What do you think?
Rate this book
The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places
In many ways society teaches us to try to have everything under our control. If we are honest, we tend to think that this can be true even of our spiritual lives. But Mark Yaconelli eloquently expresses the reality of our "We are small, sensitive creatures with short lifespans, in a world that is often chaotic, capricious, mysterious, terrible and wonderful all at the same time. Failure, disappointment, loss and other difficult experiences call us to accept our humanity, feel grateful for what has been given, receive the care of others and seek guidance from the Holy Spirit." Using extraordinary stories from his own life and the lives of others, Yaconelli offers a narrative journey through ways in which disappointments have turned into gifts. In these pages are a wealth of spiritual practices that will carry us deeper into the grace we find in unexpected places.
151 pages, Paperback
First published July 8, 2016
26 people are currently reading
120 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
December 28, 2019
God allows difficult people, circumstances, and even failure into our lives because there are greater gifts he wishes to give us and greater works he wishes to do in us. This book reframes the hard things in life so that we might consider what God is doing in our midst. I enjoyed reading Mark’s stories and examples, and his insights into how God uses the difficulties of life to bless and shape us in unexpected ways.
August 16, 2016
I enjoyed the beautiful storytelling - gently getting at a difficult topic. It's a quick and easy read...but moving. I cried several times and couldn't put it down. I liked that there were questions and activities at the end of each chapter, though I didn't engage in them. This is approachable and applicable for any adult who has experienced pain.
March 9, 2020
I was surprised by this book. After having an all day workshop with Yaconelli I thought this book would provide some helpful follow ups and ideas I could reshape for my pastoral context. It was so much more. I now hope to use this book for my silent retreat and take time to dwell in the poignant stories Yaconelli spins and shares and give myself time, real uninterrupted time to sit in the questions, reflections and actions he suggests at the end of each chapter.
It's a book of amazing stories and built to help you excavate yours.
It's a book of amazing stories and built to help you excavate yours.
April 9, 2018
A book I may find myself referring folks to who are struggling with faith. Good exploration of what it's like to search for God and to feel lost in the process. The exercises at the ends of the chapters are excellent.
February 7, 2024
Enjoyed the stories and their applications. We all have life happen and it was good to hear how the story was applied to God's bond to us. I listened to it on audio a chapter at a time. It would also make for a good small group study.
May 15, 2019
This book encourages finding what you learn and how you grow from adversity. Some chapters are definitely more successful than others, but overall, I appreciated this different perspective.
April 14, 2020
This book explains the holy presence of God, the trial of the author and the life experiences he felt in his days of worshiping through the chapters with certain gifts to appreciate.
March 5, 2022
Disappointing content
Very strong anti war statements. Very little Bible content. Considers child endangerment as part of a rite of passage into manhood.
Very strong anti war statements. Very little Bible content. Considers child endangerment as part of a rite of passage into manhood.
December 1, 2023
Meditations on difficulties that enter our lives...and they will. Some tips on how to cope.
December 28, 2025
We yearn for the good times and the good experiences. We do everything to avoid the awkward, difficult, and uncomfortable experiences and moments in life.
But much of life is found in the latter, and Mark Yaconelli compellingly wrote about them in The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places (galley received as part of early review program, but full book read).
The author related incidents in his own life, as well as conversations he held with others regarding their experiences, which run the gamut from uncomfortable, awkward, and humiliating to grappling with grief, loss, and suffering.
There’s no easy moralizing in these stories; they are told well, and while there is wisdom to be gained from them, they are not presented in ham-fisted ways. Questions for reflection exist for those using the work in a class structure.
It’s worth a read to consider the experiences of the author and those with whom he associated, and from there to consider one’s own experiences of difficulties and challenges across the spectrum and how one could grow and develop on account of them and through them.
But much of life is found in the latter, and Mark Yaconelli compellingly wrote about them in The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places (galley received as part of early review program, but full book read).
The author related incidents in his own life, as well as conversations he held with others regarding their experiences, which run the gamut from uncomfortable, awkward, and humiliating to grappling with grief, loss, and suffering.
There’s no easy moralizing in these stories; they are told well, and while there is wisdom to be gained from them, they are not presented in ham-fisted ways. Questions for reflection exist for those using the work in a class structure.
It’s worth a read to consider the experiences of the author and those with whom he associated, and from there to consider one’s own experiences of difficulties and challenges across the spectrum and how one could grow and develop on account of them and through them.
October 18, 2016
Ten Thousand Truths
In my gratitude journal, you will not find the words “back pain” or “dead air conditioner in the mini-van.” And even though I have read (and re-read) the Beatitudes, I am in a season of mourning deeply over the advancing dementia of a dear friend — and I’m not feeling the least bit blessed by it.
Clearly, my perspective needs adjusting, and, according to author Mark Yaconelli, I am not alone. As a society, we are intolerant of anything that reminds us that we are not in control, and, instead of viewing failure, disappointment, loss, or frustration as gifts which open our hearts to the caring ministry of others and the heightened spiritual insights that come from a closer following, we become disoriented, cynical, shame-filled, or resentful toward our difficulties.
Even so, The Gift of Hard Things with its gritty and delightful truth-telling makes no claim to spiritual alchemy — there are no magical words that will convert suffering into joy. Even so, Yaconelli’s stories offer a thin place where the gap between my desire to avoid suffering at all cost and God’s desire to use it to deepen my capacity for love and generosity stops feeling so wildly uncrossable.
I was captivated by Mark’s prayer service disaster story: his careful preparation, his thoughtful attention to every detail, and his thorough marketing of the new campus ministry. How could it be that not one college student — not one! — ever attended that service? The disappointment of a ministry-crash-and-burn flies in the face of all my pat answers about God. Mark’s too:
“Deep down, we believe if we pray, follow the Ten Commandments, and work hard, God will grant us a successful life.”
He admits,”My life has never matched my expectations,” and even though the prayer service continues three years later (sans college students), the experience was primarily a lesson in spiritual poverty and an invitation to examine his expectations for their source: culture? family? personal need? It is only through a long re-learning that we may begin to sit in gratitude for what has been given, but it is the path away from disappointment and resentment.
Henry Ward Beecher, 19th century social reformer, wrote:
“God sends ten thousand truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away.”
Without a doubt, a goodly portion of God’s ten thousand truths come in the form of suffering. I miss the point of the song He is trying to sing into my life when I concentrate on simply getting through the trial without looking for the lyrics of healing that are carried on the melody of affliction. The aim of The Gift of Hard Things is for readers to find in the gift of difficult people, in the blessing of disappointment, or in the bracing realization of our own brokenness the reality of being met in the midst of that frailty with a strength that is not our own. It is only in this strength that I am able to rejoice in the truth that God is fluent in the language of lament. His psalm-singers have given us the lyrics, and the human condition provides the material. By faith, we add our stories to the narrative flow, and by grace we are used of God to reveal that the very things that catch us off guard have actually been placed in our path with a purpose.
In choosing to believe the truth of this, my story is altered, because even when my circumstances careen out of control, I still get to choose “whether [my] helplessness draws [me] toward or away from prayer.” Mark goes on to say that we get to “choose whether our grief deepens our empathy or sours us into resentment. We get to choose whether to allow the difficulties we have suffered to break or expand us.” With this wisdom, I am encouraged to point my divining rod toward Hope, and to hang on for the journey of discovering grace where I least expect it.
//
This book was provided by IVP Books, an imprint of InterVarsity Press, in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
In my gratitude journal, you will not find the words “back pain” or “dead air conditioner in the mini-van.” And even though I have read (and re-read) the Beatitudes, I am in a season of mourning deeply over the advancing dementia of a dear friend — and I’m not feeling the least bit blessed by it.
Clearly, my perspective needs adjusting, and, according to author Mark Yaconelli, I am not alone. As a society, we are intolerant of anything that reminds us that we are not in control, and, instead of viewing failure, disappointment, loss, or frustration as gifts which open our hearts to the caring ministry of others and the heightened spiritual insights that come from a closer following, we become disoriented, cynical, shame-filled, or resentful toward our difficulties.
Even so, The Gift of Hard Things with its gritty and delightful truth-telling makes no claim to spiritual alchemy — there are no magical words that will convert suffering into joy. Even so, Yaconelli’s stories offer a thin place where the gap between my desire to avoid suffering at all cost and God’s desire to use it to deepen my capacity for love and generosity stops feeling so wildly uncrossable.
I was captivated by Mark’s prayer service disaster story: his careful preparation, his thoughtful attention to every detail, and his thorough marketing of the new campus ministry. How could it be that not one college student — not one! — ever attended that service? The disappointment of a ministry-crash-and-burn flies in the face of all my pat answers about God. Mark’s too:
“Deep down, we believe if we pray, follow the Ten Commandments, and work hard, God will grant us a successful life.”
He admits,”My life has never matched my expectations,” and even though the prayer service continues three years later (sans college students), the experience was primarily a lesson in spiritual poverty and an invitation to examine his expectations for their source: culture? family? personal need? It is only through a long re-learning that we may begin to sit in gratitude for what has been given, but it is the path away from disappointment and resentment.
Henry Ward Beecher, 19th century social reformer, wrote:
“God sends ten thousand truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away.”
Without a doubt, a goodly portion of God’s ten thousand truths come in the form of suffering. I miss the point of the song He is trying to sing into my life when I concentrate on simply getting through the trial without looking for the lyrics of healing that are carried on the melody of affliction. The aim of The Gift of Hard Things is for readers to find in the gift of difficult people, in the blessing of disappointment, or in the bracing realization of our own brokenness the reality of being met in the midst of that frailty with a strength that is not our own. It is only in this strength that I am able to rejoice in the truth that God is fluent in the language of lament. His psalm-singers have given us the lyrics, and the human condition provides the material. By faith, we add our stories to the narrative flow, and by grace we are used of God to reveal that the very things that catch us off guard have actually been placed in our path with a purpose.
In choosing to believe the truth of this, my story is altered, because even when my circumstances careen out of control, I still get to choose “whether [my] helplessness draws [me] toward or away from prayer.” Mark goes on to say that we get to “choose whether our grief deepens our empathy or sours us into resentment. We get to choose whether to allow the difficulties we have suffered to break or expand us.” With this wisdom, I am encouraged to point my divining rod toward Hope, and to hang on for the journey of discovering grace where I least expect it.
//
This book was provided by IVP Books, an imprint of InterVarsity Press, in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
August 20, 2016
This book meets us where we are at in hard times, but on a somewhat light note. Yaconelli says in his introduction that his book focuses on the blessings to be found in "middle sufferings" like darkness, powerlessness, and disappointment rather than what might truly be called tragedy. Using often humorous stories from his own life, and practical application portions at the end of each chapter, Yaconelli points us towards welcoming the spiritual formation that difficulties offer. I found these stories both convicting and full of grace.
For a GIVEAWAY and more reviews visit TheWillowNook.com through Aug 26th!
*Review copy courtesy of IVP Books*
For a GIVEAWAY and more reviews visit TheWillowNook.com through Aug 26th!
*Review copy courtesy of IVP Books*
May 19, 2017
This caught my eye during my internship at InterVarsity Press, and I was delighted to come by a copy through NetGalley. I was impressed with Mark Yaconelli's gift for vividly painting the scenes of his stories. While I had mixed feelings about the first story, I loved Theresa's--it made me cry. Reading this book will encourage you to engage with life and prayer in ways you may have never considered.
I received a free reviewer's edition of this book from NetGalley. .
I received a free reviewer's edition of this book from NetGalley. .
August 10, 2016
This book found me in the season of a small heartbreak. It gives dignity to all kinds of small (and some not so small) sufferings which tend to tie knots in our fragile souls, and offers hope and comfort and no easy answers. In short, exactly what I needed when I needed it and I am grateful. Will be recommending.
December 4, 2016
An excellent book the author shares openly and vulnerably ways in which God has met him in places of pain and failure. The truth is that all of us will find ourselves in similar places and when we can find the blessings God has for us in those places life takes on so much deeper meaning, this book. Helps us to make this a possibility
November 2, 2016
A truly fantastic storyteller, with lots of honesty and wisdom interspersed throughout.
April 8, 2017
One of my favorite authors has written a book that comforts those who are broken.
April 21, 2017
The Yaconelli name is a familiar one to those in youth ministry. Mike Yaconelli was one of the founders of Youth Specialties and a legend in the youth ministry world. His son, Mark, is also a recognized figure in the youth ministry world.
One of my favorite Mark Yaconelli moments occurred at the 2008 National Youth Workers Convention (NYWC). Mark talked about joy and its relationship to darkness. He then told a story about the turmoil of his parents' divorce and how in the midst of it, he attended an awkward junior high dance where no one danced. When the DJ threatened to end the dance early, Mark promised to dance... And he did. So, at the end of his talk, a disco ball appeared and Mark broke out in dance – a perfect illustration of joy. The moment was incredible – one of my all-time favorites at the NYWC. It was also in this moment that I learned what a gifted storyteller Mark is.
For this reason, I was excited to read Mark's book, The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places. To be clear, this book is not a youth ministry book but for those familiar with Mark, it is vintage Yaconelli storytelling. My husband and I actually read it together, a chapter at a time, taking time to savor and reflect both on Mark's stories and their meanings. Each chapter deals with a seemingly negative event – like burnout, disappointment, and difficult people – and unpacks how those things can actually be gifts. For those interested in doing this more formally, each chapter in the book contains a reflection as well as some “actions” to help you put what you've read into practice.
One of my favorite chapters in The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places was “Initiation: The Gift of Powerlessness”. In this chapter, Mark shares the story of a rite of passage he created for his sons. As a parent, I was captivated by this story and by the idea of creating rites of passage for my daughter. Beyond that, however, I've continued contemplating Mark's conclusion that “I do not have the power to keep my children safe. I do not control their physical, emotional, or spiritual lives. My faith in God does not keep me from tragedy and suffering. My love for God will not keep my children from disease or violence or tragedy. But what I can do, what lives in me deeper than my anxiety and helplessness, is trust.”
Having heard Mark speak on the dark night of the soul before, I also really enjoyed the chapter entitled, “The Dark Night: The Gift of Darkness.” In it, Mark talks about the transformation that occurs during the dark night – a “period in our spiritual journey when God's work in us is obscured, hidden.” He concludes, “The dark night teaches us to trust the hiddenness of God, knowing that our theologies, our practices and even our experiences of God are limiting.”
The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places is a short book, less than 150 pages even. But don't let that fool you. It's filled with stories, some of which will leave in you tears, others of which will have you howling with laughter, but all of which will enable you to encounter God in the hard things.
One of my favorite Mark Yaconelli moments occurred at the 2008 National Youth Workers Convention (NYWC). Mark talked about joy and its relationship to darkness. He then told a story about the turmoil of his parents' divorce and how in the midst of it, he attended an awkward junior high dance where no one danced. When the DJ threatened to end the dance early, Mark promised to dance... And he did. So, at the end of his talk, a disco ball appeared and Mark broke out in dance – a perfect illustration of joy. The moment was incredible – one of my all-time favorites at the NYWC. It was also in this moment that I learned what a gifted storyteller Mark is.
For this reason, I was excited to read Mark's book, The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places. To be clear, this book is not a youth ministry book but for those familiar with Mark, it is vintage Yaconelli storytelling. My husband and I actually read it together, a chapter at a time, taking time to savor and reflect both on Mark's stories and their meanings. Each chapter deals with a seemingly negative event – like burnout, disappointment, and difficult people – and unpacks how those things can actually be gifts. For those interested in doing this more formally, each chapter in the book contains a reflection as well as some “actions” to help you put what you've read into practice.
One of my favorite chapters in The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places was “Initiation: The Gift of Powerlessness”. In this chapter, Mark shares the story of a rite of passage he created for his sons. As a parent, I was captivated by this story and by the idea of creating rites of passage for my daughter. Beyond that, however, I've continued contemplating Mark's conclusion that “I do not have the power to keep my children safe. I do not control their physical, emotional, or spiritual lives. My faith in God does not keep me from tragedy and suffering. My love for God will not keep my children from disease or violence or tragedy. But what I can do, what lives in me deeper than my anxiety and helplessness, is trust.”
Having heard Mark speak on the dark night of the soul before, I also really enjoyed the chapter entitled, “The Dark Night: The Gift of Darkness.” In it, Mark talks about the transformation that occurs during the dark night – a “period in our spiritual journey when God's work in us is obscured, hidden.” He concludes, “The dark night teaches us to trust the hiddenness of God, knowing that our theologies, our practices and even our experiences of God are limiting.”
The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places is a short book, less than 150 pages even. But don't let that fool you. It's filled with stories, some of which will leave in you tears, others of which will have you howling with laughter, but all of which will enable you to encounter God in the hard things.
March 20, 2018
I absolutely love this book and recommend it to everyone who needs a little light in their lives. Even those who don't need a light, but a bit of insight that could change how you view things!! Love love love!!
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews