Torn: Why People We Love Are Leaving the Church and What We Can Learn from Them

by Jeff Strong

Drawing on one of the most comprehensive studies ever conducted on Latter-day Saint disaffiliation-including surveys of more than 20,000 current and former members-along with interviews, personal experience, and national research, author Jeff Strong-a former bishop, mission president, BYU faculty member, and advisor to the Church-offers rare clarity into a painful and often misunderstood reality. The research suggests that nearly 40 percent of once-active Latter-day Saints in the United States have stepped away from Church participation over the past twenty-five years.

But this book is about far more than statistics. It is about sons and daughters. Husbands and wives. Friends and ward members. It is about thoughtful, sincere people striving to live with integrity-and the many believers who remain in the Church yet feel increasingly torn themselves.

Inside this book you will

why many sincere believers step away from the Church the deeper cultural tensions shaping faith today what faithful members can learn from those who leave how families can navigate these experiences with greater understanding how a more Christ-centered culture can strengthen faith and belonging Rooted in faith and written with deep love for the Church and its people, Torn does not ask readers to choose sides. Instead, it invites them to see more clearly, listen more deeply, and respond more like Jesus Christ.

If someone you love has stepped away from the Church-or if you yourself feel caught between faith, love, belonging, and conscience-this book will help you feel seen, informed, and hopeful.

Because being torn does not have to be the end of faith. It can be the beginning of deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and a more Christlike way forward.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction, Lds

298 pages, Paperback

Published May 15, 2026

Reviews

[Hillary · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book does an excellent job of explaining why so many members step away from the Church. The author writes with real compassion and sincerity, and it’s clear he genuinely wants to understand people’s experiences. I appreciated the empathetic, nuanced tone, and the survey data was genuinely useful and insightful.

The Positives
- Nuanced and empathetic — He avoids easy answers and digs into the emotional and cultural side of disaffiliation.
- Accurate read on why people leave — A thoughtful overview of the many factors that influence someone’s decision to step away.
- Christ‑centered, sincere advice — Written for believing members, the tone is supportive, hopeful, and genuinely well‑intentioned.

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Blind Spots
- Too much focus on culture
While culture absolutely plays a huge role in the Church, I would’ve loved to see other points addressed more thoroughly. Doctrinal and historical concerns are only briefly acknowledged, which leaves the book a bit unbalanced.

- Preachy tone at times
Some parts read like sacrament talks, which feels ironic given the topic.

- Selective quoting
He highlights softer, compassionate statements from leaders but avoids the harder or contradictory ones, unintentionally mirroring the issue he’s trying to address.

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Overall, the book is thoughtful, sincere, and genuinely helpful. I’d give it 3.75 stars for its earnest, nuanced, and Christ‑centered approach. It has a few blind spots, sure — but honestly, don’t we all.

[Oriahna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful, authentic, well researched and deeply moving book for anyone in the Church of Jesus Christ who's ever had doubts or felt like they didn't quite belong. I felt so seen and validated, sometimes being moved to tears in relief that I am not alone in my experiences, and that there is understanding to be gained.

I'm so grateful for Jeff Strong, for all of the work, research, and heart he's poured into this incredible project. I had the honor of knowing him as my mission president and can attest that he is a person of intelligence, character, and care. He loves the Savior, Jesus Christ, and his voice is one that will help you turn to Him if you listen with the spirit.

[Will T · Rating 3 out of 5]

5 stars – Survey and presentation of the data

After 45 years in the Church and five years outside it, I have never felt more seen and understood by an Active Believing Member (ABM) regarding why I and many people I love have chosen to step away from belief and participation. Thank you, Jeff. Your work validates experiences that many of us have long hoped our believing loved ones would simply seek to understand.

Your approach reflects Jesus' teaching to leave the ninety nine and seek the one. Jesus wasn't afraid that understanding the one would diminish the ninety nine. And according to your data, the challenge facing the Church is far greater than one out of a hundred.

5 stars – Speaking to Active Believing Members in a voice they can hear

Most of the book moves beyond the data and speaks directly to ABMs in language they can hear. That's an incredibly difficult balance to strike. Few believers want to hear information that challenges deeply held convictions.

The tone often feels like one on one pastoral care from a loving bishop or of compassionate stake president trying to make local change in his stake by speaking at an adult session of stake conference. Frequent references to Church leaders and scriptures help believing readers engage with data that might otherwise feel threatening. This message has to come from someone on the inside for it to be heard. Thank you for taking that risk. I suspect some will criticize you simply for presenting the data, and I appreciate your willingness to make that sacrifice.

1 star – Culture vs. systemic issues

Jeff clearly explains why people leave the Church. The data is compelling, and he presents it well. Where I struggled, is with his conclusion that the primary solution is to change church culture from the bottom up.

The survey data doesn't seem to support that conclusion. Instead, it points more toward systemic issues rooted in decisions, teachings, and actions of past and current Church leadership, along with a reluctance to acknowledge mistakes or implement meaningful institutional change from the top down.

Ironically, Jeff's own survey shows that many former believers would gladly remain part of their ward communities if they could openly express their nonbelief and concerns without being treated as second-class Saints. Yet he stops short of holding Church leadership accountable for creating the very conditions his data identifies. I understand the dilemma. The personal and social cost of making that argument from within the Church is substantial. Still, this is where I believe the book's central tension lies. The data points toward institutional responsibility, while the conclusions largely redirect that responsibility to local culture. For readers who left because they felt compelled to follow their morals & integrity over their institutional loyalty, that disconnect is difficult to ignore.

I'd rather have Jeff working for change from the inside than the outside. Even so, I believe he recognizes that meaningful change in this institution has historically come from the top down, not the bottom up.

1 star – Audiobook production

The audiobook itself was the weakest part of an otherwise excellent project. Considering the tremendous effort invested in the research and writing, the production quality felt below the standard of the book itself.

There are frequent hard edits, sharp "S" sounds, and audible mouth noises that became distracting. I appreciated hearing the author narrate his own work, but the recording would have benefited from more professional studio production, editing, and audio engineering. The message deserved that level of polishing.

In conclusion, if General Conference talks are often shared with those who leave the faith in hopes of bringing them back, this book serves a similar purpose in the opposite direction. It is a thoughtful invitation for believing members to better understand why some choose to leave. Bravo to Jeff for writing this book. I hope it helps foster greater understanding and moves the conversation in a positive direction, both within the Church as an institution and among its individual members.

Related book recommendation: If you enjoyed this book and want to consider another similar one, I highly recommend "When Mormons Doubt" by Jon Ogden.

[Geoff Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

The data introduced in this book utilizes high research standards. Quite interesting and compelling.

I liked the author's emphasis that people experience different paths in their spiritual development and in their searching, hence the importance of showing kindness, openness and developing our understanding of and trying to emulate the teachings of Jesus.

The reason for three stars is that I felt the message became somewhat repetitive.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful and eye-opening research presented in an approachable manner. This book eloquently states so many important things that resonate with what is currently happening in our church community. A book that has been a long time coming concerning various issues regarding our unique culture—a welcome breath of fresh air!

[Joey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I expected one thing and got another. This initially disappointed me, but then I found my reluctantly-received new expectations exceeded. So, for me, "Torn" was a bit of a rollercoaster that I ended up really liking.

What I expected the whole book would be like is actually what the appendices are like: explication of the data I was already aware that Strong and associates had compiled and plumbed, with regular connections of data to real life. Instead, the book itself is a meditation on Mormon culture, which sounds like it would be amazing on its face, but it's -- again -- not what you'd think. Instead, "Torn" is a bit fluffy if I'm being honest -- lots of scripture and general authority quotes. This is understandable and probably wise -- Strong is aiming this book at least partially and probably mostly at devout and rigid Mormons, and Strong is trying to assuage their defense mechanisms by anchoring his thinking in language that will resonate with the staunch Mormon defender. Still, for me, the writing style at first came off as foofy, basic, and kind of bland. There are numerous charts and graphs that piqued by interest, but it seemed initially they weren't enough.

After the first chapter or two -- which laid some very interesting groundwork -- I felt my hopes for this book rise, and maybe that initial excitement is what made the long stretches of encouragement for us all to listen better and not judge feel like such a letdown.

And yet, this is a four-star book. That's because it turned out to not be a letdown at all. I needed some time to read and let it slosh around in my brain. By the time I finished, I assessed Strong's work here to be timely and important, and not just for the devout Mormons that disillusioned or former Mormons use so often as convenient punching bags -- I'm an active Mormon for whom much of what Strong talks about is very familiar and relatable. I can't classify myself as culturally or even doctrinally staunch. In short, I'm already practicing much of what Strong preaches here. Even so, I feel that "Torn" realigned some of my wiring that will, I think, make me a better bridge between the rigid sentinels defending dogma and those either lingering on the edges or no longer participating.

I'm disinclined to go into detail about the content; prospective readers should check it out and learn what they can learn for themselves. The upshot is that "Torn" is not a review of data. It thoughtfully offers explanations for LDS cultural stagnation, framed by a handful of personal experiences and brief anecdotes from survey respondents, and offers very broad, non-prescriptive ideas for how church members can help create a more welcoming culture. It's helpful, sincere, and wise.

[Lizzie Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

My sister-in-law, Taryn, who is one of my absolute favorite people in this world, suggested I read this book and so I immediately followed her advice.

I really liked this one. I thought it worked beautifully as a companion to "Come as You Are" by Samuel Norton, which I still think is one of the best books ever written about LDS faith, belonging, and how we talk to each other when life gets complicated. This one feels like it sits in the same emotional neighborhood, but spends more time with people who are struggling with faith, shifting in their faith, or who have left altogether.

What I appreciated most is that the book pushes back on some of the easy narratives we sometimes reach for. The “they stopped doing the little things” narrative, the “if they had tried harder, prayed harder, read more, asked in faith, everything would have worked out” narrative, the "they just weren't willing to do the difficult things anymore" narrative. Those explanations may make someone in the church feel better, but they are often deeply unfair, and always completely miss the actual human being standing in front of us.

This book makes a strong case for choosing relationships first. Not in a vague, bumper-sticker kind of way, but in a real, practical, uncomfortable way. It asks us not only to avoid burning bridges, but to actively reinforce them. To stay close. To make room. To ask better questions. To listen without preparing a rebuttal in our heads, which, unfortunately, is a hobby many of us have taken up recreationally.

I also appreciated that it is not anti-LDS or cynical about faith. There is so much to love about the LDS faith, and I felt like this book understood that. But loving something does not mean pretending every cultural habit around it is perfect. There is real room to grow in how we speak about people who leave, how we treat people who doubt, and how we make space for people whose lives do not fit neatly inside the story we expected them to live.

Overall, I found this thoughtful, compassionate, and very needed. It directly contradicted some of the cultural expectations I grew up with, in a way that felt less like an attack and more like an invitation to do better. And honestly, I think we should take the invitation. People who already feel on the outside do not need more distance. They need love, patience, honesty, and people who are willing listen. Don't bury it, don't treat them as the elephant in the room, just talk to them about their decisions and swing that door wide open for them so if or when they want to broach the subject, they know that there won't be any resistance from you.

I also think it is entirely fair to ask for the same respect you give. My faith is sacred to me. It is fundamental to who I am. I will always be respectful of someone's decision to leave it behind and I will ask for that same respect in return by asking them to speak respectfully about things that are still beautiful and helpful in my life. I can wholeheartedly acknowledge and really seek to see their reasons for leaving and I can tell them to try to understand the reasons I love to stay.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like I can’t overstate the importance of this research and the insights drawn from the data and responses. There is a huge gap in understanding between members of the church who the church is working for and members who are experiencing pain and conflict at church. There is a false assumption that anyone having a different experience or who expresses belief differently must be doing something wrong or be less faithful. This inaccurate judgment only further isolates and intensifies feelings of not belonging and being unvalued. If approached with an open heart and desire to learn, I think this book has great potential to help bridge the gap in understanding between members with a more binary/dogmatic/black and white approach and those who express faith and belief in a more nuanced way. This book comes at a critical junction and is so needed at this time. I hope every member of the church reads it and puts in the work to understand and love better, judge less, and make space for others who express belief differently than them.

[Kristy W · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish two things with this book—that a ton of people read it, and that it had a better title. I would describe it as less about church members leaving and more about fostering community and belonging in the LDS church and prioritizing Christlike love over tradition

[Kailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really hope all members of the church will read this. Important research and encourages conversations and changes that need to be instigated. I’ve seen a lot of references to his findings going around, but I think it’s important to go to the primary source - he makes the data and analysis very accessible/easy to understand.

[Brandon Hull · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read

Both inspirational and heart-wrenching. I can relate to the author’s personal experiences and the survey results. So much to learn from this.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeff Strong provides insights from personal experience, research, and a perspective of faith about why people leave the LDS church. Although it is not a how to book, it is a great tool in developing understanding. I highly recommend it for parents and LDS leaders. By developing understanding why people leave we can better understand how we can make room at the table for all.

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is perfect for the intended audience. As someone who is the subject matter of the book (disaffected member), I love Jeff Strong's approach and find him to be compassionate while still being honest and not condescending: a difficult balance to strike. It would be fantastic if every member read this book and I think they would individually benefit and the church would benefit as a whole. So that's why I gave it a 5 star review, and this is probably where devout members should stop reading...

Because I'd like to just address one or two issues that people who have left might be wondering about. I want to let them know they're not missing something: there are some important things left unsaid. Side note: I often take umbrage when people criticize a book because it's not the book they wanted to see, it was the book the author intended. That's why I didn't remove a star, I think this book was perfect for the intended audience. But I do also think there are just some things that need to be said to people who have lost belief.

Namely, this book has to pin all of these issues on "culture." It's the one recurring theme throughout the book and the one thing Brother Strong can safely mention as needing a change. Which, if you think about it, kind of points to a deeper problem. Certainly, for a believing author and audience it makes sense to say the gospel is perfect but the culture isn't. But, stick with me here, what if it's not merely the culture and it's actually the core, fundamental doctrines and the very top of the leadership that's the problem? I get that they can't or won't go there. I don't even suggest they're lying, I believe they believe it. And I don't even wish he did otherwise, because I want this book accessible to the people who need it. But if the problems were doctrine or leadership, how would they ever know? By what mechanism could they figure that out? What would it take for them to see and admit that?

He says later that he intentionally stayed vague so as to respect agency and not tell people what to do. I like Brother Strong, I think he actually believes in that principle. I also think there's an aspect that may just be influencing him at the subconscious level: one of the things that's rotten in the church is the practice of excommunication for public disagreement. And writing a book like this he has to take enormous pains to show his believing bonafides, show how devout he is, and to not appear to be criticizing the brethren or steadying the arc. So, he really can't make suggestions. Because that implies he knows something the brethren don't and they're not doing something right. I hate to say it, but the very structure of the book is a subtle critique of its foundation. Not that he'd be anywhere near excommunication, but he would lose cachet in the culture, ironically.

Having said all that, that was just to make the disaffected reader feel less alone in observing these things. Truthfully, it doesn't much matter. Because if every believing member read this book it would pretty much only produce good effects and could heal relationships and even help more people stay who want to (not that I think that's always the right choice).

I also noticed that, as empathetic and understanding as he was, there still seemed to be a subtext of the "right" way to leave the church: you have to still believe in God, believe even maybe in the restoration, but just take issue with some of the culture. There are those of us who really deconstructed enough to a place of quite different belief. But often we still share similar values. I had a friend when I left ask me what was to stop me from lying, cheating, stealing, and doing whatever I could to get whatever I wanted. I replied that, "I still care about people and don't want other people to suffer." He looked a little surprised by that answer. So I'll just say that we often do still share some deep values and some beliefs about how to act. And I believe Brother Strong would say this as well, it's more that he was trying to reach an audience of believers and talking about an atheist former member they could learn from would just be a bridge too far. So, again, for that audience I don't really fault him. I just want to acknowledge it's okay if you re-evaluated all your beliefs and came to a quite different place. As long as you're still a decent person.

[Ed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeff Strong’s Torn: Why People We Love Are Leaving the Church and What We Can Learn from Them is one of the most compassionate and potentially useful books I have read about the growing divide between faithful Latter-day Saints and those who have stepped away from the Church.
What makes Torn especially valuable is its refusal to rely on the familiar explanations that people leave because they were offended, wanted to sin, became lazy, or simply lost the Spirit. Strong listens to the people who have actually left. Again and again, their stories involve questions of belonging, troubling aspects of Church history, loss of trust, cultural pressures, and the painful experience of feeling unheard or misunderstood.
The book is at its strongest when it asks believing members to replace judgment with curiosity and fear with genuine listening. Strong understands that a person leaving the Church is often treated as a tragedy for the believing family, while the emotional and spiritual experience of the person who left can become almost secondary. His call for better relationships across that divide is both timely and deeply humane.
There are limitations. The impressive size of the research behind the book should not be confused with a perfectly representative scientific sample. Critics have reasonably questioned whether some of the statistics and categories can be applied to the entire Latter-day Saint population. The book’s four broad patterns of disaffiliation are useful for understanding general trends, but individual faith journeys are messy, overlapping, and resistant to neat classification.
I also occasionally felt that the book remained more comfortable examining how Church members should respond to people who leave than asking how the institution itself might need to change. Listening and kindness are essential, but critics of the Church would reasonably argue that better pastoral responses cannot by themselves resolve concerns involving history, transparency, LGBTQ+ people, women, race, authority, or institutional accountability. Sometimes the problem is not simply how a difficult story is heard. Sometimes the difficult story itself demands an answer.
Yet these criticisms do not diminish the book’s importance. In some ways, they demonstrate why the conversation Strong has begun needs to continue and grow.
As someone who has personally experienced a changing relationship with the Church, I appreciated that Torn treats leaving not as a moral failure but as a complicated human experience. Strong writes from within the believing community, but he reaches across the divide with an open hand rather than a pointed finger. That matters.
Torn will not settle every debate about why people leave the Church, nor should it. Its greater achievement is creating a space where those conversations might finally begin with listening rather than accusation. For families divided by faith, leaders trying to understand declining participation, and members who genuinely want to understand rather than simply reclaim those who have left, this book is an important and hopeful contribution.
Perhaps the most valuable lesson of Torn is also the simplest: loving someone should never depend upon where they sit on Sunday.

[Larry · Rating 4 out of 5]

1. That the author in time responded as he has to a very personal, troubling, and even traumatic experience in his own life, resulting in this book, is exemplary, praiseworthy, and inspiring.

2. I learned about the book and underlying research via a podcast on which Jeff was a featured guest. The research itself, that is the quantitative and qualitative analysis of thoughtfully designed surveys, is what drew me to acquire the book. I look forward to the research reports which have been said will be available summer 2026.

3. It’s an impressive piece of research by a non-institutional source. The targeted population, the initial sample size, the refinement by several follower-on surveys, structured interviews, and his (Jeff’s) curating a group of experts to design the research, and analyze and interpret the data bespeaks his driving need to understand. I appreciate the care demonstrated in repeatedly disclosing the limitations of the methodology and the caveats warranted in any interpretive endeavor of the data he collected. And I appreciate his efforts to validate several interpretive insights using other credible research studies.

4. It warms my truth-seeking heart that there are insights contrary to publicized, almost marketed, research findings by the associated religious institution. Revelatory and refreshing, as truth is. An unmasking. A contrary narrative.

5. Fascinating and saddening are words that come to mind as I reflect upon the so-very-carefully created narrative. The author has chosen deferential-to-the-institution, content structure, wording, and reconciliatory statements to, imo, avoid offending the institution. The institution’s hold over membership privileges is fascinating. The power and fear associated with that hold is saddening.

6. I can in part, by my own several personal experiences, relate to and empathize with the author’s efforts to create a dialogue based in the research findings. There is much to absorb and potentially learn from what he’s offered beyond answering the “what is happening” and “why it is happening” questions which the research itself was intended to inform. And I admire the effort and intent to inspire change without prescribing or dictating what to do and how. Admirable but ultimately not what drew me to the book and imo often platitudinal. The soil metaphor is effective, memorable, and overwrought.

Net net: highly recommended. An unmasking. An unbiased (or a gratefully alternatively biased) view of an indisputable phenomenon … which impels acknowledgement and change.

[Nathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think Jeff Strong is moving the needle in the right direction. That said, it is a book for the orthodox member and not the disaffiliated or questioning member. Strong explores the topic and interprets the research through the lens of the believing member. When I consider the numbers and mine own experiences, it is clear that the main reason the LDS church is hemorrhaging members is not a culture problem. It is a truth problem. If it were just a culture problem, the hemorrhaging would have been a phenomena of the McKonkie or Benson era or earlier, when the culture was even less accommodating of alternative viewpoints. Instead, the acceleration in disaffiliation corresponds to the information era, when it is not as easy for the LDS Church (or any institution) to control the narrative and define Truth for themselves. The culture problem arises as a by-product because when an institution cannot defend their "truth" with data, it must be policed by the culture.

This is an important distinction because Strong's book may help improve the culture, but it will not fix the truth problem. I am skeptical that the truth problem can be fixed and still leave the LDS church intact (or any religion for that matter).

The language and examples in Torn rely heavily on passages from the Doctrine and Covenants, Joseph Smith and other prominent LDS church leaders. This will appeal to the orthodox church member, but holding up these statements as authoritative will just cause the disaffiliated to roll their eyes. That said, if this book helps prompt a more healthy dialog between the "in" group and the "out" group, then it is doing a good thing.

[Joseph Janson · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first half of this book as interesting with all of the stats on people leaving the church. It was honestly impressive the research done. However, after that the book went way downhill. It’s worth noting I’m not the target audience. I am an exmormon and don’t believe in the truth claims of the church. But the second half was boring, and seems to negate the progress the first half makes. It ignores the fact people leave for church history or disbelief. His claim that people really leave because the “church doesn’t work for them” or “they don’t fit in” I think is simply not true. In my experience, almost everyone leaves because they no longer believe the church is true. The second half is full of boring statements about how the church members need to be more accepting of those with unorthodox beliefs. I personally don’t think this is possible as the church is firmly against these unorthodox beliefs. This book is interesting from a research standpoint, but has a ton of flaws and confusing conclusions that make no sense.

[Blake Wassom · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most impactful books I've read in years.

Written from the perspective of a believer and backed by rigorous research, Jeff Strong relates why so many people are leaving the church and how we can cultivate a more loving and inclusive culture. This is a very timely message, relayed with a sense of urgency and genuine concern. While the data he provides is sobering, the book is hopeful overall, a call to action for members of the church to lead with love in our interactions with others.

"Torn" is a must read for parents and leaders. It invites each of us to question our paradigms in order to address a growing problem which affects nearly every member, either directly or indirectly. Even if you don't agree with all of the points made in the book, the data is compelling, and it should cause each of us to pause and ask ourselves to what extent our own attitudes and beliefs might be driving others away.

[Laurel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I left the LDS (Mormon) church 9 years ago after almost 3 decades of strict faith and belief and obedience. This is the first time since leaving that I have felt seen by an active and believing LDS member--because Jeff Strong actually cares about why people leave the church, believes the data, believes PEOPLE, and doesn't perpetuate demonizing narratives. And because he's honest with himself and the church.

I bought multiple copies for myself and friends. I feel comfortable and safe to share this with LDS family members because of the author's credentials and collaboration with the church on the data.

This book will help my family members to understand me and to believe me, and it has also been a source of continued empathy towards my parents' experience of watching children leave the church and being pained by that.

All in all, the data is phenomenal, and the empathy and affirmation is unparalleled in other books by non-doubting LDS.

[Bronson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think he makes some good points here, we as a people need to be less judgmental, more accepting, more loving and kinder. Overall, I don't think a lot of the reasons people cite for leaving their faith may not be the reasons cited here. I think if you want to leave, it’s very easy to find lots of reasons but the heart of it is that people leave because they don’t need it or they don’t think they need it. “I don’t need to go to church to be a good person” is what my own kids say. They’re right but we don’t go to church to be good. We go to church for deeper things and to unite in our worship. I think if we adopted every suggestion that he makes, it won’t move the needle on people leaving. People will leave and I expect that trend to continue, especially in developed countries and places where the gospel has existed for multiple generations. It’s the pattern, it’s part of todays world.

[Hayley Sorensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I very much appreciate the work Strong has done to foster connection and understanding between those who choose to stay in the church and those who have decided to leave. He is empathetic to every individual, regardless of what side of the fence they are on. He is fully transparent about how he is all in when it comes to the church, but he doesn’t try to convince the reader that they should be all in as well. The purpose of his writing is just to share what he learned through his research and offer his perspective on how we can be more accepting and loving of all people.

Some parts were harder to get though- the book reads a lot like a thesis to his research, definitely not a page turner. The message was worth the read.

“What threatens faith is not questioning, but a religious culture that cannot make room for it.”

[Caleb Haws · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.0 stars: Jeff Strong's main argument is that people are leaving the church due to the culture of intolerance towards people who don't agree with them. He says that people should become more accepting of fellow members who don't believe in LDS truth claims but who still want to be part of the community. He does present some decent arguments but I think that the bigger issue is largely left unspoken. Mainly the lack of historical transparency and loss of belief in the fantastical claims of the LDS church. Was not a particularly gripping read and I think that this book could have been written in a fifth of the page space that it took up and been just as effective.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book fills a gap that we didn't know we had as members of the church. The data in here is really enlightening. It highlights the difficulty and nuance that members experience as they decide to leave the church. I really resonated with some of the survey results about the tensions between personal beliefs and church culture. I appreciated how Strong explained clearly what I felt but hadn't been able to put into words. I believe this book will help a lot of people who struggle with loved ones leaving - to better understand why they leave, and to inspire them to interact with compassion, respect and love.

[Rachael · Rating 3 out of 5]

I know there's a ton of research behind this, and I appreciate the conclusions that are shared, but I felt like he could have shared what he does here in a really long article rather than a book. Also I was bored by so much generalizing, theorizing, and chart-making, instead of sharing personal experiences. His main point is that the LDS Culture (not necessarily the Church doctrine) is too rigid and needs to be more open to questions, doubts, and differences. This is a great point, but again I would have liked more stories of how this can be improved.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw a YouTube video about the content of this book before I read it. It was the first time I’ve felt seen in my experience in a long time. I feel like God’s hand was in this book and that He knows where I’m at. I think every person who has either never or ever been at a crossroads with the church HAS to read this book.

[Calleen Petersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a therapist, as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, this is a breath of fresh air. This needs to be widely read within the church and the ideas adopted. Even if no one comes back, we will be a better people for it. Helping us better understand , make room for, and have compassion for those who leave should be an important part of our religion.

[S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Geared at active members of the LDS church. Good evidence based critique and explanations of issues with the church to help people understand why and have empathy for the large numbers of people leaving.

[Emilyn Umbrell]

I agree with some of what was said here. It was worth the time it took to listen to the audio book. I hope it makes a positive impact.

“It’s isn’t about the path, it’s about the fruit, we eat the fruit not the gravel. And who are we to presume that god grows that fruit in only one orchard.”

[Misti · Rating 4 out of 5]

So much to think about here.

I highlighted a bunch of stuff, but this might be my favorite: The deeper truth is this: It isn’t about the path; it is about the fruit. We eat the fruit, not the gravel. And who are we to presume that God grows that fruit in only one orchard?

[Jesse D · Rating 1 out of 5]

Written like a church talk where it tries to come across as sympathetic and understanding but is just thinly veiled condescension and time-deafery