Last Exit Before Trolls Book 1 Swimming With Toasters

by Nigel Cole

Presented here for the first time as a dramatic novelization, Last Exit Before Trolls Volume 1: Swimming With Toasters allows you to experience The Grand Separation as though you were actually there, as many of those involved in the production of this book nearly were.

You may think you know all that there is to know about The Grand Separation and how the world you live in today was created.
But do you really?
How much do you really know about Draknoor, the last of the Great Black Dragons? What strange events led to the rediscovery of the King's fabled sword Excalibur in the waters of The Wold? And could you answer with certainty if asked when the trolls made Dartford Tunnel their home? These, and many other questions, are at least partially answered in Last Exit Before Trolls Volume 1: Swimming With Toasters.

Until now the facts about the reintegration of the two worlds have been shrouded in mystery, either because there were none left alive to tell of them, or because they were deliberately kept from you. The Falston Gazette Press, with the approval (pending) of King Arthur II, can finally bring you the truth.

You've read the rest, now read this one. It's less apocryphal. Most likely.

Genres: Fantasy

393 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 28, 2014

About the author

The Nigel Cole is an ancient Welsh biomass, consisting mostly of hair, tea and cheese. First confirmed sightings of it were in 1965, initially off the coast of Southern England but shortly thereafter it appeared on the Pembrokeshire coastline, where it remained for the majority of its maturation. It relocated several times after its initial discovery, moving further north each time by a process of dairy osmosis, until reaching its current resting place in West Yorkshire. Its exact location is a well-guarded secret to prevent excessive environmental damage by sightseers and beard hair collectors (a practice illegal in West Yorkshire since 2008, though still mandatory in parts of the Scottish Highlands).

Most experts agree that The Nigel Cole is sentient on some rudimentary level, though opinion is divided on whether it can be considered to be intelligent life in the generally accepted sense of the term. Usually dormant, it does have periods of intense activity, after which pages of text and crumbs of cheese are to be found strewn around it. Some of these pages of text have now been grouped together and published by The Falston Gazette Press as the comedy fantasy novel "Last Exit Before Trolls Book 1: Swimming with Toasters". A second group is currently being collated. Early indications are that these form a comedy/drama set in Wales.

This occurrence of The Nigel Cole did not direct the films "Calendar Girls" or "Made in Dagenham". Nor should it be confused with the similarly named and almost as hair-covered Northern biomass The Cheryl Cole.

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

If Terry Pratchett



and Douglas Adams



ever produced a genetically-modified, bastard love-child, he might be named Nigel Cole, and he might look something like this . . .



and he might write a very fun and funny book about the strange and funny things that happen when two very different worlds crash into each other.

And if that book was called "Last Exit Before Trolls Book 1 Swimming With Toasters" - (the title stems from a philosophical argument between two characters as to which is more dangerous, a shark or a faulty toaster) - it might include an evil queen, a unicorn, a dragon, time travel, the sad slaughter of some Morris dancers, public nudity, and a "stealth carriage" pulled by valiant steeds named Goldfinger and Thunderball. Oh, and some trolls who might have looked something like this . . .



NSFW version



Or, it might not. You'll just have to read it yourself and find out.

[Lenita Sheridan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very Amusing

There were definitely a lot of funny parts in this book. I bookmarked the best of them. The only problem was that the book was confusing. This was partly due to too many characters and partly due to shifts in points of view. There should have been spaces between all shifts in points of view and there weren't. Otherwise, this was a very good book and enjoyable read.

[Brad Dancer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun read, some laugh out loud moments, worth the trip.

[Nigel Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't bring myself to write a studied and impartial review of my own book. I'll just stick with 'there are quite a lot of words in it, some of them are ordered in a manner so as to be funny, most appear to be spelled correctly and are grammatically acceptable. There's also some non-random punctuation and a small graphic of an amusing shark-toaster hybrid at the start of each chapter.

I can, however, bring myself to give it 5*s. To do anything else would be painting a bullseye on my shoe.