Forty Years in the Wilderness: My Journey to Authentic Living

by Yiscah Smith

Yiscah’s 40-year memoir details her joys and struggles with her own spirituality, gender identity, and commitment to living true to herself. The story she tells is one of a man, facing his truth, embracing the woman she was always meant to be, and returning to her faith with wholeness and authenticity. Her story must be told. It is important for everyone to hear and will hopefully inspire and empower many others who face seemingly insurmountable obstacles to wholeness in their lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Jewish

290 pages, Paperback

First published April 15, 2014

Reviews

[Chana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know Yiscah, in fact I could count myself among the women in Seattle who had trouble accepting her and certainly feel regret that I didn't just treat her with kindness and understanding. I did try to be kind but failed in many ways. So a couple of months ago, which is two to three years since I last saw Yiscah, a neighbor of mine told me she had this book and did I want it. I wanted to honor Yiscah by taking her book and reading her story, the least I could do after being a somewhat close minded member of the Seattle community. After reading it I have compassion for Yiscah, I always did actually but was so conflicted and confused because she was also living a religious life and I just didn't know how to reconcile it all. I thank her for sharing her very personal story, her struggles and the pain she went through before her transition surgery. Much of the book is so personal that I don't feel I can comment, but I did feel great compassion also for her wife and particularly her children. But again, that is their life, not mine to comment on. What did upset me is the threat she received, aimed at her children, from a prominent Rabbi in Israel. That is appalling to me. She received a great deal of negative judgment, which while unpleasant, is perhaps somewhat understandable. But threats against her children? Never, no way to justify that, understand it, spin it. That is just wrong.
Also, nothing by accident, right? As it turns out there are very good reasons that Yiscah's life intersection with mine was important, and why her book is important to me. I am meant to learn from it, as a gift of learning and understanding that I need. I understand that now.

[Gilahk · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just finished reading this. I am quite dizzy after following the author on a 40 year journey which went through many cities and relationships, as well as back and forth from the USA to Israel. As to the quality of the writing - it seemed that the description's of the soul's suffering was the dominant theme leaving little room for clarity in the telling of events.

Also all the descriptions of being close to God and the intense spiritual feeling about walking to the Kotel (Western Wall) in the Old City of Jerusalem were a little over the top for me. I have also been on a journey of sorts having first come to Israel from New York a bit over 40 years ago. Since the 1970's Jerusalem has been my home and part of that is a spiritual connection but not quite so intense as the author describes.

I need to think about this book more before composing a proper review.

One thing though, it did make me more aware of the anguish transgender people go through. Probably throughout history many suicides or people putting themselves in danger and getting themselves killed were suffering from this hellish existence.

I did appreciate the author calling this situation what it is - a psychiatric disorder. One that doesn't prevent one from doing other things connected with normal life - getting an education, working, creatng a family, being part of a community. It is most indeed a disorder that causes great distress and anguish and it is a blessing that in the modern age a way has been found for that indivudual to find relief. Now we have to figure out how to bring relief to all the people in the healed person's life who are personally affected and deeply hurt by this transformation.

[Marianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've ever grappled with trying to find your true path, or with society's expectations versus your inner feelings, this book is for you. It is such a compelling read that I was unable to put it down. Yiscah's journey is an amazing story of personal growth and self-discovery, and I'm grateful that she has shared it with the world.

[Ari · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful and courageous spiritual memoir by someone who doesn't shy from expressing depth of pain, and who leads the way to prove that authentic living is possible and the result worth it at any cost. I found the message clear and beautiful, but the writing in the first half so frought with emotional anguish that it was hard to hear the author's factual story around it. The second half was much better on that front. This is an author/teacher whom I respect. Both as a teacher and a human being I believe she is worth knowing.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book after listening to an interview with the author on the Jewish Broadcasting Network.
Reading this book is easy.
Understanding what the author went through is both difficult and amazing.

[Laura M. Bouvier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honest and inspiring

[Lu Bernstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

pure Inspiration

The most heart warming, beautifully written and articulated book I have ever read. I was captivated from the moment I read the first paragraph. Truth be told….

[Marianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing story that brought me to tears. Anyone who has ever questioned how to live in accordance with their inner feelings when they conflict with society's demands should read this book and examine their own journey.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, raw, honest, deeply moving. I finished it in one sitting.

[Shelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

A moving memoir of a life spent learning to overcome personal demons and to be true to one's own nature.

[J.D. Rader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Compelling story about a person's struggle with gender identification. Yiscah's suffering was even more poignant because of her orthodox Jewish beliefs and the strong gender roles in that religion.