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Ted
Some people are destined for greatness. They could create fantastic pieces of art to be discussed throughout the ages, they could invest something which furthers mankind, they could even help solve world hunger or make important steps towards World Peace for everyone. These people could be your friends, they could be your neighbours. They could even be the person you unwittingly bumped into at the petrol station this morning. They could really be anyone. Anyone, that is, except Ted.
Ted is an asshole. A psychopathic, racist human of the worst kind. Whilst the aforementioned people push the human race forward, Ted takes them back to the Dark Ages again with his narrow-minded, idiotic views of right and wrong. Just be thankful he sees a psychiatrist. At least, if he is talking to someone about his feelings, he is less of a danger to society, right?
Wrong.
Join Ted for a day in the life of 'f*cked-up' thoughts, appointments and hookers. And then thank God it was only a day you joined him on and not longer.
Ted is a character from Rotting Dead F*cks. This is a stand-alone story and it is not necessary to have read R.D.F first
READERS TAKE NOTE: This is A SHORT STORY. It is intended for the members of Kindle Unlimited who have been requesting me for short, sick, bedtime stories. As part of Kindle Unlimited they are able to download this title for free. If you wish for a longer story to read, please do not purchase any of the White Cover Books (aka 'F*cked-Up Shorts' range of tales). A good place to start would be The Black Cover Books (for lovers of extreme horror).
Ted is an asshole. A psychopathic, racist human of the worst kind. Whilst the aforementioned people push the human race forward, Ted takes them back to the Dark Ages again with his narrow-minded, idiotic views of right and wrong. Just be thankful he sees a psychiatrist. At least, if he is talking to someone about his feelings, he is less of a danger to society, right?
Wrong.
Join Ted for a day in the life of 'f*cked-up' thoughts, appointments and hookers. And then thank God it was only a day you joined him on and not longer.
Ted is a character from Rotting Dead F*cks. This is a stand-alone story and it is not necessary to have read R.D.F first
READERS TAKE NOTE: This is A SHORT STORY. It is intended for the members of Kindle Unlimited who have been requesting me for short, sick, bedtime stories. As part of Kindle Unlimited they are able to download this title for free. If you wish for a longer story to read, please do not purchase any of the White Cover Books (aka 'F*cked-Up Shorts' range of tales). A good place to start would be The Black Cover Books (for lovers of extreme horror).
- GenresThriller SuspenseHorror
34 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 2, 2015
2 people are currently reading
72 people want to read
About the author
Matt Shaw
534 books2,213 followersBiography
MATT SHAW was born, quite by accident (his mother tripped, he shot out) September 30th 1980 in Winchester hospital where he was immediately placed on the baby ward and EBay. Some twelve years later (wandering the corridors of the hospital and playing with road kill when he was on day release), the listing closed and he remained unsold, he was booted out of the hospital to start his life as a writer and hobbit – beginning with writing screenplays and short stories for his own amusement before finally getting published when he was twenty-seven years and forty-five seconds old.
Once Published weekly in a lad's magazine with his photography work, Matt Shaw is also a published author and cartoonist. Has to be said, can be a bit of a flirt and definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, somewhat of a klutz.
Favourite books
"Roald Dahl's Collection of Short Stories"
Tim Burton's Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Anything, really, written by himself. Because he is that good.
MATT SHAW was born, quite by accident (his mother tripped, he shot out) September 30th 1980 in Winchester hospital where he was immediately placed on the baby ward and EBay. Some twelve years later (wandering the corridors of the hospital and playing with road kill when he was on day release), the listing closed and he remained unsold, he was booted out of the hospital to start his life as a writer and hobbit – beginning with writing screenplays and short stories for his own amusement before finally getting published when he was twenty-seven years and forty-five seconds old.
Once Published weekly in a lad's magazine with his photography work, Matt Shaw is also a published author and cartoonist. Has to be said, can be a bit of a flirt and definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, somewhat of a klutz.
Favourite books
"Roald Dahl's Collection of Short Stories"
Tim Burton's Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Anything, really, written by himself. Because he is that good.
Ratings & Reviews
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
October 26, 2015
Ted by Matt Shaw If you're a fan of Matt Shaw and you've read Rotting Dead F*cks then you'll probably remember good old Ted facing and shagging a zombie. This is a short story all about Ted hence the title, on audio it's a shade under an hour and is narrated by Chris Barnes who does a lot of Matt's and Iain Rob Wright's work.
Ted is, for want of a better word, a complete twat, psychotic, racist, sexist and every other 'ist you can think of. Buckle up and step into the mind of a man you probably won't like, you might laugh but you'll more than likely grimace as he employs the services of a prostitute. When she turns up it seems the agency has dropped a bit of a bollock, she's not quite what he had in mind, but he'll give it a go and if you've ever seen the movie Donkey Punch, then you'll have some idea of what's going to happen.
Also posted at http://paulnelson.booklikes.com/post/...
Ted is, for want of a better word, a complete twat, psychotic, racist, sexist and every other 'ist you can think of. Buckle up and step into the mind of a man you probably won't like, you might laugh but you'll more than likely grimace as he employs the services of a prostitute. When she turns up it seems the agency has dropped a bit of a bollock, she's not quite what he had in mind, but he'll give it a go and if you've ever seen the movie Donkey Punch, then you'll have some idea of what's going to happen.
Also posted at http://paulnelson.booklikes.com/post/...
April 15, 2015
En"gross"ing short story!
Interesting short story with the ever unlovable Ted! Ted has little to no respect for women or hookers and he is a racist.
Ted, with his unhappy life, calls up a hooker. When she arrives at his house he is SHOCKED! This is not the girl he wanted/ordered. Things have changed for Ted and will soon change for the worse for the hooker.
Be prepared to learn some new terms about sex, and most are just not pretty!
Interesting short story with the ever unlovable Ted! Ted has little to no respect for women or hookers and he is a racist.
Ted, with his unhappy life, calls up a hooker. When she arrives at his house he is SHOCKED! This is not the girl he wanted/ordered. Things have changed for Ted and will soon change for the worse for the hooker.
Be prepared to learn some new terms about sex, and most are just not pretty!
August 20, 2025
This was a really quick read, and not as nasty as Matt Shaw usually writes! Ted is a narcissistic, racist scumbag with violent sexual tendencies. He has grown accustomed to the company of "working girls", and pays for their services, when he meets a very unique girl, during a mix up at the agency. Things get wild, and choices must ultimately be made. Ted is a character from another of Shaw's books, "Rotting Dead F*cks", and I haven't gotten around to that one, just yet, but after reading this, I only hope for the best for good ol' Ted!
September 16, 2015
ABR's original TED audiobook review and many others can be found at Audiobook Reviewer.
Queue the music.
Come and listen to a story about a man named Ted,
A crazy sociopath, would rather see everyone dead,
And then one day something happened that did not compute,
This happened while he was having sex with a prostitute.
Call girl that is, hooker, street walker.
The above little jingle pretty much sums up the story of Ted.
Matt Shaw once again delivers a disturbing tale, that is up there on the vulgarity. This is the only reason I would call this a horror, much more of a psychological thriller. I did learn more than I ever wanted to about sexual terms such as, donkey punch,
Ted is a racist misogynistic sociopath that is obsessed with sex. Here Shaw takes us on a ride within the head of Ted as he has a good day. On this day Ted see’s his therapist, has sex with a prostitute and gets the scare of his life. I cannot give more detail than that without telling the whole story. I would not want to know what a bad day for Ted would be.
If you want to be disgusted very quickly, you must listen.
I am not sure how Chris Barnes can keep narrating Shaw’s books. Especially because he performs them so well. He does not just read the words, he brings them to life. In a way that makes everything seem so believable. I think that might be the most disturbing part of these audiobooks.
Audiobook provided for review by the narrator.
Queue the music.
Come and listen to a story about a man named Ted,
A crazy sociopath, would rather see everyone dead,
And then one day something happened that did not compute,
This happened while he was having sex with a prostitute.
Call girl that is, hooker, street walker.
The above little jingle pretty much sums up the story of Ted.
Matt Shaw once again delivers a disturbing tale, that is up there on the vulgarity. This is the only reason I would call this a horror, much more of a psychological thriller. I did learn more than I ever wanted to about sexual terms such as, donkey punch,
Ted is a racist misogynistic sociopath that is obsessed with sex. Here Shaw takes us on a ride within the head of Ted as he has a good day. On this day Ted see’s his therapist, has sex with a prostitute and gets the scare of his life. I cannot give more detail than that without telling the whole story. I would not want to know what a bad day for Ted would be.
If you want to be disgusted very quickly, you must listen.
I am not sure how Chris Barnes can keep narrating Shaw’s books. Especially because he performs them so well. He does not just read the words, he brings them to life. In a way that makes everything seem so believable. I think that might be the most disturbing part of these audiobooks.
Audiobook provided for review by the narrator.
November 21, 2015
Since the books in the White Cover Collection are short stories, I can’t go into a lot of detail without fear of ruining them for you. It’s not just about giving away the ending – there is so much awesome jam packed into each short that I don’t want to give much of anything away!!
I do know that Matt has verified my reservation in Hell with this story!
Yeah, Ted is a piece of human garbage, but some of his attempts at humor, (and some of his attempts at humanity), had me giggling like a kid who is secretly listening to his grandparent’s Red Foxx albums in the basement! Wrong on so many levels.
But… before you judge me for that, read my full review and let me try to explain what I mean.
I’m enjoying the books in the White Cover Collection. Chances are… if you’re already a fan of Matt, you’ll enjoy them, too.
I do know that Matt has verified my reservation in Hell with this story!
Yeah, Ted is a piece of human garbage, but some of his attempts at humor, (and some of his attempts at humanity), had me giggling like a kid who is secretly listening to his grandparent’s Red Foxx albums in the basement! Wrong on so many levels.
But… before you judge me for that, read my full review and let me try to explain what I mean.
I’m enjoying the books in the White Cover Collection. Chances are… if you’re already a fan of Matt, you’ll enjoy them, too.
Read
May 31, 2016Considering I'm not a fan of black comedy (no pun intended!), I surprised myself by actually enjoying this little story. I know Matt was pretty worried about the racist nature of the story but I found it only mild in its offensive content. In fact, I found it humorous in parts rather than shocking. Ted comes across as an Alf Garnet character, almost scarily endearing....
As the blurb says, this is a very short story. A little bit offensive but if you've read anything else by Matt Shaw, you should have developed a thicker skin by now.
As the blurb says, this is a very short story. A little bit offensive but if you've read anything else by Matt Shaw, you should have developed a thicker skin by now.
January 31, 2016
This was a fun short read (and when I say 'fun' this needs to be taken in the right context). I'm not really sure the racism added anything to the story but the author is on safe ground writing about an encounter with a prostitute (okay. "Hooker" if you are not from the UK.) A good ending too.
Read
April 5, 2015great insight,taught me loads of new moves to try on the wife
April 23, 2015
Too short
September 24, 2016
A short dark and twisted story about a vile man. A racist psychopath who's date for the night is the blonde white lady he ordered. Read on to discover what happens
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews