My Sister the Jew

by Ahuvah Gray

Hardcover Book

Genres: Memoir, Judaism, Jewish

234 pages, Hardcover

First published October 1, 2001

Reviews

[Kressel Housman]

Like most of these frum memoirs, there are lessons to be learned here, and you definitely come away with respect for the writer, but it also makes the frum world sound a bit too perfect. The author is a black woman, the granddaughter of God-fearing, Bible-studying Mississippi sharecroppers. From the very first chapter, you can see the holy sparks in her background that led her to Judaism. Prayer, and especially Tehillim, is her major source of strength. For me, the most inspiring anecdote in the book is how she responds to being asked to leave someone's Pesach seder with a verse in Tehillim (119:165): "There is abundant peace to the lovers of Your Torah, and nothing shall offend them." I was unaware of the verse, but it is one that I must bear in mind. I often find myself offended, but apparently, that is an un-Godly attitude. So I have Ahuva Gray to thank for that lesson.

But except for that one incident at the seder and several rejections by the bais din, most of the tension in the book had to do with family crises. Most of her descriptions of the frum world seem like sailing through from one spectacularly kind family to another. Most of the black converts I know experience some racism some time or other. Perhaps she did and chose to rise above it, as in that verse of Tehillim, but to say nothing at all about racism made the book feel incomplete. Similarly, didn't she ever struggle with her yetzer hara? Yes, she wanted with all her heart to become a Jew, but wasn't there even one mitzvah or hashkafa that she had a hard time with? I'm a BT, not a convert, so perhaps it's different, but it's still a change of life, and I struggled. I can certainly understand the urge to hide those struggles, but again, it makes the book feel (pun unintended) whitewashed.

[Joseph]

There were parts of the story that were interesting—for example, Gray decided to move to Israel during the middle of a California earthquake! But while I don't think any Orthodox Jewish conversion will be "easy," I don't know if hers was dramatic enough to make it book-worthy. There was a bit of trouble at the end, with the beit din misinterpreting her as a Christian missionary, but she didn't come from some strongly anti-Jewish background, her family didn't object, everyone she met in the frum community was welcoming, etc. Indeed, she has a tendency to write almost everything in a very idealized way, while also trying to frame her story as a triumph over adversity.

While the pitch is "black Christian minister converts to Judaism," neither of these angles are as focal as you might imagine. Being a minister wasn't actually her main job, and honestly? Christianity is weirdly side-stepped. She describes her grandparents as Baptists, but while her immediate family are devout, all we really learn is that they read the Bible and pray a lot; there's no real discussion of theology, Jesus, etc. By the time she was an adult, Gray was already attending a very "Jew-ish" church that, from one line the pastor makes, seems to have been non-Trinitarian. So while there's a lot about her learning about Judaism, there isn't really a deconversion from Christianity in this book.

You can tell that Gray isn't a professional writer. It's nothing major, but there are a lot of little problems, like stilted dialogue or anecdotes that she clearly wanted to include but don't really connect to the overall point of the memoir.

Long story short: if you're interested in stories about Jewish conversion, like I am, you'll probably like this book, but there are probably more interesting ones that you could find, too.

[Frum Books]

From her youngest days, Ahuva had been growing spiritually, drawing inspiration from her Southern grandmother’s heartfelt prayers. When the only way to keep growing is through Judaism, she resists conversion, but the many routes she takes all lead to the charedi Bayit V’gan. A vivacious woman tells of the gradual acceptance by her vibrant African-American family, her deep connection with Tanach, and the intimate path that leads to beauty.

[Mary Mon]

As someone on the long path to conversion, this book touched my heart. Much to consider. It was very light and very positive, which I appreciate at this turn in my life.

[Aviel]

I met personally the author (Zurich, 17.09.2008) and if the book is like her lecture... simply great, inspiring, motivating, a living example!