Off Kilter: A Woman's Journey to Peace with Scoliosis, Her Mother, and Her Polish Heritage

by Linda C. Wisniewski

Growing up in the 1950s was not "Ozzie & Harriet" and "Father Knows Best" for Linda C. Wisniewski. Unlike the characters on her favorite TV shows, Linda learned to be quiet, atone for the sins of others, and just plain suffer as a way of life. Only when she came to terms with her Polish Catholic heritage, her physical deformity, and her widowed mother did she find inner peace and the keys to her own happiness. Readers of "Angela's Ashes" and "The Joy Luck Club" will enjoy this mother-daughter saga from sorrow to love. Author Susan Wittig Albert calls "Off Kilter" "a splendid first memoir about the difficult business of finding balance in our lives. Funny, honest, deeply moving, "Off Kilter" reminds us just how hard it is to adjust to the physical pain, the emotional loss, and even the surprising beauty of being fully who we are."

164 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2008

About the author

Linda Wisniewski is a former librarian and writer in Bucks County, Pa. She has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and her poems, essay, stories and memoirs have been published regionally and nationally, online and in print.
Linda's memoir, Off Kilter, was published by Pearlsong Press. Her debut novel, Where the Stork Flies, was published by Sand Hill Review Press, and a sequel is forthcoming. She alsopublished an essay collection, Old Women and Other Strangers.

Reviews

[Luanne Oleas · Rating 5 out of 5]

For someone shallow like myself, I've always wondered why people write memoirs. However, the author's introspection was so compelling, it prompted me to consider events and people from my own life that may have shaped who I am and how I think. I could relate to the time period, mostly growing up in the late 1950s and 1960s, surviving Catholicism, my Irish (not Polish) heritage, and what the heck made my parents tick.

I was also intrigued by the journey the writer had with scoliosis. My daughter has it, while I have my own chronic illness to deal with. These lifelong challenges also shape how we act and react to the world around us.

As a reader, I felt the healing that took place on this author's journey through writing made me a little healthier too. There are some events, like my own mother's dementia, that echoed those of the author's. It's not a easy experience to examine and it helped me to see how someone else got through it.

Overall, this little book really spoke to me and I, for one, am glad the author took the time and had the insight to create it. Well done!

[Story Circle Book Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

"More than anything, I want to understand," writes Linda Wisniewski toward the beginning of her memoir. She does and she shares it.

Growing up in the Polish neighborhood of factory town Amsterdam, NY, little Linda Ciulik knew things weren't right. Most dads didn't yell all the time, terrifying and verbally abusing their families. Mothers didn't cringe and criticize; other mothers thought their daughters could grow up to do wondrous things on their own. Teachers found the good in a child; teachers didn't always search for the weaknesses and then spread the word. And other girls had straight backs. Everything seemed off-kilter.

This was Linda's Ciulik's life as a child. It is not Linda Wisniewski's life today. Her back may still curve, but when she stands in front of the mirror she looks straight into the eyes of the woman who gazes back at her. What's more, Wisniewski knows how to talk straight and write straight.

This book is a memoir—and more. Wisniewski weaves a fascinating account of the ordinary events of childhood: going to church, going to school, having the family over—ordinary events filled with meaning. It is an accurate picture, not only of a family and a town but also of the times. To this member of her cohort, it brought many memories of a childhood on the dusty, windy plains of Texas. "Yes!" I wrote in the margins more than once. (Remember canned fruit cocktail?)

During Wisniewski's teen years, the family doctor recognized scoliosis in a routine exam. A round of medical tests, examinations, and X-rays followed, changing her life. Today, Wisniewski's back remains C-shaped. She sees her scoliosis as not merely physical fact of her life, but as a metaphor of her off-kilter childhood. Yet this is no simple childhood reminisce. Wisniewski moves on, quoting the Buddha, "Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future; concentrate on the present moment." She brings us from the unhappy, frightened and hurting child to the full woman she is today, skillfully joining the childhood years with her adult journey to now.

She says her "stifled emotions would someday eat me from within." She did not allow herself to be consumed, and she shares how she did it. "Writing out my pain had lessened it. I had found a way to heal when I found my voice." She cried when she first began to write her memories and her feelings, at first in letters to her mother, later in writing groups and workshops. "Each time I vented my anger, I cried less, until one day I read my words and did not cry at all."

Here she brings us an account of many people, especially her family, most especially the mother and grandmothers who shaped her life. But she insists that "This is not their story. It is mine, told from my perspective, because it's all I know."

Good for Wisniewski! And good for us all that she has shared both her story and her commitment to truth. This is a fine book. I recommend it to all; its appeal is not merely to women of Wisniewski's age, but to everyone. In fact I'm going to do more than recommend it. I'm going to buy two more. One is for my older sister, the other for my daughter—23 years my junior. I know they'll both love it.

One final note, Wisniewski displays a real talent for choosing appropriate chapter epigraph. I particularly relate to the one for Chapter 7 from Iris Murdoch. "One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small pleasures." This book certainly is one.

by Trilla Pando
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

[Betty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Linda Wisniewski tells her own story in a very personal way. She suffers from scoliosis which was never treated and finds that her entire life has been as “off kilter” as her spine. A verbally abusive father and an intimidated, detached mother combine to make her household a place of fear and anxiety rather than a place of refuge. Linda grew up as a Polish-American Catholic during the war and post-war years in a community primarily of the same ethnicity and religion. Growing up in the 1950s was a nation-wide period of turmoil. WWII had ended, the Cold War was beginning, female rebellion was just beginning to bud, and being a pre-teen and teenager in those years could be excruciating for an angst-ridden, discomfited child lacking in confidence.

Many readers will find there is a lot in the book that is familiar to their own memories and may relate to several times in her life. Linda tells her story mostly through flashback memories and then often puts a positive tone on the memory looking at it from her present. I was actually surprised that scoliosis, which can be very painful, is not a major part of the book but more of a side-issue. She has written her feelings almost cathartically but it is definitely not a long drawn out complaint. Certainly there are bouts of anger, depression, and mostly lack of self-worth, but we are taken through a journey of her discovery of self over the decades. And it does take decades to be renewed and to become the person she probably always was were it not for the demeaning childhood that shaped her into someone she was never meant to be. Even throughout the history, there are flickers of the person she was meant to be.

Personally, I learned a lot from this book and intend to make use of what I have learned. Her journeys through memories of good times bring her to some form of understanding of her past, but it is what she does with these memories to overcome her ingrained way of life is a wonderful story of how we can change our own destinies. There is a feeling of peace at the end of the book and it is a fitting ending. Despite the subject matter, the book is a surprisingly easy read. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is looking for peace, self-worth and contentment in their lives. In fact, I’m sure most readers will derive something positive from the book.

[Janet Hartman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Linda Wisnliewski has given us a vivid perspective of life in her working class family of Polish descent living in upstate New York during the mid 1900's. She recalls details of her home life, education and Catholic religion with precision and moves the reader through her transformative years into a more peaceful state of being as her years advance.
I found myself cheering her decisions to travel, re-evaluate her religious life, and sort out her childhood fears in favor of living a more contented existance.
She sets a good example for anyone struggling with the demons of their youth and offers hope for brighter, attainable days.

[Kathleen Pooler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Linda Wisnieski weaves an engaging story of making peace with her mother, her Polish heritage and her diagnosis of scoliosis in Off Kilter. Through concise and descriptive writing, she conveys the deep sadness of her childhood experience living with a verbally-abusive and emotionally-distant father, a long-suffering mother and the physical deformity of scoliosis that conspire to make her feel “off kilter.” Using scoliosis as a metaphor for her life, she shows in graphic detail how all these factors combine to create this sad childhood. She learns to silence herself at every juncture and as a reader I found myself longing for her to be released from this prison of pain. Tales of bullying by peers, stern Catholic nuns and an angry father paint the picture of a little girl trapped in a sad and lonely place and feeling different from the other children. Fortunately, the story does not end there for she walks us through her own healing journey to find peace with her past. Because she has brought me into her sadness, I am relieved and happy that she finally finds peace and contentment in her life. The sadness of a childhood that cannot be changed may remain but the beauty of becoming fully who she is and finding balance in her life is truly rewarding to read. A bravely honest and moving memoir that lingers long after it is read.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoirs are all too often written as black and white accounts of a perfect childhood with saintly parents. In Off Kilter, Wisniewski uses multiple shades of gray to portray a confusing childhood with emotionally distant parents. She does this with compassion and the realization that her imperfect parents are the result of their own confusing childhoods. Moments of hurt feelings and loneliness are balanced with moments of discovery, such as a small child seeing sunlight as butter. The writing style perfectly suits the story - spare, uncluttered prose, clear as a pane of freshly-cleaned glass. What I liked most about the book is the sense is that the child who tried so hard to understand her parents became a woman who will never be satisfied with easy answers, but one who is striving to understand not only who she is, but who she hopes to become. I highly recommend this book.

[Maddie James · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful memoir which made me contemplate my own childhood memories and the relationships I developed as a young child.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

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