Controlling People: The Paradoxical Nature of Being Human

by Richard S Marken, Timothy A. Carey

“We need to strive for a world where people control what is important to themselves while minimizing the controlling of others.” We are all controlling people. In fact our feelings of wellbeing depend on staying in control. Just as when we drive a car, we must stay in control in everyday life in order to keep the things we care about going in the right direction. Yet this natural controlling behavior is sometimes the very reason we end up losing control. This happens when we try to control other people as well as when we try to control ourselves. So how do we do better? Based on Perceptual Control Theory (PCT), this entertaining and enlightening book by psychologists Richard S. Marken and Timothy A. Carey explores the paradox of why we often lose control by trying to be in control and why our controlling nature makes it difficult to stop this self-defeating behavior. They show that understanding PCT opens the window to understanding and learning about ourselves as controlling people and equips us to lead more effective and satisfying lives.

Genres: Psychology

154 pages, Paperback

Published December 7, 2015

Reviews

[pk]

Really good book. There is an unnecessary and invalid critique of the Golden Rule as one or both of the authors suggest it would not apply but they use it in an 'ad absurdum', too detailed manner eg. make one the coffee you'd like them to make (e.g latte) you vs the one they'd actually like (e.g americano). The Golden Rule here, when understood correctly, would state something like: treat others the way you'd like to be treated i.e. i'd like my tastes to accounted for when my make myself coffee so I'm going to do the same and account for their tastes and preferences when serving coffee to others.

[Dee Michell]

A good idea, to think of ourselves as ‘controlling systems’ but who doesn’t already know it’s not a good idea to control other people. More irritating than inspiring or even interesting.

[Mateus Noel]

PCT sounds like an interesting view on human behaviour but the writing style isn't engaging. It feels a bit repetitive.

[Richard Vass]

Really helped me with my control issues. Highly recommend.

[Syeda]

read for class