ON HIS DEATHBED THE ACROBAT TELLS HIS DAUGHTER TO BUY LAND by Suzanne Cleary
I see now it was never the sky I wanted
though for years I perfected leaps and dives, arching, curling tucking my chin hard into my chest to spin free far above my shadow.
Now I see it was always the earth its mysterious pull I was celebrating. It was always to return to the earth's hard bargain, on two feet my arms spread like wings.
There are enough birds, Edith. The air is full of seeds far better than we can ever be-- invisible, merciful. When I watched you pass the hat I wanted to crawl into our wagon and lie with my hands crossed over my chest. I wanted to count the potatoes and flour and find for once enough. I wanted to melt my father's gold watch and buy you a horse and shoes of thin leather.
Remember I never asked you to walk on your hands. I respected your fear of heights, of the fireworks we set off at the end of the show.
The hard-packed earth at the center of town where the people gathered, their thin shoulders touching, that was my passion.
Remember before each trick it was the red earth I rubbed into my palms.
Suzanne Cleary's poetry is glorious: thought-provoking, haunting, evocative and more. Some subjects are beautifully mundane and others less so, but they are all accessible because of the connections she makes through word artistry. This is a book to read again and again. I'm looking for more of her work.
"I am in love with loneliness, a man who lives far away. ... This is the year of trying too hard followed by the year of not caring. ... There is someone whispering into my ear, again, after I had forgotten the feel of that. ... There is only imagined memory now. ... And there is not knowing, finally, what to call joy and what grief, but wanting to tell it all in one breath so I will be here, and you."
"Sometimes the saint is a child. Sometimes the saint is a sinner, lost in a crowd, or in thought, an unlikely target for divine grace. ... In Heaven, approximation is beautiful. It is only on earth we believe in perfection. ... I want to love what is of the earth. As I love the grandmothers who say the rosary, prayers like small seeds ground between teeth."
"Death's thigh was pressed against our own."
"We wake knowing it is not the night that frightens us. It is our certainty that our limits define us. It is our certainty, in the face of our uncertainty that love does not end, that love's limits define it."