Heartfelt Discipline: Following God's Path of Life to the Heart of Your Child

by Clay Clarkson

Childhood discipline is your responsibility. As a Christian parent, you know your children need you to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." The Bible is clear about "what" you should do. But what about "how" you should do it? The way you answer will shape how your children remember your parenting and family. "Heartfelt Discipline" contends there is no divine "how to" formula for childhood discipline. Rather, there is a "way." It's the way of life, the path we walk with God. It's about faith, grace, freedom, and heart, expressed in three principles of discipline as you walk the path with your children: Direction: Guiding and showing them how to walk on the path with God Correction Getting them back on the path when sin leads them off of it Protection: Guarding them from temptations that could draw them away In "Heartfelt Discipline" Clay Clarkson helps you understand what the Bible really says about childhood discipline. Drawing on thirty years of parenting and his personal study of the Bible, Clay fully fleshes out God's way of "path of life parenting." It will change how you think about childhood discipline, and put you on the path of life to your child's heart.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Nonfiction, Christianity, Family, Christian Non Fiction, Faith

282 pages, Paperback

First published April 15, 2003

About the author

Clay Clarkson is director of Whole Heart Ministries, a nonprofit family ministry he and his wife, Sally, started in 1994 to help Christian parents raise wholehearted children for Christ. He is the author of Educating the WholeHearted Child, Our 24 Family Ways, Heartfelt Discipline, Taking Motherhood to Hearts, and The Lifegiving Parent (with Sally Clarkson). He writes online about Christian parenting, imagination, and other biblical topics. Clay is a graduate of Denver Seminary (MDIv) and has served with churches and ministries since 1975. He is also a Christian songwriter and collector of old Christian books. Clay and Sally live in Monument, Colorado. Their four children are grown, following Jesus, and following in their parents' footsteps as writers and creators.

Reviews

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is easily the best contemporary Christian parenting book I’ve read. Clarkson writes about a model of family discipline that harkens back to the true meaning of the word: disciplemaking. His ideas fit well with the view that our children are also our brothers and sisters in Christ through baptism, and deserve to be treated as such. Unfortunately, he does rabbit trail into Harry Potter bashing in his attempts to explain the importance of filtering what media content goes into the home, but nobody’s perfect. (Borrowed from the library.)

[Laura Cheek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a breath of fresh air - finally a book that embraces GENTLENESS from the christian perspective - what a novelty... sadly...not many books of this kind exsist.
Highly recommended

[M.J. Hancock · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pros: Clarkson has a good focus and some really helpful content in this book. I found some helpful nuggets on parenting here. As a family we really love using his book on 24 family ways.
Cons: I understand why Clarkson argues against corporal punishment from a psychologist's perspective, but he uses strange hermenutics to prove that the Bible does not teach corporal punishment. Also, the wordiness of the book really weakens it. He has such a great outline and really so much practical wisdom for parenting, but he takes so long to say it. The 280 pages could have been edited down to at least 200.

[D. Owsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

For the past ten or so years, I have moved away from the traditional perspective on child training. Of the twenty-five Christian books I read and followed, all of which advocated spanking as the primary means of fixing children or making them become Christians (the message those books either stated or strongly implied), none of them are in my library today.

While rejecting those books, the question remained: what are some biblical principles to guide parents regarding raising children? In the past five years, a file folder of notes and ideas has been growing. That file was to become the basis of my latest book. Then, Clarkson's book was recommended. Shortly into the book, it became clear that Clay Clarkson essentially beat me to it. He wrote the book. Practically everything he posits and the wisdom he gives resonates with my soul. Hence, I give it five stars and will now make this book my number one recommendation for parents.

Read this book to find out what I mean.

[Jaime Scharf · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read sooooo many books on parenting and this is one of the only two I recommend to others. It was transformative in our family. No formula parenting.

[Carissa Norris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely excellent book, biblically based and accurate. Clarkson explores how God's Word calls parents to parent--like God himself. God is a parent's example and guide. This book was a breath of fresh air. Many Christian parenting books focus on the negative and how to "make" your child behave. This book shows how God can reach a child's heart through discipline. This book will be of fundamental help for me as I parent.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though I don't have children, I found this book very helpful for all the work I do with kids. It showed me that I had the wrong idea about what biblical discipline is, opened my eyes to how much of a sin police I'd been, and challenged me on how to show God's grace to children.

[Ashly Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been wanting to read this for a long time, being a big Sally Clarkson fan. I’m glad I finally got around to reading more of the Clarkson tribe!

This book mainly affirms things I have already read and understood to be true about how to raise children, but with the specific focus on discipline and with a very much needed Christian perspective.

Clarkson here focuses on gentleness and kindness in child rearing and firmly grounds all of his ideas in scripture. Some things are of course more subjective but luckily I am very in line with the Clarkson subjectivity haha.

There aren’t a ton of actionable steps in this book, but there is a lot of Christian encouragement and that is even better!

[Jillian Armstrong · Rating 5 out of 5]

The overall encouragement is to focus on God’s heart for our children and rely on His Spirit as we lead them, rather than focusing on formulas to get them to behave in a certain way. I love how deeply he delves into Scripture. I’ll want to read this again as my children get older. I highly recommend!

[Brian Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could give this 10 stars, I would. Not that I agree with EVERYTHING he says, but I most love his biblical approach, his humble tone, and his practical wisdom. Definitely the best parenting book I've ever read!

[Cindy]

Good book written from a Christian perspective on child rearing and on discipline in particular. Deals with whether corporal punishment, i.e. spanking is MANDATED by Scripture.

[Bobbi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really love this book. It's such a common sense, Biblical based, grace filled parenting book. I've read just about every parenting book ever written and tried many of the formulas on each end of the spectrum, authoritative to permissive, but have felt that I must be missing something. This book has helped me to realize that's the problem, I've been relying on my own strength and wisdom too much without looking to the One who is the source of all strength and wisdom.

"Heartfelt discipline helps you see what God is doing through the hearts that He has changed and is changing, both yours and your child's. It's not a laundry list of how-tos but a clear vision of why-tos. Heartfelt discipline is not just a method of discipline, but a vision for discipline. True Biblical discipline is a strategic relationship with your child, and with God. There is no formula or set of rules to follow, which is why this book is not a childhood discipline manual. The "method" comes from the Holy Spirit, who lives within your heart and guides you to become the parent your children need as you walk together with God."

[Kara Bryant · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is no doubt this book will be formative in my parenting journey. My main takeaway is to parent in the Spirit, not clinging to formulas or being swayed by the culture. I do think it could have been a little more concise, but that being said, I think I will still read it all again because it was that helpful!

[Alyssa Yoder]

This book was a really mixed bag for me. But I love that it gave me a lot to ponder and some truth to apply.

[Kayleigh Taber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the FIRST parenting book I read cover to cover! Which is big for me. I've started several but have disagreed with big or multiple small concepts presented in the book and couldn't continue. This one was excellent. It filled in the gaps for me...showed me the kind of parent I wanted to be while calming my anxieties about not being the kind of parent other people thought I should be (the struggle is REAL, y'all.)

I loved and identified with 99.9% of this book. I guess I just take issue with the author's somewhat narrow minded view on allowing exposure to fantasy and science fiction entertainment. I agree that we need to know what our kids are reading but it seemed like he put a sharpie through those two genres being options (unless written by Lewis or Tolkien, of course) and I don't think that is right. Many lessons can be taught through the lens of alternative realities that may be made more alive than they can be in the laws of this world.

All in all, I LOVED this book. I just took some advice with a grain of salt and plan on hitting the ground running with the rest. SOLID book with Biblical clarifications and principles.

[Cassiejoan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don't let the fact that it took me FOREVER to read this fool you. I am just easily distracted. Or undisciplined. But, this book was gold for me as we struggled through some parenting issues that were new and scary to us. Not having much of a foundation to pull from, I bought the book b/c I have been so blessed by Sally Clarkson's books and podcasts. I appreciate the Clarksons' approach to parenting with grace and intention. This is not a method book. There is no promise of a "new kid by Friday." This is a look at Biblical discipleship and how that looks in parenting. But as someone who only knew the "methods" approach to parenting, this was a game changer. I am so thankful for Clarkson's refreshing grace and study of Scripture.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

I really enjoyed this perspective on discipline (disciple-making). I would classify this as "inspirational" rather than methodic, because in the words of Clarkson, "The 'method' comes from the Holy Spirit, who lives within your heart and guides you to become the parent your children need as you walk together with God." While at the moment I don't agree with everything 100%, I can see the logic behind his arguments and will continue to ruminate on things for a while. However, it definitely convicted me to be in the word more, and gave me inspiration on specifics to pray over my child. I particularly appreciated how he honors the child as a person.

[Delvin Guggenheim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a refreshing view of childhood discipline with a focus on training (the actual meaning of “discipline”) and remembering our goal that our children love the Lord. I love that Clarkson actually takes on the subject of spanking and offers a counterpoint to the popular “whoop they butts” party line of most evangelical bodies, yet I find his hermeneutics a bit troubling. His main argument about a particular Hebrew word falls apart with a quick use of a concordance (I’ll leave it vague so as not to spoil it). Also, the book was excessively wordy. I felt like he was pushing for pages when all the principles could have just as effectively been laid out in half the length of book.

[Matthew Hodge · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always find Clarkson a bit wordy but his heart for how he suggests we parent our children is sound, compassionate and resonates with me. I must admit, I feel like I would struggle to keep up with how well he seems to parent but that is no reason not to aim high, right?

[Kimberly Lovell · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some good points and perspective in this book. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you evaluate truth as you read through.

[Allison M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although it's practically impossible to agree with everything in a parenting book, this one has a ton that I agree wholeheartedly with and it was a very encouraging, challenging, and inspiring read.

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a gentle approach to discipline.

[kyleesreads · Rating 2 out of 5]

📚 Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson

“I have tried to express that view in what I call ‘heartfelt discipline.’ Those two words can suggest that childhood discipline is not just a one-sided affair, but a heart-to-heart relationship that involves both the heart of the parent and the heart of the child. When both hearts are engaged with one another, and with the heart of God, heartfelt discipline can happen.”

I wanted to read another book on Christian discipline this month and I decided to read something that would give me another perspective than the one I previously read! I liked the focus of involving God into every aspect of raising and disciplining your children but I would have liked to see more examples especially when it comes to disciplining toddlers/young children. I feel like the book was geared more towards older children. Some of his points were a bit repetitive at times too. This was a more modern approach to Christian parenting and he presented a case for why he is personally against physical discipline which to me was the most interesting chapter since I like to study a variety of outlooks on a certain topic. I appreciated his emphasis on how ultimately it is up to the Holy Spirit to convict each family on how to raise their kids! ❤️

Rating: ⭐️⭐️

Elevator Pitch: Clay Clarkson makes a case for what he calls “heartfelt discipline”, a form of grace-based discipline, as he digs deeper into three sub categories of discipline - directive discipline, corrective discipline, and protective discipline.

Themes: Christian non-fiction, Christian parenting, disciplining kids, grace-based parenting

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[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love reading books by the Sally Clarkson, but for a few months, I read this book by her husband. It was a dense book, so it took my a long time, especially since I journaled what I liked and what I wanted to apply from each chapter. Mr. Clarkson focuses on three areas of discipline in raising children: directive discipline (guiding a child to live a life that honors God through encouragement, sympathy, nurturing, and instruction), corrective discipline (spiritual, verbal, and behavioral correction) is re-directing when a child has veered off the path, and protective discipline (discerning how to protect them from unhealthy desires, relationships, media, and influences). He also spends a few chapters discussing why he doesn't believe the rod verses in the Bible are about spanking children. There was a ton to think and pray through, and I can see myself returning to this book as a reference. It was mostly high-level or a birds eye view to this way of parenting that honors God and honors children as they are pointed daily to Him rather than practical tips, but I was still able to apply several things to my discipline toolbox to try out, and save other things for when the kids are older.

Content rating: G

[Michelle Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate the Clarkson family and their devoted hearts to the scriptures in parenting! Wow, this book is jam packed with many views that I have not necessarily heard taught in the local church. I am impressed. It goes beyond “Children must obey parents to lead them to Jesus. Period”. I knew there had to be more. How would Jesus handle children? What are the demands in scripture directly to children? Do certain scriptures pertain to young children or older adolescence? What is realistic for a young child to discern? The author clearly studied the scriptures on many parent related topics and let me tell you… His interpretations have been what I have been reading, feeling, prayerfully considering as my husband and I learn how to parent our child best for Gods kingdom.

I do want to prayerfully dive into the scriptures more and discern myself on all that I read… but I am genuinely excited and less burdened by the “task” of parenting. God has our children first and foremost and we simply get to cultivate a loving trustful soil in our relationship with them so that the seeds of the gospel with take root and grow in their hearts 💜

[Melinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great intro into a more gracefilled, yet authoritative type of parenting. I loved aspects of it and think it's very thorough in ways. I do love that the Clarkson family chose to question the whole rod verses and spoke about them before a lot of other Christians did. The focus on disciple making and daily focus on teaching and emulating scripture in front of your children was excellent!! I did find a lot of the points overly spiritual, if that makes sense. I do get the focus on the Word but very very young kids need more than just a long explanation and most usually, it doesn't work for older kids right away. So the lack of practical information for young toddlers was disappointing. However, the author talked about relying on the Holy Spirit for parenting help and I loved that, which is something that has helped me in knowing how to deal with tantrums in my young toddler! :)

All in all, I think it's a good book with excellent discussion for those who might be interested in less of a harsh, authoritarian parenting style and feel uncomfortable with spanking. The author is very thorough in his Bible study on the rod verses and punitive punishment concepts.

[Honorah Deatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Packed full of scriptural commands and principles, Heartfelt Discipline encouraged me to look deeper into my motives as I parent. How are we told God parents us as His children, and how can I learn from that when I think about how I am to parent my children. What really does the Bible actually say? This book was the first book I have read that challenges the “status quo” of corporal punishment in biblical parenting. It was so refreshing to read a book that encouraged me to throw aside all extra biblical parenting do’s and dont’s and just allow the Holy Spirit to guide. I know I don’t need a book to tell me that, but the pressures in Christian circles are very real. I will definitely be coming back to this one again and again as there are just so many good reminders and practical tips, advice, and counsel. Much of it will be more applicable as my young children get a little older, but I am thankful to have read it now. It was a very convicting read and at the top of my list of most recommended parenting books.

[Jody Pontius · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I would describe this book as encouraging parents to parent 'from the heart' which I agree with/ And I appreciate his viewing parents as 'disciple-makers' in reference to discipline. I view it as a 'walking beside my children' throughout life, guiding them, instructing them, gently correcting in love as needed. I appreciated the reminder and encouragement this book offered to pray, allow the Holy Spirit to guide me when talking with one of my children in redirecting them and bringing Christ into the equation when needing to address a child'e behavior/attitude. I agree with the 'no spanking' advice and appreciate his biblical basis and references provided with this. I did think he was a little over-zealous in the media area but each family has their own values and that I do respect.

[Sara Arrington · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciate this book and love the wealth of wisdom and biblical guidance it has for parenting. I highlighted so much in it and plan to post my notes. However, sometimes the chapters were lengthy and I lacked motivation to continue reading which is why it took me 6 months. I also felt like the messages were mixed at times. "if you make mistakes in the early years it can place your child on the wrong path" but a few pages later "we don't want to be controlled by fear and afraid to move, we want to be holy spirit lead". At times I had to put the book down bc i sometimes felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of responsibility I've been given and I feel like I've already messed it up with my 3 year old. Our family is nothing like theirs. But I wish it was! Appreciated this book.

[Ally Frueh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best Christian parenting book I’ve read! This book changed how I parented. I am much more prayerful and seeking to be attuned to the Holy Spirit in my interactions with my kids thanks to the guidance from this book. I also appreciated the author digging deep into scripture passages in order to discern the meaning of what scripture has to say about parenting. When reading other Christian parenting books I’m often on guard of the author’s biases they are reading into using scripture to support their ideal for parenting. With this author, it was clear throughout the book that he studied the Word in order to see what it had to say in regards to parenting, even if it challenged his own ways he had parented.