A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex

by Kevin Leman, Kathy Flores Bell

You're already establishing a track record with your kid by how you listen, by what you say when you're angry, and by how you treat your spouse. We like to surprise parents who ask us, 'When do I start talking about sex?' The answer is, you've already started. As difficult as talking with your child about sex, peer pressure, and self-image may seem, you can do it---and you must. Your child's future depends on it. Fortunately, you've got plenty of guidance and insight available in A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids about Sex. Family psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman and sexuality educator Kathy Flores Bell guide you safely along the sometimes rocky road of pubescence as your child heads toward adolescence. This practical and engaging book covers his or her development not just from the waist down, but also from the neck up, where the important decisions about sex are made. Illustrated with real life scenarios, this book is filled with practical knowledge and biblical wisdom. It is a book of first bra, first shave, first period, first nocturnal emission, first school dance, first discussion about relating to the opposite sex. A Chicken's Guide takes on the difficult things parents face with their kids today, such as dating relationships, sexual activity and 'rite of passage' attitudes, STDs, molestation, and more. Leman and Bell take you beyond sex education and frank conversations to cultivating a relationship with your child. Get ready to acquire some unanticipated life skills in the process. Moms, discover how to buy that first athletic supporter for your son in Little League. Dads, learn how to navigate the feminine hygiene aisle at the supermarket for your daughter. You'll do more than meet your child's physical needs. You'll create the trust, support, and security he or she needs in your relationship. And in turn, you'll gain a credible voice on such intimate topics as what sexual intercourse is and why to abstain from sex until marriage. With Bell's expert yet simple knowledge of the dynamics of human sexuality and Dr. Leman's winsome, lighthearted approach, you'll gain confidence for those difficult but essential talks. Here are the tools you need to help your kids not only understand their growing bodies, but cope with the temptations and social pressures that go with them.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Nonfiction, Family, Marriage

224 pages, Hardcover

First published March 16, 2004

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
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Reviews

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot even begin to describe how eye-opening and thoughtful this book is. It provides exceedingly practical advice about how to talk to your elementary-aged kids about sex, from the premise that "sex" discussions are really just one of many discussions you will have with your kids everyday, in an openly communicative relationship. Sam and I read it together on a road trip and we immediately tried out several suggestions on the book, such as:

*Teaching our kids how to operate the washing machine to do their own laundry, to preserve their privacy later on.

*The power of positive expectations -- e.g., simply expecting Catherine to do her homework without bugging her or respecting her decisions about whether she needs a sweater in the hopes of ultimately teaching her to be responsible in sexually-related issues.

*Kitchen table sex-ed discussions, i.e., seizing moments to provide little lessons. Today, in fact, the opportunity presented itself to teach both kids about the female reproductive system. The book even provides diagrams and talking points! Armed with my almonds, sugar, spaghetti, and a balloon, Catherine, Santi, and I talked about ovaries, eggs, fallopian tubes, and uteruses (uteri?). It was not so scary -- it was even a little fun and, perhaps, gross because they kept wanting to eat the ovaries and eggs.

*Not shying away from questions, and even encouraging them. Catherine asked me two awkward questions about things she heard at school this week, and, thanks to this book, I thanked God for the opportunity to talk to her about them instead of being flustered or just telling her how inappropriate everything was.

*It's all about the small things. Teaching the kids about how to take care of their skin and wash their hair is teaching them about sex. Not packing our lives with activities will foster communication. Doing research to prepare for what problems our kids will face before they get there, so they can be prepared before they get there will help them make decisions in line with our values.

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This practical book was a great encouragement to continue weaving snippets of "the talk" throughout our days, whenever the opportunity comes. Relationships, boundaries, and the wonder of the human body are also themes.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hard for me to believe that it's already time for me to be reading this book. But questions are being asked! Found the book to be helpful as it told you exactly what to say to your kids specific questions. Not being a boy, it also helped me understand what will be happening (and when) to my boys. I also liked the author's philosophy that it's important to establish a means of constant communication with your kids versus having the "one time talk". The whole idea of using items in your kitchen to illustrate our anatomy was weird to me (almond = ovary, etc.). Overall, helpful book that I would recommend to any parent who is not looking forward to discussing this topic with their children.

[Jamie Pennington · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes I have children at that age now. Fairly good book. Lot of parallels with the Parenting with Love and Logic book.

[Teela Hudak · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex is written in an easy and conversational tone that makes the book a quick one to browse through. The authors do a good job of using stories to engage their readers on the topic and make it less intimidating. It encourages the reader to laugh and reducing discomfort and embarrassment that many people feel when they think about talking about sex with their kids.

The book moves through the content in a logical and well thought out manner. The author address many different aspects of puberty and awkward conversations that can arise at different developmental stages. The authors do an excellent job about providing some guidance on how to handle these situations. They also give some practice advice on ways to react that would make the situation more uncomfortable. The focus is more on the emotional reactions of the children and where they are in their developmental stages more than the physical aspects of puberty. The authors do not go into depth about the mechanics of sex and instead draw attention to some of the other practical challenges young people face and how parents can help their children navigate these areas. The book approaches the subject from a Christian based, sex positive angle which they do quite well. For anyone who is not Christian, the book still offers a lot of valuable information without too many spiritual references or pushing of beliefs. It is a worth while read. The book could have been a more valuable asset if they authors had chosen to expand the focus to include more detail on developmental physical changes but as a short reference guide they do cover their chosen material well.

The authors could do a better job at identifying what voice is being used during telling some of the stories. Throughout the book, the authors interchangeably add their information. The information flows together naturally but when they include their personal stories, it can sometimes be confusing as to who's story, and who's speaking, to be clear. The authors try to mitigate this by indicating the speaker in brackets but this is not always effective and in some spots, doesn't appear until much later into the story. As the authors have different genders and different families, this adds an unnecesary element of confusion to some parts of the book.

This book is a far cry from a comprehensive discussion on how to talk about sex with your kids but it does inlcude some elements not covered in other literature. I would recommend this book as part of a number I would recommend to parents.

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book, because it not only prepares you to talk about the biological stuff, but more importantly talks about things like how you’re parenting your child and what kind of self image you’re promoting. It talks about relationships and feelings your child may be feeling. There were a couple places I felt the authors were getting too preachy or bragging about how they do things in their family, but overall they weren’t too annoying. Great resource

[S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

teaching parents good habits and giving advice about talking with your kids about sex and sexuality starting around age 7 or 8 and going through middle teenage years. Definitely I booked it warrant reading again in a few years. Amusing faith based approach that is also based in science

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of what was said I already knew, but still good information to have.

[Bethjones · Rating 1 out of 5]

Read the first chapter. I don’t need religious nonsense when dealing with these real world issues.

[Jeffrey Bush · Rating 4 out of 5]

Important for anyone raising kids. Good advice.

[Sarah Hubbard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful quick read for the parent who has no idea how to address this challenging topic with their kids. Very practical.

[Ann Wolfe]

DNF

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

main points (those important to me anyway):

the best defense against peer pressure: family belonging (created by spending time together, granting responsibility and choices and building accountability)

certain skills should be in place by 5th grade to help your child achieve social success:
knowing the routine, learning to wait, following through, developing foresight, managing time, gaining mastery over feelings, and respecting authority

sex-ed discussions with your child:
focus on biology (body parts and how babies are made)
use specific/correct names for body parts
stress the relational and spiritual connection of sex
allow certain details to remain unstated (no need to discuss sexual positions, etc.)

[Chrissy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. With a young boy smart beyond his years, I figured I'd better prep for questions. I've always believed that parents should be open and honest with their kids, and not be uncomfortable about anything they really need answers to. Dr. Leman and Ms. Bell have not only given great guidance on how to approach sex education with your child, but with the same effort and comfort as you would teach your child manners, or that stealing is wrong.

Another great bonus it the hygiene section. Growing up in a house of girls, this is a great resource for me to know what to expect with a boy!

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

So far the begining is an overview of what to expect, remembering your teenage yrs, comparing. I like the christian perspective. I like the 1st lesson of focus on above the head before tackling below the belt. I know sex, drugs, peer pressure etc. is going to start battling us this year for BRandon & I'm looking forward to learning the best ways to help him through these yrs safely.
LOVE THIS BOOK! Every parents should read~!

[So_Unhip_Shan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It has taken me over a year to finish this book but it was well worth it. Very informative and helpful in the navigation of this thing called puberty. I had no at-home instruction or "talks" when I was growing up so I was completely oblivious as to how to proceed. Straightforward information and helpful hints in dealing with a topic that should be as easy as dealing with a scraped knee; if only it was that easy...

[Erik · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just what I have come to expect of Leman: informative and funny, all in a distinctive Catholic (but ecumenical) way. And Ms. Bell fit right in well. I need to start early and often to develop a rapport with the kids that is open and honest so I am there when it counts, even if I do not know exactly what to say.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was recommended to me by a friend, and I'm glad I checked it out. Especially helpful to me were the ideas of talking about "head up" changes (i.e., skin, hair, etc.), and so on, so that conversation doesn't seem out of nowhere. Very factual and gradual, the book makes a good case for being upfront and making these conversations a priority.

[C.G.Koens · Rating 2 out of 5]

Prescription-ism. The theory is good, the practical application felt dated and forced. In an attempt to promote "natural" conversations, the authors took it to the extreme - down to object lessons to explain body parts. I'm all for talking with your kids, but I didn't walk way with much from this book.

[Koren Leggett · Rating 5 out of 5]

love the heart behind this book. very strong positive message.
have read it twice already for two different seasons of our preteen's life.
good reminders of what we want to be doing and helpful how-to's.

[Mandynewman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This turned out to be a great book for me as a parent who received NO sex education from my parents. I now feel better equipped and more confident in giving my children what they need to know in order to pursue a life of purity.

[Lpensey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually read the book. I love how the authors incorporated God without preaching one religion. I learned a lot. The only thing I did not like was how the book kept switching between authors.

[Candace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice from a great Christian author. Very practical and informative.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome.

[Sabrina M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book about explaining puberty and sex to kids, in a Biblical way.

[Vinecia Haugsness · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and practical! Recommend to all parents. Love Kevin Lehman

[Betynka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Spis bych řekla rekla, ze by se to melo jmenovat, jak mluvit o sexu s detmi for dummies

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good advice for those conversations we really need to have...

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty useful and encouraging, practical and direct. Pushed me to have good conversations, although I wish the title had indicated that I should have read it during the 8 -11 years.