To Hate and Love Men

by Gina Martin

'I believe men are our greatest threat. And yet I love and believe in men.'

Gina Martin has become a vital voice in the fight for gender equality. Exposing tragic and far-too-familiar stories of male violence and misogyny. But that work has led to death threats from men.

Does it change the way she looks at her husband or father? And how come women are expected to keep the peace with those they fear most?

In this searing A6 book, the bestselling author dissects the hate/love paradox faced by all women, every day. She writes with passion about patriarchy, protection versus oppression, righteous anger, and the need for allies... now.

To Hate and Love Men is raw, unflinching, incisive - a manifesto for navigating formidable feelings in ways that benefit us all.

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction

65 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2024

About the author

Gina Martin is a British activist and freelance writer. In August 2017 she was upskirted at a music festival and began a campaign over the legality of upskirting in England and Wales.

Librarian's note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Reviews

[emi · Rating 5 out of 5]

incredibly informing, angering and disturbing. this book essay on "men as a demographic" discusses the conflict of balancing hate and love towards men, both valid emotions and, as Martin argues, not at all mutually exclusive. it dives into an introspective reflection of socially imposed and internalised narratives of "the protector" as well as the importance of humanisation of the patriarchy-abolishing movement and the crucial and necessary role of men within it. this book validates the internal difficulties of consolidating fear and trust.
- "To say you hate and love men is to say you know patriarchy but also know hope."

[Jonathan McArdle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm here because my partner bought the book and suggested I read it. I'm glad I did. What a brilliant piece of writing. I'm learning and will continue to learn.

[Saskia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book affirming and thought provoking as someone who hasn’t read much feminist literature but has wrestled with the idea of having men I care about but not being okay with what men do/ uphold in general. Does what it says on the tin

[Stevie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was a disappointment for me. The writing style felt overly simplistic, and the tone often came across as patronizing. In her first book, the author openly admits to physically assaulting a man, which I find deeply ironic given the themes of equality and mutual respect she claims to champion.

The hypocrisy is particularly evident in the section where she advises men on how to 'improve,' which felt condescending and one-sided. While she criticizes men for behaviors she perceives as controlling, she appears to promote a similarly prescriptive approach toward men.

It’s unfortunate that the book seems to align with a trend of performative feminism—attention-seeking activism that risks undermining the efforts of those genuinely striving for equality. There are far better works out there by equality advocates who present balanced, thoughtful, and respectful perspectives. This, by contrast, felt more like a sensational 'internet book' designed to direct attention toward the author rather than contribute meaningfully to the conversation.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. It put into words a tension between living with men in our lives that we love and the reality that men overall cause us real harm; the frustration and heartache of how even the ‘good ones’ often aren’t doing everything they can to work towards equality.

As someone who has a brother, enjoys men’s company, wants to find love etc but also who despairs of them, it’s something I didn’t even really realise I felt. Gina asks us to reject this as a binary choice, and to consider what will truly help women and marginalised genders move forward to something better. She makes a compelling case that it’s probably going to be by keeping space for men, even when that’s hard.

The book gave me lots to think about. The link to capitalism was a lightbulb moment too! I could have read 300 pages if it was expanded, but I really enjoyed and appreciated it as it is, as starting point and an invitation.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent quick read succinctly exploring the contradictions of women’s relationships with men. This book actually came at the perfect time for me- I feel like I am the exact audience that Gina was writing for 😂

I only bought the PDF version of this book when it was released but wish I had bought the physical copy so I could pass it round everyone I know lol

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

'you [men] are not our protectors; for if you were, who would there be to protect us from?'

[RB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Important and affirming. Thank you Gina as always ⭐️

“To say you hate and love men is to say you know patriarchy but also know hope”

[Bex Elder · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is short. You’ll read it in under an hour. But you’ll be left thinking about it long after that.

Gina Martin excellently explores the tension of both hating and loving men. Going beyond the simplification of feminism or pithy sayings, she explores what it’ll actually take for real societal change to happen. It will make you feel uncomfortable but a must read.

[Eva Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very Jo March directed by Greta Gerwig coded (I love it with all my soul)

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a validating little book.

[Freya Gregory · Rating 5 out of 5]

Give this book to a man you love.

[Rebecca L · Rating 1 out of 5]

To Hate and Love Men aims to tackle the nuanced topic of gender dynamics, yet it regrettably falls short, presenting a narrative that feels more like a self-indulgent extension of Gina Martin's online persona rather than a scholarly exploration. The book leans heavily on her social media popularity, gathering praise that often seems more reflective of her follower base's loyalty than the work's actual merit. The prose suffers from amateurish construction and repetitiveness, with superficial insights that do little to deepen the reader's understanding of the complex issues at hand.

Moreover, Martin's handling of sensitive topics, including portrayals of men and references to Islam, appears biased and occasionally crosses into offensive territory, perpetuating stereotypes rather than challenging them. This approach detracts significantly from the potential to foster meaningful dialogue or offer a balanced perspective.

Ultimately, while Gina Martin's intentions might stem from a place of wanting to contribute to conversations on gender equality, To Hate and Love Men is more indicative of a missed opportunity to do so effectively. Readers seeking thoughtful and fair discussions would be better served by other texts that prioritize depth and a rigorous examination of gender issues.

[Clare Stoad · Rating 1 out of 5]

To Hate and Love Men promised to be a thought-provoking exploration of gender dynamics, but what it delivers is a poorly constructed, self-serving narrative riddled with bias. The book comes across as a vanity project for Gina Martin, relying heavily on her online following to generate positive reviews that feel more like a fan club echo chamber than genuine critique. The quality of the writing is amateur at best, with repetitive points and superficial insights that fail to delve meaningfully into the complex subject matter.

What’s even more troubling is the book’s apparent bias and prejudice. Some sections veer into outright sexism, painting men with a broad, negative brush. Moreover, its treatment of topics related to Islam borders on offensive, perpetuating harmful stereotypes and revealing a lack of understanding or sensitivity. Instead of fostering dialogue or offering nuanced perspectives, the book alienates and generalizes in ways that feel dismissive and divisive.

Ultimately, To Hate and Love Men reads like an attempt to capitalize on Martin’s activist platform rather than an honest or impactful contribution to discussions about gender equality. Save your time and money for a book that offers genuine depth, fairness, and quality.

[Amelia · Rating 1 out of 5]

Beware of the glowing reviews—they seem to be plucked straight from the author’s Instagram fan base as part of a self-promotion campaign. Unfortunately, the book itself is a disaster. The writing is painfully subpar, with baffling phrases like "a politic" tossed around as if they mean something profound (spoiler: they don't). This isn’t a genuine attempt to inform or enlighten—it's a shameless ploy to bolster the author's personal brand. Save yourself the £1 and your sanity.

If you’re after real feminist insight, skip this drivel and pick up Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay or We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie for sharp, intelligent commentary. For something more philosophical, try Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex or Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own. These authors offer depth and substance that this book can only dream of. You'll thank me later.

[Lucy L · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, although tackling something so depressing, made me really happy. It felt like being seen. It is painfully exhausting being full of so much love AND so much fury. I bought it for my husband and we were able to have great, productive discussion as a result of it. It put things into words that opened up honest and compassionate conversation and I was able to explain my own anger and frustration and pick apart the complexity of my feelings better than before. As ever, eternally grateful to Gina Martin for her work and the way she stands up for all of humanity whilst simultaneously calling out those same humans she loves to do and be better.

[Fern Dixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bite sized book on the struggle women have loving and hating men simultaneously.

She is right that the only answer for equality is to be compassionate but it’s not the answer I wanted. Also the chapter at the end for ‘the male reader’ annoyed me. I found it was like talking to a child; I guess I’m not ready to pander to and gently educate men in how to be good human beings yet 🥲

Someone in the reviews said she read it in an hour - I must be a slow reader haha but I read it in an afternoon.

[Katy Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Superbly explained and beautifully written, this book is a short, sharp introduction in the acceptance of contrasting feelings towards men and recognising why feeling both is kind of vital (?) in contributing towards gender equality. A particular takeaway for me was the discussion of extending compassion towards men to allow their growth and change, as patriarchal systems work to harm them too. Giving this to my partner to read ASAP.

[David Botcherby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book on masculinity and patriarchy from a feminist perspective. A thoughtful rumination on whether men can be redeemed (as a whole) and how to balance holding them to account with believing in their potential for change.

As someone who often struggles with men (as a whole) and personally with my position as a man, this call for compassion was appreciated - to be applied to myself and to others.

[Kiarra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel seen.

"The quiet realisation that good men are complicit by inaction probably breaks my heart the most."

"When you’re on the receiving end of a harmful or violent system, witnessing the constant failure of those with power and privilege to show up and do the heavy lifting is maddening – especially when you know it’s precisely what could shift the dial."

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Purchased from the pound project website. A pocket sized book essay.

An essay from the activist Gina Martin. A rallying cry for change and radicalisation of feminism; how it needs men to become part of the movement.
A must read for everyone who values every aspect of equality and inclusion in humanity.

[Jess Duke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Revenge is not justice, it just sometimes feels like it is. (p52)

How do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed? - bell hooks (p53)

[Lucy D · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant work by Gina as usual. Digging deeply into the complexities of feminism and gender equality work, accepting the multidimensional nature of existing in this space and at the same time, giving space for hope in an increasingly dark world.

[Megan Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a solid read. Ideas that are not new, but articulated in a way that is relatable and approachable. Like other pound project books, it’s short - more of an essay than a book. There are many things I think many men should read. This is one of them.

[Dina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating that people make fake accounts to review feminist books 1 star. It seems there are much more fun / productive things to do.

Insightful text and most of all one that sees our struggle in its complexity. Thanks for all your work Gina.

[Abigail Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really thought provoking, insightful and interesting read from Gina Martin. I really like her work and have followed her for years, and the direction her work and activism has taken in the last few years has been really inspiring. Loved this read!

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5☆

[Yeva Lieshchova · Rating 5 out of 5]

such a brilliant piece of work!

[Quinn Torres · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked it. Loved the theme. It’s more of a short summary but pretty insightful and easy to read. Can recommend.

[Shannon Lambert · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very gentle but expansive read - very thought provoking and emotionally engaging
Would highly recommend, only took me a day