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The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother?
The media, from Dr. Phil to the New York Times Magazine, is adamant that there is no love lost between working parents and those who stay home with their children, each fighting an ideological and economic war based on what they think is best for their children. Yet in reality, as Miriam Peskowitz powerfully discloses, parents don’t want to fight one another at all; they simply want more options. Moreover, the very sides in this debate don’t one third of all mothers work part-time, falling in the vast abyss between full-time careerist and at-home mommy. How does the corporate climate in America force women to claim either a career or a family at any given time? Are the choices women are making—to either adjust careers, "carousel" in and out of the workplace, or quit altogether—really choices at all? And how do we expand the definition of productive worker to include an engaged parent? These questions and more are answered and explored in this moving and convincing treatise on the new-century collision between work and mothering.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
April 9, 2007
This book took a while to get into, because the chapters themselves are not very well organized. However, the content was worth slugging through the first couple of chapters - I was amazed at what I learned. I knew that there was a larger problem with mothers in the workforce, and that my career was not family friendly, but I did not realize how widespread the problems are. The premise is that the workplace is set up for an ideal worker who has no family commitments (or other commitments) outside of work. S/he will be available at all hours and never have to take time off beyond perhaps 2 weeks of vacation a year (if the job will actually allow you to take off the time you earn). This is not acceptable in a post-women-entering-the-workplace world. Mothers are being forced out of the workplace because there is no option to work part-time or to return to work after an extended leave of absence (because there will be a gap in your resume). She explains it all more eloquently, and offers solutions (things that are being done, and things that can be done). It was depressing and uplifting at the same time - depressing to see how many mothers have been affected by this situation, but uplifting to know that I'm not the only one who feels frustrated by it.
I do have 2 criticisms - first, the organization is a bit difficult, especially at the beginning. Second, this is geared entirely towards mothers. She does mention fathers, but there is a huge presumption that her audience is female. Fair enough, I suppose, for a feminist work, but if her main contention is that there no such thing as a war between stay at home and working mothers, and that mothers should cease to see themselves in opposition, I don't see what good can come from framing this as a mothers vs. fathers situation - a stand she sometimes approaches, even as she says that this is an issue for fathers too.
I do have 2 criticisms - first, the organization is a bit difficult, especially at the beginning. Second, this is geared entirely towards mothers. She does mention fathers, but there is a huge presumption that her audience is female. Fair enough, I suppose, for a feminist work, but if her main contention is that there no such thing as a war between stay at home and working mothers, and that mothers should cease to see themselves in opposition, I don't see what good can come from framing this as a mothers vs. fathers situation - a stand she sometimes approaches, even as she says that this is an issue for fathers too.
November 26, 2013
This book was not as interesting as it could/should have been. The author tends to repeat her thesis ad nauseum and the organization of the chapters feels unnatural. I also found the title misleading, as the bulk of the book focuses on the lack of good/fair options for mothers who want to continue their careers in part-time or other more friendly -family capacities. I agree that there should be more professional flexibility as part of a cultural change in our country; however, the values of Americans as a society are very different from those in other countries where there are more family-friendly labor policies. Overall, I found the book duller than I thought I would, and it took me a long time to get through it because it erred on the side of boring more often than not.
May 30, 2013
I read this just before I read The Feminine Mystique, and it serves as an apt companion. Whereas Betty Friedan urges women to move beyond their roles as wives and mothers and pursue careers or other ambitions, Miriam Peskowitz examines what happens when they do. Forty years after Fridan's groundbreaking work, the culture is still lagging far enough behind that women who try to balance work and motherhood often end up feeling exhausted and defeated.
One of the most interesting parts of the book was its examination of the way marketers exploit the idea that there is tension between different "types" of mothers, imposing imaginary categories that don't really exist. I agree with Peskowitz's assertion that mothers of all types have more in common than not, and that it behooves them to stick together and, if they are angry, channel that energy toward cultural problems rather than toward each other. After leaving off that topic, the majority of the book was then devoted to illustrating that, yes, there certainly are many hurdles facing women who wish to work and have children, and never enough choices.
Like many books of this type, it is better at demonstrating that a problem exists than offering solutions, but it makes a worthy effort. I feel somewhat ambivalent about the idea that we should look to government to address these issues; although I admire the progressive parenting policies of the Scandinavian countries, I still feel somewhat uncomfortable about the idea of the government paying mothers wages to stay at home. More promising are the solutions suggested for workplace change, such as more flexibility and more possibilities for part-time work that is stimulating and well-paid (after leaving a part-time position that was just that and seeing how hard it is to find another one, this really resonated with me). Research shows that companies actually lose less productivity by allowing an experienced employee to take parenting leave and return or dropping that employee down to part time than if they hire and train someone new. So such policies don't benefit only the parent.
While this was a worthwhile read, there was nothing really mind-blowing in it. Perhaps its greatest value was in pointing me toward additional reading on the subject, including The Feminine Mystique.
One of the most interesting parts of the book was its examination of the way marketers exploit the idea that there is tension between different "types" of mothers, imposing imaginary categories that don't really exist. I agree with Peskowitz's assertion that mothers of all types have more in common than not, and that it behooves them to stick together and, if they are angry, channel that energy toward cultural problems rather than toward each other. After leaving off that topic, the majority of the book was then devoted to illustrating that, yes, there certainly are many hurdles facing women who wish to work and have children, and never enough choices.
Like many books of this type, it is better at demonstrating that a problem exists than offering solutions, but it makes a worthy effort. I feel somewhat ambivalent about the idea that we should look to government to address these issues; although I admire the progressive parenting policies of the Scandinavian countries, I still feel somewhat uncomfortable about the idea of the government paying mothers wages to stay at home. More promising are the solutions suggested for workplace change, such as more flexibility and more possibilities for part-time work that is stimulating and well-paid (after leaving a part-time position that was just that and seeing how hard it is to find another one, this really resonated with me). Research shows that companies actually lose less productivity by allowing an experienced employee to take parenting leave and return or dropping that employee down to part time than if they hire and train someone new. So such policies don't benefit only the parent.
While this was a worthwhile read, there was nothing really mind-blowing in it. Perhaps its greatest value was in pointing me toward additional reading on the subject, including The Feminine Mystique.
December 9, 2010
Such a good book. Peskowitz writes about the origin of the "soccer mom" and the history of tension between moms who work outside the home and those who don't. She addresses systemic and cultural problems that limit women's choices and burden us with guilt (no matter what we choose), and advocates new ways to support each other and esteem the role of parenting.
March 1, 2008
interesting points about the lack of options for mothers/parents that do no want to work full-time. part-time work is not prorated or widely available and often becomes full-time work for part-time pay. and poorer or single parents often do not even have those options.
February 2, 2010
The only sane book I've read about the complicated, heart-wrenching decisions women make as they become mothers. Really worth a read for any gender, any age, but particularly helpful to those of us making the decision to stay or go in the life to which we've become accustomed.
October 17, 2011
Great book about how far we still have to go in the feminist movement regarding mothers rights and parenting in general. Will definitely make you angry about the way things are now in the workplace for most parents.
July 15, 2009
My review (from 2005!) is here on my blog. Still a good read.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews