I adore them. Some are light and easy to read. Others are disappointing, yet I still can finish them. And, every once in awhile, one comes along that makes me so angry, so shocked, that I can't finish it at all. Should We Stay Together? did just that.
Every one of these books offers its own advice, and that is part of the draw for me. This book, however "unique" the advice may be, had something severely negative: the tone of it, the authors voice. The tone is that marriage is more of a contract that should be made for gain. Sure, love comes into it somewhere, but what are you gaining? Marriage should be convenient for you, not because of love and friendship, similarity and difference, but what you can personally gain. The author comes off as a bit... arrogant. I don't need to be told over and over again what this book is about, I'm not stupid and neither are the other people reading this. I could really do without the humble-brags as well.
Still, I soldiered on, until I came to a grey box with black writing that told me that marriage intensifies personal problems. After hearing that marriage is always stressful (no, it is not), and that people with certain mental health problems shouldn't be considered for marriage, that was it for me.
This author says that people with anxiety and depression are absolutely miserable and make everyone around them miserable. How absolutely absurd - I would feel so terrible if I was one of those people and read that from someone who is a counselor.
My husband has severe combat PTSD. Anxiety and depression go right along with that, together and separate. He is absolutely the most kind hearted man I have ever met in my life. He is a real fighter. So, to put everyone in one box is extremely naive.
To all the couples that are engaged: ya know what? it is absolutely possible to have a marriage that is a ton of love, friendship and fun. It's possible to read each other's minds (we do all the time). You want to marry for love? Go for it. Fight for each other. Create your own life, together, based on how you two feel. Respect each other and when you fight, do it with class and grace. Be honest but not cruel or brutal. Lean on and support each other.
I can't recommend this one for anyone based on what I stated above. Others have found it valuable, but I certainly did not.
A Note: I got this book at a thrift store for $3/bag-o-books. It already had writing in it. I skimmed ahead after I quit and I found a note from the woman who had it before me. It said, "I'm sorry but I can't finish this book. I don't want a marriage like this at all. I'm quitting marriage counseling with my fiance."
That says a lot, doesn't it?
If you have read my other reviews, you know that relationship books are a guilty pleasure of mine. I've read my fair share of them. Some are outstanding and I adore them. Some are light and easy to read. Others are disappointing, yet I still can finish them. And, every once in awhile, one comes along that makes me so angry, so shocked, that I can't finish it at all. Should We Stay Together? did just that.
Every one of these books offers its own advice, and that is part of the draw for me. This book, however "unique" the advice may be, had something severely negative: the tone of it, the authors voice. The tone is that marriage is more of a contract that should be made for gain. Sure, love comes into it somewhere, but what are you gaining? Marriage should be convenient for you, not because of love and friendship, similarity and difference, but what you can personally gain. The author comes off as a bit... arrogant. I don't need to be told over and over again what this book is about, I'm not stupid and neither are the other people reading this. I could really do without the humble-brags as well.
Still, I soldiered on, until I came to a grey box with black writing that told me that marriage intensifies personal problems. After hearing that marriage is always stressful (no, it is not), and that people with certain mental health problems shouldn't be considered for marriage, that was it for me.
This author says that people with anxiety and depression are absolutely miserable and make everyone around them miserable. How absolutely absurd - I would feel so terrible if I was one of those people and read that from someone who is a counselor.
My husband has severe combat PTSD. Anxiety and depression go right along with that, together and separate. He is absolutely the most kind hearted man I have ever met in my life. He is a real fighter. So, to put everyone in one box is extremely naive.
To all the couples that are engaged: ya know what? it is absolutely possible to have a marriage that is a ton of love, friendship and fun. It's possible to read each other's minds (we do all the time). You want to marry for love? Go for it. Fight for each other. Create your own life, together, based on how you two feel. Respect each other and when you fight, do it with class and grace. Be honest but not cruel or brutal. Lean on and support each other.
I can't recommend this one for anyone based on what I stated above. Others have found it valuable, but I certainly did not.
A Note: I got this book at a thrift store for $3/bag-o-books. It already had writing in it. I skimmed ahead after I quit and I found a note from the woman who had it before me. It said, "I'm sorry but I can't finish this book. I don't want a marriage like this at all. I'm quitting marriage counseling with my fiance."
That says a lot, doesn't it?
March 16, 2009
This book is geared toward couples who are considering marriage, and is probably very helpful for them. I am reading it as a married person considering divorce. It had some good points to consider and had some good questions. Some of the questions and evaluation of the questions didn't make a lot of sense to me and seemed to give results that made no sense for my situation (especially in exhibit 5.1 - the reverse scoring stuff), anyway.... the book was still okay and somewhat helpful. I especially liked the "red flag" section of the book which said to not marry a person with any of the red flags.
October 11, 2009
This book is a summary of Dr. Larson's quantitative approach to assessing "compatability." It is a good read if you know how to assess a quantitative approach for its own problems, but has the potential to be taken as fact and used in a pretty ineffective and unhealthy way by people looking for help in their relationships. Plus, I found his writing style cocky and pushy. Not a super big fan, but it wasn't terrible.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews