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Mostly Dead Melvin
Life dies and then you suck.... Kind of.
Melvin Morton loves vampires – the beauty, the power, the pop culture awesome of it all, and knows that his boring, lonely life as a night security guard in a mall would be so much better if only vampires were real.
That changes when a strange, pale girl grants Melvin’s wish with one accidental drop of her blood.
Turns out that Hollywood lied. Melvin doesn’t sparkle, he isn’t handsome, and the sight of blood? Gross!
Fangless, blue, and utterly naïve, Melvin must find a way to survive while being stalked by a shadow demon and vengeful ghosts. His un-life un-death takes a sinister turn when he stumbles into an underworld civil war where a clan of goblins want to finish killing him, and not in a good way.
With the dubious assistance of a reluctant spirit guide, a voodoo priestess, and a sweet, but psychotic, best friend intent on helping him become the most awesome vampire ever, Mostly Dead Melvin has to navigate the narrow path to redemption between sorta-life and un-death, without a map, a net, or a clue.
Set in the eccentric center of the Northwest, Portland, Oregon, Mostly Dead Melvin is a pop culture satire of the modern vampire mythos.
Melvin Morton loves vampires – the beauty, the power, the pop culture awesome of it all, and knows that his boring, lonely life as a night security guard in a mall would be so much better if only vampires were real.
That changes when a strange, pale girl grants Melvin’s wish with one accidental drop of her blood.
Turns out that Hollywood lied. Melvin doesn’t sparkle, he isn’t handsome, and the sight of blood? Gross!
Fangless, blue, and utterly naïve, Melvin must find a way to survive while being stalked by a shadow demon and vengeful ghosts. His un-life un-death takes a sinister turn when he stumbles into an underworld civil war where a clan of goblins want to finish killing him, and not in a good way.
With the dubious assistance of a reluctant spirit guide, a voodoo priestess, and a sweet, but psychotic, best friend intent on helping him become the most awesome vampire ever, Mostly Dead Melvin has to navigate the narrow path to redemption between sorta-life and un-death, without a map, a net, or a clue.
Set in the eccentric center of the Northwest, Portland, Oregon, Mostly Dead Melvin is a pop culture satire of the modern vampire mythos.
- GenresFantasyParanormal
322 pages, Paperback
First published October 24, 2014
4 people are currently reading
578 people want to read
About the author
Foinah Jameson
9 books10 followersFoinah Jameson lives in Portland, Oregon, the delightfully weird center of
the Pacific Northwest, and spends her days with a fabulous husband, two Norse Gods disguised as her children, and a menagerie of used animals. At night Foinah sneaks out to her office on the back deck under an umbrella where she writes feverishly on a battered Mac laptop, typing away madly until the sun rises.
Dark, comic, creepy tales come to life as she sips cold coffee and chain-smokes aromatic cigars in the crisp night air.
She is the author of Mostly Dead Melvin -- a pop culture satire of the modern vampire mythos, Marker of Faith -- a supernatural thriller, and five short story collections. Her short stories and novels run the
gamut of the supernatural to poignant vignettes of everyday life.
In a previous life Foinah was a musician, a publican, a fortune-teller, a chef, a burgeoning astrophysicist, and an artist rep.
Now a domestic goddess and a mother by day/writer by night, Foinah enjoys her alter ego as the smoking monkey who gets to use a laptop.
“Writing is so much cheaper than therapy! And you can drink while you do it.”
the Pacific Northwest, and spends her days with a fabulous husband, two Norse Gods disguised as her children, and a menagerie of used animals. At night Foinah sneaks out to her office on the back deck under an umbrella where she writes feverishly on a battered Mac laptop, typing away madly until the sun rises.
Dark, comic, creepy tales come to life as she sips cold coffee and chain-smokes aromatic cigars in the crisp night air.
She is the author of Mostly Dead Melvin -- a pop culture satire of the modern vampire mythos, Marker of Faith -- a supernatural thriller, and five short story collections. Her short stories and novels run the
gamut of the supernatural to poignant vignettes of everyday life.
In a previous life Foinah was a musician, a publican, a fortune-teller, a chef, a burgeoning astrophysicist, and an artist rep.
Now a domestic goddess and a mother by day/writer by night, Foinah enjoys her alter ego as the smoking monkey who gets to use a laptop.
“Writing is so much cheaper than therapy! And you can drink while you do it.”
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
June 11, 2015
Mostly Dead Melvin Comes Alive
This review is from: Mostly Dead Melvin (Kindle Edition)
It seems to me that a book like this either works or doesn't work depending on how you feel about the hero/narrator. It doesn't matter how clever the premise is, or how witty/ironic/satirical the narrative is, or how clever the wordplay is, if you just can't stand the thought of spending a few hundred pages with the lead character you aren't going to enjoy the book. That's not a problem here. Melvin is a remarkably appealing character stranded in a story that, as he observes repeatedly, "sucks".
After an ill-fated encounter with a careless vampire Melvin finds himself neither alive nor totally dead, and trapped in some distressing almost-vampire state. And then, things get really weird. Melvin has to figure out what has happened to him and then find a way to survive a series of challenges that just get stranger and stranger as the story progresses. But the plot, such as it is, while it may be entertaining, isn't the point or the main attraction of the book. Melvin is.
In an odd sort of way this is a funny, insightful and often touching coming-of-age sort of story. Pre-vampire Melvin is a schlub in a dead end job with what is basically a half life anyway. The vampire event just brings that aimless loserness into focus, and propels Melvin to pull himself together and become a better Melvin dead than he was as an alive Melvin. Our hero's struggle with who he was, who he has become, and who he could ultimately be is the real heart of the book. It is written with good humor and generosity and a certain wry bemusement that wears well.
Melvin is convincing as he tries to come to grips with what has happened to him, and convincing as the hero bravely moving on to cope and survive. He is not overwritten, and some of the funniest moments are not the manic set pieces, but are found in Melvin's rueful and deadpan commentary. He is actually a smart, thoughtful, observant and self-aware guy, and I enjoyed the book more and more as these good qualities were drawn out by circumstances.
So, this certainly qualifies as a vampire parody and a pop culture take down. But it's also an engaging story about a funny, decent guy. A nice find.
This review is from: Mostly Dead Melvin (Kindle Edition)
It seems to me that a book like this either works or doesn't work depending on how you feel about the hero/narrator. It doesn't matter how clever the premise is, or how witty/ironic/satirical the narrative is, or how clever the wordplay is, if you just can't stand the thought of spending a few hundred pages with the lead character you aren't going to enjoy the book. That's not a problem here. Melvin is a remarkably appealing character stranded in a story that, as he observes repeatedly, "sucks".
After an ill-fated encounter with a careless vampire Melvin finds himself neither alive nor totally dead, and trapped in some distressing almost-vampire state. And then, things get really weird. Melvin has to figure out what has happened to him and then find a way to survive a series of challenges that just get stranger and stranger as the story progresses. But the plot, such as it is, while it may be entertaining, isn't the point or the main attraction of the book. Melvin is.
In an odd sort of way this is a funny, insightful and often touching coming-of-age sort of story. Pre-vampire Melvin is a schlub in a dead end job with what is basically a half life anyway. The vampire event just brings that aimless loserness into focus, and propels Melvin to pull himself together and become a better Melvin dead than he was as an alive Melvin. Our hero's struggle with who he was, who he has become, and who he could ultimately be is the real heart of the book. It is written with good humor and generosity and a certain wry bemusement that wears well.
Melvin is convincing as he tries to come to grips with what has happened to him, and convincing as the hero bravely moving on to cope and survive. He is not overwritten, and some of the funniest moments are not the manic set pieces, but are found in Melvin's rueful and deadpan commentary. He is actually a smart, thoughtful, observant and self-aware guy, and I enjoyed the book more and more as these good qualities were drawn out by circumstances.
So, this certainly qualifies as a vampire parody and a pop culture take down. But it's also an engaging story about a funny, decent guy. A nice find.
March 8, 2015
I was not a big fan of this book. I won a copy through Goodreads and I like to keep an open mind when reading a book, especially one I don't know much about going in. All I got from the description really was it would be a funny book dealing with a bit of a 'loser' character becoming a vampire, or so I thought.
It really wasn't that humorous to me, that could just be my sense of humor not being alike with the author's. There were a lot of little things that bugged me throughout the book, such as the repetitiveness of several different words, it just seemed really unnecessary. Several of the characters seemed *too* stereotypical. Another little thing I didn't like was the racism of Abby going over to a neighbor because the housekeeper was from Jamaica and she would *obviously* know voodoo. There were just too many ridiculous things in the book, and I am usually able to just let crazy things in a book be crazy but, when you're trying to balance it, like putting supernatural things in the real world, it becomes difficult to straddle the line and I feel like this book missed the mark. Towards the end with the possessions during the ceremony it was difficult to follow for, so I was confused with that part of the book and everything that happened as well.
Some of the characters were likeable, like Pizza Bob, to an extent, and Vernonia. Others like Abby were just straight up difficult to like at all, despite her trying to "help" and all.
Another issue, I'm unsure whether this is the final copy of the book that's out and about on shelves around the world, I don't believe it's an ARC, I could be wrong, but there was quite a few typos. And I feel like some of the grammar from the author was off, somehow? I just recall some things I read sounding a bit off in my head.
So, for me, it wasn't a great read, it could be for you, it may have just been my preferences in storytelling and humor and such, so if you would want to give it a read, by all means you should if you think it would interest you, but for me, it wasn't my cup of tea.
It really wasn't that humorous to me, that could just be my sense of humor not being alike with the author's. There were a lot of little things that bugged me throughout the book, such as the repetitiveness of several different words, it just seemed really unnecessary. Several of the characters seemed *too* stereotypical. Another little thing I didn't like was the racism of Abby going over to a neighbor because the housekeeper was from Jamaica and she would *obviously* know voodoo. There were just too many ridiculous things in the book, and I am usually able to just let crazy things in a book be crazy but, when you're trying to balance it, like putting supernatural things in the real world, it becomes difficult to straddle the line and I feel like this book missed the mark. Towards the end with the possessions during the ceremony it was difficult to follow for, so I was confused with that part of the book and everything that happened as well.
Some of the characters were likeable, like Pizza Bob, to an extent, and Vernonia. Others like Abby were just straight up difficult to like at all, despite her trying to "help" and all.
Another issue, I'm unsure whether this is the final copy of the book that's out and about on shelves around the world, I don't believe it's an ARC, I could be wrong, but there was quite a few typos. And I feel like some of the grammar from the author was off, somehow? I just recall some things I read sounding a bit off in my head.
So, for me, it wasn't a great read, it could be for you, it may have just been my preferences in storytelling and humor and such, so if you would want to give it a read, by all means you should if you think it would interest you, but for me, it wasn't my cup of tea.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 19, 2014
Not content with having established herself as a solid horror writer, Foinah Jameson has decided to bite us with her dark sense of humor. In Mostly Dead Melvin, she pens a macabre tale of transformation gone wrong as seen through the eyes of a hapless mall security guard. Melvin’s humdrum life takes a turn when he encounters a femme fatale who is also a creature of the night. She brings him to a near-death (or is it near-life?) experience and then abandons him faster than an extreme speed date. Melvin is left to plod through a decidedly weird Portland, Oregon populated by lurid and nightmarish things which go bump in the night trying to discover what he has become. The results are hilarious, delightful and at times, almost against Jameson’s will, poignant. Mostly-Dead Melvin does not disappoint.
July 28, 2015
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I definitely wanted to keep reading to get to the next page to see what happens next. I mean, what's not to like about an insecure, unatractive vampire with an overbite that has a conscience living in Portland,OR? I look forward and hope I get the chance to read Book 2 in Mostly Dead Melvin's crazy life. I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway and my opinions are strictly my own.
November 16, 2015
I received this book through goodreads giveaways for an honest review.
Mostly Dead Melvin is a different take on a vampire story. The book started really slowly, but got interesting in the middle and towards the end. I liked the banter between Pizza Bob and Melvin. Veronia and Marcella were very interesting/fun characters.
Mostly Dead Melvin is a different take on a vampire story. The book started really slowly, but got interesting in the middle and towards the end. I liked the banter between Pizza Bob and Melvin. Veronia and Marcella were very interesting/fun characters.
December 18, 2014
I enjoy this book from beginning to end. I love the way the characters reacted to each other. I'm looking forward to the next book in the series. I won this book on Goodreads. Thank you
June 10, 2015
A definate fairy tale for adults....not my cup of tea
December 13, 2015
I’ve seldom met a character who needed a hug and a beer and a life coach—in that order—as much as Melvin. Even Melvin’s death needs a do-over. Poor Melvin thought he was going to get lucky with the hot chick from the bar. Instead she chomped his neck and turned him into a vampire… mostly. Now Melvin’s stuck with blue skin, no fangs, and a miasma of rot.
And then things get worse.
Mostly Dead Melvin had me chuckling in sympathy throughout. I’ll admit that my chuckles were tinged with a bit of “glad this isn’t happening to me.” Melvin whines. To himself. On his blog. When the ghost of the first guy he kills—accidentally, of course—haunts him, he whines to him, too.
And then Melvin gets a swift kick in his stinky blue butt in the shape of a super-helpful friend. A female friend on whom Melvin has crushed in silence since long before he was mostly dead. When this friend rolls up her sleeves it’s like Lucille Ball in vintage I Love Lucy piling chaos upon chaos.
And then things get worse.
Melvin’s misadventures make for a fun read. You’ll really want to poor sap to succeed. You’ll root for him to grow a spine. You’ll cheer when he’s up against some hard-core bad guys and doesn’t (always) trip over his own feet. Melvin’s the Everyman of the 21st century, if Everyman had blue skin and was mostly dead. Works for me.
And then things get worse.
Mostly Dead Melvin had me chuckling in sympathy throughout. I’ll admit that my chuckles were tinged with a bit of “glad this isn’t happening to me.” Melvin whines. To himself. On his blog. When the ghost of the first guy he kills—accidentally, of course—haunts him, he whines to him, too.
And then Melvin gets a swift kick in his stinky blue butt in the shape of a super-helpful friend. A female friend on whom Melvin has crushed in silence since long before he was mostly dead. When this friend rolls up her sleeves it’s like Lucille Ball in vintage I Love Lucy piling chaos upon chaos.
And then things get worse.
Melvin’s misadventures make for a fun read. You’ll really want to poor sap to succeed. You’ll root for him to grow a spine. You’ll cheer when he’s up against some hard-core bad guys and doesn’t (always) trip over his own feet. Melvin’s the Everyman of the 21st century, if Everyman had blue skin and was mostly dead. Works for me.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews