Give Them Grace: Leading Your Kids to Joy and Freedom Through Gospel-Centered Parenting

by Elyse M Fitzpatrick, Jessica Thompson

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

238 pages, Hardcover

Published October 1, 2024

Reviews

[Anne Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

“What should be obvious by now is that even Old Testament parents didn’t train and instruct their children solely in the law. They, too, were to give them grace. Why? Because they had been given grace, and only grace changes the heart. The law was always given subsequent to God’s initiating mercy and always in the context of relationship with his children, never as a way to earn his blessing.”

[Kathleen C]

This is less a review and more a list of some quotes I want to remember.

"But for now, take a moment and ask yourself what percentage of your time is spent in declaring the rules and what percentage is spent in reciting the gospel story."

"[Assuming salvation and requiring religious obedience] resulted in kids who were alternately hypocritical and rebellious. It taught them how to feign prayer without pressing them to long for the Savior who loves hypocrites and rebels."

The concept of praising God's work in a child, vs just the child. Ex: instead of "you're such a good boy for sharing", say "I saw that you shared - I'm so excited that God put that in your heart" or "that reminds me of the way Jesus shared with people".

"Even their disobedience can be an occasion to remind them their Savior is praying for them and their sin won’t ever separate them from him or his love for them"

"When we so desperately want our children to be good that we become angry, fearful, proud, or sullen, then our desire for their transformation has become the god we serve."

"Idolatry is always subject to the law of diminishing returns too. In other words, our children’s obedience today is never quite good enough tomorrow."

"Parenting with grace isn’t another set of rules for you to follow. It’s a story you can rejoice in. Share this story with your children. Show them the Savior. Show them Jesus."

On the story of Jesus saying "let the little children come to me", "How do we hinder children from coming to the Lord? We get a clue when we look at the context of this story, sandwiched as it is between two others. ... We hinder our children from enjoying God’s embrace when we teach them that their religious activity and obedience elevate them out of the category of sinners in need of mercy (Luke 18:13-14)...We also hinder our children from coming to him when we inadvertently teach them that the good news is meant for people who act good and act right."

"As we close this chapter, Jessica and I want to leave you with a comforting message that must never be forgotten: The disciples couldn’t hinder the children from coming to Jesus even though they tried. When God calls our children to come to him, even if we haven’t gotten it all right, even if we’ve trained little Pharisees or have a house full of prodigals, nothing is impossible for him. He can break through all our flawed methods and redeem all our frail errors. Our society tells us our children’s success depends upon our success, but society knows nothing of God’s ability to use our failures as a means to bless. "

"On other occasions, the Lord sketches likely dialogue between parents and their children. The Lord assumes that, upon seeing his parents observe a feast day or recite the Law, a child will ask, “What does this mean?” In every instance, the answer is never primarily our obligation but rather God’s grace."

"These 5 categories —nurture, train, correct, rehearse gospel promises—help us have some nuance in how we parent so it can more accurately reflect the phrase “of the Lord.”

"Times of correction are to be times of gospel witness, reminding children that Jesus knows what it is to be punished, that he bore all the punishment upon himself even though he didn’t deserve it, and that they are forgiven and restored in relationship to God because of him."

"A list is always so much easier, isn't it? But reciting the gospel, instilling its values in our children, and striving to live a life that reflects it will bear good, sweet fruit."

"As parents, we contribute to our children’s anxiety and depression by using them to build our own identity instead of loving them as who God created them to be."


"I will also say that those who are predisposed to atypical modes of thinking and acting from a very early age should be encouraged that this doesn’t mean they are wrongly sexed but rather are uniquely gifted and may be called by God to a vocation that needs a different sort of person to accomplish it." [gives Deborah as an example]

"We can ask Him to help us be "grace detectives" - to be more aware of how the Lord is working in their lives than in how they are failing."

"Every believer is called to consciously seek to glorify God, but God isn’t only glorified through our efforts, our victories, or our triumphs. He is glorified when we are sustained by his strength as we walk through the furnace of affliction and suffering. He is glorified when we receive and acknowledge his mercy and patience in our failures."

"But don’t we have to be willing to say that the chief end of our parenting is not our own glorification as great parents but rather to glorify God and enjoy him forever, whatever that means?"

"Of course, every one of us will quickly confess that we know we need the power of Christ. Yes, yes, of course we do. But the veracity of our confident confession will be tested in our response to our weakness and failures—and to the weakness, failure, and sin of our children."

"In fact, this word translated as “content” here [2 Cor 12:10] is the same word the Father uses of the Son when he declares t"hat he is “well pleased” with him! (Matt 3:17)"

[Caroline Porch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Didn’t totally agree with of a couple of the chapters and the views presented, but otherwise a great read on showing grace to our kids in parenting.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I last read this when my oldest (currently 12) was a toddler (and my only child). It was great to revisit this in my current season of parenting 4 children, ages 1-12. I'm grateful for this resource and the encouragement and admonishment that it was. The updated version is excellent.

[brad panke · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the Christian parenting book I wish I'd have had years ago when I had toddlers. This book does not discount discipline, but does not push punishment used to get kids to mindlessly obey. It's disciplining while granting grace. Unlike all the books I read early on in my parenting, that talked about getting kids to behave, this one talks about real true biblical parenting and showing our kids Christ's grace and pointing them towards the cross. This book was very convicting and at the same time encouraging. I listened to the audio version but now I want to get a paperback and use it as a Bible study.

[Blake Whitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

5 ⭐️ for Part 1 & 2.
3 ⭐️ for the rest

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

10/10
I think I will have to get a physical copy of this book in the future

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Church mommy book club book, had some good points, generated some good discussion.