What do you think?
Rate this book
Choosing God's Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance
Make a God Choice, Not Just a Good Choice
Many Christian singles today are in pain. Wounded from past relationships, overwhelmed at being single longer than they expected, devastated at finding themselves single again. Eighteen- to sixty-year-olds will welcome the timely, biblically based approach Dr. Raunikar offers as he encourages them along the path to Choosing God’s healing from the past; learning how to avoid the pain of “counterfeit oneness” physically, emotionally, and spiritually; and much more. This attractive, repackaged edition delves into the real issues Christian singles face today and offers sound, proven advice for creating deeply satisfying godly relationships.
Who’s Your Matchmaker?
Disillusioned by dating? Tired of being let down? It may be time to visit the ultimate Matchmaker.
No matter what your age or past, it’s never too late to trust God and choose His best for your future. Dr. Don Raunikar delves into the real issues to offer proven, biblical principles for creating godly relationships and a deeply satisfying courtship. Read this book—and be ready for romance God’s way.
“Dr. Don Raunikar offers hope for the single man or woman who is disillusioned with the modern dating scene. Drawing upon time-tested biblical principles, Dr. Raunikar makes a convincing case for the benefits of a courtship based on God’s wisdom, versus a dating relationship based on man’s.”
Bill Bright
Founder, Campus Crusade for Christ International
“I feel like Choosing God’s Best was written specifically for me. Few would argue that the current system of dating isn’t in desperate need of reform. Dr. Raunikar goes even further with his radical, biblical solution to the perils and pitfalls of dating. Thanks, Dr. Raunikar, for being a radical.”
Derek Webb
Singer/songwriter
“I’m so glad to see a book addressing what I’ve called the ‘dating mess.’ Choosing God’s Best is straightforward and scriptural. I especially appreciated the explanation of the categories of dating, which are seldom understood.”
Elisabeth Elliot
Author and speaker
“I wish this book had been around when I was dating. So much pain, so many missed opportunities, and so many mistakes could have been avoided if I had used these principles.”
Steve Arterburn
Founder and chairman, New Life Ministries
Story Behind the Book
Dr. Don Raunikar was a professional therapist specializing in singles’ issues. He wrote Choosing God’s Best as a result of discovering the common frustrations and desires of his patients, combined with his own experiences before he was married. Originally published in 1998, the book continues to serve as a timeless message for singles. Still changing lives to this day, this repackaged edition will reach an even broader, untapped market with the hope of God’s truth and His promise for healthy relationships.
Many Christian singles today are in pain. Wounded from past relationships, overwhelmed at being single longer than they expected, devastated at finding themselves single again. Eighteen- to sixty-year-olds will welcome the timely, biblically based approach Dr. Raunikar offers as he encourages them along the path to Choosing God’s healing from the past; learning how to avoid the pain of “counterfeit oneness” physically, emotionally, and spiritually; and much more. This attractive, repackaged edition delves into the real issues Christian singles face today and offers sound, proven advice for creating deeply satisfying godly relationships.
Who’s Your Matchmaker?
Disillusioned by dating? Tired of being let down? It may be time to visit the ultimate Matchmaker.
No matter what your age or past, it’s never too late to trust God and choose His best for your future. Dr. Don Raunikar delves into the real issues to offer proven, biblical principles for creating godly relationships and a deeply satisfying courtship. Read this book—and be ready for romance God’s way.
“Dr. Don Raunikar offers hope for the single man or woman who is disillusioned with the modern dating scene. Drawing upon time-tested biblical principles, Dr. Raunikar makes a convincing case for the benefits of a courtship based on God’s wisdom, versus a dating relationship based on man’s.”
Bill Bright
Founder, Campus Crusade for Christ International
“I feel like Choosing God’s Best was written specifically for me. Few would argue that the current system of dating isn’t in desperate need of reform. Dr. Raunikar goes even further with his radical, biblical solution to the perils and pitfalls of dating. Thanks, Dr. Raunikar, for being a radical.”
Derek Webb
Singer/songwriter
“I’m so glad to see a book addressing what I’ve called the ‘dating mess.’ Choosing God’s Best is straightforward and scriptural. I especially appreciated the explanation of the categories of dating, which are seldom understood.”
Elisabeth Elliot
Author and speaker
“I wish this book had been around when I was dating. So much pain, so many missed opportunities, and so many mistakes could have been avoided if I had used these principles.”
Steve Arterburn
Founder and chairman, New Life Ministries
Story Behind the Book
Dr. Don Raunikar was a professional therapist specializing in singles’ issues. He wrote Choosing God’s Best as a result of discovering the common frustrations and desires of his patients, combined with his own experiences before he was married. Originally published in 1998, the book continues to serve as a timeless message for singles. Still changing lives to this day, this repackaged edition will reach an even broader, untapped market with the hope of God’s truth and His promise for healthy relationships.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1998
62 people are currently reading
432 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
December 28, 2019
I appreciate what's he's trying to say, but I didn't like this book.
Probably because I don't like squishy self-help books and sappy anecdotes.
How about we all just not be idiots...this could also be why I'm still single.
People are still in a reaction to Josh Harris I guess. That's fine by me.
Probably because I don't like squishy self-help books and sappy anecdotes.
How about we all just not be idiots...this could also be why I'm still single.
People are still in a reaction to Josh Harris I guess. That's fine by me.
September 3, 2011
Remembering my days of being single - This was the best & most helpful book on dating that I ever read. I applied & I internalized what I learned from Raunikar - as I write this I've been happily married for over 8 years :)
January 3, 2019
This is a pretty good book on relationships, iconoclast in some of the same ways as ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye,’ but with a more mature outlook and a wealth of counseling experience to back up his convictions.
Summary: Raunikar advocates ‘courtship’ over ‘dating,’ characterizing dating as directionless and courtship as an accountable path to marriage. Important distinctives would be that Christian courtship requires accountability (preferably by an older, married couple that walks with God); Christian courtship means spiritual oneness before emotional or physical oneness.
A few criticisms:
- Like Joshua Harris and Elisabeth Elliot, Raunikar takes a few things for granted concerning God:
1. If I set aside two weeks (!) of focused prayer, God will reveal to me whether or not I should court someone (no mention of the ‘dark night of the soul’ or Christian confusion);
2. If I exhibit patience and faithfulness, God will lead me to the mate he has for me (no mention of singleness being a lifelong gift for some);
3. God’s will is something I interact with from the ‘inside’ or the ‘outside’ (no space for a dynamic, redemptive view of history).
- The courtship timeline, mentioned by other reviewers, is awfully prescriptive.
- Raunikar cites ‘believers’ he knew who ‘stumble’ (more or less) into promiscuous sex before marriage, taking for granted that these people are indeed Christians when they are walking in unholiness. He then seemingly lays the blame at the foot of this broken ‘dating system,’ rather than having the chutzpah to say, “These people’s problem is that they have zero walk with Christ.”
Aside: Although I can’t say it’s been handled better in recent years, the book has a problematic view of decision-making, which implies that I can just pray and fast and I’ll always know what to do. I believe in an open view of history, so there’s no way I could know beforehand if I “should” marry a girl. That’s putting the cart before the horse. Sometimes God invites us to seek wisdom, to get to know everything we can (i.e. in this case by spending time with someone), and to make a decision!
Other than these problems, Raunikar is basically right. We need more accountability in our Christian dating relationships! Because of the blend of cultures in America, we in some ways have half-baked norms. Unlike other cultures, in America there are few expectations for relationships leading to marriage. Hopefully the man asks the father for her hand, but even that is somewhat optional.
Raunikar says courtship is the golden ticket. What he doesn’t mention is that many Christians are already dating with set boundaries, and what they call ‘dating’ looks a lot like courtship and not much like Harris’ and Raunikar’s caricatures of a 1960s Woodstock-style dating scene.
Raunikar doesn’t admit to the limitations of his system. We don’t have to use a new name for it (“I don’t date—I court!” said the home-schooler) to create and embody new norms. On a most basic level these should involve non-negotiables like:
1. Physical Oneness in Marriage: Sex is confined to public, covenantal marriage.
2. Emotional Oneness in Commitment: Unmarried couples should confine their alone time to defined, public spaces.
3. Spiritual Oneness Before Marriage: Unmarried couples should seek to know each other in group settings, especially social and spiritual groups that follow Christian holiness (such as churches and church groups).
Summary: Raunikar advocates ‘courtship’ over ‘dating,’ characterizing dating as directionless and courtship as an accountable path to marriage. Important distinctives would be that Christian courtship requires accountability (preferably by an older, married couple that walks with God); Christian courtship means spiritual oneness before emotional or physical oneness.
A few criticisms:
- Like Joshua Harris and Elisabeth Elliot, Raunikar takes a few things for granted concerning God:
1. If I set aside two weeks (!) of focused prayer, God will reveal to me whether or not I should court someone (no mention of the ‘dark night of the soul’ or Christian confusion);
2. If I exhibit patience and faithfulness, God will lead me to the mate he has for me (no mention of singleness being a lifelong gift for some);
3. God’s will is something I interact with from the ‘inside’ or the ‘outside’ (no space for a dynamic, redemptive view of history).
- The courtship timeline, mentioned by other reviewers, is awfully prescriptive.
- Raunikar cites ‘believers’ he knew who ‘stumble’ (more or less) into promiscuous sex before marriage, taking for granted that these people are indeed Christians when they are walking in unholiness. He then seemingly lays the blame at the foot of this broken ‘dating system,’ rather than having the chutzpah to say, “These people’s problem is that they have zero walk with Christ.”
Aside: Although I can’t say it’s been handled better in recent years, the book has a problematic view of decision-making, which implies that I can just pray and fast and I’ll always know what to do. I believe in an open view of history, so there’s no way I could know beforehand if I “should” marry a girl. That’s putting the cart before the horse. Sometimes God invites us to seek wisdom, to get to know everything we can (i.e. in this case by spending time with someone), and to make a decision!
Other than these problems, Raunikar is basically right. We need more accountability in our Christian dating relationships! Because of the blend of cultures in America, we in some ways have half-baked norms. Unlike other cultures, in America there are few expectations for relationships leading to marriage. Hopefully the man asks the father for her hand, but even that is somewhat optional.
Raunikar says courtship is the golden ticket. What he doesn’t mention is that many Christians are already dating with set boundaries, and what they call ‘dating’ looks a lot like courtship and not much like Harris’ and Raunikar’s caricatures of a 1960s Woodstock-style dating scene.
Raunikar doesn’t admit to the limitations of his system. We don’t have to use a new name for it (“I don’t date—I court!” said the home-schooler) to create and embody new norms. On a most basic level these should involve non-negotiables like:
1. Physical Oneness in Marriage: Sex is confined to public, covenantal marriage.
2. Emotional Oneness in Commitment: Unmarried couples should confine their alone time to defined, public spaces.
3. Spiritual Oneness Before Marriage: Unmarried couples should seek to know each other in group settings, especially social and spiritual groups that follow Christian holiness (such as churches and church groups).
June 21, 2015
I am a huge fan of "Choosing God's Best". When I first read it in 1999 it was revolutionary regarding what is taught on dating, courtship, being ready for marriage, and the blessing of being purposeful in the relationship process.
Acknowledged negatives:
-The book has become dated since it was first written.
-The examples of courtship do not translate well in non-traditional relationships where the persons are not from their home of origin or have aged out of that opportunity.
-It does touch on legalism and its time-frame for suggested steps in a relationship have never set will with me either.
Yet, for all of these negatives, this is still one of the best...if not the best book on relationships that I have ever read. The chapters on "False Intimacy", "Counterfeit Oneness", and the importance of examining our hearts before entering into a relationship are INVALUABLE. The first three or four chapters should make anyone stop, prayer, meditate, and reflect on how the Holy Spirit wants to convict us of sin and change our thinking and behavior regarding pursuing relationships.
Also, the title is FANTASTIC as well. When we marry, WE CHOOSE to do so. I strongly believe that a God does not "marry people" nor "tell them to marry" apart from their choice to do so. Our world bases so much of our romance and dating on how we feel and then marriages are built on these same feelings. Marriage and covenant relationships are a choice that should be made after extensive personal self-reflection before God and bathed in prayer for the person we are intending to pursue. Also, the courtship process forces a person to move beyond the deceptive world of romance as our society understands and promotes, and moves us to the crucial part of thinking, praying, and making choices based on the wisdom God promises. Then, having made a choice, we continue to make the same choice "loving our spouse" every morning for the rest of our lives as long as we both are living.
I could go on, but I will close with an encouragement for folks to read this book and to prayerfully work through the "offensive" parts that you feel and the negative emotions it may bring up. These are good things that need to be slowly prayed about and explored in our walk with God and not avoided because of our "bad" feelings or quick judgment about Rauniker's book on a whole.
Acknowledged negatives:
-The book has become dated since it was first written.
-The examples of courtship do not translate well in non-traditional relationships where the persons are not from their home of origin or have aged out of that opportunity.
-It does touch on legalism and its time-frame for suggested steps in a relationship have never set will with me either.
Yet, for all of these negatives, this is still one of the best...if not the best book on relationships that I have ever read. The chapters on "False Intimacy", "Counterfeit Oneness", and the importance of examining our hearts before entering into a relationship are INVALUABLE. The first three or four chapters should make anyone stop, prayer, meditate, and reflect on how the Holy Spirit wants to convict us of sin and change our thinking and behavior regarding pursuing relationships.
Also, the title is FANTASTIC as well. When we marry, WE CHOOSE to do so. I strongly believe that a God does not "marry people" nor "tell them to marry" apart from their choice to do so. Our world bases so much of our romance and dating on how we feel and then marriages are built on these same feelings. Marriage and covenant relationships are a choice that should be made after extensive personal self-reflection before God and bathed in prayer for the person we are intending to pursue. Also, the courtship process forces a person to move beyond the deceptive world of romance as our society understands and promotes, and moves us to the crucial part of thinking, praying, and making choices based on the wisdom God promises. Then, having made a choice, we continue to make the same choice "loving our spouse" every morning for the rest of our lives as long as we both are living.
I could go on, but I will close with an encouragement for folks to read this book and to prayerfully work through the "offensive" parts that you feel and the negative emotions it may bring up. These are good things that need to be slowly prayed about and explored in our walk with God and not avoided because of our "bad" feelings or quick judgment about Rauniker's book on a whole.
May 25, 2007
From Christianbook.com:
Make a God Choice, Not Just a Good Choice. Many Christian singles today are in pain. Wounded from past relationships, overwhelmed at being single longer than they expected, devastated at finding themselves single again. Eighteen- to sixty-year-olds will welcome the timely, biblically based approach Dr. Raunikar offers as he encourages them along the path to Choosing God's Best: healing from the past; learning how to avoid the pain of "counterfeit oneness" physically, emotionally, and spiritually; and much more. This attractive, repackaged edition delves into the real issues Christian singles face today and offers sound, proven advice for creating deeply satisfying godly relationships.
Make a God Choice, Not Just a Good Choice. Many Christian singles today are in pain. Wounded from past relationships, overwhelmed at being single longer than they expected, devastated at finding themselves single again. Eighteen- to sixty-year-olds will welcome the timely, biblically based approach Dr. Raunikar offers as he encourages them along the path to Choosing God's Best: healing from the past; learning how to avoid the pain of "counterfeit oneness" physically, emotionally, and spiritually; and much more. This attractive, repackaged edition delves into the real issues Christian singles face today and offers sound, proven advice for creating deeply satisfying godly relationships.
March 13, 2007
this book is dryer than i kissed dating goodbye, but the concepts are still good.
February 13, 2020
Wow . . . This book had a lot of good information in it!
I totally agreed with pretty much everything Dr. Raunikar wrote, and I loved the emphasis he put on needing to have accountability throughout the courtship process. The importance of parents, and honouring them throughout life -- even when you are an older single, or are married -- was well explained and biblically correct.
I appreciated his approach to the whole guy/girl relationship realm, as well. It was well balanced, in a realistic sort of way, that a lot of books on relationships miss. The emphasis on parental authority in a girls life was welcome, and he encourages and exhorts young men to honour that authority and to go to the father of the girl he is interested in.
The whole aspect of physical intimacy was handled in a good, wholesome manner. There was nothing crude or course, or even anything that made me feel slightly uncomfortable -- there was less in this than in Elisabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity". I would feel totally comfortable letting my younger sisters (ages 14+) read this one.
I totally agreed with pretty much everything Dr. Raunikar wrote, and I loved the emphasis he put on needing to have accountability throughout the courtship process. The importance of parents, and honouring them throughout life -- even when you are an older single, or are married -- was well explained and biblically correct.
I appreciated his approach to the whole guy/girl relationship realm, as well. It was well balanced, in a realistic sort of way, that a lot of books on relationships miss. The emphasis on parental authority in a girls life was welcome, and he encourages and exhorts young men to honour that authority and to go to the father of the girl he is interested in.
The whole aspect of physical intimacy was handled in a good, wholesome manner. There was nothing crude or course, or even anything that made me feel slightly uncomfortable -- there was less in this than in Elisabeth Elliot's "Passion and Purity". I would feel totally comfortable letting my younger sisters (ages 14+) read this one.
July 4, 2022
Oftentimes, it is good to listen and seek to understand opposing arguments in order to contrast what they believe with what you believe. I came into reading this book, because I’m currently dating someone, and this book vehemently shoots down dating in favor of courtship. During the course of the book, it challenged me to see the flaws of dating, and see how my choices in dating has led to certain pros and cons. The sections that I connected with most was counterfeit emotional, spiritual and physical oneness that can occur during the dating process, and the different ways that people can hear the voice of God, which I resounded with. Don’t necessarily recommend as the first dating book you read but definitely opened my eyes to see what can be made better in my present and future relationships with those of the opposite gender.
August 30, 2017
I truly thank God I have come across this book.
This is not only for Christian Singles, but for anyone in pursuit of romantic love. Dr. Raunikar's biblical perspective on romance has opened my mind to what God has inspired marriage to be.
The book also gave me thoughts to ponder for general living. Thumbs up!
Personally, the first pages threw me off as I thought "oh, this is only gonna be a 'Couples Guide To Marriage'" and I don't agree on some concepts of the table thing Dr. Raunikar gave.
Be in prayer and be vigilant of God's voice whilst reading this book.
Pray, Trust God and Happy Reading.
This is not only for Christian Singles, but for anyone in pursuit of romantic love. Dr. Raunikar's biblical perspective on romance has opened my mind to what God has inspired marriage to be.
The book also gave me thoughts to ponder for general living. Thumbs up!
Personally, the first pages threw me off as I thought "oh, this is only gonna be a 'Couples Guide To Marriage'" and I don't agree on some concepts of the table thing Dr. Raunikar gave.
Be in prayer and be vigilant of God's voice whilst reading this book.
Pray, Trust God and Happy Reading.
June 13, 2024
I encourage all young people who are feeling discouraged in a waiting season or wondering how God wants them to steward their singleness to read this book!! Dr. Raunikar beautifully and gracefully encourages us to focus on “become the right person” rather than “searching for the right person.” He also teaches the harm of dating and why and how we should choose courtship.
This read felt like therapy; there is so much healing and wisdom in this book. i hope and pray it renews the hope of singles believing God for their spouse the way it’s encouraged me. 🩷
This read felt like therapy; there is so much healing and wisdom in this book. i hope and pray it renews the hope of singles believing God for their spouse the way it’s encouraged me. 🩷
October 8, 2019
Great book to read to gain God’s perspective on searching for God’s prefect mate for you. So much great information and examples on the ideal way to courtship. I recommend this book to any single Christian to pick up and read and trust what God has already for you.
June 21, 2021
Excelente libro, cambió mi percepción sobre las relaciones interpersonales y me ayudó muchísimo a corregir el rumbo que llevaba.
Es necesario tomar lo bueno (90%) y adaptar lo poco que no es aplicable hoy en día.
Es necesario tomar lo bueno (90%) y adaptar lo poco que no es aplicable hoy en día.
July 17, 2019
Legitimately Changed my life....
January 3, 2026
I like this book. Can get a little specific with certain charts throughout the book but the overall idea of the authors ideas is really good and encouraging.
August 12, 2016
While I do believe courtship is the way to go, this book seemed a bit legalistic and naive. I agree its ideal that spiritual oneness should come before emotional and physical oneness however while physical oneness needs to wait emotional oneness is not something we have utter control over and I think develops alongside spiritual oneness. I also think that staying in timelines can be really odd and inauthentic; a relationship has to be somewhat natural. "Well honey we've been doing side hugs for 7 weeks now can we check with our accountability partner to move on to pecks on the cheek." Worth a read but don't make this your relationship bible.
October 25, 2013
This is my favorite book on courtship! It talks about how to grow spiritually, focusing on more than just dating. It also shows the progression of closeness between a guy and a girl from acquaintance to friend to close friend to courting, etc. It made me slow down and think about dating from God's perspective. I had the privilege of hearing the author speak when he visited my church when I was in the youth group. Very down-to-earth and practical, and he cared about the teenagers.
July 28, 2007
This book has totally changed my paradigm in seeing relationship. I even feel so secure even though I enter a full of relationship world. That doesn't mean i need no partner but I am not pressured to be with someone. I just don't see that as a focus. My focus is part - my potential. Just do my best and God will do rest.
February 24, 2014
This is a great book about why God's commandments and guidelines about romantic relationships work best. It helped me gain stronger convictions about my beliefs in this area. I also feel more blessed about the hurt that was prevented from following God and my church's stance on this issue. Highly recommended for anyone who wants to know God's view on romance and how to choose God's best for you.
October 2, 2008
For all of those folks that never learned what it meant to court and be courted, this is a great find! It takes you through the biblical progression of courtship and the way that God would have us find true love, the way it was intended.
August 10, 2010
I read this book cause a friend gave it to me. I didn't like this book since it mostly talked about courtship and made me want to breakup with my boyfriend and basically start our whole relationship over by doing courtship instead of dating.
February 6, 2008
This is part of my story in deciding to marry my fiance.
August 4, 2008
There is a better way....
June 20, 2009
The best adult courtship book I have read. It goes beyond theory and justification to include practical application. Clear, Biblical and not prudish.
March 3, 2011
One of the best books I've ever read!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 9, 2012
Lots of thoughtful observations. Worth a read for all grandparents, parents, and singles from 16 to 60.
July 16, 2012
a great read for those single and wanting to enter into Godly marriages.
August 3, 2013
The kind of book I always avoid to read, yet I found it truthful and profound. Exactly what I need right now. It's answering all my questions about relationship.
July 5, 2013
The greatest book I have ever read about relationships. Very practical and inspiring!
September 14, 2014
You have to read this book especially all those who are single
Read
May 24, 2017A powerful guide for every single out there!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews