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A Male Grief: Notes on Pornography and Addiction - An Essay
Through examining the relationship between child abuse, addictive family systems, and the adult male's consumption of pornography, this classic essay argues elegantly that this addiction to pornography is self-destructive, joyless, and unsatisfiable, a symptom of a consumer society rather than a natural urge. David Mura's classic monograph won the Milkweed Non-Fiction award when it was first published. Mr. Mura went on to receive a NEA Literature fellowship and The Nation's Discovery Award.
24 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
27 people are currently reading
141 people want to read
About the author
David Mura
28 books50 followersDavid Mura (born 1952) is a Japanese American author, poet, novelist, playwright, critic and performance artist. He has published two memoirs, Turning Japanese: Memoirs of a Sansei, which won the Josephine Miles Book Award from the Oakland PEN and was listed in the New York Times Notable Books of the Year, and Where the Body Meets Memory: An Odyssey of Race, Sexuality and Identity (1995). His most recent book of poetry is The Last Incantation (2014); his other poetry books include After We Lost Our Way, which won the National Poetry Contest, The Colors of Desire (winner of the Carl Sandburg Literary Award), and Angels for the Burning. His novel is Famous Suicides of the Japanese Empire (Coffee House Press, 2008). His writings explore the themes of race, identity and history. His blog is blog.davidmura.com.
David Mura was born in 1952 and grew up in Chicago, the oldest of four children. He is a third generation Japanese American son of parents interned during World War II. Mura earned his B.A. from Grinnell College and his M.F.A. in creative writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts. He has taught at the University of Minnesota, St. Olaf College, The Loft Literary Center, and the University of Oregon. He currently resides in Saint Paul, Minnesota, with his wife Susan Sencer and their three children; Samantha, Nikko and Tomo.
(from Wikipedia)
David Mura was born in 1952 and grew up in Chicago, the oldest of four children. He is a third generation Japanese American son of parents interned during World War II. Mura earned his B.A. from Grinnell College and his M.F.A. in creative writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts. He has taught at the University of Minnesota, St. Olaf College, The Loft Literary Center, and the University of Oregon. He currently resides in Saint Paul, Minnesota, with his wife Susan Sencer and their three children; Samantha, Nikko and Tomo.
(from Wikipedia)
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
February 21, 2019
رسالة مذهلة وعميقة للغاية عن إدمان الإباحيات وإدمان الجنس وعلاقته بنموذج الاساءة في الصغر وديناميكيات تكونه وتشكله وأثره
اعمل حاليا على ترجمتها فيديو مع الشرح
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اعمل حاليا على ترجمتها فيديو مع الشرح
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October 7, 2024
شاهدتهُ مترجمًا مع الشرح عند الكاتب المبدع الدكتور عماد رشاد عثمان
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December 15, 2019
On point.
So true it was hard to read. Every few paragraphs it hits like a compassionate punch, straight in the chest.
So true it was hard to read. Every few paragraphs it hits like a compassionate punch, straight in the chest.
July 17, 2023
At the essence of pornography is the image of flesh used as a drug, a way of numbing psychic pain. But this drug lasts only as long as the man stares at the image, sometimes even less. Then his pain reasserts itself, reveals the promised power as an illusion.
What is it to worship an image? It is to pray for a gift you will never receive.
For in pornographic perception, each gesture, each word, each image, is read first and foremost through sexuality. Love or tenderness, pity or compassion, become subsumed by, and are made subservient to, a "greater" deity, a more powerful force.
Those who are addicted to pornography attempt to erase the distinction between art and life. On the one hand the addict knows, at some level of consciousness, that the world of pornography is unreal. To block out this knowledge, the addict tries to convince himself that all the world is pornographic, and that other people are too timid to see this truth. Thus the addict does not view or read pornography in the same way a scholar might read a poem about shepherds. The latter acknowledges the fictional nature of the bucolic, while the addict wants to deny pornography's fictional nature. In refusing the symbolic nature of art, the addict wishes to destroy the indestructible gulf between the sign and its referent.
Like all addicts, the addict to pornography dreams then of ultimate power and control. When reality invades this dream and causes doubts, the addict thinks: I have nothing else. I have, all my life, done my best to deny and destroy through my addiction whatever would replace this.
Thus, the addict returns to the inertia of the dream.
In pornographic perception, the addict experiences a type of vertigo, a fearful exhilaration, a moment when all the addict's ties to the outside world do indeed seem to be cut or numbed. That sense of endless falling, that rush, is what the addict seeks again and again. Its power comes from a wild forgetting, a surrender to entropy, to what he knows is evil.
No one who stands back from the world of pornography cannot experience this falling, this rush. They cannot understand the attraction it holds. But for the addict the rush is more than an attraction. He is helpless before it. Completely out of control.
What is it to worship an image? It is to pray for a gift you will never receive.
For in pornographic perception, each gesture, each word, each image, is read first and foremost through sexuality. Love or tenderness, pity or compassion, become subsumed by, and are made subservient to, a "greater" deity, a more powerful force.
Those who are addicted to pornography attempt to erase the distinction between art and life. On the one hand the addict knows, at some level of consciousness, that the world of pornography is unreal. To block out this knowledge, the addict tries to convince himself that all the world is pornographic, and that other people are too timid to see this truth. Thus the addict does not view or read pornography in the same way a scholar might read a poem about shepherds. The latter acknowledges the fictional nature of the bucolic, while the addict wants to deny pornography's fictional nature. In refusing the symbolic nature of art, the addict wishes to destroy the indestructible gulf between the sign and its referent.
Like all addicts, the addict to pornography dreams then of ultimate power and control. When reality invades this dream and causes doubts, the addict thinks: I have nothing else. I have, all my life, done my best to deny and destroy through my addiction whatever would replace this.
Thus, the addict returns to the inertia of the dream.
In pornographic perception, the addict experiences a type of vertigo, a fearful exhilaration, a moment when all the addict's ties to the outside world do indeed seem to be cut or numbed. That sense of endless falling, that rush, is what the addict seeks again and again. Its power comes from a wild forgetting, a surrender to entropy, to what he knows is evil.
No one who stands back from the world of pornography cannot experience this falling, this rush. They cannot understand the attraction it holds. But for the addict the rush is more than an attraction. He is helpless before it. Completely out of control.
April 15, 2024
Illusion of Control
The drug's fleeting effect only lasts as long as the man views the image, soon giving way to the reemergence of pain, which reveals the perceived power as an illusion. This dynamic is central to the addict's experience, where the desire to be blinded and live in a detached dream perpetuates the cycle. The pornography addict, like all addicts, dreams of ultimate control, ensnared in a continuous loop of seeking power that is never truly attained, living in the inertia of an unachievable dream.
Betraying oneself
Beneath the surface-level assertions of liberty and "healthy fun" in the world of pornography addiction, there lies a profound array of negative emotions. Desperation, anxiety, shame, fear, loneliness, and sadness are deeply embedded in the addict’s psyche. At the core of the addict's internal conflict is the fear that the persona presented to the world—the social self—is nothing but a façade. There is a profound struggle with the desire to destroy this false self, accompanied by a crippling fear that nothing meaningful exists beneath it.
Objectifying others
The addiction to pornography consumes the addict’s life, leading to the objectification of others, who are seen merely as tools for utility rather than as human beings with their own autonomy. This phenomenon reflects a broader pattern seen in extreme capitalist consumption, where false desires are created and perpetuated. Pornography serves as a stark example of how personal crises are exploited and externalized, turning human relationships into commodities and interactions into transactions devoid of genuine connection.
The drug's fleeting effect only lasts as long as the man views the image, soon giving way to the reemergence of pain, which reveals the perceived power as an illusion. This dynamic is central to the addict's experience, where the desire to be blinded and live in a detached dream perpetuates the cycle. The pornography addict, like all addicts, dreams of ultimate control, ensnared in a continuous loop of seeking power that is never truly attained, living in the inertia of an unachievable dream.
Betraying oneself
Beneath the surface-level assertions of liberty and "healthy fun" in the world of pornography addiction, there lies a profound array of negative emotions. Desperation, anxiety, shame, fear, loneliness, and sadness are deeply embedded in the addict’s psyche. At the core of the addict's internal conflict is the fear that the persona presented to the world—the social self—is nothing but a façade. There is a profound struggle with the desire to destroy this false self, accompanied by a crippling fear that nothing meaningful exists beneath it.
Objectifying others
The addiction to pornography consumes the addict’s life, leading to the objectification of others, who are seen merely as tools for utility rather than as human beings with their own autonomy. This phenomenon reflects a broader pattern seen in extreme capitalist consumption, where false desires are created and perpetuated. Pornography serves as a stark example of how personal crises are exploited and externalized, turning human relationships into commodities and interactions into transactions devoid of genuine connection.
February 6, 2018
Mura is an obscure philosopher dealing with an obscure topic: pornography and its effects on the male mind and spirit. Although this work is relatively short, it does deal with the matter rather effectively and exposes the reality that when one looks at sensual images, a process begins where that person becomes ensnared and enslaved into satisfying urges which cannot be easily remedied. It's worth the read regardless of gender.
May 20, 2025
عبادة الصورة هي صلاة من أجل منحة أبداً لن تحصل عليها، أي أن ما تشاهده يُوسِّم لديك الإحساس الدفين أنه بعيد عن متناولك، و هذا ما يؤجج الغضب و تقزيم الذات، فتفاقم الإدمانيات الألم المراد تسكينه في المقام الأول
في كل مرة يزداد عنف الانفصال عن العالم بمشاكله و احتياجاتك -المخدرَّة- فيه، تعود لتزداد كثافتها جميعاً بعد انتهاء المفعول الأفيوني
في كل مرة يزداد عنف الانفصال عن العالم بمشاكله و احتياجاتك -المخدرَّة- فيه، تعود لتزداد كثافتها جميعاً بعد انتهاء المفعول الأفيوني
May 4, 2019
"May 4, 2019 –
100.0%
May 4, 2019 – Shelved
May 4, 2019 – Started Reading"
- Useful book and helpful... so it was fun going throw the whole thing!
100.0%
May 4, 2019 – Shelved
May 4, 2019 – Started Reading"
- Useful book and helpful... so it was fun going throw the whole thing!
November 25, 2022
Impressive.
I’m speechless.
I’m speechless.
November 6, 2008
A strange and articulate rendering of what it is to be a guy in U.S. culture, specifically regarding porn--its perils, taunts, easy pitfalls and expectations. Beautiful.
January 29, 2016
David Mura is an excellent writer. I read most of his earlier works when he began writing.
Read
September 20, 2018Is Mura a good writer? Yes. Does he necessarily know what he's talking about? Sometimes.
I will preface this with I am a therapist working with mostly men with addictions. In 2018 (as opposed to 1987). The field has changed a bit and I recognize this in my critique.
Aside from outdated language, this essay breaks down nicely a very specific type of person. Where it falls short though, I can sum up through the following:
1). It seems that childhood sexual abuse against a boy is described for shock value. While this may certainly be that path that leads some down the road of sexual addiction, I felt like this was a bit of a cheap move to get the reader to feel bad for disagreeing with future points.
2). This type of aforementioned sexual abuse is by no means exclusive to young boys. And it's some male privilege bullshit to not at least acknowledge this.
3). Want some more male privilege bullshit? The description of the essay on the back cover starts "Much as been written about the degrading effect of pornography on women, but relatively little about the harm pornography does to men." 🙄
4). It totally fails to recognize societal conditioning of men to feel entitled to and strive for domination of the female body and the impacts that this may have (either by itself or conjunction to other traumatizing events) on development of addiction to pornography.
I will preface this with I am a therapist working with mostly men with addictions. In 2018 (as opposed to 1987). The field has changed a bit and I recognize this in my critique.
Aside from outdated language, this essay breaks down nicely a very specific type of person. Where it falls short though, I can sum up through the following:
1). It seems that childhood sexual abuse against a boy is described for shock value. While this may certainly be that path that leads some down the road of sexual addiction, I felt like this was a bit of a cheap move to get the reader to feel bad for disagreeing with future points.
2). This type of aforementioned sexual abuse is by no means exclusive to young boys. And it's some male privilege bullshit to not at least acknowledge this.
3). Want some more male privilege bullshit? The description of the essay on the back cover starts "Much as been written about the degrading effect of pornography on women, but relatively little about the harm pornography does to men." 🙄
4). It totally fails to recognize societal conditioning of men to feel entitled to and strive for domination of the female body and the impacts that this may have (either by itself or conjunction to other traumatizing events) on development of addiction to pornography.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews