Standing in the Fire: Leading high-heat meetings with clarity, calm, and courage

by Larry Dressler, Roger Schwarz (Foreword)

Many experienced facilitators, OD consultants, coaches, and organizational leaders increasingly find themselves standing in the fire - working in situations where group and community members are polarized, angry, fearful, and confused. Facilitator Larry Dressler has come to believe that simply picking up yet another method or technique wont help in situations like these. What has a truly transformational impact is what he calls the "facilitators presence". Cultivating an ability to access a compassionate presence that people experience as open, authentic, and clear in intention during the most difficult situations moves facilitators from being competent professionals to being on a path toward self-mastery.

Genres: Nonfiction, Leadership

241 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 21, 1987

Reviews

[Peter Atkinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Standing in The Fire, Larry Dessler examines 6 ways that those who facilitate groups can successfully deal with high-heat meetings:

- Stand with self-awareness
- Stand in the here and now
- Stand with an open mind
- Know what you stand for
- Dance with surprises
- Stand with compassion

Before exploring these 6 way of standing in the fire, Dressler first distinguishes between two types of energy or ‘fire’ that can be ignited by high-heat meetings. The first is a negative self-protective reaction. Negative forms of group heat include aggressiveness and defensiveness. The second is the positive energy of deliberate choice and wise action. The role of an effective group facilitator, or fire tender, is to role model the latter, and by doing so, “bring out the life-generating, creative potential of group fire” - in other words, cast light as opposed to darkness onto a meeting.

For each of the ways of standing, Dressler describes first how a group leader, if not attentive, can lapse into negative thinking and/or behaviour, and then Dressler elaborates on the capacities the leader needs to master in order to successfully stand in the fire.

With respect to standing with self-awareness, Dressler points out that we all have hot buttons, based on our past experiences, and if we don’t develop an awareness of these triggers, they can set us off to respond in an aggressive or defensive manner. However, if the practices of self-observation, whole-body sensing, and reflective processing are cultivated, then we will be more aware of our internal narratives and feelings and recognize that we needn’t be controlled by them, but instead, can create space for better responses.

Standing in the here and now involves being alert yet at ease with what’s currently happening. We get ourselves in trouble when, instead, we become preoccupied with regrets about the past and worries about the future. We can maintain here-ness by cultivating two practices. First, we should attend vigilantly to what’s going on in the group around us and to the thoughts and feelings that we are experiencing. Secondly, we should keep still, and rather than seek to take control of the group by imposing our will on others, we should assume the role of a witness.

Standing with an open mind is maintaining a stance of not knowing and a sense of inquiry. In short, it involves a willingness to say I don’t know and be comfortable with this not knowing. It also involves resisting the urge to resolve contradictory positions too quickly. The danger that results from not taking this stance is an over-confidence that can lead us to believing that we know more than we actually do. We can stand with openness by displaying humility, suspending judgment, being curious, and optimistically holding on to possibilities.

When we make ineffectual low-integrity moves in moments of tension during group situations, we fail to show that we know what we stand for. Low integrity actions include:

- Putting on a false persona to appear smarter or gain popularity;
- Overreacting or being overly aggressive;
- Acting ambivalently or uninterested when involvement is required.

To know what we stand for involves commitment to a guiding intention. We must have clarity about our higher purposes and be committed to working and living by the principles we value.
Dancing with surprises means exercising flexibility when we encounter unexpected and even threatening events during a meeting. We burn ourselves when we give in to the desire to control rather than go with the flow. We can effectively dance with surprises by letting go of our beliefs and expectations (when doing so serves our guiding purpose), exercising playfulness and not taking ourselves too seriously, and keeping the faith in the collaborative process.

Finally, standing with compassion challenges us to acknowledge the struggle and suffering within people –including within ourselves. We fail to take this stance when we resort to flight or fight reactions. Emotional detachment is one form of flight response. Becoming overly aggressive is taking a fight approach. We successfully stand with compassion when we embrace emotional openness, self-acceptance, awareness of the whole person, and unconditional positive regard for others (dignity of persons).

[Charlie Beals · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting. I think generally, this was full of good ideas on how to relate to people. I think the biggest takeaway is that you have to start with the self, and the attitude that helps make "heat" useful in a business context (or any context) has to be completely natural in the facilitator. Same idea as a soccer player dribbling a ball around the house: constant practice prepares for when you actually need the skill active.

There was some weird stuff about how to achieve this, strange mental games that might work with some people, but certainly not with everybody. Got weirdly touchy-feely at times.

[Mark Sturgell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dressler thoroughly describes what it is like and the requisite mindset to effectively facilitate groups and meetings defined by the high-intensity "fire" of contention, conflict and discord. He also gives basic guidance for the facilitator who seeks to master one's own emotions and demeanor to better serve one's clients.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book won't be for everyone, however I found working through the exercises very meaningful and this was enhanced by reading it with a partner so we could share our reflections .

[Ryan Barretto · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book for anyone, not just leaders or facilitators, who want to learn how to stay calm, maintain clarity, and courageously say with integrity what needs to be said.

There are superb questions for reflection at the end of each chapter, and I will say that all of them will make you think.

The examples cited through the book resonated with me from my work, as well as started me thinking about how best to manage high heat situations in future.

Enjoyed it.

[Amanda J · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is gem after gem of encouragement, advice, and reflection for anyone who finds themselves in the position of a facilitator. While it mostly addresses professional facilitators, the content can easily be used by anyone who leads meetings, community organizations, and more.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great.

[Reshma Khan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great guidance for any facilitator!

[Захарченко Віктор · Rating 3 out of 5]

Проходная книга о банальных вещах. Тривиальные советы о том, как рарзруливать конфликтные ситуации в среде коллег.

[Etienne Beaulieu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Plusieurs rappels des concepts et des enjeux relatifs à la facilitation. Toujours agréable de retrouver ce que l'on fait naturellement dans un livre et bien expliqué.

[Christa who loves the library · Rating 5 out of 5]

Textbook used for -- TRDEV 561 -- Facilitation Theory and Practice -- Fall 2016

[Roberta · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read!

[Priya Nalkur · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not sure why people are keeping this book a secret. It's terrific: a must-read for facilitators at the very least, but probably also recommended for leaders in any capacity.