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Learning to Float
Allan and Deloris Ament’s lives take a dramatic turn when Deloris suffers a debilitating stroke. No longer equal partners in marriage, Allan becomes Deloris’s primary caregiver, responsible for maintaining their household and her well-being. Learning to Float describes Allan’s transformation from a criminal defense attorney to a compassionate, emotionally vulnerable caregiver. Drawing on contemporaneously written emails and private journal entries, Ament unflinchingly exposes his emotional, mental, and physical ups and downs, consistently focusing on the love, humor, and opportunities for personal and spiritual growth he experiences on this journey. Anyone with the possibility of becoming a caregiver for a loved one, now or in the future, will benefit from the insights Ament shares. Everyone will be buoyed by the love Allan and Deloris share as they face their new normal.
- GenresNonfiction
192 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
2 people are currently reading
180 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
January 16, 2016
Allan Ament wrote this book based on his personal experiences. His wife, Deloris had a stroke and Allan made the decision to become her full-time caregiver.
"Doing anything else never crossed my mind; she was my wife, my soulmate, and she needed my help. Of course, I would be there for her. I would use my intellect, my rationality to learn and master the skills and knowledge I would need to care for her. I would use the love and gratitude as sources of energy to keep me afloat through this journey."
The title; LEARNING TO FLOAT is based on how a leaf acts when it lands in water. The leaf does not struggle, it does not try to get away, it floats along wherever the water takes it. Sometimes the water is calm and peaceful and sometimes there are Rapids to contend with, but the leaf continues to float.
Allan's writing is emotionally raw while also being intellectually stimulating. He writes with truthfulness and introspection which many memoir authors lack. He holds nothing back and readers will love him at times and at times they won't, but at least he is truthful. He has not sugar-coated his actions or reactions and people who have been in similar situations will recognize his brutal honesty.
Though it may not have been his intention, but LEARNING TO FLOAT is also a story of true-love. Wedding vows usually include a vow to love each other "In sickness and in Health", but thankfully many couples never need to find out if they can uphold that vow. Allan and Deloris had their vow tested and have come through it with an understanding that in marriage, as in life, not everything is always easy. They now know that love and marriage can sometimes be frustrating and extremely trying, and that if that love is strong enough it will endure. This memoir proves that true love will inevitably prevail. In my humble opinion, that message is just as important as anything else that readers learn from reading this book.
This is not a self-help book or a caregiver guide. It is simply a recounting of Allan and Deloris's journey back to health after Deloris experienced a stroke in the right side of her brain. However, even though it is not a "guide", it is full of the wisdom Allan has learned during his ordeal. For example, when Deloris was first hospitalized, he needed help, but did not know how to ask for it, in fact, he even felt guilty for thinking about requesting help. A friend set him straight. Now he says; "I cannot fathom how anyone can go through something like this alone. Once I experienced the results of asking for assistance and felt how powerful the sense of needing others, and accepting their help, could be for both parties, it became easier. What a gift!"
I was going to write that anyone who is currently the caregiver for a loved one should read this book. However, I am amending that statement. This book should be read by every adult.
Why should every adult read this book?
The answer is simple: You just never know when you may become a caregiver and having an insight into what it may be like will be invaluable.
With an aging population, many people are finding themselves taking care of their elderly parents. Older people may find themselves caring for a spouse.
So, in closing my advice is to buy and read this book as soon as possible, and hope that you never find out first-hand what Allan experienced.
I rate this memoir as 5 out of 5 stars and will be recommending this book to all of my friends and family. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
To read more of my reviews or to see the full version of this review including pictures and links, visit my blog at http://AmiesBookReviews.wordpress.com
"Doing anything else never crossed my mind; she was my wife, my soulmate, and she needed my help. Of course, I would be there for her. I would use my intellect, my rationality to learn and master the skills and knowledge I would need to care for her. I would use the love and gratitude as sources of energy to keep me afloat through this journey."
The title; LEARNING TO FLOAT is based on how a leaf acts when it lands in water. The leaf does not struggle, it does not try to get away, it floats along wherever the water takes it. Sometimes the water is calm and peaceful and sometimes there are Rapids to contend with, but the leaf continues to float.
Allan's writing is emotionally raw while also being intellectually stimulating. He writes with truthfulness and introspection which many memoir authors lack. He holds nothing back and readers will love him at times and at times they won't, but at least he is truthful. He has not sugar-coated his actions or reactions and people who have been in similar situations will recognize his brutal honesty.
Though it may not have been his intention, but LEARNING TO FLOAT is also a story of true-love. Wedding vows usually include a vow to love each other "In sickness and in Health", but thankfully many couples never need to find out if they can uphold that vow. Allan and Deloris had their vow tested and have come through it with an understanding that in marriage, as in life, not everything is always easy. They now know that love and marriage can sometimes be frustrating and extremely trying, and that if that love is strong enough it will endure. This memoir proves that true love will inevitably prevail. In my humble opinion, that message is just as important as anything else that readers learn from reading this book.
This is not a self-help book or a caregiver guide. It is simply a recounting of Allan and Deloris's journey back to health after Deloris experienced a stroke in the right side of her brain. However, even though it is not a "guide", it is full of the wisdom Allan has learned during his ordeal. For example, when Deloris was first hospitalized, he needed help, but did not know how to ask for it, in fact, he even felt guilty for thinking about requesting help. A friend set him straight. Now he says; "I cannot fathom how anyone can go through something like this alone. Once I experienced the results of asking for assistance and felt how powerful the sense of needing others, and accepting their help, could be for both parties, it became easier. What a gift!"
I was going to write that anyone who is currently the caregiver for a loved one should read this book. However, I am amending that statement. This book should be read by every adult.
Why should every adult read this book?
The answer is simple: You just never know when you may become a caregiver and having an insight into what it may be like will be invaluable.
With an aging population, many people are finding themselves taking care of their elderly parents. Older people may find themselves caring for a spouse.
So, in closing my advice is to buy and read this book as soon as possible, and hope that you never find out first-hand what Allan experienced.
I rate this memoir as 5 out of 5 stars and will be recommending this book to all of my friends and family. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
To read more of my reviews or to see the full version of this review including pictures and links, visit my blog at http://AmiesBookReviews.wordpress.com
February 19, 2015
Reading Learning to float: Memoir of a caregiver husband gives a very good look into the differences men have compared to women when put into the situation of having to nurture and care for a loved one. Allan Ament became the caregiver of his wife Deloris after she had a stroke. Emotionally at times this book is a little hard to take. Allan's anger towards Deloris's inabilities after her stroke is difficult to read, since Allan is a retired criminal defense attorney he deserves some slack. The book does have humorous parts in it. You will get a good laugh now and then. Their life completely changed as husband and wife. The life they where so comfortable in changed. It took Allan a little while to get comfortable in his new role in the marriage. He did a good job learning what Deloris needed and what his role was. No two strokes are alike so the future is unknown in how much Deloris will progress. "700,000 Americans each year suffer a stroke. It is the third most common cause of death in the U.S.A. after heart attacks and cancer." That information is a little disturbing.
This is a very good book to read. It is well written. I think that it would be helpful to people in many difficult and stressful situations. Not just in the case of a stroke. It gave helpful details in how to handle hard and stressful situations. One important thing I learned is unless you take care for yourself, you will not be of much help to someone else.
From the ancient Chinese spiritual masters "Learning to float, we survive"
"Thank You Allan Ament for giving me the opportunity to review your book"
This is a very good book to read. It is well written. I think that it would be helpful to people in many difficult and stressful situations. Not just in the case of a stroke. It gave helpful details in how to handle hard and stressful situations. One important thing I learned is unless you take care for yourself, you will not be of much help to someone else.
From the ancient Chinese spiritual masters "Learning to float, we survive"
"Thank You Allan Ament for giving me the opportunity to review your book"
April 22, 2015
Reviewed on behalf of Readers' Favorite
Learning to Float by Allan Ament is a beautiful and insightful memoir about the author’s experiences as a caregiver to his wife after she experiences a stroke. Deloris, Allan’s wife of eighteen years, suffered a stroke in 2005. The memoir chronicles the challenges of turning from husband to carer. Allan has to learn to adapt to all the changes in his life, as well as the limitations his wife has to deal with. Although Deloris recovers moderately well, she is left unable to do many of the things she once did. One of the most poignant parts of the memoir was where he heard from a friend that Deloris’s brain was reverted to almost a two year old state. She had to relearn a lot of things she once did with easy.
I really loved Mr. Ament’s writing style. He almost has to go on his own journey of self-discovery and understanding of his wife’s new lifestyle and needs. He doesn’t shy away from discussing his difficult moments, especially where he loses his temper with Deloris. Mr. Ament does not hold back for the sake of the reader. He’s completely open and candid about his experiences. I found him to be a very astute individual, with a great emotional capacity. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who has a family member or close friend who has experienced a stroke. Learning to Float by Allan Ament will make you laugh and cry, but most of all, have a deeper understanding and respect for those caring for family members with medical needs.
Learning to Float by Allan Ament is a beautiful and insightful memoir about the author’s experiences as a caregiver to his wife after she experiences a stroke. Deloris, Allan’s wife of eighteen years, suffered a stroke in 2005. The memoir chronicles the challenges of turning from husband to carer. Allan has to learn to adapt to all the changes in his life, as well as the limitations his wife has to deal with. Although Deloris recovers moderately well, she is left unable to do many of the things she once did. One of the most poignant parts of the memoir was where he heard from a friend that Deloris’s brain was reverted to almost a two year old state. She had to relearn a lot of things she once did with easy.
I really loved Mr. Ament’s writing style. He almost has to go on his own journey of self-discovery and understanding of his wife’s new lifestyle and needs. He doesn’t shy away from discussing his difficult moments, especially where he loses his temper with Deloris. Mr. Ament does not hold back for the sake of the reader. He’s completely open and candid about his experiences. I found him to be a very astute individual, with a great emotional capacity. I would highly recommend this book for anyone who has a family member or close friend who has experienced a stroke. Learning to Float by Allan Ament will make you laugh and cry, but most of all, have a deeper understanding and respect for those caring for family members with medical needs.
March 19, 2015
Book Review originally published here: http://www.iheartreading.net/book-tou...
Learning to Float is a memoir that focuses on the lives of Allan and Deloris Ament. Allan used to be a criminal defense attorney, but after his wife Deloris suffers from a stroke, he becomes her primary caregiver. Next to the household chores, he also needs to take care of Deloris. In his memoir, he tells of how his wife’s illness changed his life and hers, their spiritual growth, the ups and downs, how it brought them even closer, and more.
Sometimes, the book is hard to read. It touches upon tough subjects, like illness, taking care of others and having others depend on you. At some point, Allan describes his anger at his wife’s illness – which is an understandable emotion, but it also shows how much pain he was in at the moment, and it’s emotional reading. There are a lot of emotional scenes throughout the books, and if you keep your eyes dry throughout, well, good luck with that. I certainly couldn’t.
Yet at the same time, the book offers humor and hope, and shows that even in dire situations, people can learn to adapt and change, and make the best of it. Truly inspiring.
Learning to Float is a memoir that focuses on the lives of Allan and Deloris Ament. Allan used to be a criminal defense attorney, but after his wife Deloris suffers from a stroke, he becomes her primary caregiver. Next to the household chores, he also needs to take care of Deloris. In his memoir, he tells of how his wife’s illness changed his life and hers, their spiritual growth, the ups and downs, how it brought them even closer, and more.
Sometimes, the book is hard to read. It touches upon tough subjects, like illness, taking care of others and having others depend on you. At some point, Allan describes his anger at his wife’s illness – which is an understandable emotion, but it also shows how much pain he was in at the moment, and it’s emotional reading. There are a lot of emotional scenes throughout the books, and if you keep your eyes dry throughout, well, good luck with that. I certainly couldn’t.
Yet at the same time, the book offers humor and hope, and shows that even in dire situations, people can learn to adapt and change, and make the best of it. Truly inspiring.
January 17, 2015
Learning to Float: Memoir of a Caregiver-Husband
by Allan Ament
First I want to say I received this book through a LibraryThings giveaway.
I really enjoyed this look into the life of a husband who becomes caregiver to his wife who suffered a stroke. The account I believe is very open and honest. Allan details his account not sugar coating his feelings at all. I think this book for that reason alone would help anyone going through the same thing even if only to show you are not alone and it is ok to have these feelings.
The only thing I was missing were pictures, not sure if the paperback has pictures but the ebook I read did not and I would really like to put faces to the story.
by Allan Ament
First I want to say I received this book through a LibraryThings giveaway.
I really enjoyed this look into the life of a husband who becomes caregiver to his wife who suffered a stroke. The account I believe is very open and honest. Allan details his account not sugar coating his feelings at all. I think this book for that reason alone would help anyone going through the same thing even if only to show you are not alone and it is ok to have these feelings.
The only thing I was missing were pictures, not sure if the paperback has pictures but the ebook I read did not and I would really like to put faces to the story.
March 16, 2015
Allan Ament really can tell it like it is. He gives a voice to those who are family caregivers, relating frustrations along with many other emotions that will surely come as they care for loved ones. He gives helpful insights that will inspire those in the same situation as well as anyone who finds themselves faced by a challenging 'new normal'. I was touched by the love he has for his wife, and enjoyed reading about becoming a caregiver from the husband's point of view.
October 23, 2016
This is achingly beautiful and occasuinally amusing account of a former criminal-defense attorney's struggle to help his once articulate, journalist wife deal with the effects of a life-altering stroke. i found myself completely absorbed in their story, their love, their dependence on the kindness of others. And satisfied that progress was made, once they stopped resisting life's quixotic currents ... and truly learned to float.
January 24, 2017
Here’s a transparent, engaging, and inspiring narrative about one man’s experience caring for his wife after she suffers a stroke, a fitting read for anyone who believes in learning and growing through life’s challenges.
Reviewed at Online Book Club. I received a complimentary copy of this book for an honest review.
Reviewed at Online Book Club. I received a complimentary copy of this book for an honest review.
June 7, 2015
Very interesting memoir of a high-powered lawyer shifting emotional gears and becoming a full-time caregiver for his wife, who suffered a devastating stroke. He freely admits the difficulty of the situation, to the point of almost becoming abusive with frustration toward this wife. It ends with a set of helpful guidelines for "floating" in similar situations.
May 12, 2015
Allan Ament gives us a thorough and vulnerable account of what he went through and how his life flipped upside down in an instant.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews