Sixtyfive Roses: A Sister's Memoir

by Heather Summerhayes Cariou, Heather Summerhayes Cariou

A loving, funny and profoundly moving literary memoir. The redemptive story of two sisters growing up in the shadow of a fatal illness, and a family fighting for a child's life.

Best 100 Books of 2006, Globe and Mail (Canada)
Target Stores Recommended Read 2008
Canada Reads Memoir Top 40 2010

Genres: Memoir

436 pages, Paperback

First published January 25, 2008

Reviews

[Gillian Culff · Rating 5 out of 5]

You could say this memoir is one woman's struggle to come to terms with loss and to explore and understand the complex family dynamic that evolved in the context of her sister's terminal illness. You could also say it's a book written to satisfy a death-bed promise to "tell our story." On both levels, this is a monumental piece of self-reflection and painstaking re-creation.

But to stop there is to acknowledge only the motivation for the book and the challenge of writing it and to ignore its broader impact on the reader. In this page-turner of a memoir, Heather Summerhayes Cariou has taught us what it is like to live with a family member's chronic, severe, incurable illness. This book chronicles a family learning to tolerate the intolerable, to endure the interminable, to ameliorate the unmitigable and to understand the inconceivable. How do you watch your best friend and closest relation die for twenty-two years? How do you live fully, when your life exists on that liminal plane that most of us only experience briefly during times of crisis? Summerhayes Cariou has no clear-cut answers for these questions, only her own family's example of surviving and moving forward--at times coping brilliantly and achieving greatness (as in their founding of the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis Foundation) at others, scraping for the smallest reassurance that they'd all turn out okay.

This book is not sentimental, nor does Summerhayes Cariou portray the individuals involved as deities or villains. She reveals each family member with the matter-of-factness of an observer, rarely judging, except to say that, in spite of their failings, everyone did the best they could, under the circumstances. In Heather we see the jealous, angry, teenage older sister who lashes out, as well as the heartbroken protector, faced with the choice of living her own life or standing by her sister's side. We never feel that the author's actions are heroic--only human, and driven by the usual human motivations of fear, guilt and love. Eventually, the author even manages some self-forgiveness, implicitly encouraging us to do the same for ourselves.

In the end, this is a book about a relentless human struggle; it's a call for compassion and understanding and a reminder to us all--including Summerhayes Cariou herself--to be better human beings and to live our lives by Pam Summerhayes's legacy: to surrender, to have faith, to be unafraid, and to give and receive love freely, making the most of each day.

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Other reviewers wrote extensively about the content and style of "Sixty-Five Roses" which I highly recommend. As a pediatric nurse with a nephew with CF, I am struck with the the progression of CF treatment from the 1950's to what I know it is today. It's hard to believe how recently advances have been made in understanding and developing treatment for CF. It's a long way from mustard plasters to lung transplants. Kudos to CF researchers.

I specifically recommend this book for siblings of CF patients. The impact of a chronic disease on siblings is a much neglected area of research. The author's daring honesty as the older sibling is a gift to our understanding of family dynamics in such traumatic life events as CF. Though it may be difficult to read since the subject hits so close to home, it could be a great stimulus for siblings to understand the effects of CF on themselves.

[Donna Burtwistle-Popplewell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I rarely read memoirs, but I am very glad that I read this book. Not only was the subject dear to my heart, but the author is fairly local, having grown up in Brantford. This book is about the Summerhayes family, who raise four children in post-war Ontario. When their second daughter is diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis in the late 1960s, a journey of unknowns begin...Not only does book tell the story of courageous Pam's determination to live her life to the fullest, but of the nation's lack of medical understanding of this disease. Pam's parents began the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation for families with children who were struggling with the illness; this Foundation continues today. Not only is this book is about Pam, but is about her sister, Heather. Their last conversation was of Pam asking Heather to tell her story and this is it. This book is extremely honest in Heather's observations of her family, friends and community's reactions to Pam and of the sisterly bond that kept their love and friendship strong through almost three decades of her Pam's life. I found the entire family to be very inspirational in their approach to their treasured daughter's determination to face her death with dignity.

[Nadia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vividly, honestly, brutally yet dramatically written, this story lets us as much into the world of cystic fibrosis - and living with a chronic illness in general - as it is possible to be without living it oneself. Details not only the struggles of a young woman with CF herself, but also the struggles of her various family members over the years of her life and death. I would recommend it to anyone in healthcare and will be using it with my students.

[Marla · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first Cystic Fibrosis book that I read after my daughter was diagnosed. It was a very emotional book for me. The book looks at the life of a young girl who has Cystic Fibrosis through her sister's eye. I recommend this book. Make sure you have plenty of tissue handy,

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished it. It IS the saddest book I ever read.

[Cheryl S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sad and engaging.

[Ellie Syverud · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of the best books I have ever read. very powerful, emotional story.

[Trish Duerden parker]

I picked up this book because it was in sale. Canadian author , takes place in Branford , ON. Cried my face off .... Great book!

[Colleen Rue · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very moving story about anther brave young woman couragously fighting cf,a book I recommend hughly.o

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a gripping and tearful read.