How to Live in Denmark: A humorous guide for foreigners and their Danish friends

by Kay Xander Mellish

Life in one of the world's most homogenous countries can be tough on foreigners. Why do Danish adults wear elf hats to parties? Should you wear one too? Why are Danish adults so kind and gentle around their friends, yet so vicious to strangers in bicycle lanes? Why is it OK in Denmark to talk openly about sex, but embarrassing to admit to ambition? 'How to Live in Denmark' is based on the podcast by Kay Xander Mellish, who has lived in Denmark since 2000. It answers these questions and many more about daily life as a non-Dane in 'the happiest country in the world'.

Genres: Nonfiction, Denmark, Travel

144 pages, Paperback

First published July 15, 2014

About the author

Kay Xander Mellish is the author of six books about living in Denmark as an international. She is a popular keynote speaker about Danish work culture and the internationalization of Danish business. Kay grew up in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, attended New York University, and lived in Germany and Hong Kong before moving to Denmark.

Reviews

[Lena]

As an American who has lived in Denmark for over twenty years, Kay Mellish has some funny, shocking, and insight stories to share. I liked her book, if not her.

My favorite story:
It’s no big secret that being in the Royal Life Guards is an excellent path to a powerful future in corporate Denmark... the guard that was fired was special. She was the first woman to guard the Royal Palace at Amalienborg. There was a lot written about it in the newspapers at the time. Unfortunately, this young lady also had a part-time job. She was a prostitute. She would guard the palace by day and run her business out of the royal barracks in the evening. So the young lady was fired. But she was not fired because she was a prostitute. She was fired because she’d been ordered by her commander to stop moonlighting, and she did not stop. In fact, she’d been asking her soldier colleagues to drive her to her various nighttime appointments. She was fired for not following orders.

The Danes I talked to didn’t find this case particularly shocking.

“It’s her private time, when she’s not at work,” they told me. “She can do whatever she wants in her free time.”

Factoids from the book:
“The English word gift, like a birthday present, is gift in Danish. Poison. Gift – poison – will kill you. Coincidentally, gift is also the Danish word for getting married.”

“In Copenhagen, the bike lanes get plowed before the streets do.”

“Lots of people want cheap apartments in the big cities, and the competition is tough. Many Danes are put on the waiting lists as babies, only to come to the top as they reach adulthood.”

“Twenty percent of the prisoners in Danish jails are now foreigners.”

“Being gay in Denmark is no big thing – in fact, it’s so accepted that there’s not that much of a gay community. There’s no big repression for people to unite against.”

The reason I did not like her:
“I like Danish politics because it involves a lot of intelligent women running things, with men standing in the background to help them out... [but] generally I vote for the team lead by Frank Jensen.”

[Olivia Linn]

This was a fun small read. It wasn't very truthful though. She's got some things right, but mostly it is just speculation based on vague ideas. I think Mellish have a good interesting writing style, but she exaggerated stereotypes to a degree that was borderline ridiculous sometimes. As a Dane I found it entertaining, but I also felt a bit offended by it. Mainly because I wouldn't want foreigners to read this book and think this is the truth of Denmark. Most Danes would eat the Bree cheese at work, if nothing just to be polite. Women also let men offer to help carrying bags or open the door. It might be shocking for an american to see an equal society between sexes, but still, the roles are not inverted here. The winters are not as snowy or cold as described and what's up with stereotyping some very common names for old people only, when plenty of people were named that in their 20s when the book was published? I could go on, but I won't - just one more thing... I think the most offensive, besides the chapter about stereotypes, was the chapter explaining that Danes cheat because otherwise their sex lives have no excitement, because talking about sex is not a tabu here. That's just not true. But it was a funny read.

[Fie Sejr Ravn Jensen]

As a Dane this was a hilarious read, and all tho most things were based on stereotypes and a bit exaggerated, there was quite a lot of truth to many of these observations, and even tho I'm Danish I feel like I learned a thing or two about my country. But mostly I just had a huge laugh!

[Shahjahan Laghari]

I was really fascinated by the writing style of Kay, which is very unique and entertaining. The book is real fun to read and covers 34 different aspects of living in Denmark as a foreigner. I read the book in one go, and thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of it. Being a foreigner myself who has been living in Denmark for last 2 years, I could clearly relate myself in most of these situations Kay discusses in this hilarious yet informative book. This book is a must read for any foreigner living or planing to live in Denmark as it will give you an insight perspective of finding your way in Danish society.

[Mie]

2,5⭐️ Was hoping for some funny stories about how Danes and foreigners misunderstand each other because of cultural differences or language difficulties, but there was too much emphasis on what is “bad” about the Danes and how we do things. And a lot of the examples I couldn’t even relate to??? But there were also a couple of episodes that hit the nail on the head, where I just had to nod and smile :-)

[Aylin]

It might be considered as a good introduction for someone who has just moved into Denmark but otherwise it is too superficial with way too many problems.

[Marilyn]

I recently reread this little book which was given to me by a Danish friend when I visited Denmark. It's a light, breezy read --- and quite illuminating. It highlights some customs and warnings that would not be immediately obvious to the non-Dane. Recommended for anyone visiting Denmark, thinking of moving there and even those with Danish friends and relatives.

[Veronika Fabian]

Funny and insightful, makes me want to visit Denmark in the spring and also makes me want to stay put in my homecountry. Very interesting, easy to follow and full of facts that only a 'salty' could give you. Liked this book a lot.

[Amalie]

Very funny, though i disagreed with some points and others were outdated.

[Beth]

Thanks for this one as well, CJ!

[Berit]

This is a really fun way of learning about other people

[Karina]

2.5

Denmark has either changed a lot or i don't know my own country or fellow Danes at all.

[Louise TM]

Half of this book felt spot on to how it is to live in Denmark, the other half felt like a huge misunderstanding, grossly exaggerated and based off of stereotypes.

[Agata]

Light & easy. Some interesting tips for tourists and insights for people living here. Slight stereotyping.

[Alain Lapierre]

Short book that you can read in a couple of days and helps understanding how to cope with the rules and customs in Denmark. I recommend before visiting the country.

[Dan]

A fun and educational read! I learned a lot of interesting information, even regardless of whether I ever put it to use.

[Amalie]

Virkelig interessante perspektiver på det at være dansk

[Adriana]

A cursory introduction of what it's like to be a foreigner in Denmark. I experienced many of the things discussed in this book myself, however I wish it provided a more in-depth analysis of being a foreigner in a homogeneous country.

[Glenn M. Kaas]

Great entertaining read.

Having family in Denmark, this book gave me great insights into the daily lives of the Danes.
Informative, humorous, and totally entertaining.
I recommend du læser denne bog.

[Serjious Tsiulinsky]

An eye-opener to Danish culture. Unlike other books about Scandinavia, does not sprinkle with exalted compliments and provides respectful criticism