Labor of the Heart: A Parent's Guide to the Decisions and Emotions in Adoption

by Kathleen Whitten

Adoptive parents often experience the double trial of emotional responses to infertility and to the process of adoption itself, called "excruciating labor with no end in sight," by one adoptive mother. Would-be adoptive parents cycle through grief, anger, fear, anxiety, frustration, and guilt-and back again. All of these emotions cloud decision-making, at exactly the time that adoptive parents are making life-altering, irrevocable whether to adopt at all, to adopt an older child or an infant, or to parent a child with developmental delays, as well as other pressing questions.

New empirical research by Kathleen Whitten, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist and adoptive mother, and other experts in the field contradicts many of the outdated myths presented to parents and written about in widely-used adoption guides. Whitten separates fact from fiction and leads parents by the hand through the many emotional impacts the process involves. Written in a reassuring, conversational tone, the author tells parents when they should listen to their heart-and when practical considerations are too important to ignore. Each chapter features workbook section with constructive exercises and stimulating questions.

Adoptive parents do not need yet another book promising a "fast track" to a child or explaining how to collect documents. Instead, they need Labor of the Heart to help them through the difficult emotions and decisions about adoption.

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

First published April 25, 2008

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely the best adoption book I've read so far. The author mixes the perfect blend of scientific fact and practical knowledge with compassion and empathy from someone who has "been there, done that." She really was the perfect person to write this book, a developmental psychologist who is an adoptive mom herself.

My favorite part was her myth debunking and her reassurance of the fact that things will work out. The biggest take away lesson for me was that the commitment I am making to adoption right now, is a commitment to my children, and will in the end, make me a better parent than I would have been otherwise. People who are pregnant make the commitment once to be a parent (and then just have to commit to not have an abortion.) By committing to the adoption process over and over, when it is difficult, and would be easier to quit, is creating a deep and abiding commitment to my children, and will strengthen my ability to parent and love them.

I think I need to buy about 50 copies of this book and give it to other adoptive families, it's amazing. (And copy the 4th chapter to give to a few naysaying extended family members...)

[Elizabeth Ray · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the exercises in this book. Some were cheesy, but most really helped me to work through different issues. I like the emphasis on research in this book. It's uplifting and hopeful, yet honest about possible challenges. Some of the book is a little more relevant to someone adopting internationally or domestically than through foster care.

[Shannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some helpful info and things to think about, but also silly exercises designed to reveal your feelings about different choices you may face. I really didn't care for the author's view of adoption: She espouses a sense of entitlement; that prospective adoptive parents "deserve" a child. She also emphasizes families needing children over children needing families and perpetuates the idea that there is a fated perfect match, and if the adoptive parents will somehow (whether through making the right choices or through foreordained closing doors) find the child who is meant to join their family.

[Rebekka Istrail · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as a work assignment, not for personal reasons. However, I found it interesting. It sheds light on frustrations, challenges, and happinesses inherent in adoption. It offers information, resources, and strategies for getting through the process of adoption, both logistically and emotionally.