What do you think?
Rate this book
HA!: A Self-Murder Mystery
On 15 March 1977, with his wife's consent, celebrated writer and former terrorist Hubert Aquin blew his brains out on the grounds of a Montreal convent school. Shocked by this self-murder, a filmmaker friend feels compelled to understand why Aquin killed himself - and discovers, at the heart of the tragedy, an unforgettable love story. A "documentary fiction" - a category which includes In Cold Blood and The Executioner's Song - HA! is a seminal work that reinvents the audio-visual revolution of the last century. Interweaving photographs, documents, and images with testimony from Aquin's friends and contemporaries, Aquin himself, and the writers and artists who influenced him, this intriguing novel takes the reader on a Joycean tour of a metropolis in the midst of political and cultural turmoil.
864 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1985
2 people are currently reading
341 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
July 10, 2021
So promising, so painfully, insultingly disappointing. The big reveal of HA!, touted as a self-murder mystery, has nothing to do with the lead character's suicide, but with the disgusting personalities of the lead and the author.
Spoiler alert: Writer Gordon Sheppard who passed away 2006, was egotistical and misogynist, hiding behind the self-entitled label of "artist" to condone his appalling behaviour, and surprise surprise he couldn't help himself from writing about an egotistical and misogynist writer named Hubert Aquin, who also hid his appalling behaviour behind the self-entitled label of "artist."
I was originally drawn to this book because it's physically unlike anything I've seen. A massive tome, (870 pages), Ha! is peculiar: large but design-wise, understated, an odd low res yellowing background on solid black, with a crappy handwritten capital HA and exclamation mark scrawled on its cover.
When I picked up and flipped though HA! for the first time, I was struck by what made up its insides: more than endless text, the book is a wide range of photos, scans, newspaper clippings and occasional postcards. There's even a reproduction of Aquin's suicide letter on yellow stock, folded and tucked into an envelope to pull out, hold, and read. Creepy, yes.
But I was intrigued! Even the text fonts and sizes change throughout the book. A design-nerd's nightmare, but it makes sense: fonts change depending on the context: interview? Recollection? News report? Soundscape? Each have their own look.
So... That's what hooked me. This brick of a book, despite being wrapped in an ugly cover, seemed to be a delightful experiment in what a book can be. And the "self-murder mystery" tagline added to the intrigue.
Unfortunately, the intrigue wore off as I dove in and ploughed through. All those clever fonts and photos and postcards became ugly. Not clever art, but whiny expressions - "look at me, look at what I did!" - of a needy, spoiled brat.
And the story - Mon dieu! The story. Beginning with an overall sense of "aw, the writer (Sheppard) cares so much for the book's subject (writer Hubert Aquin), he's devoted an entire book to him, what an incredible act of love and admiration" morphs into a realization (approx half way through the book) that Aquin was a terrible person, manipulative, selfish, self entitled, which then morphs (through the 2nd half of the book) into the author himself revealing that he is no better, a manipulative, selfish, self titled asshole, using survivors of Aquin's suicide to create what Sheppard thinks will be an important work of art/lit, something that will put him & the poor Aquin (who never received much attention outside of separatist Quebecers) on the literary map.
That should've been an early warning sign. When Sheppard includes excerpts of Aquin's writing, it is lazy (as the rambling sentence journal entries he submits to magazines show, or the half assed script he wrote for Sheppard's incomplete film, Sacrilige) and hateful and violent towards woman (as the excerpts of his novels demonstrate).
Sheppard condones the terrible behaviour of Aquin and patriarchal men by stating that it's a "given fact" (his words) that Quebec is a society of emasculated men desperately craving a return to their strength and power and confidence.
Sheppard is so in love with Aquin, he doesn't question that Aquin was constantly hitting on women, and even had a serious long term lover, named MM.
Worse, when Sheppard interviews Aquin's widow, Andree, he has the most accusatory and impatient tone, while his conversations with the mistress MM, reek of sympathy - even the font choice in this section is flowery, like a wedding invitation, what I believe Sheppard wanted for Aquin, or perhaps for himself?
He also unnecessarily asks Andree what she was wearing, and on page 760, he asks Andree, "Did you pray on your knees?" Would he ask a man these same questions?
Sheppard jerks off all over pages 718-720 about Hubert's death being a "work of art," MM as muse, crowning MM as Aquin's "priestess of death."
Immediately after, he blames Andree for being "a domineering mother" to Hubert, which after 700 pages of proof, Andree has definitely not shown at all!!!!
She put up with Aquin's health issues (which are revealed to be likely made up), financially supports him every time he's out of work (often), is okay with him traveling alone (even after she finds out about MM), is open to meeting MM (invited her to dinner).
Still, Sheppard continues to be unable to hide his preferential treatment of the mistress, putting the blame on Andree that she should've accepted MM(!)
This, despite that when Hubert was still alive, he told Andree repeatedly that it is over with MM yet it never was. She recounts a time when she's upset about his relationship with MM (p711): Aquin says to her, "You shouldn't get in such a state. It's a relationship that has been important to me but is no longer. The only thing that counts now is that I want to kill myself."
Gaslight much? Self centered much?
Yet despite knowing all these facts, Sheppard (if good at anything, is a thorough archivist) makes Andree feel bad for not accepting MM.
After coming down hard on Andree, accusing her of being an accomplice to Hubert's suicide, he says to MM, "I don't think any of us has the right to think we could have prevented his suicide." (734)
He then (p773) tries to be deep: "did it strike you that while he was an ardent supporter of Quebec's independence, in his personal life he wasn't able to declare his independence from Andree?"
It becomes embarrassingly obvious: Sheppard didn't like Andree. He liked MM. A typical man leading with his cock, he hoped that by portraying Andree negatively ("Your harsh attitude" p823), in this "investigative self murder mystery," he could condone cheating..!!
Forget HA! This book should be called UGH! 900 pages of Egotism & Misogyny.
Don't get me started on Sheppard's racism. Nor his adolescent ode to Aquin through made-up speeches by past literary greats (all white men), which read like scenes from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Unfortunately, HA! is not a comedy, nor does it have a surprise "gotcha!" at the end that would make all the completely abominable behaviour palatable. Instead, the book's final page is a list of questions titled "Reading Club Guide."
Sheppard, really? Groan. Goodbye.
Spoiler alert: Writer Gordon Sheppard who passed away 2006, was egotistical and misogynist, hiding behind the self-entitled label of "artist" to condone his appalling behaviour, and surprise surprise he couldn't help himself from writing about an egotistical and misogynist writer named Hubert Aquin, who also hid his appalling behaviour behind the self-entitled label of "artist."
I was originally drawn to this book because it's physically unlike anything I've seen. A massive tome, (870 pages), Ha! is peculiar: large but design-wise, understated, an odd low res yellowing background on solid black, with a crappy handwritten capital HA and exclamation mark scrawled on its cover.
When I picked up and flipped though HA! for the first time, I was struck by what made up its insides: more than endless text, the book is a wide range of photos, scans, newspaper clippings and occasional postcards. There's even a reproduction of Aquin's suicide letter on yellow stock, folded and tucked into an envelope to pull out, hold, and read. Creepy, yes.
But I was intrigued! Even the text fonts and sizes change throughout the book. A design-nerd's nightmare, but it makes sense: fonts change depending on the context: interview? Recollection? News report? Soundscape? Each have their own look.
So... That's what hooked me. This brick of a book, despite being wrapped in an ugly cover, seemed to be a delightful experiment in what a book can be. And the "self-murder mystery" tagline added to the intrigue.
Unfortunately, the intrigue wore off as I dove in and ploughed through. All those clever fonts and photos and postcards became ugly. Not clever art, but whiny expressions - "look at me, look at what I did!" - of a needy, spoiled brat.
And the story - Mon dieu! The story. Beginning with an overall sense of "aw, the writer (Sheppard) cares so much for the book's subject (writer Hubert Aquin), he's devoted an entire book to him, what an incredible act of love and admiration" morphs into a realization (approx half way through the book) that Aquin was a terrible person, manipulative, selfish, self entitled, which then morphs (through the 2nd half of the book) into the author himself revealing that he is no better, a manipulative, selfish, self titled asshole, using survivors of Aquin's suicide to create what Sheppard thinks will be an important work of art/lit, something that will put him & the poor Aquin (who never received much attention outside of separatist Quebecers) on the literary map.
That should've been an early warning sign. When Sheppard includes excerpts of Aquin's writing, it is lazy (as the rambling sentence journal entries he submits to magazines show, or the half assed script he wrote for Sheppard's incomplete film, Sacrilige) and hateful and violent towards woman (as the excerpts of his novels demonstrate).
Sheppard condones the terrible behaviour of Aquin and patriarchal men by stating that it's a "given fact" (his words) that Quebec is a society of emasculated men desperately craving a return to their strength and power and confidence.
Sheppard is so in love with Aquin, he doesn't question that Aquin was constantly hitting on women, and even had a serious long term lover, named MM.
Worse, when Sheppard interviews Aquin's widow, Andree, he has the most accusatory and impatient tone, while his conversations with the mistress MM, reek of sympathy - even the font choice in this section is flowery, like a wedding invitation, what I believe Sheppard wanted for Aquin, or perhaps for himself?
He also unnecessarily asks Andree what she was wearing, and on page 760, he asks Andree, "Did you pray on your knees?" Would he ask a man these same questions?
Sheppard jerks off all over pages 718-720 about Hubert's death being a "work of art," MM as muse, crowning MM as Aquin's "priestess of death."
Immediately after, he blames Andree for being "a domineering mother" to Hubert, which after 700 pages of proof, Andree has definitely not shown at all!!!!
She put up with Aquin's health issues (which are revealed to be likely made up), financially supports him every time he's out of work (often), is okay with him traveling alone (even after she finds out about MM), is open to meeting MM (invited her to dinner).
Still, Sheppard continues to be unable to hide his preferential treatment of the mistress, putting the blame on Andree that she should've accepted MM(!)
This, despite that when Hubert was still alive, he told Andree repeatedly that it is over with MM yet it never was. She recounts a time when she's upset about his relationship with MM (p711): Aquin says to her, "You shouldn't get in such a state. It's a relationship that has been important to me but is no longer. The only thing that counts now is that I want to kill myself."
Gaslight much? Self centered much?
Yet despite knowing all these facts, Sheppard (if good at anything, is a thorough archivist) makes Andree feel bad for not accepting MM.
After coming down hard on Andree, accusing her of being an accomplice to Hubert's suicide, he says to MM, "I don't think any of us has the right to think we could have prevented his suicide." (734)
He then (p773) tries to be deep: "did it strike you that while he was an ardent supporter of Quebec's independence, in his personal life he wasn't able to declare his independence from Andree?"
It becomes embarrassingly obvious: Sheppard didn't like Andree. He liked MM. A typical man leading with his cock, he hoped that by portraying Andree negatively ("Your harsh attitude" p823), in this "investigative self murder mystery," he could condone cheating..!!
Forget HA! This book should be called UGH! 900 pages of Egotism & Misogyny.
Don't get me started on Sheppard's racism. Nor his adolescent ode to Aquin through made-up speeches by past literary greats (all white men), which read like scenes from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Unfortunately, HA! is not a comedy, nor does it have a surprise "gotcha!" at the end that would make all the completely abominable behaviour palatable. Instead, the book's final page is a list of questions titled "Reading Club Guide."
Sheppard, really? Groan. Goodbye.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 21, 2018
OOOOF
Where to begin?
I'm going to try to keep this brief...something this book should have considered.
Let's start with the positives: this book is certainly unlike almost anything else I have read. Which is why it excited me. Super mixed-media. Sheppard plays with everything here. He even includes a letter in an envelope, and a postcard. There are lots of pictures, and 'soundscapes'. It is also about a Quebec writer and wannabe revolutionary, things that certainly sound good. I wanted to learn more about Quebec and the FLQ and Quebec separatism, but didn't get much there. I thought the suicide part would be really fascinating... but ultimately I came away disappointed.
The cons: Gordon could have summarised a lot of these interviews, Christ. Plus his big reveal at the end just didn't do it for me. I think he's reaching too much. He sees coincidences and meaning in everything. Maybe H.A. was just a fucking asshole loser, Gordon. He certainly seemed to be a shitty human being to almost everyone in his life, even Andree in the end.
Maybe there's more here than I found. If you REALLY like Hubert Aquin, and experimental works, this might be for you. If you are only interested in the latter, you may find that the former overshadows everything... to a disappointing degree.
I'm giving it 3/5 because the idea and the undertaking are so cool. But ultimately I just simply don't care enough about H.A. to really enjoy this to its full potential (nor do I ultimately agree with Sheppard's final analysis).
Where to begin?
I'm going to try to keep this brief...something this book should have considered.
Let's start with the positives: this book is certainly unlike almost anything else I have read. Which is why it excited me. Super mixed-media. Sheppard plays with everything here. He even includes a letter in an envelope, and a postcard. There are lots of pictures, and 'soundscapes'. It is also about a Quebec writer and wannabe revolutionary, things that certainly sound good. I wanted to learn more about Quebec and the FLQ and Quebec separatism, but didn't get much there. I thought the suicide part would be really fascinating... but ultimately I came away disappointed.
The cons: Gordon could have summarised a lot of these interviews, Christ. Plus his big reveal at the end just didn't do it for me. I think he's reaching too much. He sees coincidences and meaning in everything. Maybe H.A. was just a fucking asshole loser, Gordon. He certainly seemed to be a shitty human being to almost everyone in his life, even Andree in the end.
Maybe there's more here than I found. If you REALLY like Hubert Aquin, and experimental works, this might be for you. If you are only interested in the latter, you may find that the former overshadows everything... to a disappointing degree.
I'm giving it 3/5 because the idea and the undertaking are so cool. But ultimately I just simply don't care enough about H.A. to really enjoy this to its full potential (nor do I ultimately agree with Sheppard's final analysis).
June 6, 2009
Canada.
This is not so much a five star book as it is not a one star book and I felt the need to seriously counteract the crap rating it had gotten.
It is a book that is not particularly outwardly interesting, but I did continue to read it. It spends a lot of time in details, but the book actually takes a moment to justify this talking about the fact that that is what is interesting about suicides.
The book is dedicated to Jim Jones.
The book is riddled with literary references.
There is an interesting interaction between the English-Canadian writer and the French-Canadian subject, a tension that I feel is very present.
The book comes to no conclusions.
At points it attempts to mimic both aquin himself and joyce.
It is long, and it seems to be more oral history than anything else, but I do think that it is worth a look.
This is not so much a five star book as it is not a one star book and I felt the need to seriously counteract the crap rating it had gotten.
It is a book that is not particularly outwardly interesting, but I did continue to read it. It spends a lot of time in details, but the book actually takes a moment to justify this talking about the fact that that is what is interesting about suicides.
The book is dedicated to Jim Jones.
The book is riddled with literary references.
There is an interesting interaction between the English-Canadian writer and the French-Canadian subject, a tension that I feel is very present.
The book comes to no conclusions.
At points it attempts to mimic both aquin himself and joyce.
It is long, and it seems to be more oral history than anything else, but I do think that it is worth a look.
March 12, 2024
Video review https://youtu.be/XMcPImNO2sY
Read
January 13, 2019I claim ignorance on this one.
The book is about a writer/revolutionary in Motreal who killed himself exactly one month before the day I was born.
It is written in an interview style and while I intially liked this, it grew old quickly.
In the book they kept referencing the date of his death and so I did a quick internet search to see why Sheppard chose that day. I imagined that it had a lot to do with symbolism. The character was pro-independant Quebec and so perhaps the date of his death lined up with the date that Quebec failed to become independant. Perhaps the entire book (subtitled A Self-Murder Mystery) in attempting to explain why someone would kill themselves is just trying to make sense of why the independant Quebec movement died. Knowing very little about Canada I had so many great theories about why and how Sheppard wrote this book.
However, upon looking up the date, March 15, 1977, I quickly discovered that this whole thing was based on a true story about how the author's close friend killed himself on March 15, 1977.
There was no subtext, no hidden truths waiting to be mined.
Instead we get a long-winded interview with a widow whose husband has killed himself and while Sheppard is trying to understand why the widow just doesn't care.
After learning that this is actually a biography in disguise and that there is no mystery the book lost all its shine for me. I am setting it down on page 200. It has become tortous to read.
The book is about a writer/revolutionary in Motreal who killed himself exactly one month before the day I was born.
It is written in an interview style and while I intially liked this, it grew old quickly.
In the book they kept referencing the date of his death and so I did a quick internet search to see why Sheppard chose that day. I imagined that it had a lot to do with symbolism. The character was pro-independant Quebec and so perhaps the date of his death lined up with the date that Quebec failed to become independant. Perhaps the entire book (subtitled A Self-Murder Mystery) in attempting to explain why someone would kill themselves is just trying to make sense of why the independant Quebec movement died. Knowing very little about Canada I had so many great theories about why and how Sheppard wrote this book.
However, upon looking up the date, March 15, 1977, I quickly discovered that this whole thing was based on a true story about how the author's close friend killed himself on March 15, 1977.
There was no subtext, no hidden truths waiting to be mined.
Instead we get a long-winded interview with a widow whose husband has killed himself and while Sheppard is trying to understand why the widow just doesn't care.
After learning that this is actually a biography in disguise and that there is no mystery the book lost all its shine for me. I am setting it down on page 200. It has become tortous to read.
May 17, 2025
I didn't finish it completely but I still remember many parts of this book though 3 years have passed since I remember it. Gives great insight into a person, and you can tell Gordon wrote this with love.
January 27, 2015
Finally finished reading Gordon Sheppard's Ha!. I have been putting off finishing it for at least a month. Like all good reads it remained something I did not wish to finish and yet everything must come to an end. I am quite sure that my motivation for reading it relates to Johnny's death. But beyond that I found in Aquin a similarity to my own views about life and death. I have always been fascinated by death. Indeed it has been a constant companion all my life. My memories which are clouded before my own sexual awakening all seem to be clouded by images and representations of death, dying and wounded bodies. I can still remember when my own personal erotics were maturing that they developed alongside images of death and wound bodies. Indeed I can't remember a time when death didn't seem to be hovering somewhere behind a door, a window or in the back of mind. I guess it comes from my parents and my father's illness at such a young age. And then the deaths I witnessed as a teenager. Like most teens death was something intoxicating, dark and hidden and therefore desirable. Now teenagers are goths when I was young it was just a stage for young boys as they aged. But I never remember death being to far away. And as I aged it became my constant companion, expressed through my sexuality, my desires and in my work. Liz and Vern made me caress my dark feelings and desires and learn from them to make images that captured the pain that I felt inside. Like all teenagers suicide and suicides remained a constant curiosity, so it is no surprise that Sheppard's detailed analysis of Aquin's death has been so engaging. Ironically the book is not at all well written, but beautifully crafted as one man's investigation into the mind of a suicide. I think he has done a marvellous job of deconstructing Aquin's life and his death, through his journalistic pastiche of interviews with Aquin's friends, family and lovers. Having finished the book as always with such adventures it is like closing a chapter in one's life. And in the end I find no answers to Johnny's death. But I don't think I ever really expected any. Maybe it was just a form of self therapy to walk myself down the corridor a little way with Johnny to try to understand, to heal my own feelings about his death and his absence now in my life. As Megan stated suicide brings out the egomaniac in all of us. We all believe either we could have helped, stopped it or caused it. I miss him.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews