Vinegar into Honey: Seven Steps to Understanding and Transforming Anger, Aggression, and Violence

by Ron Leifer

Our desires and our fears are woven into a tangled web of conflicts. We want both to eat dessert and to be thin. We want money but don’t want to work. Anything that threatens our sense of self and its striving for happiness is perceived as a threat to our very lives—the response to which is defensiveness, anger, aggression, and violence. Vinegar into Honey proposes a new paradigm for understanding the relationship between stress, anxiety, anger, and depression. Leifer provides detailed instructions for working with anger and other painful emotions. The process of transforming suffering into equanimity and compassion is central in Buddhist psychology and practice. Each of the steps in Vinegar into Honey reflects views and methods drawn from Buddhist tradition. Leifer’s work holds promise for psychotherapists and their patients individuals seeking to understand and work with their anger and people interested in the interface of Buddhism and"psychotherapy.

Genres: Psychology

144 pages, Paperback

First published May 14, 2008

Reviews

[randy · Rating 5 out of 5]

At some point when I was reading this I realized that this was a self-help book. I may or may not have shuttered a lot upon that realization. But it is. And that is not a bad thing. The premise foe self-help books is solid. Many books that populate that area of the library, well since they are books it is hard to call them immaterial, but damn it they are. This is not. This is an amazingly relevant book to anyone who regularly breathes and/or thinks. This is important reading.

I know many people rarely get angry. This book is still for them. I personally know many people who get angry all the time if not in a permanent state of being pissed off. This book is for them. As stated in the book, even the Dahli Lama admits he gets angry. None of us are immune. It is universal. The real issue is how one deals with their anger. And this book is a guide to recognize how anger can take hold of you, the numerous recesses of self that it can hide in, and how to adapt through the mind/body to find positive outcomes when anger strikes. Leifer presents seven steps one can take to better understand and deal with your anger. He regularly comes back to three questions you should ask yourself either after anger arises or when you notice it arising:

"What did I want that I was not getting?
What was I getting that I did not want?
How did I feel about myself?"

They seem very simple, but even as I was reading and reassessing some previous bouts with anger they brought an amazing amount of clarity.

He brings his experience with Buddhism and psychotherapy with him in every step and through every example, yet somehow remains amazingly readable, clear, and concise. He never once falls into jargon where you feel you need a postgraduate degree to understand - an amazingly welcome development!

He also links anger, aggression, and violence to other symptoms of psychiatry: depression, anxiety, stress, etc. And while he makes clear that they are not always linked, one can often become one due to undressed issues with anger et all. Saying "I am depressed" or "my life is so stressful" have become socially acceptable where "I am angry" draws ire.

I really can not recommend this book enough. Its amazingly clear language really make this an enjoyable read and encourages you to take on the difficult project of confronting the roots of your anger and helping to transform them to help make you into a more compassionate person. And really, who would not want that?

[Margaret · Rating 5 out of 5]

This may be one of the most useful books on anger that I've read. And I've read a bunch!

[Kelly Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I am definitely keeping as a counseling resource. It provides some valuable information on the cause of your anger and how you can use it to learn more about yourself.

[Sandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really great book with practical application in identifying and dealing with anger.