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328 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2002
Examine the photograph as closely as you like, only you will not be able to locate the child in it.
You will not be able to locate anything that will become important.
The couple’s move from the northeast to the northwest, say.
The log cabin and fifteen acres of lodgepole pine just outside the viewfinder that brought them here with the perhaps not completely unpredictable promise of a wired-down life.
A slightly more wired-down life.
Your parents’ long brawl with cancer that wrecked your father’s lungs sixteen years ago, your mother’s breasts five.
On occasion Andi wondered aloud what was wrong with her, biologically speaking, because she did not respond to children, did not long for them, found them nine times out of ten unpleasant ectoplasmic correlatives to black holes, absorbing the light from everything that had the misfortune to fall into their gravitational fields.
You can’t choose your parents and you can’t choose your children.
Some rocking back and forth in their mothers’ arms in existential despair.
No bike. No sled. No ball. No doll. No hope.
Some surveying their frame of reference in numbed out-of-control stupefaction, then slipping asleep fast as they can.
Among them, you make out Gen.
You make out a flickering like the red-eye-reducing flash mode and now you make out your daughter waddle-walking in a frilly pink tutu, blue eyes wide with information, honey-blond hair a-tangle, her fist in mommy’s.
Not honey-blond: platinum.
Not platinum: ash.