Marriage In Motion: The Natural Ebb & Flow Of Lasting Relationships

by Richard S. Schwartz, Jacqueline Olds

Psychiatrists Richard S. Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds show the reader how to harness the natural rhythms of a relationship to ensure a strong, enduring marriage.

Genres: Relationships, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

First published October 15, 2000

About the author

Richard S. Schwartz, MD, focuses on the education of psychiatric residents at McLean Adult Psychiatry Residency Training Program as teacher, supervisor and mentor and senior consultant.

He is co-director of the Program in Psychodynamics, offering more intensive and advanced training in psychotherapy to residents. Dr. Schwartz has received multiple awards for his teaching.

He serves as an associate professor of psychiatry, part-time, at Harvard Medical School and on the faculty of the Boston Psychoanalytic Society and Institute and the Psychodynamic Couple and Family Institute of New England.

Particular areas of interest are issues surrounding social isolation, loneliness, social connection, and lasting marriage. With his wife, Jacqueline Olds, MD, he has co-authored three books for general audiences on these subjects. Together, they have also developed and brought to market a wearable light tracker to improve the effectiveness of bright light therapy in psychiatry.

Reviews

[Ruthie · Rating 2 out of 5]

some good ideas, but outdated and narrow in its perspective. I’m not sure that marriage is all that different from long term relationships/partnerships, and there are some definitive statements against poly and non-monogamous culture here. Disappointing because some of the conceptualisations and ideas are nuanced and complex, but the application is stiff and limiting!

[Mitch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this re: a couple can be in the "through thick and thin" part of the marriage and working productively sharing a goal or purpose (such as raising children) that embeds their lives with a sense of meaning that knits them together. "But like many couples, they sometimes let the time devoted to re-creating closeness between them get too thin in their relentless pursuit of maximum productivity...All couples occasionally make the mistake of assuming that the relationship will take care of itself even if there is insufficient time for intimate communication. Often they only realize this mistake after one of them has begun to feel estranged and sounds the alarm."

Update: Just finished reading this book, and I am set to read it, again. First, I am letting the information sink in and "take".

Honestly, this information and these skills should be taught in school.

I liked this, "If husbands and wives bring into their marriage some of the skills they have already mastered in dealings with new aquaintances and friends, an ailing marriage may start to flourish again. If instead, they assume that none of the listening skills perfected in public social interchange beling in a marriage once spouses know each other weell, they are in in trouble."

And the praise on the back of the book summarizes it perfectly: "Marriage in Motion shows us how we can enjoy rather than fear changes in our intimate relationships; how drifting apart can nurture our time together." - Ellen Langer, author of Mindfulness and The Power of Mindful Learning.

What I got most of out of this is that ebbs and flows are natural; not always signs of disaster. But if we have seen our parents (or others) marriages fail, then we may be oversensitized and find any ebb scary and as confirmation that the marriage is in trouble. We need reassurance that it is normal and will return to a flow, soon. If the ebb goes on too long, there are things we can do to help return it to a flow. But panicking during a temporary ebb is no good.