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Unconditional: A Guide to Loving and Supporting Your LGBTQ Child
Providing Support if Your Child is Transgender or LGBTQ+Winner of the Sixth Annual Bisexual Book Award for Non-fiction, 2017
#1 Bestseller in Lesbian Studies
Unconditional is a parenting guide book that provides parents of an LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning) child with a framework for helping their LGBT child navigate a world that isn’t always welcoming.
Tips from a mother with experience. In Unconditional, author Telaina Eriksen, a professor at Michigan State University, explains what she and her husband have learned through the experience of parenting a gay child. She covers topics like how to handle kids coming out, being an advocate for LGBTQ+ children, how to help your child deal with stress unique to LGBTQ+ kids, and finding a LGBTQ+ family. This book is a must read for anyone who thinks their child is transgender or otherwise LGBTQ+.
A guide for supporting your LGBT child. What if my child is transgender? Eriksen covers the science of gender, understanding gender dysphoria, and how to help a transgender child through the stages of development. What if I have more general LGBTQ+ family needs? Throughout the book, both parents and kids share their stories, and Eriksen directs parents to various resources online for help. This LGBT family book teaches the principles of unconditional parenting, love, and learning.
Inside,
How to advocate for policies that protect your childWays to educate well-meaning, but misguided friends or familyStrategies keep your kid talking if your child is transgender or LGBTQ+Signs of unhealthy relationshipsWhen to consider therapy for your child or your familyHow to find an LGBTQ+ community (including inclusive churches)
If you liked LGBT books, best sellers like The Gender Identity Guide for Parents, The Savvy Ally, or The End of Gender, you’ll love Unconditional.
#1 Bestseller in Lesbian Studies
Unconditional is a parenting guide book that provides parents of an LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning) child with a framework for helping their LGBT child navigate a world that isn’t always welcoming.
Tips from a mother with experience. In Unconditional, author Telaina Eriksen, a professor at Michigan State University, explains what she and her husband have learned through the experience of parenting a gay child. She covers topics like how to handle kids coming out, being an advocate for LGBTQ+ children, how to help your child deal with stress unique to LGBTQ+ kids, and finding a LGBTQ+ family. This book is a must read for anyone who thinks their child is transgender or otherwise LGBTQ+.
A guide for supporting your LGBT child. What if my child is transgender? Eriksen covers the science of gender, understanding gender dysphoria, and how to help a transgender child through the stages of development. What if I have more general LGBTQ+ family needs? Throughout the book, both parents and kids share their stories, and Eriksen directs parents to various resources online for help. This LGBT family book teaches the principles of unconditional parenting, love, and learning.
Inside,
How to advocate for policies that protect your childWays to educate well-meaning, but misguided friends or familyStrategies keep your kid talking if your child is transgender or LGBTQ+Signs of unhealthy relationshipsWhen to consider therapy for your child or your familyHow to find an LGBTQ+ community (including inclusive churches)
If you liked LGBT books, best sellers like The Gender Identity Guide for Parents, The Savvy Ally, or The End of Gender, you’ll love Unconditional.
216 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 26, 2022
47 people are currently reading
112 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
August 2, 2023
Not just a great guide for parents, but also a worthwhile read for teachers, librarians, support staff, social workers - anyone who has LGBTQ children in their orbit in need of emotional support and advocacy. Author Telaina Eriksen talks about so many things in the book, but among the most important are building a support system, being an advocate, and basing your parenting on unconditional love and acceptance. She also includes "In Their Own Words," stories at the end of each chapter from LGBTQ children, their family members, and their allies, which tell some about very heartfelt experiences in their lives. She talks about how important it is to keep LGBTQ families and children involved in school, extracurricular activities, and the larger community, to promote a sense of well-being and connection. And she's not afraid to challenge homophobic myths, microaggressions, and prejudices - again, in an open-hearted, honest, but loving way. This is an excellent read and an important book for libraries to have in their collections.
June 5, 2018
A simple book on accepting your child if they are LGBT. Most focuses on the LBG population rather than the trans, which is understandable since it is a minority in a minority but I would have liked a bit more word on how gender dysphoria is a hard thing to deal with.
I liked how it had dos and don'ts as summarizing the end of each quick chapter. I liked how it expressed getting to understand your child and look at their end ie how being rejected by parents may be to the child, the risk factors that LGBT children face being a minority group. It also provided resources and further reading which is nice since sometimes reading more on a subject can help the reader understand the topic even more (gee know how much I tried this with my own Mom)
I also liked the "In Our Own Word's" sections that are at the end of each chapter. Gives a little of insight.
This is a book that I will like my own parents to read, at least certain sections since, although I am an adult, I am only a T in LGBT. It is a worthwhile read to a parent if they want a simplified version of how to accept your LGBT child.
I liked how it had dos and don'ts as summarizing the end of each quick chapter. I liked how it expressed getting to understand your child and look at their end ie how being rejected by parents may be to the child, the risk factors that LGBT children face being a minority group. It also provided resources and further reading which is nice since sometimes reading more on a subject can help the reader understand the topic even more (gee know how much I tried this with my own Mom)
I also liked the "In Our Own Word's" sections that are at the end of each chapter. Gives a little of insight.
This is a book that I will like my own parents to read, at least certain sections since, although I am an adult, I am only a T in LGBT. It is a worthwhile read to a parent if they want a simplified version of how to accept your LGBT child.
October 10, 2021
I don't think I'm the intended audience for Unconditional. I live in a very LGBTQIA friendly city (for the south, anyway), to the point where on the first day of school my daughter's teachers asked everyone for their preferred pronouns along with the normal "interesting facts about you" stuff. Among my kids and their circle of friends we have gay, nonbinary, and trans individuals. We are kind of past this primer at this point.
Even though it was published in 2017, Unconditional has a very dated feel to it, with the 'in their own words' segments having the tone of gramps telling how it was back in their day. The do's and don'ts can be boiled down to think before you speak, be your child's advocate, don't be an asshole. You know, the normal parenting stuff. It's also written from a very Judeo-Christian world-view.
I can see this being useful to a certain crowd, which I imagine as the middle-class, open-minded Christian who totally isn't a homophobe because their (best friend at work) has a gay (cousin) and obviously they love their child no matter what but it never occurred to them that their very own child might not be straight and OH SHIT WHAT DO I DO NOW? So if that applies to you, I recommend this book. It covers stuff like examining your worries about what they might think of you at church, how to not make this about you, and how your child is still your child dealing with all the normal teenage stuff plus, not just your gay child.
If you're the type of parent looking for a what do I do now? book, this is probably a good place to start, and kudos to you for working to be a good parent. Tell your kid you love them, and you got this.
Even though it was published in 2017, Unconditional has a very dated feel to it, with the 'in their own words' segments having the tone of gramps telling how it was back in their day. The do's and don'ts can be boiled down to think before you speak, be your child's advocate, don't be an asshole. You know, the normal parenting stuff. It's also written from a very Judeo-Christian world-view.
I can see this being useful to a certain crowd, which I imagine as the middle-class, open-minded Christian who totally isn't a homophobe because their (best friend at work) has a gay (cousin) and obviously they love their child no matter what but it never occurred to them that their very own child might not be straight and OH SHIT WHAT DO I DO NOW? So if that applies to you, I recommend this book. It covers stuff like examining your worries about what they might think of you at church, how to not make this about you, and how your child is still your child dealing with all the normal teenage stuff plus, not just your gay child.
If you're the type of parent looking for a what do I do now? book, this is probably a good place to start, and kudos to you for working to be a good parent. Tell your kid you love them, and you got this.
September 20, 2022
So this was just added to my local library's ebook collection
Split and mixed feelings because there was good but the bad is just SO bad.
I can't express how much I wish the LGBTQIA+ groups were split into the more rational tri split of LG / B / TQIA+, because all three groups end very different treatment. Which is semi addressed (sorta kinda not really)... and I just feel sad that the author conflates gay/lesbian so heavily with Trans. Because the two are worlds apart.
Then the whole message was then painted over with a big fat IDGAF brush to lean politically. Here I will be totally frank and rude to the author so sorry not sorry. It's disgusting that Americans have poured politics into what should be mental and physical health care, I agree with so much on LGB rights, almost everything and agree with almost nothing when it comes to Trans kids (Trans adults are adults thus can do whatever they want) I think Trans kids will be the next thalidomide, Prozac, scandal.
Even more accurate would be the sterilization acts of the 1930s up until the 1960s/1970s were people with an IQ under average or genetic abnormalities. Eugenics.
Anyway worth taking a look at the book but it's not the gospel I get the impression it was written to be. Much better parenting books could be referenced if your in search.
Split and mixed feelings because there was good but the bad is just SO bad.
I can't express how much I wish the LGBTQIA+ groups were split into the more rational tri split of LG / B / TQIA+, because all three groups end very different treatment. Which is semi addressed (sorta kinda not really)... and I just feel sad that the author conflates gay/lesbian so heavily with Trans. Because the two are worlds apart.
Then the whole message was then painted over with a big fat IDGAF brush to lean politically. Here I will be totally frank and rude to the author so sorry not sorry. It's disgusting that Americans have poured politics into what should be mental and physical health care, I agree with so much on LGB rights, almost everything and agree with almost nothing when it comes to Trans kids (Trans adults are adults thus can do whatever they want) I think Trans kids will be the next thalidomide, Prozac, scandal.
Even more accurate would be the sterilization acts of the 1930s up until the 1960s/1970s were people with an IQ under average or genetic abnormalities. Eugenics.
Anyway worth taking a look at the book but it's not the gospel I get the impression it was written to be. Much better parenting books could be referenced if your in search.
Read
January 12, 2023I read this book to complete a challenge from a book reading club. So I had no intention in reading this on my own.
So first of all, This goes a lot against what I believe in. So I tried to keep an open mind.
I do appreciate the things that were said about kids and teenagers in general… paying attention to their activities, being aware of what’s happening at school, encouraging kids to go outside and have limited social media/ screen time, prepare them for life like money, finances and how to do basic tasks… But I don’t agree with what was said about teens on a sexual/ gender sense and a lot of it was not backed up by data or the data was construed to go in favor of lgbt stats.
I do believe kids in general are being babied. Not any specific group of kids but ALL KIDS. They need to be taught that some kids and adults won’t like them no matter what they do and that’s ok. And that there’s a social construct for a reason and sometimes you gotta play by the rules while others times you can break those rules. Life is hard for anyone for different reasons. I don’t think we need to focus on who kids are attracted too until after high school and focus more on education, raising them to be good people and building great friendships.
This isn’t the worst book I’ve read or thing I’ve listened to for lgbt, and the writer did give some good points.
That’s all.
So first of all, This goes a lot against what I believe in. So I tried to keep an open mind.
I do appreciate the things that were said about kids and teenagers in general… paying attention to their activities, being aware of what’s happening at school, encouraging kids to go outside and have limited social media/ screen time, prepare them for life like money, finances and how to do basic tasks… But I don’t agree with what was said about teens on a sexual/ gender sense and a lot of it was not backed up by data or the data was construed to go in favor of lgbt stats.
I do believe kids in general are being babied. Not any specific group of kids but ALL KIDS. They need to be taught that some kids and adults won’t like them no matter what they do and that’s ok. And that there’s a social construct for a reason and sometimes you gotta play by the rules while others times you can break those rules. Life is hard for anyone for different reasons. I don’t think we need to focus on who kids are attracted too until after high school and focus more on education, raising them to be good people and building great friendships.
This isn’t the worst book I’ve read or thing I’ve listened to for lgbt, and the writer did give some good points.
That’s all.
May 20, 2021
I read this book for a CASA book study so that I could help LGBTQ foster children in the foster care system. Therefore, I was not quite the intended audience of this book. However, I really felt the book was meaningful not just to give helpful ideas on how to react/what to say to a child who has come out, but it still spoke to me just as a parent of staight children (or children who have not come out to me yet)- i.e. all parents should love their child unconditionally and accept them and focus on who they are and not what they achieve, etc. I really enjoyed the formatting of the chapters - the Dos/Don't recaps, the additional resources listed, and the personal stories that I think allow the reader to have more empathy and understanding for what LGBTQ people face. This book is a good first resource for someone who suspects their child might be LGBTQ or has just come out, as well as family/community members who wish to support LGBTQ children.
April 2, 2023
Good book on how to parent LGBTQ+ children - especially for those religious parents out there. I think it more focuses on how to treat your child like a normal human being - when they come out especially. A great, informative book for all parents - no matter the child’s gender/sexual orientation. Only downside is it’s written by a white, straight, cis-woman and I feel like it could have had more of an impact if it was written by someone who had a different experience. But all around informative book on how to cope/deal/take in/treat LGBTQ+ children of your own and others around you. The parts of this book I especially loved were the personal stories at the end of each chapter - really helped me connect to the book personally as I have been in some of those situations myself.
Read
August 4, 2023Yikes. It's clear that the author's heart was in the right place, but speaking of indigenous two-spirit folks as if they no longer exist? "Mourning" your kids who are still very much alive? No. These are such harmful statements to make, and that's aside from the repetition, condescending explanations, and many tangents. DNF.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 8, 2021
More parenting than LGBTQ+
This is a very good book. I was just expecting a little bit more of LGBTQ+ information. It has great resources, but bear in mind it’s focused in North American culture.
This is a very good book. I was just expecting a little bit more of LGBTQ+ information. It has great resources, but bear in mind it’s focused in North American culture.
January 1, 2021
Wonderfully written book and resource!
Loved the do’s and don’ts in each chapter. Great advice and resources for parents of LGBTQ kids. Definitely recommend this book.
Loved the do’s and don’ts in each chapter. Great advice and resources for parents of LGBTQ kids. Definitely recommend this book.
September 25, 2022
Very helpful.
August 11, 2023
This book has good tactical advice, focused on the teenage years, and also includes guest essays from both kids and adults to help illustrate typical challenges.
November 11, 2023
Very basic. Intro level.
June 3, 2024
A well written primer. Although some of the advice and suggestions does assume a certain level of financial freedom and privilege, the principles are overall a good place to start.
October 25, 2025
really enjoyed this and found it clear and reassuring as to what parenting as a fully invested ally means.
November 17, 2023
This is a great book for folks who are new to 2sLGBTQIA+ issues. It does focus a lot on the U.S., which is not particularly relevant to non-Americans. I didn't connect with some of the examples, but I'm sure this would be very helpful for a lot of people.
October 11, 2024
Audiobook
This is basically a manual or how-to guide that ALL parents/caregivers should read, but is especially essential for parents of LGBTQ kids. Tons of information, resources, helpful do/don’t lists, stories from LGBTQ people and parents of LGBTQ kids….
I wish I’d read it years ago!
This is basically a manual or how-to guide that ALL parents/caregivers should read, but is especially essential for parents of LGBTQ kids. Tons of information, resources, helpful do/don’t lists, stories from LGBTQ people and parents of LGBTQ kids….
I wish I’d read it years ago!
August 22, 2023
This is a great resource for parents and supporters of LGBTQ children. I was curious to see what advice was included especially for parents of transgender children.
In 2008, we assisted our teen through gender transition. The most important thing that we held on to was that they were still the person we knew and loved, they had not changed their personality. Instead, we came to understand that they trusted us enough to be able to begin expressing that they identified as a gender different from the one they were born with. Together, we began an extraordinary journey of transformation and it has truly been my pleasure to see our son become the person they are today.
From the Author's Note at the beginning:
"This is the world we live in and will probably continue to live in for many years to come - a world where there is a constant tug between justice and injustice, between curiosity and ignorance, and between love and hate."
This book is helpful in educating parents about the different LGBTQ terms, providing some historical background, and tools for navigating emotional responses, and handling adversity. I enjoyed reading the various examples from parents in the, "In Their Own Words" sections, which balance out the advice, and "Do's and Don'ts" sections.
The most important takeaway, "Stay with them, wherever they are on their journey," and "express your love and support to your child frequently." Acceptance opens the doorway to understanding.
In 2008, we assisted our teen through gender transition. The most important thing that we held on to was that they were still the person we knew and loved, they had not changed their personality. Instead, we came to understand that they trusted us enough to be able to begin expressing that they identified as a gender different from the one they were born with. Together, we began an extraordinary journey of transformation and it has truly been my pleasure to see our son become the person they are today.
From the Author's Note at the beginning:
"This is the world we live in and will probably continue to live in for many years to come - a world where there is a constant tug between justice and injustice, between curiosity and ignorance, and between love and hate."
This book is helpful in educating parents about the different LGBTQ terms, providing some historical background, and tools for navigating emotional responses, and handling adversity. I enjoyed reading the various examples from parents in the, "In Their Own Words" sections, which balance out the advice, and "Do's and Don'ts" sections.
The most important takeaway, "Stay with them, wherever they are on their journey," and "express your love and support to your child frequently." Acceptance opens the doorway to understanding.
August 25, 2017
What a great resource. I particularly enjoyed all the first-person accounts.
January 4, 2019
2 1/2 stars. Pretty basic, and not a lot of new information.
March 27, 2019
A very practical 101 guide on how to be a supportive parent of a LGBTQ+ child.
Read
January 12, 2023I am not the right demographic for this book. I’m glad that it was written, and I’m sure it has been highly beneficial to certain families.
February 19, 2024
Such great information given in a way to help parents and families!
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews