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Holding My Breath
In her beautifully wrought debut, Holding My Breath, author Sidura Ludwig crafts a bold yet tender coming-of-age tale of family, dreams, and the will to follow one’s heart.
The only child of a Canadian pharmacist and his wife, Beth Levy grows up with the understanding that expectations can develop early in people’s lives, “even before they are born.” With that, the little girl senses a responsibility to become the narrator of her family’s history, piecing together snippets of conversation, half-told stories, and intimations that waft throughout her Manitoba homestead—her aunt Carrie’s resolve to never marry, her grandmother’s static grief over her deceased husband, the wanderlust of her young and vivacious aunt Sarah, and the death of her uncle Phil during World War II.
But what she believes and what is true are as disparate as the three strong Jewish women that occupy Beth’s house, life, and heart. Her mother, Goldie, the oldest sister, harbors a desire for social status that only results in a tacit disappointment, that nothing, not even her daughter, can assuage. Carrie, the middle one, possesses a gentle nature that masks a tragic countenance. The youngest, Sarah, still a teenager, stands poised to take on the world.
While Beth seeks out the nurturing comfort of Carrie, who keeps Uncle Phil’s memory alive and bestows upon Beth his love of the stars and planets, it is the rebellious spirit of Sarah that most entices the girl. As Beth matures into a young woman, the combination of her aunts’ influences pits the old world of her mother’s strictures against a new one of exploration and escape. This internal conflict will force Beth to make a difficult choice.
With a voice as distinct as it is compelling, Holding My Breath celebrates the bonds of family and its reassuring traditions as it affirms the uniqueness of the individual on uncharted paths.
The only child of a Canadian pharmacist and his wife, Beth Levy grows up with the understanding that expectations can develop early in people’s lives, “even before they are born.” With that, the little girl senses a responsibility to become the narrator of her family’s history, piecing together snippets of conversation, half-told stories, and intimations that waft throughout her Manitoba homestead—her aunt Carrie’s resolve to never marry, her grandmother’s static grief over her deceased husband, the wanderlust of her young and vivacious aunt Sarah, and the death of her uncle Phil during World War II.
But what she believes and what is true are as disparate as the three strong Jewish women that occupy Beth’s house, life, and heart. Her mother, Goldie, the oldest sister, harbors a desire for social status that only results in a tacit disappointment, that nothing, not even her daughter, can assuage. Carrie, the middle one, possesses a gentle nature that masks a tragic countenance. The youngest, Sarah, still a teenager, stands poised to take on the world.
While Beth seeks out the nurturing comfort of Carrie, who keeps Uncle Phil’s memory alive and bestows upon Beth his love of the stars and planets, it is the rebellious spirit of Sarah that most entices the girl. As Beth matures into a young woman, the combination of her aunts’ influences pits the old world of her mother’s strictures against a new one of exploration and escape. This internal conflict will force Beth to make a difficult choice.
With a voice as distinct as it is compelling, Holding My Breath celebrates the bonds of family and its reassuring traditions as it affirms the uniqueness of the individual on uncharted paths.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published March 1, 2007
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154 people want to read
About the author
Sidura Ludwig
7 books9 followersWriter. Story finder. Strong Tea Drinker. Challah baker.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
August 28, 2020
An enjoyable Jewish family drama, tracking the formative years of our protagonist, Beth Levy.
Beth is growing up in mid to late 20th century Manitoba and Winnipeg. Although I generally understand these locations to be rural Canadian, I don’t think Ludwig injected a lot of specificity into the novel. Not about the geographic location and not a lot about national and international history, either. Sometimes there’d be a line drop here or there, but the story was overwhelmingly domestic.
Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing! Something I’ve solidified from other books I read this month—better to have well crafted, believable characters than card board cutouts that exist to react to plot or world events. Maybe I would have preferred a little more table dressing here, but I’m ultimately satisfied.
Beth is our narrator, and she lives under the auspices of her mother’s family. Not much mention of her father’s, but we have more than enough characters here! When Beth is a very young girl, she and her parents move in to help her maternal grandmother in the last stages of her life. Also present are Beth’s two aunts, Carrie and Sarah. An uncle, Phil, who died in World War II looms like a muse over Beth’s life, inspiring a love of astronomy.
Beth’s mother, Goldie, is none too pleased about this. She’s trying to follow a conventional path of Jewish womanhood—devotion to husband and family, but also to Jewish life in the region. I’m not sure I’ve read another Jewish novel that references involvement in a synagogue Sisterhood. Goldie is ultimately rewarded for her charitable acts. But her daughter’s independent wishes sometimes grate on her.
Elsewhere, Carrie is harboring a guilty secret from the past, living as a slightly quirky spinster, and encouraging Beth’s academic interests. Sarah is only 10 years older than Beth, a surrogate big sister, in a way, who is the most rebellious with her social liaisons and desire to move to New York to be an actress. Later in life, perhaps coming full circle, Beth gets to be a surrogate older sister to Sarah’s daughter, Jade. Beth also makes friends during school—Norma and Marilyn—but perhaps they’re the most archetypal characters. Norma is a conventional young lady, on the path since age 13 to marry her school yard sweetheart. Marilyn is an outspoken, Betty Freidan-reading feminist. Another friend, Cheryl, is a little more interesting, or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that Beth’s reactions to her subplot are more interesting. It’s a pretty short book; it reads fast, but most of Ludwig’s secondary characters are kinda fleeting.
Still, I was impressed with how Phil loomed over the scene, even though he wasn’t alive during the narrative. Maybe it had to do with Carrie “indoctrinating” Beth into Phil’s astronomy journals in the beginning of the book. Maybe it has to do with Beth’s half poetic, half scientific free fall into the subject. I copied some lines into my Facebook profile about Beth trying to explain her love of astronomy to her mother, and imagining her uncle Phil with them.
But I think the major crux of the book had to do with the relationship between Goldie and Beth. Maybe I’m biased, because Beth’s desire to be understood by her mother reigned supreme on page 112, which I read first before putting this book on my TBR. But I’d say it’s a pretty big deal, and Goldie’s desire for Beth to lead a life much like hers is a continual touchstone of the narrative. Made all the more powerful, perhaps, because we get to see snippets of Goldie’s relationships with the other female members of her family. There’s too much going on here for Goldie to just be “the villain.” Instead, maybe there’s a more universal set of themes in here—about the bonds we make, what we expect of each other, and how we make amends within imperfect relationships.
Beth is growing up in mid to late 20th century Manitoba and Winnipeg. Although I generally understand these locations to be rural Canadian, I don’t think Ludwig injected a lot of specificity into the novel. Not about the geographic location and not a lot about national and international history, either. Sometimes there’d be a line drop here or there, but the story was overwhelmingly domestic.
Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing! Something I’ve solidified from other books I read this month—better to have well crafted, believable characters than card board cutouts that exist to react to plot or world events. Maybe I would have preferred a little more table dressing here, but I’m ultimately satisfied.
Beth is our narrator, and she lives under the auspices of her mother’s family. Not much mention of her father’s, but we have more than enough characters here! When Beth is a very young girl, she and her parents move in to help her maternal grandmother in the last stages of her life. Also present are Beth’s two aunts, Carrie and Sarah. An uncle, Phil, who died in World War II looms like a muse over Beth’s life, inspiring a love of astronomy.
Beth’s mother, Goldie, is none too pleased about this. She’s trying to follow a conventional path of Jewish womanhood—devotion to husband and family, but also to Jewish life in the region. I’m not sure I’ve read another Jewish novel that references involvement in a synagogue Sisterhood. Goldie is ultimately rewarded for her charitable acts. But her daughter’s independent wishes sometimes grate on her.
Elsewhere, Carrie is harboring a guilty secret from the past, living as a slightly quirky spinster, and encouraging Beth’s academic interests. Sarah is only 10 years older than Beth, a surrogate big sister, in a way, who is the most rebellious with her social liaisons and desire to move to New York to be an actress. Later in life, perhaps coming full circle, Beth gets to be a surrogate older sister to Sarah’s daughter, Jade. Beth also makes friends during school—Norma and Marilyn—but perhaps they’re the most archetypal characters. Norma is a conventional young lady, on the path since age 13 to marry her school yard sweetheart. Marilyn is an outspoken, Betty Freidan-reading feminist. Another friend, Cheryl, is a little more interesting, or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that Beth’s reactions to her subplot are more interesting. It’s a pretty short book; it reads fast, but most of Ludwig’s secondary characters are kinda fleeting.
Still, I was impressed with how Phil loomed over the scene, even though he wasn’t alive during the narrative. Maybe it had to do with Carrie “indoctrinating” Beth into Phil’s astronomy journals in the beginning of the book. Maybe it has to do with Beth’s half poetic, half scientific free fall into the subject. I copied some lines into my Facebook profile about Beth trying to explain her love of astronomy to her mother, and imagining her uncle Phil with them.
But I think the major crux of the book had to do with the relationship between Goldie and Beth. Maybe I’m biased, because Beth’s desire to be understood by her mother reigned supreme on page 112, which I read first before putting this book on my TBR. But I’d say it’s a pretty big deal, and Goldie’s desire for Beth to lead a life much like hers is a continual touchstone of the narrative. Made all the more powerful, perhaps, because we get to see snippets of Goldie’s relationships with the other female members of her family. There’s too much going on here for Goldie to just be “the villain.” Instead, maybe there’s a more universal set of themes in here—about the bonds we make, what we expect of each other, and how we make amends within imperfect relationships.
May 23, 2012
I grew up in Winnipeg so I appreciate the detail about locations and lifestyle in Sidura Ludwig's lovely coming of age novel. This is a gentle story with likable people you would be pleased to have as neighbours. It captures a time and community attitudes that ring true in a breezy set of snapshots of daily life. I like her style and hope she continues to publish additional books.
August 21, 2011
This was a light and pleasant read. A good effort by a young, first-time novelist.
As a Winnipeg resident, it was delightful to be able to "place" everyone and their comings and goings on streets and locations familiar to me in and around the city.
It was also a personal (and perhaps peculiar) pleasure, as a non-Jew, to see certain Yiddish and Hebrew words in print. Having heard such words as Shabbos, shtetl, yichud, and yartzeit pronounced, I wouldn't have the foggiest idea how to spell them.
The story itself follows Beth, an only child, as she comes of age within her family, her extended family, the Jewish community in Winnipeg and the larger world and what she believes are their expectations of her. Beth is the self-proclaimed story-teller in her family. Her family's history though is rife with missing pieces, secrets, that Beth fills in with her own imagined version of the truth. As the "real" truths emerge, Beth must adjust her view of the people involved.
All of Ludwig's characters, their histories and situations are quite interesting and believable. I liked all of the characters in this story. In fact all of the characters in Beth's story were more interesting to me than Beth herself. Goldie and Saul, Beth's parents are hard working middle class Jews who want to do right. Saul works hard to support his family financially, to give them what they want and what the community expects of him. Goldie wants respectability in the community, a house on McAdam Street and four children. When Goldie's mother dies, Saul and Goldie become responsible for Goldie's younger sisters, Carrie and Sarah. By far it is these two aunts who are the most interesting. They know the family secrets and have secrets of their own. Sarah is wild and rebellious and beautiful. She wants to really live her life. Carrie is gentler, kinder and seems to be protector of all of the family members and their secrets, including her own. As a child, Beth adored her aunts.
There is something missing from this story for me. The problem is with Beth. She is, as she readily admits, an ordinary girl. She wins no prizes in any department although is well aware that her mother longs to have her do so, so that she can boast to the other mothers. It is not that Beth is uninteresting to me (she aspires to be an astronomer - an interest ignited by and shared by her deceased uncle Phil) but I was not emotionally invested in her. And I think that is because Beth's responses to the revealing of the family secrets is not the emotional, conflictual angst that I would expect. She accepts things in a matter-of-fact, black and white, somewhat juvenile sort of way. Granted young people of her age often do see things in black and white, right and wrong. Yet I wanted more from her. I had a difficult time accepting that she could go from adoring Sarah to total rejection and disinterest in her. I suppose though that this is consistent with Beth being the story teller and not the life of the story.
In all this is a readable and graceful story that I was happy to have read.
As a Winnipeg resident, it was delightful to be able to "place" everyone and their comings and goings on streets and locations familiar to me in and around the city.
It was also a personal (and perhaps peculiar) pleasure, as a non-Jew, to see certain Yiddish and Hebrew words in print. Having heard such words as Shabbos, shtetl, yichud, and yartzeit pronounced, I wouldn't have the foggiest idea how to spell them.
The story itself follows Beth, an only child, as she comes of age within her family, her extended family, the Jewish community in Winnipeg and the larger world and what she believes are their expectations of her. Beth is the self-proclaimed story-teller in her family. Her family's history though is rife with missing pieces, secrets, that Beth fills in with her own imagined version of the truth. As the "real" truths emerge, Beth must adjust her view of the people involved.
All of Ludwig's characters, their histories and situations are quite interesting and believable. I liked all of the characters in this story. In fact all of the characters in Beth's story were more interesting to me than Beth herself. Goldie and Saul, Beth's parents are hard working middle class Jews who want to do right. Saul works hard to support his family financially, to give them what they want and what the community expects of him. Goldie wants respectability in the community, a house on McAdam Street and four children. When Goldie's mother dies, Saul and Goldie become responsible for Goldie's younger sisters, Carrie and Sarah. By far it is these two aunts who are the most interesting. They know the family secrets and have secrets of their own. Sarah is wild and rebellious and beautiful. She wants to really live her life. Carrie is gentler, kinder and seems to be protector of all of the family members and their secrets, including her own. As a child, Beth adored her aunts.
There is something missing from this story for me. The problem is with Beth. She is, as she readily admits, an ordinary girl. She wins no prizes in any department although is well aware that her mother longs to have her do so, so that she can boast to the other mothers. It is not that Beth is uninteresting to me (she aspires to be an astronomer - an interest ignited by and shared by her deceased uncle Phil) but I was not emotionally invested in her. And I think that is because Beth's responses to the revealing of the family secrets is not the emotional, conflictual angst that I would expect. She accepts things in a matter-of-fact, black and white, somewhat juvenile sort of way. Granted young people of her age often do see things in black and white, right and wrong. Yet I wanted more from her. I had a difficult time accepting that she could go from adoring Sarah to total rejection and disinterest in her. I suppose though that this is consistent with Beth being the story teller and not the life of the story.
In all this is a readable and graceful story that I was happy to have read.
July 10, 2016
My favourite bookshop is the Waterstones in Birmingham; the one housed in the old building that used to be bank. This book was published by Tindel Street Press, a local Publishing house in Birmingham, and i bought and read most of them that had a special display in the store. All the characters had life breathed into them by Ludwig and it holds a place still on my bookshelf. Theres nothing sensational about the story, and like the cold snow of the town, the pace is measured, but the characters drew me in.
February 17, 2009
Sidura was in a writer's group with me for a while in the early noughties. She wrote a story called 'Holding My Breath Underwater' there which became a chapter in this well written book. She's gone back to Canada now but came over last year for the British launch of this title. This is set in Winipeg, a family/growing up book which as Margaret Forster says on the cover is a 'pleasure to read'.
June 29, 2016
Families and secrets. Families and stories. Do we build our stories about ourselves and our families on the stories that we are told? Or do we try to fill in the gaps that the secrets that we don't talk about leave?
This was a gentle book that built slowly and realistically. Even the ending made sense.
This was a gentle book that built slowly and realistically. Even the ending made sense.
April 6, 2009
A touching story encompassing several generations of a Jewish family in Manitoba. Focuses on the women's struggle for independence and the right to pursue their dreams.
December 14, 2009
This is a lovely story that I loved. I am not sure why I liked it so much but it was written beautifully and the story was compelling yet simple. This is her first novel.
April 29, 2020
I loved this rich and heartfelt coming-of-age story. Ludwig is a master of characterization, and the strong, authentic women you’ll find in this book will stay with you for years to come.
January 13, 2013
Not particularly spectacular, but somehow hit the right spot when I read it. Not a difficult read; actually read it in one day.
July 17, 2018
Characters were well written. Quick read. A good story about family dynamics.
July 22, 2021
I stayed up all night reading this book, I had to know what would happen next to these characters.
August 15, 2023
A great coming of age novel with deep messages about life.
November 8, 2011
There were some aspects of this novel that I liked and there were some descriptions of moments, settings, feelings and objects that I appreciated, but for the most part, I didn't feel as though it came together in the most cohesive way. Perhaps this is because I felt as though the timing of the novel was somewhat awkward and the development of the story did not follow a clearly structured path. I imagine this stems from the fact that the entirety of the novel was written after a short story which would one day become "Chapter 8", however, Chapter 8 does not come across quite as significant as the previous fact might suggest it was.
I think this novel could be a very good one, but I don't think the puzzles pieces came together as well as they could have.
I think this novel could be a very good one, but I don't think the puzzles pieces came together as well as they could have.
May 16, 2012
It was an okay book, and an easy read. I liked the relationship that she and Sarah had when she was young, and her connection to Uncle Phil. I also liked that although it was written in first person, she knew about other peoples thoughts and things that she wasn't around for, based on what she had been told after the fact. It was a good twist on first person.
What I didn't like was Aunt Sarah's eventual abandonment (I felt that it should have been wrapped up better: what is she up to now?) What came of her friends, especially the one in Japan: is she really happy there? And I wanted so badly for a reunion between Carrie and her son! Also, I love astronomy, so I wanted to see more of it! :)
What I didn't like was Aunt Sarah's eventual abandonment (I felt that it should have been wrapped up better: what is she up to now?) What came of her friends, especially the one in Japan: is she really happy there? And I wanted so badly for a reunion between Carrie and her son! Also, I love astronomy, so I wanted to see more of it! :)
June 12, 2015
Beth Levy is an only child growing up with her aunts Carrie and Sarah almost as sisters. The story revolves around the three of them and Beth's mother Goldie and the young dreams they had and the lives they made for themselves. This is basically a coming of age tale nicely handled. Secrets hidden when Beth is a child are slowly revealed in a timely fashion. The narrative is smooth, and flows along quickly. A good summer read.
June 30, 2009
2-1/2 stars. Interesting, but not gripping. I typically like 1st person narratives, but this one was a little much for me--projecting feelings and experiences about people before she was even born, for instance. If told from the 3rd person, it would have been believable. Don't particularly recommend.
October 18, 2014
This was a lovely read. Written as a stream of consciousness story, it ambled along through the life of a girl growing up and Celt with real family struggles and triumphs. It was refreshing and heart warming and reminded me to count my blessings and be thankful for my family.
December 3, 2010
Spanning three decades against the backdrop of the Jewish community in the North End of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Holding My Breath is a coming of age novel that centers around a young girl named Beth Levy.Interesting, but not gripping---enjoyable but certainly not memorable.
November 19, 2008
Nothing amazing here, but it was an interesting look at family relationships and expectations.
February 14, 2014
I liked this story of a Jewish girl growing up in Winnipeg. It was a bit wordy with dialogue at times and rather slow moving but had an interesting look at Jewish life and family dynamics.
November 4, 2021
Quick enjoyable read about a Jewish family living in Winnipeg. The book gives insight into Jewish family customs as well as interactions between family members.
August 5, 2009
Enjoyable and fast to read, but not very memorable
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews