"He should have seen it coming: the lace underwear dangling from the clothes rack, the frequent late nights at work, the svelte green dress she wore to hang out with friends. When Hollywood screenwriter Chris Easterly's wife came clean about her affair, his mind went blank. And so began the long, unimaginably difficult reconstruction of his life after marriage. Relentlessly honest and profoundly moving, 'Falling Forward' explores the emotional journey of one man's divorce, from his wife's affair to the seemingly bottomless grief that followed to his eventual healing and the realization that he would survive." -- Amazon synopsis
This book by LA Screenwriter Chris Easterly is STUNNING. He is the most beautiful writer and the story is conveyed so elegantly. I read the book yesterday in two sittings.
The book is a kindle single. I'm not sure what initially drew me to it - the subtle cover perhaps? The title? The synopsis or the reviews? I just had a feeling that I would like the way he wrote and for me that is more important than the story itself.
As Chris says in the intro, men don't write books about divorce and when they do it's very technical - the finance aspect, hot chicks and obtaining custody. This book is none of those things. This book is a poignant offering from a man who experienced divorce and came out the other end. The symbolism and imagery he uses to convey his journey through pain is poetic. It really is visceral and hits you in the gut. Just wow!
Very well-written memoir of divorce, healing, and reinvention from a Christian man's perspective. Chris talks about the stigma of post-divorce encounters with high school friends, former business associates, church leaders, and acquaintances. He describes divorce as a "fire I didn't want", but Chris emerges stronger with time.
This is not a tale of "woe is me" from a victim's perspective; it's not a vengeful tale of hateful retribution either. Chris' message is profound and inspirational. Chris does not hold back as he covers levels of energy, anger, and shock. "Falling Forward: A Man's Memoir of Divorce" is a frank exploration of raw emotions, roller coasters of feelings, anguish, despair, guilt, pain, and ultimately recovery. Chris finds his footing in faith and hope, rebuilding himself as a healthier, stronger, individual.
~~ Spoilers below ~~
Chris shares his experiences and reflections on 6 years of marriage culminating with a divorce after his wife identified only as "M" cheats on him. He shares a tumultuous journey into healing and recovery.
When Chris completed the 1/2 Marathon at Pasadena, it was somber victory, tainted with the loss of divorce. Chris trained with "M" for road races during the past 6 years. After the divorce, he trained for the Pasadena 1/2 alone and gave little thought of how he and "M" used to run together. On race day, he crossed the finish line and the profound loss of divorce hit him. He had no support in the crowd, no cheerleader, no "teammate" to hug.
He talks about the loss of extended family: in-laws, nieces and nephews, and even mutual friends (graduate students, church members, etc.). They all have to choose. The collateral damage of divorce is real in terms of people and even places. Chris talks about the loss of dreams as well. The hope of an elderly couple in rocking chairs on the porch surrounded by children and grandchildren.
According to Chris, the greatest loss in divorce is the sense of self. Before the divorce, he identified as "M's" husband, a successful married man. Divorce scrambled his identity, plunged into blackness, adrift in the void. However, Chris discovered he was resilient and recreated himself with a profound statement at the trailhead of the Garcia Trail.
Chris' message is one of heavy sadness but also hope eternal. He is an incredible writer and I look forward to reading his other work.
The author is dead on in that there are not enough or really only a handful of books written for men going through a divorce and it's aftermath, while there are now some that try to address co-parenting, they are still pro-women. Therefore I am glad that he wrote this.
My overall issue with the book is personal and one of Faith. While it's great to hear that what sounds like the Catholic church Easterly refers to now doesn't look down on divorce as the ultimate sin as they did when I was a kid and wishing that my parents would. The church told my mom that she would go to hell if she left her abusive husband and we all have our crosses to bear. It is a vivid memory since she and I were searching for hope and were chastised and threatened with hell for asking for safety and relief. If I had any faith, and I'll be honest, I was really just going to make her happy, it was gone then right there and then and a monster resentment grew.
So, since this is not about me and things have changed....the book is needed, well written, not overly faith-filled and makes rational sense. It's not about getting back, female or male, it's about putting one foot in front of the other and moving on. Thanks, Mr. Easterly, I will pass this to my male friends that seem to be so darn lost and have no guidepost.
I was interested in reading this book to learn a man's point of view of divorce. It was not what I expected. While there was a great deal of emotional conflict and musings on faith, a couple of things stood out to me. He wanted a wife not a buddy. Many of the most successful relationships involve being friends who can talk to one another. The second thing that stood out is the comment that he couldn't understand why she had the affair. Affairs tend to happen because something is missing in the relationship. Love alone is not always enough. While he wanted to attend couple's counseling and she reluctantly went, he never gave her what she really wanted. She did tell him the reason why and I don't think he really understood it. She wanted to be desired. A good sex therapist would've helped. This was a rather naive view of marriage and divorce.
This memoir was included the plus catalogs on Audible. My honest response is a 2, but the fact that this man wrote his story down being incredibly vulnerable I’m going to give it a 3. I appreciate that he was a Christian and didn’t make a big deal about it but prayed during crucial moments. His honesty at the end was heartfelt; knowing it takes two to tango in their failed journey. Also a lot of the story was expected: The ease of his former best friend to bounce back, the feelings of abandonment, the identification of constant betrayal, and the “hate you to love me” underlying concept a the more typical. I guess I was hoping for a different type of story or ending. Yeah imma give this a 1.5.
First of all, this is not exactly a book. It’s less than 90 pages. I was a bit surprised for a writer that he would be unprofessional in that way. You think you’re buying a book but it’s too short to be a book. That’s essentially my only complaint, though. Again because he is a professional writer his writing is excellent. He’s a really sensitive guy and will make a wonderful husband to a more honest woman in the future. I totally agree with him that there needs to be more books written by men that speak to the emotional loss of divorce. He is brave to tell his story and that is something to be very proud of. His portrait of M is generous and nuanced. I admire his ability to see beyond the black-and-white.
An odd book for a newlywed to be reading, sure, but I honestly couldn't tell you why I picked it up.
I'm glad I did though as it's such an honest account of divorce that shows, albeit briefly, so many aspects such as community, impact on family, effect of religion.
It's one of those books to read when you need help with life problems (real or imagined) because it gives great perspective and good insight on steps you can take to help yourself.
This was well written but I think many readers might raise an eyebrow to the fact that this DIVORCE memoir does not involve children, contentious legal battles, or other horrors many people experience in divorce.
With that said, pain is pain, and this book does a good job articulating how the author's six-year marriage ended painfully. The length is appropriate for the message and thus if one is having a tough time after a breakup, this book would probably help process the issue.
I like when the author says there aren't many books about divorce for men, it's true. While I felt for the author and his pain it was an interesting view this country doesn't think much about. Thank you sir.
This is the first book that I have read written by a man about the process of divorce. It was amazing how this man became so vulnerable and willing to share feelings felt when someone looses something so dear. It really is a must read!
Yes, I read this book in one day. Yes, I did enjoy it. Even though I am a woman. Even though my husband and I reconciled after being separated for a year. Divorcing is not easy. Working things out is not easy. They are both a painful, slow and looonggg process.
Easterly says in his book, "pain is no respecter of gender," and he is correct. The emotions that he shares in the book are so very true. He has a way of expressing the pain and rawness of the effects of an affair and separation/divorce that makes anyone who has been there exclaim, "Yes, that's exactly how it felt!" Too often, we are so caught up in the train wreck that is consuming our lives that we can't find the words to express what we are experiencing.
I do disagree with him on one point. Divorce is NOT like death. Divorce is much WORSE than death. Spouses don't choose to die. But when they have an affair they DO choose to betray you. They decide that you are no longer "worth" being faithful.
At the time, all I really wanted to know was that I could survive. That I would feel again and not be that numb, horrible creature for the rest of my life. It is not a self-help book yet it is filled with insights and glimpses along the road to healing that give hope to those not as far along in their own journey.
I read a lot of fiction; mystery, romance, erotica....this was nothing like those. But I was intrigued when I read the summary and I am so glad I bought this book! I definitely appreciated the mans point of view and the whole book was just an extremely great book to read!
Amazing, feeling the same feelings, making the same mistakes. Trying not to drown in the same septic tank, divorce is a place where no one wins and no one loses, adultery, not converging together, no longer even parallel or on the same plane, drifting farther and farther apart after years of togetherness.
Very quick and yet very powerful, this extended essay form tells a man's divorce story. It's painful, but an undeniably helpful read to anyone who has experienced betrayal and the dissolution of a marriage.