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Children Are Wet Cement
Children are like wet cement-moldable and impressionable. In this best-selling book, Anne Ortlund shows parents how to practice verbal affirmation, a simple yet powerful technique for raising children to be secure, loving adults. She gives specific suggestions for each stage of childhood, from infancy to the teenage years and beyond.Sprinkled with stories of Anne's own childhood and parenting experiences. Won the 1982 Christy Award as Best Marriage/Family Book of the Year.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
192 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1981
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
August 11, 2014
I appreciated the encouragement this book gives toward positively reinforcing your children with praise, something my perfectionistic personality can well benefit from applying!
I did, however, find concern at the way she applied the concept at times. In more than one chapter she gives examples of how much the things we say can directly affect who children become, using one-liner examples with "proven" outcomes of grown children. For example, I quote, "over and over, put specific information into his storage box... [we] told each child separately, 'i can hardly wait until you grow up. You're going to stand out in a crowd! You're going to love the Lord; you're going to lead others in spiritual things; you're going to be a wonderful Christian adult. We'll be so proud of you.' and it's true; each of them has become just that."
It was soon after I read that that I decided to finish the book early, because I knew my personality might take this a little too much to the extreme. I think it can be a dangerous practice to believe that you are the determining factor when it comes to who your children become. I struggle with this belief for sure. I've seen how parents set themselves up for failure when they believe that if they do and say the right things, their children will make the right choices. As parents, we must do our very best to reflect Jesus, to teach truth, and disciple our family, but in the end our kids do not belong to us. They will need to make their own choices that come from their hearts, not from a desire to please me. I don't ever want my kids to feel that "I will be so proud of you IF..."
I've seen that work out really badly...
I did, however, find concern at the way she applied the concept at times. In more than one chapter she gives examples of how much the things we say can directly affect who children become, using one-liner examples with "proven" outcomes of grown children. For example, I quote, "over and over, put specific information into his storage box... [we] told each child separately, 'i can hardly wait until you grow up. You're going to stand out in a crowd! You're going to love the Lord; you're going to lead others in spiritual things; you're going to be a wonderful Christian adult. We'll be so proud of you.' and it's true; each of them has become just that."
It was soon after I read that that I decided to finish the book early, because I knew my personality might take this a little too much to the extreme. I think it can be a dangerous practice to believe that you are the determining factor when it comes to who your children become. I struggle with this belief for sure. I've seen how parents set themselves up for failure when they believe that if they do and say the right things, their children will make the right choices. As parents, we must do our very best to reflect Jesus, to teach truth, and disciple our family, but in the end our kids do not belong to us. They will need to make their own choices that come from their hearts, not from a desire to please me. I don't ever want my kids to feel that "I will be so proud of you IF..."
I've seen that work out really badly...
January 8, 2020
I like reading this book as if it’s a conversation. It’s kind of written that way: Lots of stories, personal experience, opinion, with Scripture interspersed. Some really good insights, esp the value of affirming, the necessity of confessing sin and the importance of treating kids as people. I don’t read it unbiasedly; I know one of the author’s grown kids; that said, I enjoy this look into how one family thought through parenting. Lots of hope.
September 13, 2019
Considering what I'm used to, this was such a different child-training book! You know how sometimes, you go out to coffee with an older woman you really respect, and she offers you some piece of counsel that was the key to what you felt you were missing--and that one coffee visit changes your whole life? That's what this book was like for me. It felt the entire time like I was sitting down and receiving Titus 2 advice from an older woman. It wasn't all advice I necessarily took--just like any advice--but her perspective was so valuable to consider, and the changes she inspired were sweeping and drastic for my family. It was, shall we say, five-star advice. :)
It started out with a memoir-like section about the author's own childhood. At first I was put off by this, but by the end, I appreciated it, because I felt like I knew her, and she referred to those examples throughout the rest of the book.
It ended with encouragement for parents to confess their sins and allow God to work on THEM. It felt at first outside the realm of a parenting book--more a Christian Living book on the possibility of change--but in the end it really uplifted me.
The middle of the book is where she warns that children are extremely impressionable, drawing what they "know" of themselves from what their parents say about them. (If we act like they're a burden, even jokingly, the kids will feel they are burdensome.) But most of all she encourages us to be constantly lifting our children up with specific encouragements about what we are sure they will become. Citing the fact that God declares us righteous before we actually are, she says we should do the same for our kids: "You're smart!" "God is making you so kind!" "You will be a wise woman one day." You're providing a mold, so to speak, for the wet cement to shape itself into.
This does not come naturally for me, and I realized very quickly I was only tearing my kids down--criticizing what they were doing wrong--rather than building them UP into what I hope they will become. Once I started tentatively applying her advice, I saw *immediate* results in my family. My most difficult (and perceptive) child has become far more pliable and willing to work with me now that she's receiving daily encouragement. She is already adopting the same vision: "Because I'm going to be a wise woman!" "Little sister is helpful because she watches our good examples!" And even starting to adopt the same strategies: "Mommy, I'm not going to be a nose-picking girl anymore." Moreover, it changes MY whole frame of mind, so that even in correction, I'm always looking for opportunities to build them up: "God made you to be a kind and gentle girl. You are not acting the way He made you to be right now." It's changed my mindset, and I enjoy them more! Thank you to Laura for the recommendation!
It started out with a memoir-like section about the author's own childhood. At first I was put off by this, but by the end, I appreciated it, because I felt like I knew her, and she referred to those examples throughout the rest of the book.
It ended with encouragement for parents to confess their sins and allow God to work on THEM. It felt at first outside the realm of a parenting book--more a Christian Living book on the possibility of change--but in the end it really uplifted me.
The middle of the book is where she warns that children are extremely impressionable, drawing what they "know" of themselves from what their parents say about them. (If we act like they're a burden, even jokingly, the kids will feel they are burdensome.) But most of all she encourages us to be constantly lifting our children up with specific encouragements about what we are sure they will become. Citing the fact that God declares us righteous before we actually are, she says we should do the same for our kids: "You're smart!" "God is making you so kind!" "You will be a wise woman one day." You're providing a mold, so to speak, for the wet cement to shape itself into.
This does not come naturally for me, and I realized very quickly I was only tearing my kids down--criticizing what they were doing wrong--rather than building them UP into what I hope they will become. Once I started tentatively applying her advice, I saw *immediate* results in my family. My most difficult (and perceptive) child has become far more pliable and willing to work with me now that she's receiving daily encouragement. She is already adopting the same vision: "Because I'm going to be a wise woman!" "Little sister is helpful because she watches our good examples!" And even starting to adopt the same strategies: "Mommy, I'm not going to be a nose-picking girl anymore." Moreover, it changes MY whole frame of mind, so that even in correction, I'm always looking for opportunities to build them up: "God made you to be a kind and gentle girl. You are not acting the way He made you to be right now." It's changed my mindset, and I enjoy them more! Thank you to Laura for the recommendation!
February 6, 2023
Engaging and encouraging book and a great reminder to affirm and love your children for who they are. This is what shapes them as they mature. Also a great reminder that God is our father and we are to love like he loves; tenderly, accepting despite faults, loving through weakness, lifting up and encouraging, and affirming the children in our lives with hope for who they will become in Him.
January 28, 2024
Overall I enjoyed reading this book and certainly received some nuggets of wisdom, but there wasn't enough powerful content for me to particularly recommend it to others, especially those with limited time to read!
August 2, 2023
overall such encouraging truth about how impressionable our kids are, and the role we play as adults in their lives.
August 9, 2014
My mom loved this book when my siblings and I were young. As a retirement present to my mom, my mom's coworkers gave her three copies of the book, one for me and my two siblings. I was happy to read the book to see what my mom had loved so much and what had influenced her in raising me.
The book is filled with a lot of positive and encouraging information. I appreciated the author's voice, which I found to be very unique and authentic. My favorite part of the book was toward the end, where the author allowed each of her children to add something to the book. I didn't care for the submissions from the author's sons, but I loved the submission from her daughters. The author's two daughters decided to have a conversation, which the author taped and transcribed. The daughters talked about their childhood, and I loved how they discussed their sense that they, as a family, were a unit with shared experiences and traditions. Their thoughts very much mirrored my own thoughts on my family and my dream for what I can create for my children.
I personally loved reading this book because I felt like it was a light into my own childhood. I could see how my mom put into practice different aspects of the book, and the book caused me to reflect on the experiences that have formed my cement.
The book is filled with a lot of positive and encouraging information. I appreciated the author's voice, which I found to be very unique and authentic. My favorite part of the book was toward the end, where the author allowed each of her children to add something to the book. I didn't care for the submissions from the author's sons, but I loved the submission from her daughters. The author's two daughters decided to have a conversation, which the author taped and transcribed. The daughters talked about their childhood, and I loved how they discussed their sense that they, as a family, were a unit with shared experiences and traditions. Their thoughts very much mirrored my own thoughts on my family and my dream for what I can create for my children.
I personally loved reading this book because I felt like it was a light into my own childhood. I could see how my mom put into practice different aspects of the book, and the book caused me to reflect on the experiences that have formed my cement.
April 10, 2009
I LOVED THIS BOOK! The idea of lots of praise and positive reinforcement are not new concepts in the Allbritton household. But Anne presented her case for affirmations in just enough of a different way that changed the way I speak to my children, or at least added a new dimension. I started this book a few weeks ago and began giving Anne’s suggested affirmations to Tate right away and I could definitely saw him beaming more with each one I gave him..."You are going to be such a gracious young man when you grow up, I am going to be so proud of you!"...or "Tate, you just keep loving God more and God, he is totally smiling on you right now!" Just little ways to encourage him, I think of them as almost little prayers for his future, but speaking them to him now. I loved this book, I am so glad I own it and was able to highlight the really great pieces so I can review it often to remind myself of wonderful ways to make even MORE positive impressions on my two "wet cements"!
September 21, 2011
Middle part is the meat of the book. The rest is a bit cheesy and I wasn't that interested in the author's past or present, just her parenting tips and tricks.
May 12, 2015
Really enjoyed Parts 2 & 4 - skimmed through the rest.
Very quick read with lots of good reminders about the power of affirming kids. Great author - will definitely re-read.
Very quick read with lots of good reminders about the power of affirming kids. Great author - will definitely re-read.
August 25, 2019
This is one of favorite books. I bought copies for my daughters. Anne Orland raises six children and I love so much of her advice I read it when I was a young mom and again as a grandma💕
October 30, 2016
Really encouraging and positive.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews