1-2-3 Magic Teen: Communicate, Connect, and Guide Your Teen to Adulthood

by Thomas W. Phelan

From rule-breaking and risk-taking to defensive communication and disrespect, parenting a teenager can feel like modern warfare--but it doesn't have to be that way. In 1-2-3 Magic Teen, internationally renowned parenting expert Thomas W. Phelan explains how to better understand your teenager, which problems are not worth fighting over, and why your child's behavior likely matches the definition of a normal adolescent. With helpful, straightforward advice backed up by research and parent-tested strategies, 1-2-3 Magic Teen will help you establish a calmer, more respectful home and family life and show you how to guide your teenager into healthy, functional young adulthood. In this book, you'll find tools and advice tailored for the challenges of a teen lifestyle, including: Forgetting to do chores Absence in family outings Drop in grades Missed curfews Parties and drinking Work responsibilities

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

192 pages, Paperback

Published November 1, 2016

Reviews

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good reminder for me…. But shhhh don’t tell my kids (although my only friend on here ARE my kids —-and friends of my kids)! 🤣🤣😘

[Ada · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was kind of disappointed. 1-2-3 Magic was a game changer for us when my oldest were toddlers, so I was excited for the same experience with this now that they're hitting the teen years. Maybe it's because my teens are polite and intelligent, so they aren't your typical teen, but I felt his writing was crass and derogatory towards teenagers. There were a couple of good points I liked, but since I don't deal with vulgarity or teen romance, and they're more prone to ranting and raging vs. avoidance, this just wasn't what I was expecting. I imagine those with really belligerent teens who are seeking independence would find it helpful.
His profanity throughout reminded me of a teen boy, and it makes me sad that he uses terms like "warfare" when dealing with teens. I suppose it can feel like you're at war at times, but this just rubbed me the wrong way. It's a parenting book. We don't need to speak in vernacular.
It's possible I'll change my tune in a year or so, but this just isn't my favorite parenting book I've read so far.

[Brooke Waite · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some helpful advice here for parents of teenagers. As a parent pretty inexperienced in teenage-land this helped to reaffirm the fact that my teenager is nothing out of the ordinary...the irritability, lack of motivation to do much of anything other than get together with friends, the new sense of privacy and distancing from family etc.
I especially enjoyed the part about our roles as parents (observer, adviser, negotiator and director) without arguing and nagging because that doesn't help anyone. Also some guidelines on what is minor vs. major behavior and how to handle that appropriately.
I feel like this would be a good starting point for any parents of tweens and teenagers. It remained pretty objective and didn't include much by way of religious values or standards which if that is important you would need to do more reading...

[Shanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 This was a short listen and I might listen to it again. It's a good reminder of the reasons why teens are so terrible. If you have a nice teen, this book might make you unessesarily permissive, but if you have a meanie, it gives some valid reasons for loosening up a bit.

[Vanessa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lacking in Substance

My husband and I loved 1-2-3 Magic and used the method for raising both of our girls. Our oldest is turning 12 so naturally I wanted to read this follow up book. I was not too impressed. Though this book says it is for 12 and up it is geared towards teenagers, however, the gist of the book is to deal with your own feelings and ignore the snub from your kids. I agree with that but what I don't agree with is how the author made it seem like everyone is to cater toward the teens behavior so they don't become a threat. There were some decent suggestions but this book is lacking the depth I was looking for and the tools that were given in the first book for the first stages of life.

[Kathryn Egly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful and easy-to-read book for parents raising teenagers.

I like that the chapters are short but provide insight and tools to address common issues like attitudes, tech use, boundaries, and communication (or lack there of).

The author points out four cardinal sins that parents commit with their teens:
1. Arguing
2. Nagging
3. Spur of the moment 'problem' discussions
4. Lecturing

Instead, the author recommends these four things for strengthening the bond with your teen:
1. Sympathetic listening
2. Talking about yourself (rather than continually pointing out what they are doing wrong)
3. Having fun together
4. Positive reinforcement (catch them doing what's RIGHT)

This book reassured me that some of the things I'm experiencing are very normal and NOT to take it personally. I liked the tips the book provided on what to do and what not to do.

If you are a parent struggling with your teen, or just need insight into how to have a better relationship, this book is for you!

[SahooraQ · Rating 4 out of 5]

مما هو معروف أن فترة المراهقة فترة حرجة بحياة أبنائنا..هي فترة إثبات الذات وتشكل الشخصية..فترة قد تكثر بها الصراعات سواء الداخلية أو الخارجية مع من حولهم..
هذا الكتاب يساعد أولياء الأمور على فهم سلوكيات ونفسيات أبنائهم..كما أنه يفسر لهم ردود فعل أبنائهم حيال مواقف متعددة وكيفية التعامل مع تلك السلوكيات..
الكتاب يحوي رسوم كاريكاتورية جميلة توضح بعض المفاهيم بها..كما أن الكتاب يحوي ملاحظات ونصائح مهمة بمربعات تقريبا بكل صفحة..
أحببت أيضاً الحوارات الموضوعة بالكتاب وتحليلهم لسلوك الآباء الأبناء في كل موقف..
.

[Elaine Skinner · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m 32 and a full-time stepmom to a 14 yr old boy so I did a lot of reading about parenting 8 years ago when I married. This was a good refresher but nothing new which isn’t surprising considering the relationship between teens and parents has changed much in a hundred years! If you’re new to parenting books this is a good place to start.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad. There wasn't much new here for me, but it helped me in supporting and encouraging what I'm already doing. I wish there was more info on how to handle a difficult teen and that it went into more depth on the major/minor incidents and consequences. It seems like it mostly focuses on the parent's behavior rather than the teens.

[Kimball · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is no 1 2 3 magic for this book. Kinda cheap and just a bunch of suggestions. But I suppose that's all you can do against the mighty teenager.

If my teenager shuts me out then I will hate life forever.

I'm surprised this book is half as long as the others. Maybe he ran out of patience with the teenagers and said to beep with it.

[Lindsay Greene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite good. Very practical and actionable. Particularly appreciated the detail on the four cardinal sins of parenting (spontaneous problem discussion, arguing, lecturing, nagging), the section on house rules, detail on the roles that you play as a parent and how to have discussions with your teenager and how to identify “MBA’s” (minor but annoying things) that you can ignore.

[Kate Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a helpful resource

Solo parenting of a teen is so hard. This book brings me back to reality that this is normal. I feel like I’ve gotten better at allowing “MBAs” to just ride while setting expectations for behaviors that will build my teen’s health maturity and independence. So glad for this resource.

[Jody · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s hard to give your teens the freedom to find their way and at the same time to endure some of their actions, but the 1-2-3 Magic Teen program shows why that approach gives them the life skills they will need as adults.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great way to remind myself what's going on w/my teens and remember to exhale.
Practical and sensible.

[Jody · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful insights in this book for parents of teens. It's nice to know we and they are not crazy. :)

[Hans · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dated with some gems

[William]

Seemed like arse frankly.

[Angela · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very vague and out of touch guidance here. Useful reminders to avoid reactivity when teens press your buttons; but otherwise not a very helpful book.

[Jenny Flores · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exactly what I needed to read to prepare for the teenage years with my three. Extremely insightful.

[Nikki Cummings · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short & simple read with good nuggets and reminders.

[JaNel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Plenty of good ideas in this book

P. 66 The Major/Minor system of punishments is a good start but if the relationship is strong, and the infraction is very serious, then letting your kid know that s/he has hurt your feelings or that you’re impacted by their decisions (as in the case of repeated lying or “forgetting”) is important and effective. It’s also very important in that case to let the teen know that you recognize this is part of their maturing process and you are confident that they can improve. In other words, don’t label or EXPECT the behavior from them (ie: “I knew you couldn’t go long with lying again”)

P. 79 “technology is like driving a car. No competent parent would allow their kid to drive without a guide and instruction. Technology is the same.”

[Laurie Summer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some helpful tips that reinforced the direction I’ve been moving in.

[Trish · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some helpful tips.

[Sue Trav · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very similar material to the Parenting Without Power Struggles course I took. I really liked some of the material that was covered especially the four main roles as parents. There are some good strategies on rating the behaviour/issue on a scale of 1 - 100 to put things into perspective that is useful. Good reminders about active listening skills that can be applied to all relationships (not just with teens).

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free advance readers copy from the publisher, Sourcebooks, and this had no bearing on my review. Where was this book when I was rearing two teenagers? This was well written in clear, understandable terms. I liked that the author did not claim to know all of the answers and appropriately suggested professional interventions. While you could probably never get that teenager to read this book, it certainly would be helpful. I plan to share this book with family members when their children reach the tween years.

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Easy to read and full of helpful ideas and perspectives on handling teenage children. I have a lot of experience with teens and this really spells it out well. I found it so interesting that I read the whole book in one day. I think every parent should have a copy!

[Samantha Gunning]

I won this book via Goodreads First Reads Giveaway. I received a paperback copy.

[Julie Brock · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid, helpful, just not quite as *magical* as the 1-2-3 books for parents of younger kids. :) It's worth a read, though, definitely.

[Anne-Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good basic book to help me not choke my teen. Helped me build empathy...but not as effective as doing 1-2-3 Magic when they were younger.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very dry and read like a textbook. Rather horrifying examples of what could go wrong. Not enough useful advice.