My Year of Really Bad Dates: A Memoir

by Rachel Lithgow

For anyone who’s ever gone on terrible date, a vulnerable memoir that explores dating in midlife after divorce, with bad dates—from terrible one-night stands to promising matches who ultimately disappoint—anchoring the theme of every chapter.

After two life-shaking events—losing her father and divorcing the man she’s spent half her life with, who happens to be an actor from a famous family—Rachel Lithgow leaves a thirty-year career to write full time and pursue a relationship with a calming, delightful man she recently met online. She thinks she has it all figured out . . . until he announces he’s joining a cult and moving to Phoenix with a blonde real estate agent.

Through a year of terrible dates, peppered with a few great experiences and a lot of pinot noir, the author learns that patterns can be changed, that asking for help is sometimes necessary, and that there’s only one way to repair her by facing her trauma and demons head-on.

With a unique mix of humor, self-deprecation, and gritty vulnerability, this dark yet hopeful memoir tackles divorce, dating, single motherhood, PTSD, grief, loss, and starting over in midlife. From emotional rock bottom to a peaceful acceptance of the woman she truly is, Lithgow finds the humor in the blackness, redemption in the pathos, and fulfillment in the idea that “happily ever after” isn’t always a storybook ending—and doesn’t need to be.

Genres: Nonfiction

215 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 11, 2025

Reviews

[Kimmi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review: My Year of Really Bad Dates: A Memoir by Rachel Lithgow

I had to really think about this review, because part of me wanted to give Rachel some good old-fashioned woman-to-woman advice about dating. But since this is a memoir review, not a coaching session, I’ll stick to the book.

The truth is, this was both fun and frustrating to read. The sheer number of times Joe was mentioned made me want to take a shot every time his name came up… but I’d probably end up with alcohol poisoning. I am not religious but I pray to god that Rachel will block Joe’s number.

The writing feels like listening to someone vent about their terrible dates, I love it since I get to experience the terrible dates without taking part (Thank you Rachel). It’s full of dating disasters, which makes it wildly entertaining for us (the readers), but obviously not for Rachel. As you follow along with each awful encounter, you can’t help but ask: What is actually wrong with men?! Honestly, I’m amazed she kept putting herself out there after some of these trainwrecks. She’s definitely braver than me in that department LOL.

I do wish there had been more direct dialogue from the dates themselves. It would’ve helped to understand what these guys actually said to get her interested in the first place. What was their charm, even temporarily? I kept thinking, Why did you even go out with this guy? I would’ve loved just a little more insight there.

That said, I read this in a single day, it was a fun, addicting, and a quick read. I’d recommend it to anyone curious about the modern dating scene. I’ve been with my husband since I was 22, so it’s been over a decade since I dated anyone and I never tried dating apps since I met my husband before that time. I honestly can’t imagine putting myself out there again. Rachel is definitely strong and brave for continuing to search for love, and I truly wish her the best. I also wouldn’t mind reading another book if she happens to have more bad dates. LOL.

[Cadi Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

First, let me say that I am NOT Jewish and NOT divorced, yet I found myself laughing out loud and thoroughly enjoying this raw, honest and real memoir. Rachel's courage to share her experiences is commendable, and her humor is infectious. Those that know me WELL know that I am a Bridget Jones fan... Rachel has her 1000% beat 🤣

In what the world looks like right now, books, like people, are multifaceted. They can make us laugh, cry, think and grow. They can challenge our perspectives and broaden our horizons. AND sometimes, they can be just entertaining and fun. No matter who wrote them.

IF you're looking for a candid, humorous, and heartfelt memoir about dating, divorce, and being a mom, give "My Year of Really Bad Dates- A Memoir “ by Rachel Jagoda Lithgow , a chance. It's NOT for the faint of heart, but it's a WILD ride you won't regret taking.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

[The ARC was provided by NetGalley & its publisher]

Review to follow.

[Thomm Quackenbush · Rating 3 out of 5]

The main flaw of this book is that the author does not say quite enough, so it is like sitting across from -- as she would remind the reader -- a New York Jewess divorcee getting increasingly wine-drunk, dishing about her romantic failures. So you get the broad strokes? Yes. Does she fall out of order and omit much while returning again to her long-term ex-boyfriend Joe? Very much.
The author does not spread out into the formal, to show the titular Very Bad Dates rather than only telling us. When she incorporated dialogue and greater descriptions, it sparkles. However, she was not sufficiently enticed to explore this further.
A lesser sin is how abused she was by her ex-husband and his unnamed, famous parents. Well, Ms. Lithgow, I believe the reader can crack the code. The subterfuge may be excessive. Her talent is plan, and her spirit is bright and amusing, even in the darkness (which is itself a talent), so I reject the suggestion that she had a leg up in the publishing realm based on that married surname.
I found this to be a quick bedside read, and I look forward to her next book (promised in this one), guided by what she learned writing and publishing this one. Chopped up and reassembled in a more compelling order, this would have been a strong debut.


I talked myself out of an interview with Lithgow because I knew I couldn't give the book five stars, and I might not be thrilled at answering questions from someone who didn't love my book.

I received a free copy from Netgalley.

[Tami · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachel Lithgow’s debut memoir, My Year of Really Bad Dates, is a refreshing, laugh-out-loud journey of dating after divorce. This quick, easy read is the perfect addition to your summer beach bag — equal parts entertaining and emotionally honest.

Lithgow brings readers into her world with vulnerability and humor. Her candid storytelling makes you feel like you’re having cocktails with your funniest friends. Whether she’s recounting cringe-worthy encounters or reflecting on moments of personal growth, Lithgow strikes a perfect balance between heartfelt and hilarious.

For a first-time author, Lithgow knocks it out of the park. Her voice is authentic and engaging, and her ability to find humor in heartbreak makes this memoir not just relatable, but empowering. My Year of Really Bad Dates is a must-read for anyone who’s ever swiped right and wondered what they were thinking.

Highly recommended for anyone in need of a light, witty memoir read this season. I laughed and cried.

[Anas Attic Book Blog · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Year of Really Bad Dates by Rachel J. Lithgow
Thank you NetGalley for this early review copy. This post contains affiliate links.

I don’t usually reach for memoirs. I live firmly in the romance and women’s fiction section, where someone eventually gets a happy ending. But the blurb for My Year of Really Bad Dates by Rachel J. Lithgow felt so relatable that I couldn’t help myself. A midlife divorcée dealing with trauma, healing, and a whole lineup of terrible dates sounded like something that might help me understand what I’m walking into. I’ve only just dipped a toe into dating apps, and I wanted to see what it’s really like out there.

Rachel writes about rebuilding her life after her divorce and after years of supporting her ex-husband emotionally and financially. In her case it was depression. In mine it was undiagnosed bipolar. So much of her background echoed pieces of my own. Still letting the ex stay at my house when I travel. Being Jewish and from the New York area. Having family in Boca. Sharing similar politics. Reading about her felt like listening to someone I’d meet for lunch and instantly vibe with. Someone who’d show me her dating-app disasters while I tried to figure out my own very first steps into this mess.

“She shared her nicely curated selection of the most absurd profiles that she’d received on her phone, which was impressive in both its sheer number and level of awful.”

But the writing felt a little rough. More like someone’s journal that has the bones of a good book. This might be where my lack of memoir experience shows, because maybe this stream-of-consciousness style is common. It felt choppy at times, both in the sentence flow and the overall structure, bouncing forward and backward in time. That same style also made it feel relatable, like sitting with a friend over lunch, listening to her tell the story exactly as it lived in her head.

What we really see is a woman who is hurting and needs help. She had a traumatic marriage, and then obsessed over Joe, a guy she dated post-divorce. He made her happy until he told her he was selling his house and moving to Phoenix with his perky blonde real estate agent. This guy strung her along the whole book. She’d go on a crappy date then text with Joe. She would take any scrap of attention Joe would give her in between the dates with other guys. If I took a shot every time she said 'Joe' I would have died of alcohol poisoning.

And honestly, that is exactly the kind of situation that terrifies me about dating. The idea of caring so much about someone who doesn’t care back. The fear of getting wrapped up in the wrong person. I wasn’t expecting the book to make dating look more hopeful. I was just hoping that at least the ending would give me a little more hope for myself. But that's the romance reader in me.

I also wanted more from the actual dates. More buildup. More dialogue. More cringe and awkwardness. Some stories went there, and I loved those, but others felt like summaries rather than scenes. Since I’m brand new to dating apps, part of me wanted the full play-by-play so maybe I wouldn’t have to experience the same disasters.

“If you have never had the pleasure of using dating apps, allow me to share with you the myriad of new vocabulary words and acronyms that become your reality once you hit the Open button on your app screen. Thank goodness for Rabbi Google, since I was not well versed in such terminology before I began this journey, uphill in a blizzard twelve miles both ways to school.”

A stronger content edit would have tied the memoir together more cleanly. Some threads were introduced and then left hanging. After the quote above, she mentions creating a whole glossary of dating-app terms, then only shares four with the reader. There were moments like that where the book hinted at more but never fully followed through.

Even with my nitpicks, I’m the exact target audience for this memoir. I’ll recommend it to friends, especially single ones in midlife, because the relatability is the real draw. Dating in your fifties and sixties is its own brand of chaos. Health issues. Ex-spouse baggage. Men who haven’t updated their habits since the seventies. Emotional luggage that needs wheels. It's like men don't know how to live without a woman to take care of them.

I genuinely enjoyed reading My Year of really Bad Dates. I enjoyed the honesty, the humor, and the relatability of Rachel’s story. But as a romance reader, I couldn’t help wishing it had a happy romantic ending. And definitely NOT with Joe.

Rating: 4 Stars

Purchase My Year of Really Bad Dates by Rachel J. Lithgow
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Releases 11/11/25

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[Danna · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Year of Really Bad Dates was really good. It’s funny, very funny. Rachel Lithgow has a great wit that is biting and smart. And her dating stories, well, they’re really bad, but told in a way that is generally hilarious. Imagine being at a bar with a good friend, or group of friends, competing to one up each other with who has the worst online dating story—that’s this book, but Rachel is the one who has allll the bad ones.

At the same time, there is an undertone of self-deprecating humor, sadness, and low self-esteem that is impossible to miss. Why does Rachel keep going on really bad dates? Because she has unresolved trauma and keeps shopping in the dented can aisle. In particular, reading about Rachel’s relationship with Joe is hard. Rachel is intelligent, successful, and attractive, so it’s easy to want to shake her out of this terrible dating and relationship cycle.

The only complaint I have about My Year of Really Bad Dates is that its end is somewhat abrupt. This is partially result of it ending where Rachel is today, in this moment, without everything resolved or nearly tied in a bow. At the same time, I think it could be further developed.

Highly recommended. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Favorite quotes:
“Hudson Yards was opened in 2019 on the West Side of Manhattan between Chelsea and Hell’s Kitchen. In addition to the most luxurious residences in the city, it boasts the highest-end mall in New York and an obscene, ugly bronze structure in the center that can be climbed. As far as I can tell, its sole purpose for existence is for people to Instagram themselves in front of it or on top of it or to use it as their dating-profile photo. The only place that beats it for social media and dating-profile pictures is Machu Picchu.”

“The feelings were angry that I had disturbed them, like a native tribe that reacted in fury when the white “saviors” showed up to explain that they’d been doing everything all wrong. ‘Your Jungle God is lovely, but have you heard of Jesus Christ?’”

“Bob Proctor, a renowned Canadian writer, once famously said, ‘If you want to change your life, then change your life.’
“This statement seems simple, but it’s loaded. Most people don’t ever change their lives. They playact at it, but they only change the set, like the Christmas windows at Macy’s. They leave partners and places, jobs, and even religions thinking themselves radical, but the truth is, as Bob so eloquently implied, the real work is much harder. It is only an internal change that can cause a seismic shift, and that is much too scary for most people. It’s why we find ourselves replaying our old relationships or staying in professions that we don’t love. It’s why we as a species continue to hate one another. The internal work is no joke. It’s painful and difficult…”

[Molly L'Italien · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rachel is newly a single mom. Her ex husband and ex in-laws are less than supportive, and the man she was dating, and thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with, is moving across the country with his a real estate agent.

We follow Rachel as she navigates through the horrors that are online dating as well as making sure her children are well supported and loved. She leaves no detail behind when describing these memorable encounters and we feel her optimism as well as her disappointment. I related greatly to the peril that is translating online banter to an in person date.

I also enjoyed reading about her dynamic with her ex husband and ex in-laws. Rachel truly preserved through scenarios that would make most throw in the towel. She never forgets who she is and what her worth is, and fiercely advocates for her children.

I loved reading about Rachel's emotional transformation toward the end of the memoir and was inspired by her process of falling truly in love with herself.

I highly recommend this memoir to anyone - I truly found it laugh out loud funny and utterly heartbreaking and deeply profound. This is Rachel Lithgow's first published novel, and I certainly hope it's not her last; I will ready anything she writes!

Huge thank you to Rachel Lithgow, She Writes Press, and NetGalley for this advanced copy in exchange for my honest review. This was a wild ride and I enjoyed every minute!

[Rachel]

Reading “My Childhood in Pieces: A Stand-up Comedy, a Skokie Elegy” by Edward Hirsch (Alfred A. Knopf) and Rachel J. Lithgow’s “My Year of Bad Dates” (She Writes Press) for this review left me with a question to ponder: What’s the point of writing a memoir? I’m not asking that because these books weren’t worth reading, but rather because the authors not only focused on very different parts of their lives, but they also approach the material from very different points of view. For example, when authors write about difficult times in their lives – I’ve yet to read a memoir where someone focuses on a good period – they are usually processing the traumas that occurred. However, Hirsch is accurate when describing his work as “stand-up comedy”: the mostly very short vignettes about his childhood left me expecting to hear a drum rimshot highlighting the punch line. While Lithgow does include humor in her work, her focus is more on the anguish and distress she felt. Hirsch seems to be distancing himself from the pain, while Lithgow highlights those feelings. The dates she describes are really a jumping-off point for her in-depth review of her past in order to understand her present.
See the rest of my review at https://www.thereportergroup.org/book...

[The Balcony Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book you can pair with homemade chicken soup, ice cream, chips and salsa, a hot cup of cocoa, or whatever else that will you bring comfort. After divorcing her husband of over twenty years and losing the boyfriend with whom she finally shared a profound connection, Lithgow found herself in a string of disastrous dates.

Wickedly smart, this book was off to a great start when I laughed for the third time after having only read two pages. Now I just want to bring her an entire blood orange cake with sweet glaze (because that last slice belonged to you, Rachel). More laughter ensued as I read, then I felt stabby on her behalf as she went on dates with obnoxious and clueless men. These emotions cycle through me during the entire book.

The writing style was intimately immersive as if I’m listening to a friend share her life with raw, vulnerable honesty, as she sought to recover the self-worth that the people closest to her eroded. Every failed date, triggered trauma response, and self-reflective revelation was delivered with poignancy, humor, and a sense of healing. One-half chili pepper for brief suggestive language.

Thank you so much to the author and Book Sparks for this gifted copy!

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a single woman in my fifties after divorce, I found this memoir refreshingly honest, witty, and deeply relatable. Rachel’s writing is so vivid that I often resonated with the awkward, funny, and sometimes painful dates.

But the book is about much more than just disastrous dating stories. It opens a window into the reality of leaving a difficult marriage, raising children, and navigating the complicated emotions that come with starting over on your own. Rachel doesn’t shy away from showing the loneliness and vulnerability of being single again, but she balances it with humour and sharp observations that are, at times, hilarious.

What struck me most was how seamlessly she moves between humour and heartbreak. This isn’t just entertainment — it’s a candid look at resilience, identity, and finding yourself again in midlife. If you’ve ever wondered what dating after divorce really feels like, this memoir is spot on.

Thank to NetGalley for the ARC in return of an honest, unbiased review.

[Sandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Year of Really Bad Dates is an engaging and heartfelt story about the author's experiences with life, loss, and renewal. Still working to officially divorce her estranged husband after many years of marriage and two kids, Rachel is seeking a new connection, which in the 2020s often means online dating and apps. Told through a series of outrageously bad dates and propositions, Rachel also reflects on years of generational trauma that lead to a cathartic moment of clarity through therapy.

"If you can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else." That is a comforting platitude, and it is true, but women often have to put aside their self-worth to deal with the pressures of family, society, and motherhood. When you are conditioned to suppress your thoughts and feelings for others, it’s understandable to find validation only through the affection and love of others. Rachel learns this the hard way, but also offers hope.

Advanced Reader Copy provided by Booksparks. All opinions are my own.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! Being single myself, and also middle aged, I found it to be completely honest, authentic, and laugh out loud funny. Rachel writes in such beautiful detail that it felt like, at times, I was on the dates with her. This isn’t just a story about bad dates, but rather a look into the life of a challenging marriage, raising kids, and the aftermath of a complicated divorce. Bold and sassy, and armed with a quick wit, Rachel is a gifted storyteller who takes the reader along for a ride that is both hilarious and heartbreaking at once. If you’ve ever wanted a peek into just how challenging dating after divorce can be, look no further. You’ll be dying to be friends with Rachel after reading this book!

[Ellen Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

As soon as I read the opening lines of this book I knew it was going to be hilarious and relatable and it was! Rachel takes us along on her year of very bad dates and honestly, they really are bad! I laughed, I got angry, I got bummed. This is an ideal look at dating in today’s world and the wide variety of….. characters…. one can meet. Loved her storytelling and how she sets the mood for each date going in, with a wild play by play, and then her emotions afterwards. While it’s an entertaining read, I found it to be empowering as well, reminding us to know our worth and to be okay with not just settling. This is an absolute must read for women no matter your relationship status. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Aoife · Rating 3 out of 5]

On the eve of her 50th birthday Rachel shares the tumultuous reality of dating in NYC, from installing and uninstalling apps, the weird sex preferences, to ghosting, to being asked to be number 4. Trying to navigate an ex husband, an ex lover, as well as her two teenagers. We see her swoon, reach breaking point, leg it, be warned by waitresses and succumb to hypnosis.

It’s a book for the women that keep all the plates in the air, the lights on and for those who still believe in finding love.

I really did enjoy it, bus was worried when viewpoints on Israel were shared and it’s because of those viewpoints I won’t be sharing this review on my social media or suggesting it to my audience. I did finish the book and gave the author the benefit of the doubt

[Kaitlyn Oldroyd · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion which you can read below:

I will preface my opinion by saying that I probably am not the intended audience for this book. However, I really just found myself wanting to scream in the author’s face the whole time. I think by the end she obviously realizes some of the problems she has, but to me I could not understand why she constantly crapped on her ex husband but kept her ex boyfriend Joe who treated her like shit on a pedestal??? I appreciate that this author was so real and honest, but the reading experience for me was just infuriating.

[Sasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

The dating book i didnt know I needed!!
Five minutes into this book and I was highlighting passages I wanted to remember all over the place. Rachel Lithgow has a terrific way of blending together humor, sadness and trauma that makes it so incredibly relatable. I saw so much of myself in the journey she writes about. Honestly I feel that writing hilarious stories about your terrible dates may just be the best therapy for them.
An absolutely 5 star read for me!
A huge thanks to She Writes Press and Netgalley for this ARC!!

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and She Writes Press for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I adored this memoir. I knew nothing about Rachel Lithgow going in to the book and that worked out completely fine. Her writing by style is funny and irreverent punctuated by moments of pure vulnerable truth. Even with so many differences between us (I am not Jewish, never had kids, about a decade difference in ages, and have never been a CEO) I still felt immensely seen and understood in so many of her reflective moments. Overall a well crafted and enjoyable book.

[Lucie Frost · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was fortunate to get an advance reader copy of this book and found it delightful! The story tracks a post-divorce, midlife period in the author’s life as she goes on, you guessed it, some really REALLY bad dates.
The stories were so, so relatable to anyone who has ever signed into a dating app. And the introspection, and ultimately peace, the author found along the way was equally relatable.
A very easily pick-up-able, put-down-able, witty book. Simply a delightful read.

[Kim Wilch · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a blast! I shared updates with my friend on the dating disasters—each one crazier than the last. Rachel has a talent for finding every trainwreck in the dating pool, and I couldn’t stop shaking my head. Honestly, this might be the best advertisement for staying single I’ve ever read. I used to wonder what online dating might be like, but thanks to Rachel’s wild ride, I don’t have to wonder anymore—and my husband’s relieved!

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you #Netgalley for the advanced copy!

Rachel is going through life changes of being single and entering the dating world later in life after a public divorce. We learn more about her internal feelings, being in conflict with an ex/family and how she has to work to prioritize what is best for her and putting herself first, which is a challenge.

[readingwithgloria ✮]

You know, this memoir was a clear representation of how the things that happen in our lives, especially in relationships, can hold us back at first. In the end, though, they often become the very experiences that teach us how to find comfort in discomfort.

It was relatable in so many ways, whether through humor or through the plain realities of life. Highly recommend to give it a read once it publishes!

*no rating on memoirs*

Thank you to Netgalley for the eARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Jeannette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full Disclosure: I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of My Year of Really Bad Dates: A Memoir by Rachel Lithgow from She Writes Press via NetGalley. It will be published around November 11, 2025.

My Year of Really Bad Dates: A Memoir by Rachel Lithgow is a snapshot of her life as she navigates divorcing, raising children, and trying to get back on the dating scene. Rachel just confirms my experience with dating at this age. It sucks. I also realized that bad dates are almost tropes themselves. They are universal stories. I think I have dated some version of every guy she mentioned. Ugh. Still, I give her props for sticking with it and for also getting out of the unhealthy. If you need to laugh rather than cry about your own dating journey, you might want to pick this up.

Bonus points for a cute cat on the cover. As a crazy cat (and dog) lady, I will say it is not as bad as Rachel thinks.

[Vmndetta (V) · Rating 1 out of 5]

too damn bad! i could give this book 4, or even 5 stars. i enjoyed it a lot. but around 60% ... i found a solid reason to dnf and give it 1 star 🙅🏻‍♀️🍉 also, keep your expectations low, there's no cat in this book at all (only the cover and maybe mentions 2x). and fuck you Joe, you're annoying af. the meeting and first dating with weird men was fun and enjoyable tho.

[Katie Bruell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was well-written, but painful. I thought it was going to be a sort of light-hearted romp through the post-40 dating world, and instead it was just reading about a woman completely denying that she was falling apart from past trauma. I just kept saying "get help!" throughout the whole book.